Unravelling Zeke - Mess-en
Banner by aliensouldream
Title: Mess-en
Author: Gabi
Fandom: The Faculty
Pairing: Z/C
Rating: R
Summary: Zeke gets Lou a computer.
Disclaimer: I own neither the rights nor the characters. If I did, Mr Tyler would be sporting a lovely new collar. I make no money. I have no money. Don’t sue me.
Note: beta’d by the wonderful Aliensouldream. I lurve you. xxx
Previous
Epiphany / Party & Boring / Plans / Casa Del Tyler / The Suit / Mom / Hate You / Meet the Connors / New York - Friday / New York - Saturday / New York - Sunday / Texting / The Deal / Complex / Snow / Pictures of You / A Connor Christmas / Missed This / Photogenic / New Years Eve / Trust / Saint Valentine / Spring Break / Calm / Storm / Stages / Whispers / Echoes / Stokely / I Love You / Mercy / Thrift / Messenger / Anticipation / So Talk / Sand / Insomnia / Penance / Signals / Murdock / Pilot / Concert / Midnight / Perspective / Lost / Nightmare / Seventeen / Open / Cosy / Friends & Enemies / Brandon / The Wait / Ten / Shirt / Shell / Shock / Promise / Bella / Fritz / Pills / Facade / Heir / Void / Smoke / Search / Silent / Gesture / Milton / Drive / Retrogress / Transition / Liberty / Exposure / Resolution / Blue
Ninety four. Ninety four fucking emails in three weeks. Ninety four emails to trawl through and nearly half of that was some form of spam. Half the rest could be deleted without even being read. Anything with ‘FWD: A Funny!’ or ‘FWD: T00 KEWT!’ was not about to hit Zeke’s reading list.
Neither were the three emails from Sammi. He didn’t even bother to open them. He could have deleted them, but it felt better to hit the spam button. Sammi should fucking know better than to even attempt contact after their talk on MSN when Casey dumped him. The fucker’s lucky to have kneecaps.
After trashing everything remotely disposable, he was left with a mere eighteen emails and five of those were subscriptions. He read his personal emails. Mostly people asking where he’d disappeared to or sending links to fun sites that Zeke was not prepared to open in Lou’s living room. Even if the computer was wedged into the back corner behind the table.
Dubious would be a mild term for Lou’s reaction to a van turning up yesterday with a computer in the back. “It’s a lovely gesture, but I don’t need a computer.” she’d whined. “I’m too busy to play on it.” “I’ll never get Becky off it.” yada, yada, yada.
Zeke wouldn’t be swayed. He’d spent the evening setting up user accounts and installing a bunch of programs he’d bought in the store while he was there on Saturday. It now had Norton, Office, Photoshop and Publisher, and finally, this morning, the AOL pack turned up in the mail. And that meant he could download a bunch of free software too. And some fonts. He didn’t know why, but he had a thing for fonts.
The best thing however, was finding an old saved email of the photographs he’d mailed to Casey of them together in New York. His desktop wallpaper was now a shot of two boys kissing on a balcony.
He was up, running and ready to battle Lou into submission. He twisted to coax the back of her head. “You ready to let me show you the virtues of the internet?”
She peered over the back of the couch. “You showed me yesterday.”
“I showed you how to turn it on and off. We didn’t have the internet yesterday. Get over here, I’ve a point to prove.”
She grumbled, but pulled herself up regardless. He smirked cheekily as she approached and pulled up a chair. When she sat in it, she slouched back and folded her arms, much like Zeke would in detention.
“Behold.” he grinned. “Technology! It’s not witchcraft. It is your friend…”
“Alright, smartass. Less of that.”
He tried to hold the smirk back. “Look. How do you advertise your business?”
She shrugged. “We put adverts in a few horse magazines every few months. Word of mouth. Business cards at shows. That kind of thing.”
“Okay.” he said, all serious as he twisted back to face the screen. “Let’s say I have a… Friesian mare. She’s won shows, she’s got papers… and I’m thinking I can make some serious cash from a foal of hers. So I need a stallion, right? Now I can read the horsey magazines and if luck’s on your side, your advert’s in the same issue. Do you include photos?”
“No, they’re expensive. Why?”
“Tssss… Bad… Photos make a sale, man. Anyway… I want a stallion. I missed your tiny advert in the back corner, competing with photo adverts. So now what? Call around twenty horse dealers to see if they know of one that’s not for sale, but for stud? No. I sit here, reading my emails - cos everyone has a computer but you - and my first instinct is to search the internet. It’s right in front of me. Constant access to the world…”
“For a stud service…” She dryly remarked.
“Let’s try it.” He searched for ‘friesian stallion stud illinois’ and clicked the first link. It belonged to a girl in Kentucky, who’s blog was dedicated to her Friesian stallion that had won an equitation class at a show in Illinois. She was considering hiring him for stud.
Clicking back, he tried the second link. A directory of horses for sale, or stud in Illinois. The search words had picked up a Wanted ad looking to buy a Friesian stallion. He saved the directory and continued through the next few search links until he found one that caught his eye. A beautiful photo of a four year old Friesian mare for sale. In the description it mentioned she’d been sired by Montana Blue. “Look at this.” he called, pointing to the paragraph.
“That’s my Blue!” she exclaimed.
“Yeah.” he grinned. “The wonders of the internet.” He turned back. “Now watch… See this little heart? Click that and it saves the page as a ‘favourite’ so you can find it again, whenever you want. See?”
“Right.”
“Remember that, you’ll need it later.” He tried a few more search links and came up dry. “Well…” he sighed dramatically. “Looks like there’s not a single Friesian stallion for stud in Illinois. Guess I’m gonna have to look in Indiana or Missouri.” He ended with a pointed look.
She rolled her eyes. “So you’re saying I need to advertise on the internet.”
He stared up to the gods and mimed, “Thank you!”
“So how do I do that?” she asked, sounding infinitely more enthused by the idea.
“I design and build you a site geared specifically for advertising your business. Initially it’ll be ’Under Construction’ or ‘work in progress’ to the uneducated, until we get some stunning photos of the horses that’ll make ‘em irresistible. We sign up to a couple of directories, then you sit back and wait for the calls and emails to come in. Won’t be an overnight billionaire business, but as you’re getting it free for a year, that’s not a problem, right? Can’t hurt to advertise twenty-four seven.”
“Guess not.” she mused. “So you’re ‘building’ me a website?”
“Yep!”
“Cool.”
He grinned. “Right. A couple o’ things. One. We need a photographer. I ever mention how amazing my boyfriend is?”
She burst out laughing. “ If this is some fancy ploy to ask me if Casey can come over, you wasted a ton of money, boy. He’s welcome. You should know that.”
He chuckled. “Yes and no. It’s an excuse, but a viable one. He’s cheaper than an advertised professional. And he’d spend more than a few hours here, so no cramming in photos in a bland production line of horses… and he’s talented.” he hinted. He shrugged and waved it off. “But choose whoever. Doesn’t matter. Second thing is design. Not just how it looks, but how it projects your image. So… homework.”
“Ugh!”
“Who’s your target audience?”
She shrugged. “Horse owners, breeders, ranchers…”
“Write this down.”
“You’re kidding.”
“You’re not writing.” He waited until she wrote it down to continue. “Now. Imagine you want to hire a stallion or buy a foal. What are you looking for on immediate impression? Write that… What are your main priorities? Concerns? What information do you need before you pick up the phone?”
She was scribbling furiously. “What do you mean by concerns?”
“What reassurances do you need? What would put you off buying a horse?”
“I dunno… Foal farming, conditions, disease…”
“Right, so you explain that you don’t foal farm and that visitors can bring vets to viewings at their own cost before committing. Take photos of the standards of the stables. Honest, family run business stuff. Stuff that would put you at ease. You can put infinitely more info on a site than in a magazine ad. And you can have a page for each horse. As many photos as you want, vital stats, classes they’ve won, their parentage, whatever you want. A site for a year costs less than one little mag advert.”
“But isn’t it free for a year?”
“Yep.”
“Because you paid for it for a year.” she realised.
“…Yeah.”
She sighed, appearing almost disappointed. “You didn’t need to do this. You’ve earned your keep.”
“It’s not about me earning anything. You’ve bent over backwards to help me and this is my way of helping you in return. I can afford it. You could afford the business. It wasn’t expensive and it’ll pay for itself when the first call comes in. Becky can do her homework on it, or even her artwork. This is me giving something back. It doesn’t happen often. Don’t deny me this.”
She nodded at her pad as her smile widened.
“Homework.” he demanded with a warm smile.
“Yes sir!” she quipped, picking up her pad and taking it back to the couch.
He returned his attention to the computer and closed the search page, instantly opening it up again. He could do his own homework. He searched for a map of Ohio and surrounding areas for anywhere interesting or entertaining to take Casey for the weekend. Most were too far to travel after he’d have driven four hundred miles cross-country. He knew he was getting his hopes up, but it couldn’t hurt to be prepared. He was narrowing it down when his text tone sounded.
Fever gone. Out of bed.
Thanks for yesterday.
Blue keeps me warm.
Love you xxx
He beamed with excitement at Casey’s improvement - one step closer - and text back.
Can you talk?
He was almost bouncing in his seat awaiting the reply. Staring intently at the phone until it rang again.
No. Throat killing me.
Sorry baby xx
God fucking DAMMIT! He needed to talk to him. He needed to do something, he was going insane!
Msn now!
The wait was excruciating, but sure enough after several painful minutes a little box popped up. ‘Casey has signed into Messenger’. He clicked the link and attacked his keyboard.
Bored says: BOO! *POUNCE*
Casey says: OMG! Where are you???
Bored says: Lou’s. :D How you feeling?
Casey says: Like shit! Better than yesterday tho. When did she get a computer?
Casey says: In other news. Still can’t listen to NIN.
Zeke was typing his first reply when his heart sank. He knew exactly what Casey meant by that. It wouldn’t take much to cheer him up, though. He was dying to tell him. To hint even. Fucking… aching!
Bored says: Monday. AOL disk came today.
Bored says: Hurry the fuck up and get better. Gargle shit. Chicken soup. Whatever the fuck it takes. I got shit to tell you.
Casey says: Tell me now.
Bored says: Can’t. Get better!
Casey says: Why can’t you tell me here? Come ON! I’m DYING to know!
Bored says: No :)
Casey says: Phone me!
Bored says: You can’t talk. I need audible responses.
Casey says: Fuck that! I’ll talk! Fuckign phone me!
Zeke laughed at the typo. Casey was getting irritated.
Bored says: It’ll hurt your throat.
Casey says: Yeah, so this better be GOOD!
He grinned and didn’t reply, picking up his phone instead. It answered after half a ring. “Hey.” came a raspy, barely there voice.
He grinned, barely containing his excitement. “Hey Angel.”
“News!” he croaked.
Short and to the point then. “I’ve been thinking. I need to ask you something.”
Silence.
Be careful, his mind warned. Very careful. “How would you feel… if I nipped back for a minute to whisk you away for the weekend?”
There was a short pause then a coughing fit. “Serious?” he squeaked.
“Yeah. Not to stay, not yet. Just to get you in the car and drive you somewhere slutty. Miss you SO fuckin’ much, man! I need to see you. Waddya say?”
Again, the wait was excruciating. He couldn’t take a breath as the silence stretched until another coughing fit took over. “Mess-en!” Casey barked between coughs, before ending the call. So much for audible responses.
Casey says: OMFG! You’re coming to see me? When??
Bored says: Friday
Bored says: Day after tomorrow
Bored says: If you’re up for it
Casey says: COURSE I’m up for it! OMG! Friday!
Casey says: TWO DAYS!!!!
Zeke was ready to burst. It was happening. It was actually happening! Two days from now they’d be together. For the whole weekend. Just two days and he’d see his Angel again.
Casey says: Where we going?
Bored says: No idea. Anywhere you wanna go. I won’t wanna go far after driving from Illinois. Anywhere in 100 mile radius.
Casey says: I don’t even care where we go, so long as there’s a big bed! OMG!! I’m so fucking grinning right now!
Bored says: Me too! Been dying to ask since Sunday. It’s gonna kick ass!
Casey says: Wait. I gotta ask the rents.
Bored says: One step ahead of you. Mom says yes
Bored says: :D
Casey says: Fucking LOVE you!! OMFG
Bored says: So… How ya feeling now?
Casey says: Just… fucking…. NO WORDS!
Bored says: I blame the pharyngitis.
Casey says: Fucking comedian. I assume that means swollen throat.
Bored says: You just might graduate.
Casey says: If it’s still swollen on Fri, you get a tighter blow.
Bored says: Awesome :D
Casey says: If it’s still sore, you get none :P
Bored says: I’ll dip it in cough syrup.
Bored says: Or lube!
Casey says: I’m never averse to you sticking your dick in lube.
Bored says: Cos you love where I stick it next.
Bored says: Two fucking days!
Casey says: I KNOW!
Casey says: I have you til when?
Bored says: Sunday. Your mom didn’t specify a time. Ask her. Then haggle.
Casey says: LOL Will do! Trust me!
“Zeke?” Lou called from the couch, “It’s almost three.”
Fuck! “Right… okay… Thanks.”
Bored says: I gotta get off. Calling Sophie at 3. Lost track of time.
Bored says: Sorry xxx
Casey says: Okay. Good luck.
Casey says: You back on later?
Bored says: Yeah, for a bit. Can’t spend all day on here tho, she’ll shit. I’ll one bell you when I’m on.
Bored says: Oh and Case?
Casey says: Yes?
Bored says: TWO DAYS! SEXFEST!!!!
Casey says: WHOOOOO!!! I ever tell you how much I love you?
Bored says: Can show me on Fri :D Fuk yu long time
Casey says: lol go phone your shrink!
Bored says: Yes Sir! Jerry Sir! Later! xx
He signed off quickly before Casey could react. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He doubted even Sophie could wipe this grin off his face today.
~*~
“Afternoon Zeke.” Sophie’s voice cordially greeted. “How’ve you been since we last spoke?”
He lay on his bed with a cigarette on his chest and stared at the smoke drifting up towards the ceiling. “Better. Much better. You’d be impressed.”
“That sounds promising. Would you like to tell me about it?”
“Sure. Dunno how much I’m gonna get through in an hour, it’s been a hell of a week, but… You wanna know how I’m feeling now? Or what’s led to it?”
“Why don’t you tell me what’s happened this week and how it’s made you feel.”
The suggestion made his skin crawl. He wasn’t sure why. “In an hour…”
“Give me an overview. Fill me in on the important details. The things that have affected you.”
He scrunched his eyes closed. “All of it. But yeah… Overview.” He took one last drag and stubbed out his cigarette before telling her everything that had happened since he called her just before his mom arrived. He tried to keep it in chronological order as he spoke. Explaining his reasoning behind certain actions like leaving the ranch and his ending the battle with his mother. She’d asked questions as he’d relayed his week, some of which he answered, some he assured her would be answered down the line. Compressing the week this way, highlighted just how much he’d changed in the last five days.
She was encouraged. Noting the difference in his outlook and praising his apparent maturity. He was encouraged. It was the most positive feedback he’d ever received from her. But she wasn’t doing back-flips just yet. “You told me that you’re going to see Casey this weekend. How do you think you’ll cope when you get to Herrington?”
“Dunno.” he answered honestly. “Right now I’m on such a high that I feel I can achieve anything. I mean… I’m not being unrealistic here. I’ve not convinced myself that I could live at home and not worry about my dad, but… The urge to see Casey outweighs the fear. I’m only gonna be in Herrington for a few minutes at a time anyway. And if I get there and can’t do it, someone will drive him to me.”
She drew a loud breath of contemplation. “How do you feel about your father now? Has your opinion changed with your recent progress?”
“My opinion? Or my perspective?”
“So you understand that they’re two separate entities.”
“Yeah.”
“I think this would be the perfect time for you to read me that list. In preparation for your trip. Would you be willing to do that?”
“Um… Sure. Hang on.” He reached for his pad and settled. “It’s changed a little, but I haven’t scrubbed anything out.”
“That’s good. Are the items on your list written in the order you thought of them?”
“Yeah.”
“Good. I’d like you to read me the list, one entry at a time and we can discuss them as we go.”
“Right.” he sighed, mentally preparing himself. “Okay.” He puffed a hard composing breath. “Here goes… My dad is not as inhumanly tall as I remember. Fact.”
“And what prompted you to write that?”
“Last time I saw him, he towered over me. It’s the image I’ve been stuck with. But I asked my mom and he’s actually shorter than me now, so… yeah… Not as threatening, ya know?”
“So your perspective is more adult.” she confirmed.
“Yeah.”
“Good. Go on.”
“My dad could be anywhere. Fact.”
“I’ll accept that. Go on.”
“My dad is seeking revenge. Assumption.”
“When did you write that one?”
He frowned in confusion. “When you told me to write the list.” he explained.
“But when I asked you to write the list, your mindset seemed convinced.”
“I knew I was assuming, but yeah, I was pretty much convinced. But your list doesn’t allow for degrees of assumption.”
“Which is why I asked you to do it. Go on.”
It made sense. Fact or assumption. Truth or myth. Black or white. Things looked simpler on paper. “My dad promised to find me. Fact. Which is why I was convinced.”
“This one key fact has been the fundamental root of your psyche since the trial. Unfortunately, that’s one element I can’t help you with. It’s up to you to either learn to live with it, or find a way to update it.”
“Update it?” he frowned. “Meet him, you mean?”
“Do you think that would help?”
“Maybe. And… I forgot to tell you, I had this crazy dream the other night where I decided I wasn’t hiding anymore. I was gonna go find him. Then I woke up. I think it’s significant.”
Her voice remained calm and unmoved. “Let’s complete the list first and then we’ll discuss your dream in more detail. I want you to finish this before we do anything else.”
“Okay. My dad knows I live in Herrington. Assumption. But it’s a big assumption.”
“You said yourself, we’re not allowing for degrees of assumption. It’s not fact, and that’s what counts. Continue please.”
“My dad hasn’t shown for six months. Assumption.”
“Assumption? That’s an interesting one.”
He sighed at the ceiling. “Casey’s convinced he hasn’t shown for six months so there’s no danger. Just because he hasn’t approached me, doesn’t mean he’s not been watching. Which stems from the next entry. My dad can be creepily patient. Fact.”
“Go on.”
Annoyed that she hadn’t picked up on his fears, he continued with gritted teeth. “My dad knows how to shoot. Fact.”
“Do you really know that as fact?”
“He taught me.”
“Okay. Carry on.”
“My dad can still aim a gun. Assumption. A dodgy assumption at that, but it doesn’t stop the fear.”
“Is this because of the injuries he sustained?”
“Yeah, but he’s probably had six years of physio. I’ve no idea how much use he has of his arms now.”
“Again, that’s something you won’t know unless you meet him. Continue.”
“I could beat my dad in an unarmed fight. I put assumption for that, then crossed it out and put fact. But it’s still an assumption, right?”
“It is. But I’m glad you’re questioning it. A few weeks ago you couldn’t even consider fighting back. While I can’t condone a physical confrontation with your father, it does show some progress. The fear is no longer overwhelming if you’re considering the possibility.”
He scratched his belly as he thought about it. “Yeah I guess. Okay, next one. My dad blames me for driving mom away. Assumption.”
“If you’d have written that a month ago, would it still be assumption?”
“Probably not. Neither would the next one.”
“What’s the next one?”
“My dad was abused in jail. Assumption.”
“And you were convinced he blamed you for that too.”
“Yeah. He was so mad at me at the trial though. That anger stayed with me. I was conjuring reasons for him to hate me.”
“Do you still blame yourself for your father’s assumed anger?”
“Sometimes. Depends what he’s angry at. I pushed him at times and I shouldn’t have, but… He did what he did. He paid for his own actions, ya know?”
“I understand. It’s good that you’re acknowledging that you’re only culpable for your own actions. Carry on.”
He sighed and found where he was up to on the list. “He’s manipulative. I can’t trust him. Fact.”
“I’ll believe that. But no one expects you to trust him.”
“Yeah, but how can I trust it’s safe to meet him? That he won’t lie to me and… come after me anyway?”
“You can’t, Zeke. You can only trust your own instincts. But if you do decide to meet him we’ve discussed the safety measures we’d put into place to protect you. Both of you.”
“Still a risk.” he thought out loud.
“It is. And no one can decide which action to take but you. Continue, please.”
“My dad will use Casey to hurt me. Assumption.”
“Again, that assumption was a very large part of the problem last month, wasn’t it?”
“Yeah... Still is. But when I was in Herrington it… it overwhelmed me. If I left him, he was a lone target. If I stayed, he was a bigger target. I didn’t know what to do. It was this huge maze I got lost in.”
“Are you seeing it any clearer now?”
“Kinda. I still worry. Especially with this guy in the diner, but being away from the danger has helped me calm down and think about it. Rationally. I still think he’s safer with me out of the picture.”
“How long are you intending to stay out of the picture? Are you still returning for your finals?”
“Yeah, definitely. Casey would crucify me if I didn’t. Plus I’m nipping back to see him on Friday, so that’ll be a good indicator of where I’m at. Mentally.”
“That’s a good point. Continue.”
He was getting bored of this, but he was almost done. “The fear of my dad using Casey to hurt me is damaging our relationship. Now I put fact initially, cos I was so convinced, but I know it’s assumption and after this weekend it won’t be a worry at all, hopefully.”
“Have you been discussing your relationship with him, honestly, like I asked?”
“Yeah, but… It’s hard to know what the other thinks, ya know? He’d bottled a lot of shit up, but we managed to talk about it.” A little voice piped up in his mind that it was her fault Casey was pissed at him on Saturday, but he shushed it. It had cleared the air and he wasn’t feeling particularly antagonistic towards her today. “I’ll never know what’s he’s thinking, but yeah… we talk.”
“That’s good. You have to help one another understand. Communication is a vital tool in any relationship, especially one so fraught with obstacles. I’m glad you’re both talking. Is there anything else on your list?”
“Yeah. My fear of losing Casey is greater than my fear of my dad. Fact.”
She paused for a second. “Did you write that before or after you realised your independence?”
“Before. But it still stands. Just because it won’t kill me to lose him, doesn’t mean it won’t devastate me. He’s still the most important thing in my life. My drive. Important enough that just the desire to see him will get me over the border of Herrington. Dad or no dad.”
“Do you understand the progress you’re displaying, in just that one single phrase?”
He shrugged, even though she couldn’t see it. “I was a train wreck, huh?”
“Did you realise that at the time?”
“Not until the last week I was home. It’s just how it was, I didn’t think about it. I had no frame of reference. But yeah, I can see the difference now. And oddly, the next one is: I’m no longer resigned to die. Fact.”
“I think we can safely say that’s a significant turning point, Zeke. It is vitally important that you have hope. I honestly think you’re a step past that now, don’t you?”
He smiled. “Yeah. I’m actually thinking about the future and believing it.”
“I’m very encouraged by your outlook. You’re making excellent progress. I’m curious… Do you think you’d be where you are now, mentally, if you’d have remained in Herrington?”
“Only place I’d be if I stayed is an asylum or grave.”
“So you trust now, that you made the right decision in leaving. Giving yourself the space and time to overcome your obstacles.”
“Yeah. Losing Casey was my main worry when I left, but we survived it. He hasn’t dumped me or done anything stupid in my absence. We’re good. I miss him n’ all, but… I made the right decision.” He cracked a smile at the ceiling. “Don’t think he’ll recognise me on Friday.”
“Is that a good thing?”
“Definitely.”
“I’ll look forward to our conversation next week. Now, is there anything else on your list?”
“Just that the guy in the diner could be my dad, but I’m trying not to dwell on that. I mean it’s doubtful, so… I dunno. I’m not sweating too much over it.”
“That’s good Zeke. Now… Do you notice a pattern in your list?”
He studied the paper. “Most of the negative shit on there is assumption. So I guess most of my fears are assumed. Based on fact though.”
“Which makes them more credible, and therefore understandable. But so long as you remember that they are assumptions and continue to view them as such, I think you’ll continue to progress. Also, a lot of those fact entries are positive. That’s a good sign. Now… We have a few minutes left. Would you like to quickly tell me your dream?”
Encouraged by her praise, he told her about the dream where he freed the horse and decided to look for his dad. He told her that he knew it didn’t mean he wasn’t afraid any more, but he wasn’t quite sure what it did mean.
“Do you think,” she posed, “that it may simply mean that although you still have fears, you’re finally in a position to stop hiding from them? That you are, in fact, as our session has indicated, ready to face those fears?”
“Fuck, I’m retarded!” he spat. “I didn’t even consider it’d be something that simple.”
She chuckled down the line. “Okay, our hour is actually running over slightly, so I’m going to end it here, on a positive note. And because you’ve made such progress this week I’m only going to give you one task before our next session.”
More tasks… He groaned. “What?”
“Enjoy your weekend, Zeke.”