so i havent written in forever ,but not that much has happened really . i got all b's and c's in school cause i was a dumbass who opted to go smoke a bowl with people instead of going to class,its cool though..i have classes next semester ill actually want to go to. im taking 2 philosophy classes ,french,and this class where you have to write a ( Read more... )

i dont even know where to begin, im utterly disgusted,and mortified by the way my uncle has acted that i cant even form words, he refuses to give us any of my grandmothers belongings (pictures ,jewelery ect) cause he thinks hes more important and im quoting him directly, and my grandmothers best friend of 60 years called and wanted ONE highschool ( Read more... )

im happy, i really am, it took awhile to get here but im just..happy. today was a really good day...not only did i find the gay boy of my dreams but hes not a bitch and hes sweet and brilliant and hes gonna get me some pot and he smokes american spirits and we listened to built to spill when he drove me home and i giggled the whole time cause i was ( Read more... )

i just got home from my grandfathers house and im pretty confused. i know he loves me but idk if he likes me , i mean we dont have a single thing in common,not even something small like we both like pizza..were just totally and completely different people, and idk if its that he doesnt know what to say to me when were together or not,but he was ( Read more... )

so things have been moving along nicely..im all registered for classes,which..im really really not looking forward to..i mean college is sweet but i just dont want to be at ulster. and it makes me really mad that im going there ,even if its only for like a semester. and then the lady in the transfer department actually made me cry cause i was like ( Read more... )

i passed my test and i can start applying to schools now, and i got really really happy when i found out and was jumping and yaying and stuff and then i picked up the phone,and i called her, and i actually left a message for her,and then i dropped the phone and remembered that shes dead...and my grandfathers going to have to hear that message...i ( Read more... )

the past four days have been like my head was a balloon...i havent even realized that shes dead yet, i wake up every morning and i think " i wonder how shes doing ,i wonder if shes coming down for moms birthday" and when i think of her face, i still picture her in the hospital attached to a bunch of machines ,hanging on,and i keep thinking that ( Read more... )

she died.at 4:25. and ive been trying to register it all day. but i cant even process the fact that shes gone.

( Read more... )

time:3am
paintings:one
paintings im satisfied with:0
cigarettes:a pack and a half
coffee:4 cups
nerves:eating me alive
pills taken:4
sleep:none.

i want to break my bad habits before my bad habits break me, but its so damn hard.
i need a life coach.

our phones are finally working, and i didnt get a call from deb about the job today, but im pretty sure she said "well call you on thursday or friday about the job" so .ya. i looked up that pill my shrink wants to put me on,and i guess he thinks im bipolar, but he didnt tell me that ,which is wierd. it makes sense that i am though,my dad and sister ( Read more... )