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(Untitled)
My Dad tried to kill himself yesterday. I cried in the car when my sister called me. She told me not to be alone, so I was at Lisa's place but the kids were home. So I went outside, sat in my car and cried pretty damn hard about it ( Read more... ) -
This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things...
Sister: Sick of it Dylan. Like so beyond sick of it.
Me: Chris*? Or the fact that you can't get cool ranch pork rinds?
*Husband
Not that I can't talk to her about her marital problems - I'm more than happy to listen (and have for a very long time). However ( Read more... ) -
Name Change
I was bummed out last night. Took the wind out of my sails to have to keep filling this out, keep spending money on it. I didn't feel as bad as I did last time, either. I do know the lack of tears was the hormones. It's a really weird feeling to want to cry but can't. I wonder if men always feel like that or if it's because this would be the ( Read more... ) -
Working Out
Total love/hate thing going on. I like the results. I hate that I can't get them by laying on the couch and watching Netflix. -
Dating
Ugh. I hate dating. It's this arduous process of weeding people out based on real or imagined criteria. Stuff that really matters vs stuff that matters in a superficial kind of way.
I am finding that my desire to be with a woman who burns down my life is gone. Normally all if that drama would be a real turn on. Not because I see the crazy for what ( Read more... ) -
Hot Sauce, Yo!
I have it on really good authority (several people, in fact) that I make a bitchin' hot sauce. I have decided that this will be one of my chesticle-removing fundraising plots. I will sell the bottles for $10-$12 each. If you're a consumer and lover of hot things, I have been told my sauce is a 9 out of 10 ( Read more... ) -
Birthday
If you had told me when I was in my teens or early 20's that one day I'd have a hard time seating that many people for my birthday - I'd have called you a liar. Honestly, I cried a little today thinking about it. Most of my family doesn't speak to me and sometimes that makes me feel very alone. And then I see my friends and my kids and my ( Read more... ) -
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My childhood friend is gone. I feel like I am falling apart inside. -
Saturday Plans
I finish up work here at Wally World at 7am. I will pick up a few things, drive home.
Play with the dog for a bit, throw in some laundry maybe.
Crash til 11:30, hot shower and go to A&S. Hangout and say hi to people, let Loki socialize with other puppies.
Come home, eat maybe. Watch "Lip Service", fantasize about Laura Fraser whispering sweet ( Read more... ) -
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I am scare of who I have become in all of this. I was awake last night for hours talking myself out of suicide. I'm glad I didn't have my knife. I knew where sharp things were, but not my sharp things. I tried to kill myself a few weeks ago, and only because I forgot to lock the door am I still alive.
I am so scared and I feel so lost.