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Foreign
I'm trying to find a place where I belong. Online journaling will never be what it used to be for me, but I'm going to attempt to open up another journal. If anyone is interested in being added, let me know. This place feels so foreign, but it would be nice to have this kind of connection again. -
The Smiling Scar
I find myself trying to gain back a sense of normalcy but I realize that it will never be the same as it was before: my life. Last Friday as I was sitting in the doctor’s office and feeding Anthony, I gazed out of the big glass window and thought, I am a mother. I am not just someone’s mother, but I am Anthony’s mother. This gives me such a sense ( Read more... ) -
Pregnancy Pains
It's the end of my second trimester and it's as if my whole body is retaliating against me. I guess the honeymoon stage of pregnancy is truly over now. Besides the arm and leg cramps that wake me up at night, the whole right side of my body feels as though it is on fire. Why hasn't anyone told me about round ligament pain before? It is excruciating ( Read more... ) -
Worth it
I was browsing through old photos of myself the other day, yellowing photographs of myself as a child. I was wondering what my son is going to look like, if he will resemble me or Andres or will be a perfect mixture of both of us. While looking through those photographs, I became a little sad. Or maybe I shouldn't say it was a 'sadness' than more a ( Read more... ) -
Flytrap
I've opened this up a bit, but some are still under lock & key.
I'm still not used to wearing my heart on my sleeve, but I'm slowly learning to bloom again.
Ask, and we'll see. -
Short-lived
A friend of mine from work passed away last night. It wasn't much of a shock when our boss gathered us into his office a little while ago and told us, at least not to me. She had been sick for a long time and deep in my heart, I knew it was only a matter of time. The chemo had weakened her system so much that her heart simply gave out and they ( Read more... ) -
At the root of me
In my 23, almost 24, years of living, I can say that I have never been happier than this. It still hasn't sunk in it. Last Friday as we sat waiting for the doctor to come in, I could feel myself getting more and more nervous, and then the queasiness that had been plaguing me all week and since hit me full force. I thought I would faint, and the ( Read more... ) -
Changes
The days have been nice. Hot still, but the small breezes help and at least it is no longer 105 degrees and physically/mentally draining to walk outside. We’ve been leaving the house to my parents and driving throughout town, playing Scrabble at our favorite coffee house or getting a few drinks at The Belmont. Running in sprinklers at the golf ( Read more... ) -
Build a casket for my tears
It was the first 4th that we spent at home and not under the night sky. Truthfully, it made me a little sad since it's been our tradition every year to at least spend this holiday together, and with no one else. The rain didn't help matters and my stomach was still reeling from getting ill the night before. I thought seeing the fireworks would help ( Read more... ) -
Sickness
My brother-in-law is currently stuck on the side of the road somewhere, drunk or possibly high, and we have no way of even knowing where the hell he is. He's done this so many times in the past and the last time was when he completely totalled his truck two months ago. He was bleeding so heavily that the officer who was called to the scene said he ( Read more... )