Out of Choices - Chapter 25
Title: Out Of Choices
Chapter 25: Spectacle (Previous Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19.1, 19.2, 20, 21, 22.1, 22.2, 23, 24)
Author:JCAddict/picklewinkle/Sher
Fandom: Twilight
Word Count:6,586
Rating: R/M, for sex and language
Story Summary: An angry young woman is forced to move to the town of Forks, Washington and decides that alone is the best way to be. She buries her heart and puts on a tough façade that very few people are able to break through. Can the love of a teenage vampire get through to the lost girl inside? AU (alternative universe) and OOC (out of character). Bella is uber OOC. Edward, not so much.
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all of its characters. I'm just manipulating them like imaginary playdoh so I feel like I have some power over them **snorts**
A/N: I was reading a post about replying to reviews a week or so ago. It got me thinking… It’s not that I never reply to reviews. I do. But I started thinking and had a bit of an epiphany. I realize I probably make more of reviews in my head than I probably should, but I sincerely appreciate them, whether they are two words or two hundred. I enjoy talking about the story. I love seeing people excited about it. I feel as if I beg for reviews, albeit politely, at the end of each chapter. I have no right to ask people to review my story if I’m not replying to reviews. So I spent the past 3 or 4 days replying to every review I was able to, since some of you have your PMs turned off. So if you saw me in your inbox a lot over the last few days that’s why. I want you to know that I do appreciate the time you’ve taken to leave a comment, and to thank you for taking the time to read my story. So that’s all :o) And really, just…thank you.
I apologize for the time between updates. It was important to me to deal with the reviews. And I’ve just realized it’s daylight savings night so it’s like seriously damn late, but I didn’t want you guys to have to wait any longer. 12:45 AM, which is like really 1:45 AM, but here it is.
From Bella’s POV…
25. Spectacle
I slept like shit. I tried fifty different combinations of pillows and positions to find comfort and exhaustion took me before I ever found it. At least I was getting better with the crutches, more of a shuffle than a totter now. Despite being able to see Edward, I wasn’t looking forward to going to school at all. I was already irritated by the idea of the stares and fucking nosey questions and having to explain what happened over and over again. Being with Edward already made me feel like I was under a microscope. Adding the broken leg and rescue on top of it just made that feeling all the more extreme. I wished I’d spent more time asking Edward what we were going to tell people, but mostly I wished people would just mind their own fucking business.
The drive to school wasn’t bad. At least it wasn’t my right leg that was broken, and driving was just like it always was. As soon as I pulled into the parking lot I spotted him and a huge smile spread across my lips, a reflex reaction to seeing him and remembering how he felt about me. I was going to have to get a hold of myself or it would take about five minutes before the entire school knew every last detail. Still, it was hard to contain the burst of emotion that I felt when I saw him, knowing that I could talk to him, or touch him, or even kiss him. He was leaning against his car and he looked so damn hot that my mouth began to water. His kind of hotness should be illegal, but I was glad it wasn’t, because he was waiting for me and he was all mine.
He looked relieved to see me, and that made me happier than it probably should have. It meant I wasn’t the only lovesick puppy in the couple. I almost called him a half dozen times last night just to hear his voice. I even considered sneaking him into my bedroom so I he could hold me like he had the night before. I’d never slept so fucking superlatively in all my life. Not that waking up next to his beautiful face hurt one bit either. I would definitely take advantage of those sleeping arrangements again if I had the chance. As soon as I pulled the truck into a spot, he started walking towards me. I popped the door open and maneuvered onto my crutches before I looked up at him.
“I’m getting better aren’t I?” I asked proudly. He smiled my favourite crooked grin and my stomach did flip-flops. I decided somehow he must have gotten better looking overnight. I had no proof, but I was sure it was true.
“Yes,” he agreed, “like an old pro.” He reached into the cab and grabbed my bag. “Did you want me to put your backpack over your shoulder or shall I carry it for you?” he asked quietly.
“That depends,” I whispered.
“On?” he murmured with a smirk. I couldn’t help but giggle. I didn’t have a fucking clue why I was whispering or why it was funny, but it was.
“Are you walking to me to class?” I asked in a hushed voice.
“Am I allowed?”
“Are you ready for the stares?”
“Am I allowed to walk you to class?” he pressed.
“And all the snickering?”
“Am I allowed?” he repeated with a laugh. Even his laugh was handsome, deep and throaty and hearty.
“I can feel the gossip mill whirling. It’s going to be a windy day here at Forks High School.”
He pressed his finger under my chin and forced me to look at him. “Bella,” he whispered, “am I allowed to walk you to class?”
“Yes.” I bit my lap and willed my blush to stay put, pointlessly. I could already feel the heat rising in my cheeks.
Edward let his finger drop and moved to stand beside me so I could start the walk to class. “If you’d like me to keep my distance and keep my hands to myself, may I recommend that you answer my questions and that you keep your blushing to a minimum.”
His words only made me blush harder. “What?” I asked, hoping he’d explain his thoughts more fully.
He chuckled at my red cheeks and bent towards me so he could speak softly, right next to my ear. “You’re beautiful when you blush. You’re beautiful all the time, but the blushing makes you glow, and that makes it very hard for me to not reach out and stroke your cheek.” His quiet voice was like a low purr in my ear and I shivered.
“Knock that shit off,” I warned, trying to pretend I was pissed off but unable to keep the smile off my face.
“Sorry,” he grinned, completely remorseless, straightening up and matching his stride to my hobble. I liked the way he angled his body towards me almost protectively. It was like another layer of defence that bulwarked me from the oppressive stupidity that was about to take over. He must have sensed my agitation. “Don’t let them bother you. They’re just jealous of me.”
“I’m sure that’s what they’re thinking.” I laughed at his pathetic attempt to make me feel better, not because it was funny but because I wanted to kiss him to thank him for understanding and didn’t have the balls, and laughing seemed like the only appropriate alternative. Okay, it was a little bit funny too.
“They are,” he assured me, and then corrected himself. “Well, the boys anyway.” He shot a smirk at a visibly annoyed Mike Newton.
“Edward Cullen I think you’re enjoying Mike’s annoyance a wee bit too much for your own good,” I whispered teasingly.
“Bella, he’s so far beyond annoyed that he’s considering physical violence against me,” Edward snickered.
“He is not,” I contradicted. “You couldn’t know that.”
“I assure you I’m reading him loud and clear. He’s out for blood.” Edward laughed out loud and I shot him a skeptical glare. I didn’t understand what he was laughing so hard at. I glanced at Mike and I had to admit that he did look pretty fucking angry. Maybe Edward had a sixth sense in regard to reading people?
“Maybe you’re the one out for blood?” I teased, hoping to make him laugh and draw his attention away from Mike. I felt a bit guilty for all the Mike jokes I’d made. I hadn’t realized he was such as sore spot for Edward. Instead of laughing, Edward’s face twisted into a grimace.
“Believe me when I say he is the last person whose blood I would be out for,” he affirmed, his voice dripping with disgust. He laughed blackly and I just shook my head. Sometimes Edward had the strangest sense of humour.
“You’re not trying to add to the dead bodies in your closet?”
“No, I wouldn’t want his dead body in my closet. It would taint the other corpses.”
I stopped, pulling one of my crutches up to block his path, and looked up at him, alarmed. “You don’t seriously think I have a thing for him do you? I mean I know I make a lot of wise-ass jokes at his expense but you know I don’t give the slightest shit about him, don’t you? You have no reason to be upset by him. Even if there were no Edward and Bella, there certainly would not ever be a Mike and Bella. Please tell me you get that, or I’ve been horribly shitty at communicating not only my feelings for you, but my absolute fucking lack of any feeling at all for him.”
“Relax Bella,” Edward soothed. “I know that you don’t care for him, and your jokes about him don’t bother me in the slightest. What bothers me is his absolute inability to grasp that you are not his. It’s all about his mindset Bella, nothing to do with you?”
“And how would you know about his mindset Edward?” I demanded. They weren’t friends, not to my knowledge, and I couldn’t imagine them ever having anything in common.
“I’ve overheard him talking Bella,” he informed me. “And I know a little bit about the mind of a seventeen year old boy and how it works, at least give me that. I can see those little wheels in your mind turning. You’re wondering how I would know him at all since we aren’t the least bit friendly with one another.”
“What the hell? Are you a mind reader?”
“I wish I could read your mind Bella,” he laughed. “That would make things between us a lot easier.”
“Uhhh, no!” I cringed. “That would be horrible. Then you’d have known that day in class, and oh my God, some of the thoughts I’ve had. It would most certainly not be easier if you could read my mind.”
“Well you’re in luck then, since I can’t.” Relief washed over me. Having Edward know every thought in my mind wouldn’t just be embarrassing. It would be painfully vulnerable and just really fucking wrong. If he thought my mouth was foul, he should have heard some of my thoughts, particularly some of the ones I’d had about him. My mind was far from pure, and very much like a completely unedited version of what came out of my mouth, definitely not safe for general consumption. I finally looked away from Edward and realized that we were being watched by a large group of onlookers. I grunted and started for English, irritated, being gaped at, and about ready to bite someone’s head off.
When we got to the door I turned to get my bag from Edward. He was looking a little upset. “You okay?” I wondered. Maybe the staring was getting to him too.
“Fine,” he assured me, but his voice didn’t convince me.
“Did I say something that upset you?” I wondered quietly.
“Not at all. I’m fine.”
“You don’t sound fine,” I accused.
“It’s nothing Bella. Will I see you in the quad later, or would you like me to walk you to your next class?”
“Let me try this one by myself.”
“All right,” he agreed. He gave me a small smile and started off to class.
“Edward?” I called after him.
He turned back to me with a confused look on his face. “Yes?”
I shuffled the few steps over to him so I could speak quietly to him. “I’d really like it if there weren’t so many fucking people watching us.”
“I know you don’t like the attention,” he murmured. His voice sounded a little sad.
“No…what I mean is…I’d like to kiss you…without half the goddamn school watching.” His expression relaxed immediately, and a wide smirk replaced the hard set of his lips. It made me feel a thousand times better.
“I’ll see you later,” he promised, and I watched him walk away. It was a much happier activity than anything that waited for me the classroom of overcurious undersexed busybodies. I took one last deep breath before heading into English. Let the fucking nosey questions commence.
The morning was reminiscent of getting my hair highlighted, long and uncomfortable and just this side of painful. I thought I’d reached the pinnacle of mortification that day, wearing that ill-fitting and humiliating cap, resembling the half-bald freak show baby-doll that my neighbour Danny tortured once my hair was pulled through that stupid contraption. Well that day was paradise in comparison with today. I was the current in-the-know topic and I’d never felt so uncomfortably on display in my life. People that didn’t know me were asking all sorts of personal fucking questions. People that barely knew me were answering those questions on my behalf, and with some heinously incorrect responses I might add. It was all one big sharefest, and I wanted no fucking part of.
I limped my way to the quad trying to find Edward after English, but was too fucking slow because of the crutches, and ended up being late for Government. On my next attempt to find Edward, I spilled my books everywhere trying to negotiate my crutches without slinging my backpack over my shoulder properly. I stopped trying to make it to the quad after that. Obviously fate was trying to tell me that I shouldn’t have been such a dumbass about letting Edward walk me to class. The only benefit, albeit minor, in not having Edward walk me, was avoiding further questions. As it was, he was already a constant topic of supposition. Why had he rescued me? Why was he there when he didn’t sign up for the ski trip? Were we secretly going out? Someone actually told Eric that Edward had pushed me over and injured me on purpose, and someone else said my broken leg was the result of me skiing into Edward. The stories were as varied as they come, and none of them were true. All of the untruths whirled around me until I was just short of frenzied and ready to kill the next person who spoke to me. As I hobbled my way along to Trig, all I was focused on was getting there without anyone else bugging me.
“How’s the leg Bella?” Of course the next person had to be Mike.
“Fine,” I grumbled, trying very hard to send out the signals that I was so not in the mood for his shit today.
“Are you going to tell me how it happened?” he wondered. There was a possessive edge to his tone that I did not like. Maybe Edward was more right about Mike’s attitude towards me than I gave him credit for.
“I’m sorry Mike. I didn’t get the memo that informed me that I owed you an explanation.”
“Well from what I heard, Cullen made you ski some trail that you couldn’t handle and then left you behind after your fell. Is that true?”
I huffed, irritated. Why couldn’t Edward have been here to explain this shit? He was so much better at handling people than I was, and I couldn’t let Mike believe that Edward would do such a shitty thing. “No, it’s not true. Why the fuck would he do that?”
“Because he’s a dickhead.”
I snorted. “Takes one to know one,” I mumbled disbelievingly. “For your information, not that I owe you a fucking thing, Edward had nothing to do with me falling and everything to do with getting me the help I needed. He was nothing but good to me, so why don’t you shut the fuck up and mind your own business?”
“Are you serious?” I could tell by the look on his face that he didn’t believe me.
“Mike, I know you’re an idiot but do you really think I’d take the time to explain if I was just going to lie about it? For the sake of making this easier on me, I’m going to help a motherfucker out. Yes, I’m serious. Edward got me to first aid after I fell.”
“So he must like you then?” he demanded.
“That’s a question that you’d have to take up with Edward, Mike,” I suggested. I probably shouldn’t have even pitched the idea. Given Edward’s animosity towards Mike it was like inviting trouble.
“Well do you like him?” He looked like a lost little boy that had been smacked by the mopey stick, his expression sullen and his mouth drawn into a pout. He’d clearly already decided that I did like Edward.
“Who I like or don’t like is none of your business Mike.”
“I’ve got a right to know who’s after you?”
My eyes widened in shock. I didn’t think Mike was even capable of being this big an asshole. “How do you figure that? Because we’re such good friends or because I’ve told you about seven hundred and twenty-two times that I’m not interested in you?”
“Well someone’s got to look out for you Bella.”
“I can look after myself just fine,” I assured him.
“No you can’t,” he disagreed. “Look what you did to yourself while you were skiing? You’re just that sort of girl who needs someone to look after her.” If my mobility was better, I would have punched him square in the jaw, goddamn irritating little fucker. He deserved whatever he got from Edward.
“And you’re just the guy to fill the job?” I questioned sarcastically.
“Yeah, I am.”
“Well you’re going to have to take that up with Edward too then Mike. Currently he’s filing the position of my looker-after, you piece of shit.”
“Bella,” he complained.
“We’re done talking Mike.” I threw my hand up at him as he started to speak again. There was no way I was saying another fucking word to him. I let him leave, giving him a wide berth before I took a single step. It was in his best interest to stay away from me from now on, or risk my wrath. I’m pretty sure getting beat up by a girl on crutches wouldn’t do much to help his rep.
Jessica would not let up during Spanish. Her attention was transparent and laughable since she’d never been interested in talking to me before. Now that I might all of a sudden be able to get her closer to the mysterious Edward Cullen she was my new best friend, kissing my ass and fawning all over me and making a total fucking nuisance of herself. I got the feeling she was way into Edward, like to the point of obsession. I would have to ask Edward later if he knew her. The way she spoke about him made it seem like she knew him well, but I had my doubts. When the bell finally rang and I left the classroom, the relief in seeing Edward outside the door was divine. I didn’t even try and hide my happiness. I just shuffled over to him, trying to let the crap that people had put on me all morning fall away. None of it mattered now. Edward was happy to see me too, but looked a little distracted.
“Are you okay?” he wondered.
“Nothing I can’t handle,” I assured him. “Just the crap that we knew would rain down on us.”
“Did you have a lot of people bothering you?”
“Not really,” I lied. “Are you okay? You look…distracted.”
“Just something I heard through the grapevine that upset me. Is it true what Mike said to you?” His voice was very controlled and calculating, but his eyes were wild.
“Edward, I don’t care what that dumb shit thinks, but I do have something to tell you. When I was talking to him I kind of…well I sort of told him that we were together. I mean I didn’t come right out and say we were together, but I intimated it. I hope that’s okay?”
Edward’s mouth twisted into a self-satisfied smirk but his expression was still dark. “What did he say to you Bella?”
“Oh just a bunch of bullshit about what he thinks I need. It doesn’t matter Edward. I don’t care what he thinks. I care about whether or not you’re mad at me though.”
“Of course I’m not angry with you Bella,” he soothed, his expression softening to match the consolatory tone of his voice. “I’m happy that you told him. What I’m not happy about is the disgustingly disrespectful way he treated you.” Edward’s perturbation was palpable.
“Let’s get out of here?” I suggested in an almost pleading tone.
“Where would you like to go?”
“Anywhere. We can just sit in the truck or go for a drive. I just want to be away from all of this shit.” His brow furrowed while he studied my face. “I just want to be alone, you and me.”
“Of course,” he murmured, taking my backpack off my shoulder for me.
“Go,” I told him, “I’ll follow behind you.” I felt almost like I was fleeing the scene of a crime, desperate to get away and not be followed, urgently needing anonymity. I shuffled as fast as I’d ever moved on the crutches, putting more weight on my cast than I should have in an effort to move more quickly. He had the door of the Volvo opened for me as I reached the car and I hastily lumbered in.
“Be careful,” Edward petitioned. “You don’t want to hurt yourself further.” I rolled my eyes as he moved to get in, always the worrier.
“You can just go park on the other side of the school for some privacy. We don’t have to drive anywhere. Besides, I’d rather have your attention than have you pay attention to the road,” I admitted. I hoped I didn’t sound as needy as I felt.
“They are really getting to you, aren’t they?” Edward asked softly, as he pulled the car out of the parking lot. I waited as he drove around to the far side of the school and parked on the road before I answered.
“I don’t understand why everyone is so interested in us,” I admitted. “And I don’t like people making up shit or saying things about you that aren’t true.”
Edward’s eyes bore into mine with the weight of his words. “I don’t care what people think about me. The only opinion I care about is yours. Don’t let them bother you. The Cullens have always been a topic of gossip for this town. I’m sorry that their interest in my family spills over into your life.”
“Don’t you feel invaded though?” I wondered.
“I guess it’s different for us. We have each other. We aren’t looking for acceptance or trying to fit in. We’re only here to go to school.”
“So the staring and gossip and rumours don’t bother you in the slightest?” I was wavering between jealousy that he was actually able to maintain his indifference, and anger that I couldn’t.
“It’s been this way for as long as I can remember.”
“And you never just wanted to say ‘fuck you all! Stay out of my business?’”
“They aren’t in my business. They don’t know me and they can say whatever they want, it doesn’t make it true. It’s not as if me getting angry about it will change their blathering.” I knew he was right, but I couldn’t shrug it off as easily as he could. “Can you tell me why it bothers you so much?” he requested softly.
“For the past twelve months, nothing in my life has been in my control, and I’m so fucking sick of it. I just want to feel like I’m in control of my own life, that I have some say in who is in it and what direction it’s headed in. I just want to be left alone.”
“Is that really what you want?”
“I guess I don’t want to be left alone by everyone, but I certainly don’t what every kid in the damn high school knowing what’s going on in my life. Don’t I have the right to some anonymity?”
“If that’s what you want, then yes. I understand the desire for anonymity. I’ve been guilty of it myself.”
“Then how do you not let them get to you?”
“I’m not really sure. I guess I’m just used to be on the fringe of everything, used to not caring what anyone but myself thinks. Then again, I have control of my life. Carlisle and Esme never forced me to stay with them. It was always a choice.”
“There’s never a choice for me. No one asked me how I felt when my Mom got sick. No one asked if I wanted to move, or stay, or start my life all over again. The universe just came in with its wrecking ball and destroyed everything that ever meant anything to me. If I don’t keep you to myself, maybe the universe is going to come in and take you too?”
“You don’t really think that do you?” he murmured softly. His face was very serious as he stared back at me and waited for me to answer.
“Not consciously, no,” I admitted. “But ultimately, it’s inevitable, and that I do believe.”
“Bella I’m not going anywhere. Why won’t you believe that?”
“Everybody fucking leaves Edward. It’s just the way it is.”
“So you think if you tell people about us that the universe is going to separate us all the faster?” he asked disbelievingly.
“I don’t know, maybe?” I bit my lip and closed my eyes, letting my head fall forward. I felt like a total fucking idiot. Saying it out loud made it sound so much stupider than it sounded in my head and I didn’t know how to make it sound sensible to him. “Everyone I’ve ever loved, or could have loved in the case of my Dad, was taken from me before I was ready to let them go. I just want time to figure out you and me…to understand how we fit into the bloody world…to find a way to deserve your love. Having everyone talking about us like we are some kind of entity that exists for the sole purpose of gossipmongering…having everyone discussing us like we’re breaking news…” I shook my head in disgust. “It just feels so personal. I just want time to understand my feelings before they’re tainted by everyone else’s shit.”
He reached out and picked up my hands in his, squeezing them soothingly. “Bella,” he whispered. There was so much emotion in his voice that it made me look up at him. He was gazing back at me so intensely, with a sadness in his eyes that I couldn’t place. “If I could make them leave us alone, I would. If I could give you back what you’ve lost, I’d gladly sacrifice myself to get it for you. But I can’t do either. What I can do is promise that nobody is going to touch us. I won’t let them come between us Bella.”
“But don’t you get it Edward? They can say whatever they want, about either of us. They can spew their venom on whoever is willing to listen and eventually it’s going to become accepted knowledge. Nobody cares if you and I end up as road kill.”
“But we won’t,” he assured me. “They can’t touch us if we don’t let them.”
“So you’re okay if everyone is walking around calling me names? Disrespecting me? Making up shit? I’m not okay with that. When Mike told me his version of the ski trip, I felt compelled to correct him because there was no way in hell I was going to let him think badly of you.”
“I will gladly put Mike in his place,” Edward seethed, clenching his teeth.
“You don’t get it,” I whispered, looking away. “They know…they all know that you and I don’t make sense…and the more they point it out the sooner you’ll see it too.”
“You listen to me Isabella Marie Swan.” My eyes darted back to his at the sound of my full name. “I am in love with you. There is nothing you or anyone can do to change my feelings. I don’t care if anyone sees us as wrong for one another or thinks we shouldn’t be together. I know…I can feel it in my heart that we are meant to be together. And whether you believe it or not, you are so deserving of my love. I wish you’d believe that. I will never stop loving you and I will never leave you. I am here for as long as you want me to be.”
“You can’t make that promise,” I whispered.
“I can and I am, but if you don’t believe me I understand that. At least believe that no one is going to change the way I feel about you? This is not some fickle crush Bella. I love you.” I wanted to believe him, more than anything, but my brain was not a doubt-free zone.
“I love you too,” I murmured. His hand came up to stroke my cheek gently.
“I hate seeing that expression on your face,” he breathed, bending in to kiss me. As soon as his lips touched mine the question of what expression he was talking about evaporated. The pressure of his mouth on mine secured my compliance, my doubts about his feelings changing melting away in the emotion of his kiss. I wanted to crawl into his lap and glue myself to his body and let his love soothe away all the shit that the world wanted to bury us in, but I was helpless to maneuver in the tight space of the car with my stupid cast. Instead, I pressed my face towards his, awkwardly bumping my nose into his face in an effort to remove any distance between us. I threaded my hand into his hair and let the texture of his scalp ease my stress. I filled my nose with his fantastic smell and let it and his kiss take me under.
I was already panting when his tongue came out and skillfully traced my bottom lip. He’d mastered the control and the lightness of its touch, and it ignited every sexual instinct in my body. I shoved my tongue out at his shamelessly. His taste was never disappointing, as sweet as candy and refreshingly cool. It was just another thing about him that turned me on. I moaned softly and fisted his hair and plunged my tongue into his mouth as far as I could. My reward was a groan that rumbled from his chest and his hand sliding off my cheek and into my hair, pulling me closer still. It was so fucking sexy to me that he liked that.
He had uncanny instincts when it came to understanding how I liked to be kissed. I was pushing myself at him with little success, wanting to feel him against my body, and somehow he knew what I was seeking. He shifted his weight against me and eased me back into the seat so gently it was like landing on clouds. Slowly, he continued to lean his body into mine, and press against me further, giving me exactly what I was after without ever being asked. He was ridiculously gifted in giving me love the way I wanted it. I pulled him even closer, pressing my chest into his so I could feel every bit of his upper body pressed against my breasts. The sensation overwhelmed me, and I whimpered against his tongue as I felt the moisture between my legs soak my panties. I wanted to stroke him and find out if our kiss was affecting him the way it was affecting me, but there was no way I could move my arm to reach him without pushing his body away from mine and that was the last thing I wanted. I wondered if he would think it was too forward if I was able to do what I wanted. I had no idea how fast or slow he wanted to move things between us.
I came crashing back down to Earth when I heard the cackle from outside the car and Edward pulled back from our kiss. “Oh my God!” she gasped, one hundred percent ditzy clueless valley girl. There stood Jessica, fucking gaping at us. We were so totally busted. Edward shot her an angry glare that sent her sharkin it in record time. He could be scarily imposing when he wanted to be, which I admired, particularly at that moment.
“Goddamn it!” I complained. Of all the people that had to see us, it had to be the biggest fucking mouthpiece in school.
“I’m sorry Bella,” he murmured, his face drawn in an uncomfortable grimace.
“It’s fine.” I tried to calm down and look at the whole picture, like Edward would have, instead of flying off the handle like I wanted to. It wouldn’t fix anything.
“I know you’d have rather kept us private,” he remarked quietly.
“Hey,” I petitioned softly, waiting for him to look at me before I continued. “I’m not ashamed to be with you Edward, and I wouldn’t have traded that kiss for anything, not even for avoiding getting caught. She’s a good for nothing gossip. Everybody is already talking about us anyway. Maybe her rumours will stop the ones that are spreading shitty things about you.”
He smiled a very genuine smile back at me, and I wondered what was going on in his head. I’d been so caught up in mine all day that I hadn’t much considered how all of the crap was affecting him. “You never cease to amaze me,” he informed me.
I quirked an eyebrow at him. “Amaze?”
“I thought you’d be very upset by Jessica’s intrusion and the idea that she will tell everyone she found us kissing. Instead you put it all into perspective and land up making me feel better in the process. How do you do that?”
I shrugged and grinned. “I don’t know. Maybe I’ve finally found the one thing on this Earth that I do better than anyone else - keep Edward Cullen’s demons away?”
His hand snaked up under my hair to hold the side of my face as his longest fingers curled around the back of my neck. “I think you have found the thing you’re best at, and it’s loving me.” He leaned in and brushed a feathery kiss against my lips. “We have to get going to biology,” he murmured against my mouth.
“Yes, that’s exactly what I want to do after you kiss me and let your lips ghost over mine while you speak. Umm-huh.” I rolled my eyes at him.
“Sorry,” he laughed, “but you’re so slow on those damn crutches that if we don’t get moving we’re going to be late.”
I slapped his shoulder playfully. “Great, make fun of the gimp.”
He leaned in close to me again. “I’m just being preemptory,” he assured me with a very sly grin. “I’ve got plans for you after school that involve a lot more privacy than the detention room offers.”
I shoved the door of the Volvo open and scrambled out. I was all for getting biology over with now, anything to get to our after school activities faster.
Chapter 25: Spectacle (Previous Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19.1, 19.2, 20, 21, 22.1, 22.2, 23, 24)
Author:JCAddict/picklewinkle/Sher
Fandom: Twilight
Word Count:6,586
Rating: R/M, for sex and language
Story Summary: An angry young woman is forced to move to the town of Forks, Washington and decides that alone is the best way to be. She buries her heart and puts on a tough façade that very few people are able to break through. Can the love of a teenage vampire get through to the lost girl inside? AU (alternative universe) and OOC (out of character). Bella is uber OOC. Edward, not so much.
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all of its characters. I'm just manipulating them like imaginary playdoh so I feel like I have some power over them **snorts**
A/N: I was reading a post about replying to reviews a week or so ago. It got me thinking… It’s not that I never reply to reviews. I do. But I started thinking and had a bit of an epiphany. I realize I probably make more of reviews in my head than I probably should, but I sincerely appreciate them, whether they are two words or two hundred. I enjoy talking about the story. I love seeing people excited about it. I feel as if I beg for reviews, albeit politely, at the end of each chapter. I have no right to ask people to review my story if I’m not replying to reviews. So I spent the past 3 or 4 days replying to every review I was able to, since some of you have your PMs turned off. So if you saw me in your inbox a lot over the last few days that’s why. I want you to know that I do appreciate the time you’ve taken to leave a comment, and to thank you for taking the time to read my story. So that’s all :o) And really, just…thank you.
I apologize for the time between updates. It was important to me to deal with the reviews. And I’ve just realized it’s daylight savings night so it’s like seriously damn late, but I didn’t want you guys to have to wait any longer. 12:45 AM, which is like really 1:45 AM, but here it is.
From Bella’s POV…
25. Spectacle
I slept like shit. I tried fifty different combinations of pillows and positions to find comfort and exhaustion took me before I ever found it. At least I was getting better with the crutches, more of a shuffle than a totter now. Despite being able to see Edward, I wasn’t looking forward to going to school at all. I was already irritated by the idea of the stares and fucking nosey questions and having to explain what happened over and over again. Being with Edward already made me feel like I was under a microscope. Adding the broken leg and rescue on top of it just made that feeling all the more extreme. I wished I’d spent more time asking Edward what we were going to tell people, but mostly I wished people would just mind their own fucking business.
The drive to school wasn’t bad. At least it wasn’t my right leg that was broken, and driving was just like it always was. As soon as I pulled into the parking lot I spotted him and a huge smile spread across my lips, a reflex reaction to seeing him and remembering how he felt about me. I was going to have to get a hold of myself or it would take about five minutes before the entire school knew every last detail. Still, it was hard to contain the burst of emotion that I felt when I saw him, knowing that I could talk to him, or touch him, or even kiss him. He was leaning against his car and he looked so damn hot that my mouth began to water. His kind of hotness should be illegal, but I was glad it wasn’t, because he was waiting for me and he was all mine.
He looked relieved to see me, and that made me happier than it probably should have. It meant I wasn’t the only lovesick puppy in the couple. I almost called him a half dozen times last night just to hear his voice. I even considered sneaking him into my bedroom so I he could hold me like he had the night before. I’d never slept so fucking superlatively in all my life. Not that waking up next to his beautiful face hurt one bit either. I would definitely take advantage of those sleeping arrangements again if I had the chance. As soon as I pulled the truck into a spot, he started walking towards me. I popped the door open and maneuvered onto my crutches before I looked up at him.
“I’m getting better aren’t I?” I asked proudly. He smiled my favourite crooked grin and my stomach did flip-flops. I decided somehow he must have gotten better looking overnight. I had no proof, but I was sure it was true.
“Yes,” he agreed, “like an old pro.” He reached into the cab and grabbed my bag. “Did you want me to put your backpack over your shoulder or shall I carry it for you?” he asked quietly.
“That depends,” I whispered.
“On?” he murmured with a smirk. I couldn’t help but giggle. I didn’t have a fucking clue why I was whispering or why it was funny, but it was.
“Are you walking to me to class?” I asked in a hushed voice.
“Am I allowed?”
“Are you ready for the stares?”
“Am I allowed to walk you to class?” he pressed.
“And all the snickering?”
“Am I allowed?” he repeated with a laugh. Even his laugh was handsome, deep and throaty and hearty.
“I can feel the gossip mill whirling. It’s going to be a windy day here at Forks High School.”
He pressed his finger under my chin and forced me to look at him. “Bella,” he whispered, “am I allowed to walk you to class?”
“Yes.” I bit my lap and willed my blush to stay put, pointlessly. I could already feel the heat rising in my cheeks.
Edward let his finger drop and moved to stand beside me so I could start the walk to class. “If you’d like me to keep my distance and keep my hands to myself, may I recommend that you answer my questions and that you keep your blushing to a minimum.”
His words only made me blush harder. “What?” I asked, hoping he’d explain his thoughts more fully.
He chuckled at my red cheeks and bent towards me so he could speak softly, right next to my ear. “You’re beautiful when you blush. You’re beautiful all the time, but the blushing makes you glow, and that makes it very hard for me to not reach out and stroke your cheek.” His quiet voice was like a low purr in my ear and I shivered.
“Knock that shit off,” I warned, trying to pretend I was pissed off but unable to keep the smile off my face.
“Sorry,” he grinned, completely remorseless, straightening up and matching his stride to my hobble. I liked the way he angled his body towards me almost protectively. It was like another layer of defence that bulwarked me from the oppressive stupidity that was about to take over. He must have sensed my agitation. “Don’t let them bother you. They’re just jealous of me.”
“I’m sure that’s what they’re thinking.” I laughed at his pathetic attempt to make me feel better, not because it was funny but because I wanted to kiss him to thank him for understanding and didn’t have the balls, and laughing seemed like the only appropriate alternative. Okay, it was a little bit funny too.
“They are,” he assured me, and then corrected himself. “Well, the boys anyway.” He shot a smirk at a visibly annoyed Mike Newton.
“Edward Cullen I think you’re enjoying Mike’s annoyance a wee bit too much for your own good,” I whispered teasingly.
“Bella, he’s so far beyond annoyed that he’s considering physical violence against me,” Edward snickered.
“He is not,” I contradicted. “You couldn’t know that.”
“I assure you I’m reading him loud and clear. He’s out for blood.” Edward laughed out loud and I shot him a skeptical glare. I didn’t understand what he was laughing so hard at. I glanced at Mike and I had to admit that he did look pretty fucking angry. Maybe Edward had a sixth sense in regard to reading people?
“Maybe you’re the one out for blood?” I teased, hoping to make him laugh and draw his attention away from Mike. I felt a bit guilty for all the Mike jokes I’d made. I hadn’t realized he was such as sore spot for Edward. Instead of laughing, Edward’s face twisted into a grimace.
“Believe me when I say he is the last person whose blood I would be out for,” he affirmed, his voice dripping with disgust. He laughed blackly and I just shook my head. Sometimes Edward had the strangest sense of humour.
“You’re not trying to add to the dead bodies in your closet?”
“No, I wouldn’t want his dead body in my closet. It would taint the other corpses.”
I stopped, pulling one of my crutches up to block his path, and looked up at him, alarmed. “You don’t seriously think I have a thing for him do you? I mean I know I make a lot of wise-ass jokes at his expense but you know I don’t give the slightest shit about him, don’t you? You have no reason to be upset by him. Even if there were no Edward and Bella, there certainly would not ever be a Mike and Bella. Please tell me you get that, or I’ve been horribly shitty at communicating not only my feelings for you, but my absolute fucking lack of any feeling at all for him.”
“Relax Bella,” Edward soothed. “I know that you don’t care for him, and your jokes about him don’t bother me in the slightest. What bothers me is his absolute inability to grasp that you are not his. It’s all about his mindset Bella, nothing to do with you?”
“And how would you know about his mindset Edward?” I demanded. They weren’t friends, not to my knowledge, and I couldn’t imagine them ever having anything in common.
“I’ve overheard him talking Bella,” he informed me. “And I know a little bit about the mind of a seventeen year old boy and how it works, at least give me that. I can see those little wheels in your mind turning. You’re wondering how I would know him at all since we aren’t the least bit friendly with one another.”
“What the hell? Are you a mind reader?”
“I wish I could read your mind Bella,” he laughed. “That would make things between us a lot easier.”
“Uhhh, no!” I cringed. “That would be horrible. Then you’d have known that day in class, and oh my God, some of the thoughts I’ve had. It would most certainly not be easier if you could read my mind.”
“Well you’re in luck then, since I can’t.” Relief washed over me. Having Edward know every thought in my mind wouldn’t just be embarrassing. It would be painfully vulnerable and just really fucking wrong. If he thought my mouth was foul, he should have heard some of my thoughts, particularly some of the ones I’d had about him. My mind was far from pure, and very much like a completely unedited version of what came out of my mouth, definitely not safe for general consumption. I finally looked away from Edward and realized that we were being watched by a large group of onlookers. I grunted and started for English, irritated, being gaped at, and about ready to bite someone’s head off.
When we got to the door I turned to get my bag from Edward. He was looking a little upset. “You okay?” I wondered. Maybe the staring was getting to him too.
“Fine,” he assured me, but his voice didn’t convince me.
“Did I say something that upset you?” I wondered quietly.
“Not at all. I’m fine.”
“You don’t sound fine,” I accused.
“It’s nothing Bella. Will I see you in the quad later, or would you like me to walk you to your next class?”
“Let me try this one by myself.”
“All right,” he agreed. He gave me a small smile and started off to class.
“Edward?” I called after him.
He turned back to me with a confused look on his face. “Yes?”
I shuffled the few steps over to him so I could speak quietly to him. “I’d really like it if there weren’t so many fucking people watching us.”
“I know you don’t like the attention,” he murmured. His voice sounded a little sad.
“No…what I mean is…I’d like to kiss you…without half the goddamn school watching.” His expression relaxed immediately, and a wide smirk replaced the hard set of his lips. It made me feel a thousand times better.
“I’ll see you later,” he promised, and I watched him walk away. It was a much happier activity than anything that waited for me the classroom of overcurious undersexed busybodies. I took one last deep breath before heading into English. Let the fucking nosey questions commence.
The morning was reminiscent of getting my hair highlighted, long and uncomfortable and just this side of painful. I thought I’d reached the pinnacle of mortification that day, wearing that ill-fitting and humiliating cap, resembling the half-bald freak show baby-doll that my neighbour Danny tortured once my hair was pulled through that stupid contraption. Well that day was paradise in comparison with today. I was the current in-the-know topic and I’d never felt so uncomfortably on display in my life. People that didn’t know me were asking all sorts of personal fucking questions. People that barely knew me were answering those questions on my behalf, and with some heinously incorrect responses I might add. It was all one big sharefest, and I wanted no fucking part of.
I limped my way to the quad trying to find Edward after English, but was too fucking slow because of the crutches, and ended up being late for Government. On my next attempt to find Edward, I spilled my books everywhere trying to negotiate my crutches without slinging my backpack over my shoulder properly. I stopped trying to make it to the quad after that. Obviously fate was trying to tell me that I shouldn’t have been such a dumbass about letting Edward walk me to class. The only benefit, albeit minor, in not having Edward walk me, was avoiding further questions. As it was, he was already a constant topic of supposition. Why had he rescued me? Why was he there when he didn’t sign up for the ski trip? Were we secretly going out? Someone actually told Eric that Edward had pushed me over and injured me on purpose, and someone else said my broken leg was the result of me skiing into Edward. The stories were as varied as they come, and none of them were true. All of the untruths whirled around me until I was just short of frenzied and ready to kill the next person who spoke to me. As I hobbled my way along to Trig, all I was focused on was getting there without anyone else bugging me.
“How’s the leg Bella?” Of course the next person had to be Mike.
“Fine,” I grumbled, trying very hard to send out the signals that I was so not in the mood for his shit today.
“Are you going to tell me how it happened?” he wondered. There was a possessive edge to his tone that I did not like. Maybe Edward was more right about Mike’s attitude towards me than I gave him credit for.
“I’m sorry Mike. I didn’t get the memo that informed me that I owed you an explanation.”
“Well from what I heard, Cullen made you ski some trail that you couldn’t handle and then left you behind after your fell. Is that true?”
I huffed, irritated. Why couldn’t Edward have been here to explain this shit? He was so much better at handling people than I was, and I couldn’t let Mike believe that Edward would do such a shitty thing. “No, it’s not true. Why the fuck would he do that?”
“Because he’s a dickhead.”
I snorted. “Takes one to know one,” I mumbled disbelievingly. “For your information, not that I owe you a fucking thing, Edward had nothing to do with me falling and everything to do with getting me the help I needed. He was nothing but good to me, so why don’t you shut the fuck up and mind your own business?”
“Are you serious?” I could tell by the look on his face that he didn’t believe me.
“Mike, I know you’re an idiot but do you really think I’d take the time to explain if I was just going to lie about it? For the sake of making this easier on me, I’m going to help a motherfucker out. Yes, I’m serious. Edward got me to first aid after I fell.”
“So he must like you then?” he demanded.
“That’s a question that you’d have to take up with Edward, Mike,” I suggested. I probably shouldn’t have even pitched the idea. Given Edward’s animosity towards Mike it was like inviting trouble.
“Well do you like him?” He looked like a lost little boy that had been smacked by the mopey stick, his expression sullen and his mouth drawn into a pout. He’d clearly already decided that I did like Edward.
“Who I like or don’t like is none of your business Mike.”
“I’ve got a right to know who’s after you?”
My eyes widened in shock. I didn’t think Mike was even capable of being this big an asshole. “How do you figure that? Because we’re such good friends or because I’ve told you about seven hundred and twenty-two times that I’m not interested in you?”
“Well someone’s got to look out for you Bella.”
“I can look after myself just fine,” I assured him.
“No you can’t,” he disagreed. “Look what you did to yourself while you were skiing? You’re just that sort of girl who needs someone to look after her.” If my mobility was better, I would have punched him square in the jaw, goddamn irritating little fucker. He deserved whatever he got from Edward.
“And you’re just the guy to fill the job?” I questioned sarcastically.
“Yeah, I am.”
“Well you’re going to have to take that up with Edward too then Mike. Currently he’s filing the position of my looker-after, you piece of shit.”
“Bella,” he complained.
“We’re done talking Mike.” I threw my hand up at him as he started to speak again. There was no way I was saying another fucking word to him. I let him leave, giving him a wide berth before I took a single step. It was in his best interest to stay away from me from now on, or risk my wrath. I’m pretty sure getting beat up by a girl on crutches wouldn’t do much to help his rep.
Jessica would not let up during Spanish. Her attention was transparent and laughable since she’d never been interested in talking to me before. Now that I might all of a sudden be able to get her closer to the mysterious Edward Cullen she was my new best friend, kissing my ass and fawning all over me and making a total fucking nuisance of herself. I got the feeling she was way into Edward, like to the point of obsession. I would have to ask Edward later if he knew her. The way she spoke about him made it seem like she knew him well, but I had my doubts. When the bell finally rang and I left the classroom, the relief in seeing Edward outside the door was divine. I didn’t even try and hide my happiness. I just shuffled over to him, trying to let the crap that people had put on me all morning fall away. None of it mattered now. Edward was happy to see me too, but looked a little distracted.
“Are you okay?” he wondered.
“Nothing I can’t handle,” I assured him. “Just the crap that we knew would rain down on us.”
“Did you have a lot of people bothering you?”
“Not really,” I lied. “Are you okay? You look…distracted.”
“Just something I heard through the grapevine that upset me. Is it true what Mike said to you?” His voice was very controlled and calculating, but his eyes were wild.
“Edward, I don’t care what that dumb shit thinks, but I do have something to tell you. When I was talking to him I kind of…well I sort of told him that we were together. I mean I didn’t come right out and say we were together, but I intimated it. I hope that’s okay?”
Edward’s mouth twisted into a self-satisfied smirk but his expression was still dark. “What did he say to you Bella?”
“Oh just a bunch of bullshit about what he thinks I need. It doesn’t matter Edward. I don’t care what he thinks. I care about whether or not you’re mad at me though.”
“Of course I’m not angry with you Bella,” he soothed, his expression softening to match the consolatory tone of his voice. “I’m happy that you told him. What I’m not happy about is the disgustingly disrespectful way he treated you.” Edward’s perturbation was palpable.
“Let’s get out of here?” I suggested in an almost pleading tone.
“Where would you like to go?”
“Anywhere. We can just sit in the truck or go for a drive. I just want to be away from all of this shit.” His brow furrowed while he studied my face. “I just want to be alone, you and me.”
“Of course,” he murmured, taking my backpack off my shoulder for me.
“Go,” I told him, “I’ll follow behind you.” I felt almost like I was fleeing the scene of a crime, desperate to get away and not be followed, urgently needing anonymity. I shuffled as fast as I’d ever moved on the crutches, putting more weight on my cast than I should have in an effort to move more quickly. He had the door of the Volvo opened for me as I reached the car and I hastily lumbered in.
“Be careful,” Edward petitioned. “You don’t want to hurt yourself further.” I rolled my eyes as he moved to get in, always the worrier.
“You can just go park on the other side of the school for some privacy. We don’t have to drive anywhere. Besides, I’d rather have your attention than have you pay attention to the road,” I admitted. I hoped I didn’t sound as needy as I felt.
“They are really getting to you, aren’t they?” Edward asked softly, as he pulled the car out of the parking lot. I waited as he drove around to the far side of the school and parked on the road before I answered.
“I don’t understand why everyone is so interested in us,” I admitted. “And I don’t like people making up shit or saying things about you that aren’t true.”
Edward’s eyes bore into mine with the weight of his words. “I don’t care what people think about me. The only opinion I care about is yours. Don’t let them bother you. The Cullens have always been a topic of gossip for this town. I’m sorry that their interest in my family spills over into your life.”
“Don’t you feel invaded though?” I wondered.
“I guess it’s different for us. We have each other. We aren’t looking for acceptance or trying to fit in. We’re only here to go to school.”
“So the staring and gossip and rumours don’t bother you in the slightest?” I was wavering between jealousy that he was actually able to maintain his indifference, and anger that I couldn’t.
“It’s been this way for as long as I can remember.”
“And you never just wanted to say ‘fuck you all! Stay out of my business?’”
“They aren’t in my business. They don’t know me and they can say whatever they want, it doesn’t make it true. It’s not as if me getting angry about it will change their blathering.” I knew he was right, but I couldn’t shrug it off as easily as he could. “Can you tell me why it bothers you so much?” he requested softly.
“For the past twelve months, nothing in my life has been in my control, and I’m so fucking sick of it. I just want to feel like I’m in control of my own life, that I have some say in who is in it and what direction it’s headed in. I just want to be left alone.”
“Is that really what you want?”
“I guess I don’t want to be left alone by everyone, but I certainly don’t what every kid in the damn high school knowing what’s going on in my life. Don’t I have the right to some anonymity?”
“If that’s what you want, then yes. I understand the desire for anonymity. I’ve been guilty of it myself.”
“Then how do you not let them get to you?”
“I’m not really sure. I guess I’m just used to be on the fringe of everything, used to not caring what anyone but myself thinks. Then again, I have control of my life. Carlisle and Esme never forced me to stay with them. It was always a choice.”
“There’s never a choice for me. No one asked me how I felt when my Mom got sick. No one asked if I wanted to move, or stay, or start my life all over again. The universe just came in with its wrecking ball and destroyed everything that ever meant anything to me. If I don’t keep you to myself, maybe the universe is going to come in and take you too?”
“You don’t really think that do you?” he murmured softly. His face was very serious as he stared back at me and waited for me to answer.
“Not consciously, no,” I admitted. “But ultimately, it’s inevitable, and that I do believe.”
“Bella I’m not going anywhere. Why won’t you believe that?”
“Everybody fucking leaves Edward. It’s just the way it is.”
“So you think if you tell people about us that the universe is going to separate us all the faster?” he asked disbelievingly.
“I don’t know, maybe?” I bit my lip and closed my eyes, letting my head fall forward. I felt like a total fucking idiot. Saying it out loud made it sound so much stupider than it sounded in my head and I didn’t know how to make it sound sensible to him. “Everyone I’ve ever loved, or could have loved in the case of my Dad, was taken from me before I was ready to let them go. I just want time to figure out you and me…to understand how we fit into the bloody world…to find a way to deserve your love. Having everyone talking about us like we are some kind of entity that exists for the sole purpose of gossipmongering…having everyone discussing us like we’re breaking news…” I shook my head in disgust. “It just feels so personal. I just want time to understand my feelings before they’re tainted by everyone else’s shit.”
He reached out and picked up my hands in his, squeezing them soothingly. “Bella,” he whispered. There was so much emotion in his voice that it made me look up at him. He was gazing back at me so intensely, with a sadness in his eyes that I couldn’t place. “If I could make them leave us alone, I would. If I could give you back what you’ve lost, I’d gladly sacrifice myself to get it for you. But I can’t do either. What I can do is promise that nobody is going to touch us. I won’t let them come between us Bella.”
“But don’t you get it Edward? They can say whatever they want, about either of us. They can spew their venom on whoever is willing to listen and eventually it’s going to become accepted knowledge. Nobody cares if you and I end up as road kill.”
“But we won’t,” he assured me. “They can’t touch us if we don’t let them.”
“So you’re okay if everyone is walking around calling me names? Disrespecting me? Making up shit? I’m not okay with that. When Mike told me his version of the ski trip, I felt compelled to correct him because there was no way in hell I was going to let him think badly of you.”
“I will gladly put Mike in his place,” Edward seethed, clenching his teeth.
“You don’t get it,” I whispered, looking away. “They know…they all know that you and I don’t make sense…and the more they point it out the sooner you’ll see it too.”
“You listen to me Isabella Marie Swan.” My eyes darted back to his at the sound of my full name. “I am in love with you. There is nothing you or anyone can do to change my feelings. I don’t care if anyone sees us as wrong for one another or thinks we shouldn’t be together. I know…I can feel it in my heart that we are meant to be together. And whether you believe it or not, you are so deserving of my love. I wish you’d believe that. I will never stop loving you and I will never leave you. I am here for as long as you want me to be.”
“You can’t make that promise,” I whispered.
“I can and I am, but if you don’t believe me I understand that. At least believe that no one is going to change the way I feel about you? This is not some fickle crush Bella. I love you.” I wanted to believe him, more than anything, but my brain was not a doubt-free zone.
“I love you too,” I murmured. His hand came up to stroke my cheek gently.
“I hate seeing that expression on your face,” he breathed, bending in to kiss me. As soon as his lips touched mine the question of what expression he was talking about evaporated. The pressure of his mouth on mine secured my compliance, my doubts about his feelings changing melting away in the emotion of his kiss. I wanted to crawl into his lap and glue myself to his body and let his love soothe away all the shit that the world wanted to bury us in, but I was helpless to maneuver in the tight space of the car with my stupid cast. Instead, I pressed my face towards his, awkwardly bumping my nose into his face in an effort to remove any distance between us. I threaded my hand into his hair and let the texture of his scalp ease my stress. I filled my nose with his fantastic smell and let it and his kiss take me under.
I was already panting when his tongue came out and skillfully traced my bottom lip. He’d mastered the control and the lightness of its touch, and it ignited every sexual instinct in my body. I shoved my tongue out at his shamelessly. His taste was never disappointing, as sweet as candy and refreshingly cool. It was just another thing about him that turned me on. I moaned softly and fisted his hair and plunged my tongue into his mouth as far as I could. My reward was a groan that rumbled from his chest and his hand sliding off my cheek and into my hair, pulling me closer still. It was so fucking sexy to me that he liked that.
He had uncanny instincts when it came to understanding how I liked to be kissed. I was pushing myself at him with little success, wanting to feel him against my body, and somehow he knew what I was seeking. He shifted his weight against me and eased me back into the seat so gently it was like landing on clouds. Slowly, he continued to lean his body into mine, and press against me further, giving me exactly what I was after without ever being asked. He was ridiculously gifted in giving me love the way I wanted it. I pulled him even closer, pressing my chest into his so I could feel every bit of his upper body pressed against my breasts. The sensation overwhelmed me, and I whimpered against his tongue as I felt the moisture between my legs soak my panties. I wanted to stroke him and find out if our kiss was affecting him the way it was affecting me, but there was no way I could move my arm to reach him without pushing his body away from mine and that was the last thing I wanted. I wondered if he would think it was too forward if I was able to do what I wanted. I had no idea how fast or slow he wanted to move things between us.
I came crashing back down to Earth when I heard the cackle from outside the car and Edward pulled back from our kiss. “Oh my God!” she gasped, one hundred percent ditzy clueless valley girl. There stood Jessica, fucking gaping at us. We were so totally busted. Edward shot her an angry glare that sent her sharkin it in record time. He could be scarily imposing when he wanted to be, which I admired, particularly at that moment.
“Goddamn it!” I complained. Of all the people that had to see us, it had to be the biggest fucking mouthpiece in school.
“I’m sorry Bella,” he murmured, his face drawn in an uncomfortable grimace.
“It’s fine.” I tried to calm down and look at the whole picture, like Edward would have, instead of flying off the handle like I wanted to. It wouldn’t fix anything.
“I know you’d have rather kept us private,” he remarked quietly.
“Hey,” I petitioned softly, waiting for him to look at me before I continued. “I’m not ashamed to be with you Edward, and I wouldn’t have traded that kiss for anything, not even for avoiding getting caught. She’s a good for nothing gossip. Everybody is already talking about us anyway. Maybe her rumours will stop the ones that are spreading shitty things about you.”
He smiled a very genuine smile back at me, and I wondered what was going on in his head. I’d been so caught up in mine all day that I hadn’t much considered how all of the crap was affecting him. “You never cease to amaze me,” he informed me.
I quirked an eyebrow at him. “Amaze?”
“I thought you’d be very upset by Jessica’s intrusion and the idea that she will tell everyone she found us kissing. Instead you put it all into perspective and land up making me feel better in the process. How do you do that?”
I shrugged and grinned. “I don’t know. Maybe I’ve finally found the one thing on this Earth that I do better than anyone else - keep Edward Cullen’s demons away?”
His hand snaked up under my hair to hold the side of my face as his longest fingers curled around the back of my neck. “I think you have found the thing you’re best at, and it’s loving me.” He leaned in and brushed a feathery kiss against my lips. “We have to get going to biology,” he murmured against my mouth.
“Yes, that’s exactly what I want to do after you kiss me and let your lips ghost over mine while you speak. Umm-huh.” I rolled my eyes at him.
“Sorry,” he laughed, “but you’re so slow on those damn crutches that if we don’t get moving we’re going to be late.”
I slapped his shoulder playfully. “Great, make fun of the gimp.”
He leaned in close to me again. “I’m just being preemptory,” he assured me with a very sly grin. “I’ve got plans for you after school that involve a lot more privacy than the detention room offers.”
I shoved the door of the Volvo open and scrambled out. I was all for getting biology over with now, anything to get to our after school activities faster.