Sickness
My brother-in-law is currently stuck on the side of the road somewhere, drunk or possibly high, and we have no way of even knowing where the hell he is. He's done this so many times in the past and the last time was when he completely totalled his truck two months ago. He was bleeding so heavily that the officer who was called to the scene said he couldn't even test his blood-alcohol level. The white towel that he had been given was completely drenched in red by the time they got him to the hospital. Luckily, he only hit a parked car that night but he has a huge scar on his forehead as a permanent reminder of that night.
I have a sick knot in my stomach. The reason this troubles me is that it brings back so many memories of my childhood. For years, I watched my grandfather drink himself into a drunken stupor. We tried to get him to stop so many times and often whenever I pleaded with him, he would stop. For a while. Then the cycle would begin all over again. Back then I thought it was selfish of him but I now know that the need to drink was a sickness, something that had been instilled in him for years. I always say that the drinking killed him, but in retrospect, I believe he killed himself with the drinking. It is painful to think about, and even more painful, to be reminded of it by seeing the same thing happening all over again to someone you care about.
I am not trying to make myself out to be a saint; I've had more than my fair share of hangovers from overdoing it the night before. I've wondered if I have the same sickness and addiction that coursed through my grandfather's veins, which is why I try to stay as far away from liquor as I possibly can, as I have an almost intolerable penchant for it. But the difference is that I don't get behind the wheel of a car, and possibly endanger others. I honestly believe that my brother (and I say brother, because I truly consider him to be my brother) is trying to kill himself, and the scary thing is that we can't do anything about it except talk to him. And we've all tried to do that, but I see the same pattern in him that I saw with my grandfather. The cycle repeats itself all over again...I'm worried that one day we will get that same dreaded phone call.
I have a sick knot in my stomach. The reason this troubles me is that it brings back so many memories of my childhood. For years, I watched my grandfather drink himself into a drunken stupor. We tried to get him to stop so many times and often whenever I pleaded with him, he would stop. For a while. Then the cycle would begin all over again. Back then I thought it was selfish of him but I now know that the need to drink was a sickness, something that had been instilled in him for years. I always say that the drinking killed him, but in retrospect, I believe he killed himself with the drinking. It is painful to think about, and even more painful, to be reminded of it by seeing the same thing happening all over again to someone you care about.
I am not trying to make myself out to be a saint; I've had more than my fair share of hangovers from overdoing it the night before. I've wondered if I have the same sickness and addiction that coursed through my grandfather's veins, which is why I try to stay as far away from liquor as I possibly can, as I have an almost intolerable penchant for it. But the difference is that I don't get behind the wheel of a car, and possibly endanger others. I honestly believe that my brother (and I say brother, because I truly consider him to be my brother) is trying to kill himself, and the scary thing is that we can't do anything about it except talk to him. And we've all tried to do that, but I see the same pattern in him that I saw with my grandfather. The cycle repeats itself all over again...I'm worried that one day we will get that same dreaded phone call.