[001]

[itsfrench_bitch]

Good evening Godless sodomites.

It would appear that I am either behind the Iron Curtain, or have been kidnapped by the future overlords of the world. Overlords in the disguise of children that have demon bears for souls and worship heathen golden objects.

I'm looking at you, His Dark Materials series. Or should I say, "Ursidae Manifesto".

Comments

[holy_heretic]

Godless sodomites? Men without God who have anal sex with each other? The iron curtain? Well I do suppose that could be true.

Well, you most certainly do make an impression, sir.

[itsfrench_bitch]

Men without God are hardly men at all. They're the vanilla wafers of humanity; all flavor, no substance.

Well, what can I say. I'm Stephen Colbert.

[holy_heretic]

I'm most certainly curious, what God are we talking about, sir?

Oh, your name's Stephen Colbert. I suppose I'd best call you Mr. Colbert then.

[itsfrench_bitch]

There is only one God. Oh sure, there's Buddha and Jew God and Tupac and whathaveyou, but there's only one "God Bless America." And that is God. After all, there are infinite paths to the holy embrace of our Lord and Savior Jesus.

Mr. Colbert? ...Hm, I like that. It implies power.

[holy_heretic]

Jesus? Who's he?

No, it simply implies that you're my elder.

[1/2]

[itsfrench_bitch]

You... don't know of Jesus?

[2/2]

[itsfrench_bitch]

Ma'am, there is a wonderful, life-changing book for you. It's the only book with all heart, no facts. It's called The Bible, and I believe it's waiting for you to read it.

Re: [2/2]

[holy_heretic]

Oh, the Bible. I was made to read it as a child. I suppose I forgot about this Jesus character.

Wait, if it has no facts then obviously I shouldn't believe it.

[itsfrench_bitch]

I'm sure it'll come to you eventually. His almighty holiness must've just completely enveloped your mind, so you're just not looking at the obvious.

Facts have no heart. If I believe it in my gut, it must be right. Because that's where the truth lies: the gut.

[holy_heretic]

*blinks* Hmm my mommy did mention a certain God coming down to earth to destroy it and create a new Heaven. I wonder if they're the same.

Really now?

[itsfrench_bitch]

It very well be, because I know Heaven has already been brought down on earth, and it's called America.

You start listening to your gut, and you'll know the meaning of Truthiness.

[holy_heretic]

When then did Heaven come down sir?

Hmm alright. My gut is telling me you're way off, and it hasn't failed me yet.

((strikes? What strikes?))

[itsfrench_bitch]

Around 1942, I believe.

Wise choice. You won't regret listening to your gut.

[holy_heretic]

Hmm that's strange. My mommy was blabbing about God coming down just a few days before I arrived here. I recall the year was 1983.

Sir, wasn't America made a nation in 1776?

[itsfrench_bitch]

From what I understand, we're coming from different worlds. Maybe your America was just a little late to the game, eh?

My gut is telling me 1942. That's when Americans found America. Not that Columbus fellow or whatever that foreigner's name was.

[holy_heretic]

I did come from a small town called Silent Hill that was located in America.

Yeah, that's nice. My gut is telling me 1776, which is before 1942.

I was never raised to care much about politics, only about God.