[001]

[itsfrench_bitch]

Good evening Godless sodomites.

It would appear that I am either behind the Iron Curtain, or have been kidnapped by the future overlords of the world. Overlords in the disguise of children that have demon bears for souls and worship heathen golden objects.

I'm looking at you, His Dark Materials series. Or should I say, "Ursidae Manifesto".

Comments

I PULL OUT MY BERETTA

[desert_treads]

[itsfrench_bitch]

[innocentxcharm]

What's that thing in the picture? It looks really big...

[itsfrench_bitch]

That, little one, is a Godless killing machine, a creature that haunts the earth to feast on the blood of Catholic school children, hikers, and Paydays.

Also known as a bear.

[innocentxcharm]

...What're those?

[itsfrench_bitch]

All you need to know is that bears are bad news. Never sleep at night without a can of 'Stephen Colbert's Bear Mace and Minethrower'.

Only $49.95 with tax. Order two and you get a free Colbert bobble head!

[holy_heretic]

Godless sodomites? Men without God who have anal sex with each other? The iron curtain? Well I do suppose that could be true.

Well, you most certainly do make an impression, sir.

[itsfrench_bitch]

Men without God are hardly men at all. They're the vanilla wafers of humanity; all flavor, no substance.

Well, what can I say. I'm Stephen Colbert.

[holy_heretic]

I'm most certainly curious, what God are we talking about, sir?

Oh, your name's Stephen Colbert. I suppose I'd best call you Mr. Colbert then.

[itsfrench_bitch]

There is only one God. Oh sure, there's Buddha and Jew God and Tupac and whathaveyou, but there's only one "God Bless America." And that is God. After all, there are infinite paths to the holy embrace of our Lord and Savior Jesus.

Mr. Colbert? ...Hm, I like that. It implies power.

[he_of_paradise]

Why do you think bears are evil?

Hee hee! Overlords that look like children with evil bear souls. You're silly! :D

[itsfrench_bitch]

Bears are no laughing matter. They are souless monsters incapable of any act of good. They're vicious, cruel, and...

[he_of_paradise]

:< Are goats and wolves communists too?

[itsfrench_bitch]

Goats are the pure stock of Shepherds, so no. They have a holy light in them fueled by eons of sacrifice and alfalfa.

Wolves... are tricky. I'm unsure of whether the bears have recruited them to the dark side or not. Only time will tell where their morals lie.

[dead_man_theory]

You're a patriot I take it?

[itsfrench_bitch]

My good man, anyone can be a patriot. I am an American. You only need heart to be a patriot. A true American has balls.

[dead_man_theory]

Oh well that's a relief. I'm going to harbor a guess and say you're not someone from the orange clan.

[itsfrench_bitch]

Orange clan? Terrorists, I presume.