And then, God decided to turn Himself into a cat, and was never heard from again.

The End.

Love to all.

Meeow.

FINALLY, I did something right. That Me-damned Ray Stevens has been a thorn in My side ever since that asinine song "The Streak." You think it's a good thing to encourage the average American to drop trou' and run around the general public? It's disgusting, is what it is. It's bad enough that I have to see them while they shower. And that " ( Read more... )

Sometime I'll have to tell you guys about My other male offspring, Thog, Who I sent to earth to save the Neanderthals. The funny thing about the Neaners was their extremely low threshold of amazement. The only miracles that Thog really had to perform were walking near water and raising some old guy from a dead sleep ( Read more... )

Jeez.

I've been thinking again. They say that God is love... and that love is a many splintered thing. I therefore think that it's safe to say that I'm a many splintered thing. However, I have no idea what that means.

Using similar logic, I am also like a rock. But I ain't easy.

(And, apparently, I stink.)

Psssst... let go. Yes, you. Just let go.

Earlier today, Jesus started yelling, "Dad! Dad! Where are You ( Read more... )

Yes, Margaret, I'm here. Now quit pestering Me, or I'll unleash a monthly plague of cramps and water retention upon thee, and then I'll strike thee barren sometime between thine 40th and 50th year.

Long ago, men would have their naughty bits removed for purity, so they could better serve at My bidding. Later, children would also trade away their family jewels for the promise of lifelong service unto Me with the voice of angels. In turn, I looked after them with special attention.

It occurred to Me today that I'm the original Eunuchs

My Boy came up to Me the other day and asked about the gays. “Is it true what they say about them?” He asked ( Read more... )