Dating
Ugh. I hate dating. It's this arduous process of weeding people out based on real or imagined criteria. Stuff that really matters vs stuff that matters in a superficial kind of way.
I am finding that my desire to be with a woman who burns down my life is gone. Normally all if that drama would be a real turn on. Not because I see the crazy for what it is when it happens. It looks like other things or it happen during NRE and it gets swatted away. Now though, instant boner kill. It is kind of weird, actually.
I went on two dates recently. One of which was awful because she wrong assumed I was a butch lesbian playing dress up. Not that I am a real man. Plus, she wasn't kind. And very much unhappy with living in Ottawa after spending her life at the centre of the universe: Toronto.
The second was like Constance only less good. No self confidence and although she asked if she could kiss me she couldn't look me in the eye. I suppose if she hadn't done trans or gay or was 20 I might understand. But a 44 year old self professed dominatrix with major ties in the bdsm community? Plus she talked non stop about her ex and the troubles that was bringing to her life. I gently messaged her saying she was lovely but no. There were a few other reasons that I just couldn't see it work.
Now I am being chased by a 22 year old. Admittedly she is charming in a way I am not accustomed to. She has none of that confidence of a life lived and hard lessons learned. Plus, I generally date older women who don't chase me. More of an evil, indirect, taunting type of behaviour. And they have shit to do so it might be weeks between flirtation.
I hate dating. But I am leaning new things about myself. I do like that.