Unravelling Zeke - Shell
Banner by aliensouldream
Title: Shell
Author: Gabi
Fandom: The Faculty
Pairing: Z/C
Rating: R
Summary: Both boys struggle to come to terms with the news.
Disclaimer: I own neither the rights nor the characters. If I did, Mr Tyler would be sporting a lovely new collar. I make no money. I have no money. Don’t sue me.
Note: beta’d by the wonderful Aliensouldream. I lurve you. Thank you xxx
Previous
Epiphany / Party & Boring / Plans / Casa Del Tyler / The Suit / Mom / Hate You / Meet the Connors / New York - Friday / New York - Saturday / New York - Sunday / Texting / The Deal / Complex / Snow / Pictures of You / A Connor Christmas / Missed This / Photogenic / New Years Eve / Trust / Saint Valentine / Spring Break / Calm / Storm / Stages / Whispers / Echoes / Stokely / I Love You / Mercy / Thrift / Messenger / Anticipation / So Talk / Sand / Insomnia / Penance / Signals / Murdock / Pilot / Concert / Midnight / Perspective / Lost / Nightmare / Seventeen / Open / Cosy / Friends & Enemies / Brandon / The Wait / Ten / Shirt
This starts right after the end of Shirt
This is actually the first part of a 25 page chapter I needed to split down, so part 2 up soon as it's currently off at the lovely beta's.
When the rubble finally settled and Casey was able to speak, his voice was small and the words faltered. “I… I don’t… understand.”
Zeke was doubled over; his arms hugging his stomach tightly, seemingly in an effort to hold himself together. “He…” the boy rasped between gulps of air, “He got parole!”
Casey still didn’t understand. How? How does a man who tried to beat his own child to death with his bare hands get an early release? Why? Why would you grant that? How could you? “How?” he demanded.
Zeke curled tighter with a whine, still struggling to breathe. “No one told me!”
Casey knew he wouldn’t get his answers from Zeke. He did the only thing he thought he could do for him at the time and placed a comforting hand on his arm. Turning to Sophie, he fixed her with an accusatory stare.
He didn’t need to ask her. She cocked her head slightly in sympathy and spoke in her calm, professional manner. “I didn’t know, Casey. My only involvement with the case is to assess - and aid - Zeke’s mental health.”
“But no one told him. He’s in danger and no one thought to tell him?”
She continued calmly, as if this bombshell was nothing to worry about. “When a convict is considered to have served their time, the authorities never inform the victim of their release. It’s a measure to avoid vigilantism.”
They were worried about Mark’s well-being?
He turned back to his beautiful, hyperventilating wreck of a boyfriend and wanted so desperately to scream at whoever had made the decision. To shake them. Make them see Zeke’s suffering. To make them undo what they’d done. To put his lover back together. Zeke was fucked now. Mark could be on his way. He could be watching the house right now. He could be anywhere. Zeke’s nightmare was suddenly very real and very, very dangerous.
Casey didn’t have a first fucking clue what to do. There wasn’t anything he could do. He was helpless. Utterly and completely helpless in the face of what was looking a lot like the start of a complete breakdown. He had to do something. Anything. He had to help Zeke in any way he could. The only thing he could think of right now was to help Zeke breathe. “Slow it down, baby. Hold your breath.”
“Can’t breathe!” Zeke gasped.
“I know. Slow down.” He needed him to calm his breathing, but he knew that asking him to calm down would be a ridiculous request. Zeke tensed and whined, his stomach convulsing as he fought the urge to inhale. “Shhhh… That’s it. Slow.”
He cursed the rapid intake of air, but again Zeke struggled to hold it. He needed to get up off the floor. He needed to be at Zeke’s level so he could hold him and soothe him and take him into his arms and make it all better. He knew Zeke wouldn’t allow it, however, so he was stuck where he was, feeling helpless and desperate. Another gulp of air, another whine. Another urge to bundle him up. He looked back to the woman who sat and watched in silence. “Is there nothing you can do for him?”
“At this moment in time? Nothing you’re not already doing.” She offered an encouraging smile. “And he listens to you.”
There was some strange comfort in that. That he could help where she couldn’t. Or that he was at least more effective than he’d thought he was. So far, he’d felt like he’d done squat for Zeke. That all his efforts had amounted to nothing. If he wasn’t fighting to quell the rising panic, he’d stop and take stock of what he’d achieved so far, but right now he was solely focused on Zeke’s current state.
The boy was still doubled over, but he could manage to hold his breath longer between breaths. They still came in gasps, but they came farther apart and that was encouraging. “That’s it…” he coaxed softly, “You’re doing it. Slow… slow…”
It took several minutes for the breathing to return to something resembling normal. He was still breathing hard, but Casey guessed that his heart must be racing something fierce. At least he’d stopped gulping for air, he’d slowed his panting and had calmed enough to let Casey relax a little. Zeke straightened a fraction, freeing a hand to place it over Casey’s on his arm and give a light squeeze. He was ever so slightly trembling.
“Zeke?” Sophie asked. “Are you feeling any better?”
Zeke managed a terse nod without raising his head.
“Do you feel ready to continue?”
After a short pause he nodded again.
“Good. Would you like Casey to stay, or to wait outside?”
Wait… waddya mean, ‘wait outside’? He was needed. She couldn’t kick him out. This was important. He needed to be there for Zeke. He needed to hear what was said, to be in the loop.
“Sorry Case.”
Winded, his eyes snapped to the boy who wouldn’t look at him. The boy who’d rejected his chance to help. “What?” he asked incredulously. “But Zeke, I-”
“Casey?” Sophie interrupted with a pleading look, speaking slowly to punctuate her stance. “I understand your desire to stay, but these sessions are private. If Zeke feels he needs his privacy to be comfortable enough to continue then I must adhere to his needs.”
He wanted to plead with her. Beg her to let him to stay. He needed to know what was said to enable him to understand what was going on and what they could do to save Zeke. But it wasn’t her he needed to convince and she’d just made it perfectly clear that trying to persuade Zeke to let him stay would only make him more uncomfortable than he already was and make matters worse. There was nothing he could do but obey. “I’ll wait for you.” he said in a hoarse tiny voice. He kissed Zeke’s shoulder and fought the urge to plead his case.
“I’ll walk you out.” Sophie offered.
“I’m fine.” Casey replied without looking. He felt as if he were on autopilot. The world didn’t feel quite real.
“Visitors have to be accompanied.” she explained, standing to hurry him along.
“K.” He struggled to his feet, never taking his eyes off the boy who sat silently, curled in an almost foetal position, staring forlornly at the floor. He couldn’t bear to be torn away from him, not in that state, but Sophie quietly and insistently ushered him towards the door. He managed one last heartbroken look before he slipped through into the corridor.
He followed her in numb silence, his mind racing through what had happened in there and the implications. Why had Zeke kicked him out? What state would he be in from now on? How long did they have left?
When she reached the door to the waiting room, Sophie paused. “Please don’t think you’re being undermined.” she said quietly, her eyes searching his for understanding. “It is vitally important that I listen to his needs. If I disregard his wishes, or if for one second he believes that I’m not listening to him, he won’t bother speaking to me again. I need him to feel able to confide in me. You understand how important this is now.”
He nodded sadly. “I’m not mad at you. I…” he didn’t know how to finish.
She placed a gentle hand on his arm. “These past few weeks must have been very tough for you. I must say, I’m proud of what you’ve achieved with him.” She fixed him with a stern look. “But I want you to do two things for me.”
His nerves got the better of him. “What?” he asked sheepishly.
“I want you to remember that you have needs too. Both basic, such as eating properly, and emotional. Don’t sacrifice everything to fulfilling Zeke’s needs, despite the temptation to help him selflessly. You must tend to your own needs to stay healthy or you risk losing everything. Do you understand?”
He nodded. “It’s hard.”
“I know. But you have to find a balance. To help you do that, I’m going to ask for the second thing. I’d like you to speak to someone. Do you have anyone to speak to about how you’re feeling?”
He shrugged. “I speak to my mom some, but I don’t want to worry her.”
“I understand.” she smiled. “You can always make an appointment to see me if you wish. I already know the situation so there’s little to explain. We can get straight on to how you’re feeling and coping and how to keep you healthy under the circumstances.”
That didn’t sound like such a bad idea, but he didn’t know how Zeke would feel about him seeing her. “He might not like it. And I’m not sure I can afford it. He tied all my money up in high interest accounts.”
She smiled broadly. “He’s a smart young man.”
“Yeah he is.” He managed to smile back.
“Does your family have health insurance?” She continued when he nodded. “Then you should be fine. Once a week maybe, if that suits you. Ask Zeke how he’d feel about it. If he objects there are two other doctors here and a few good ones in Herrington I can recommend. Think about it, okay?”
He nodded. He couldn’t think properly now anyway with his head churning over the news he’d just been hit with.
“I should go back to him. Ask Anna for my card and a number list. Take care of yourself, Casey. Don’t give up hope just yet, okay?”
“Okay.” he choked. He stared at the floor as she opened the door and he made his way across the lightly patterned carpet to an empty seat in the waiting room. He stopped himself before he sat, turned towards the reception desk and silently waited until Anna finished organising an appointment over the phone. He couldn’t force himself to return her smile. “Hi… Sophie said… asked if you could give me her card and… a number list?”
“Certainly.” She opened a filing cabinet drawer beside her and flicked through the tabbed suspension files. “Here you go.” She handed him a sheet of paper and offered him a card from a holder on her desk with a pleasant smile.
“Thanks.” he mumbled, turning back to an empty seat. He heard her call after him that he was welcome and felt a little ignorant at turning his back on her so soon. He glanced over his shoulder with a forced smile then plonked down onto a seat.
Sophie’s card was plain white, like the one on Zeke’s notice board in the kitchen. He dropped it into his pocket and read through the sheet. It was a list of crisis line numbers. Numbers for coping with stress, a depression hotline, domestic abuse, living with a terminal condition, care for carers, the list went on. Some also had website addresses which he assumed were information on self help. They might be useful. He folded it and placed it in his pocket.
There was nothing left to do now but wait.
He didn’t know how long he’d been sat there worrying, churning, fretting, plotting and scheming before he noticed that he was shaking. He tensed to force himself to stop, but that just made the shaking more violently pronounced. He tried curling round himself to hold it in but he was too restless to keep the position for any length of time.
He worried at a nail. Shaking and rocking and fully aware that he looked far more in need of psychiatric help than any one of the other patients who were actually waiting to be seen.
By the time Zeke reappeared he’d managed to work through several arguments and fights he knew he’d never have, explored every worse case scenario his fears could throw at him and come to only one decision. Zeke was staying at his ’safe house’ from now on. Getting him to agree to it made up several of the arguments he’d already had in his head.
Zeke glanced over and nodded towards reception as he headed that way himself. Casey jumped up and met him at the counter, standing beside his towering wreck of boyfriend. Anna smiled sweetly as he announced that he needed another appointment, looking like he could quite literally shatter into pieces at any moment.
“Did she say how long for?” she asked.
He wedged his thumbnail between his teeth. “An hour.” he said behind his hand.
“Ah, thought so. Well…” she beamed chirpily, “She’s on day off tomorrow, but I saved you a slot for Saturday. One O’clock?”
If Casey didn’t know any better he’d say she was flirting, but it was more ‘we’re on your side, you’re safe with us, we care.’ Zeke nodded. “S’fine.”
She grinned and wrote the date and time on his appointment card. “See you Saturday.” she smiled, handing it over.
“Yeah…” Zeke managed without smiling back. “Thanks.”
She must smile like this at everyone to make them feel secure and valued but she looked so genuine when she said “You’re welcome.” that Casey finally managed to smile back before taking off after his boyfriend.
At the entrance Zeke paused to inhale a huge composing breath and huffed it out hard. He gritted his teeth, set himself and pulled open the door, stepping out into the exposed parking lot. He walked at such a pace that Casey had to jog to keep up. By the time he’d sat down and shut his door, Zeke was digging into his pocket. He pulled out his phone, pressed for speed dial and held the phone to his ear.
“Who you calling?” It was the first thing he’d said to him since Sophie’s office. ‘Are you okay?’ wouldn’t cut it right now.
“My mom.” he replied with gritted teeth.
Casey didn’t answer. He had a gut feeling that this wasn’t going to be pretty.
Zeke growled. “Pick up… the phone!” After a second his expression changed. “Did you know?” he snapped.
“I give a fuck what time it is! Did... You... Know?”
Casey could see the eruption rising as he tensed. “My dad! He’s out! Did you know?”
“Well that’s funny ‘cos our FUCKING SOLICITOR KNEW!”
Casey cringed under the volume. “FUCK YOU, MOM! FUCK! YOU!”
“Don’t you EVER speak to me, EVER AGAIN!”
Casey reached out as Zeke punched the hang-up button and recoiled his hand. He snatched the phone before Zeke had a chance to launch it through his windshield. The silence was deafening. Zeke’s solicitor knew he was out? How? Why didn’t he warn him? And if his mom knew…
“Did she know?” he asked quietly.
Zeke was staring out of the windshield, tense hands gripping the steering wheel. “Says not.” he hissed through his teeth. “Don’t fuckin’ trust her.”
Casey had no way of knowing whether or not she was lying. To be honest, after her recent reaction, he didn’t trust her either. “How did your solicitor know?”
He shrugged at the window. “Dunno. But that’s how Sophie found out. The guy she’d been referred to wasn’t in office so she rushed through my solicitor to get to my dad’s… Didn’t need to.” he added bitterly. “I’m fucked. I’m so fucking fucked.”
Casey didn’t know what to say. Or what to do. Perhaps Sophie had come up with something useful. “What did Sophie say?”
“Tell ya later.” he said to the windshield.
Casey watched him carefully. The subtle shifts in his expression as he was mulling over something or other, flicking back and forth between emotions. When Zeke turned to face him, vulnerability written all over him, he saw the desperate pleading question before it was spoken. Casey shook his head slowly. “I gotta go home. I’m sorry, baby. I have to go home.”
Zeke turned away and closed his eyes. Casey tried to reason with him. “If we run my dad’ll call the cops so fast you won’t know what hit you. I’m sorry, baby, but I have to go home.” He tried to sound more positive. “And you’re coming with me, right? We’re safe at mine. You don’t need to run.”
There was no answer. Zeke took a long moment to properly steel himself, the option of flight gone he set his will to fight. He jammed the key in the ignition, set his jaw and slammed her into gear. He peeled out of the lot without a word, punishing the engine as he swerved into a gap in the traffic. “Ease up! Jesus!” Casey cried over the roaring engine.
“I’m fine!” he snapped.
“You thought that right before you almost hit that woman on a crossing on Sunday, remember? Ease up a little!” He couldn’t tell if Zeke was going to explode or crumble, but mercifully, he just eased his foot off the gas. “Thank you.”
Casey spent most of the journey staring out of the window. He didn’t speak, he didn’t put any music on, figuring Zeke was distracted enough and that all remaining cells should be focused on the road. He couldn’t help watching for dangers that Zeke might miss in his splintered state and as surreptitiously as possible, checked every road sign to ensure they were actually heading for Herrington.
~*~
When they pulled up outside Casey’s, Zeke seemed set in stone. Rigid yet shaking; a powder keg ready to react to even the slightest touch. Whether that would result in him violently exploding, suddenly climbing the walls to get away or crumbling into dust was impossible to say. Zeke was scared and unpredictable and that made him dangerous.
Casey opted to give him space. Both physical and where possible mental and emotional. He refused to admit to himself that he was afraid of Zeke, but he was definitely wary enough to be extra specially careful around him. For now at least.
Silently, he opened his door to get out but paused when he realised that Zeke had neither moved, nor cut the engine. “Come on.”
Zeke stared intently at the horizon.
“Zeke… Zeke! Come on. We should get inside.”
Zeke’s expression pained; his eyes fixed forward. “Go.”
Casey’s heart seemed to stop. Kick-starting with a thump that pounded slowly. “Not without you.”
“Go.” he repeated, turning to face him. “Go home, Case.”
Casey saw it. The pained terror that betrayed the quiet tone in his voice. The big brown eyes of a gazelle that could sense the lion, but not see it. Every nerve screaming at its instinct to flee. He couldn’t fight what he couldn’t see and that left him one option. “Not without you. You’re coming with me.” he pleaded. “You’re safe here, please. You can’t run.”
“I can’t stay.”
“You have to. Please baby. You can’t go home and you’ve nowhere else to go. I’m not leaving you. You’re safe here. Please.”
Zeke closed his eyes and turned back to the front, hiding his anguish. He shook his head slightly. Casey closed his door, earning a glance with a look of… what? Disappointment? “I’m not leaving this car ’til you get out.”
“Case.” he started with frustration.
“No. The second I’m out of this car, you’re gone. I’m not letting you go. You need to be here with me where you’re loved and safe.” Zeke made to defend his decision but Casey interrupted. “No. I’ll get out, sure… After you.”
Zeke tensed, breathing hard. He let out a hard puff of breath and scanned the street. Cutting the engine, he made to get out. “Move.”
Casey nodded, but waited until Zeke was out of the car before grabbing his books and getting out himself. Waiting until Zeke slammed his door shut before closing his own. This was a ridiculous game, but if it was the only way to get Zeke to safety then he was going to play it.
Zeke was the first to the front door, scanning his surroundings over Casey’s head. Casey opened it and ushered him inside. For the first time since he’d stepped into that office Casey allowed himself to relax. Zeke didn’t allow himself the same luxury. Tense and still trembling slightly, he followed Casey into the living room.
Frank sat beside his wife on the couch watching the TV with a coffee. “Hi son. Zeke.” he greeted.
“Hey.” Casey managed without his usual smile.
Meredith frowned at the boys and stood. “Is everything okay?”
“You know how…” he started, not quite sure how to finish, “you said Zeke could stay when his dad was released?”
Her expression fell.
“Can he stay? They let him out.”
“They what?” Frank boomed. “When?”
The one question Casey had forgotten to ask. “I dunno.” He looked to Zeke for an answer.
Zeke glanced nervously between everyone and dropped his head. “A while. I just found out.”
“Oh, of course you can stay.” Meredith exclaimed, moving towards the boys. Zeke reared his head up and stepped back, stopping her in her tracks. “We weren’t expecting you for another two weeks.” she explained. “The room’s not ready. I’ll go clear out the boxes. Frank, make the boys a drink.”
“You’re not lugging those boxes.” Frank said, getting up.
“I’ll do it.”
Everyone turned to Zeke.
“I’m the one using the room, I’ll tidy it. Just tell me where the boxes go.”
“It’s okay, hun.” Meredith said reassuringly, “You go sit in the kitchen. We’ll sort it.”
Zeke shook his head, almost apologetic. “I can’t. I need something to do. I’ll move them.”
“But…”
“Mer.” Frank cut in. “Let the boy work off his stress. Show him what to do. Let him do it.”
She didn’t appear happy about the arrangement, but she resigned herself to her reduced task. “I’ll show you where it is.”
“I’ll help.” Casey offered without looking at Zeke. He wasn’t giving him the excuse to decline. He wasn’t the only one who needed the distraction.
They followed her upstairs to the first door on the right. “This is the guest room. It’s not very big, but it’ll serve its purpose. We’ve been using it for storage.” she said, opening the door to allow Zeke a peek inside.
Casey felt embarrassed at the idea of offering Zeke such a tiny, bleak room. It was filled with cardboard boxes and black bags. The single bed lay behind them on its side up against a bland white wall. An old dresser sat hidden beneath folded washing ready to be ironed. “I can swap.” he offered. “You can use mine.”
“I’m fine.” Zeke said flatly, stepping into the room. He lifted the first box he came to. “Where’d you want it?”
“In the basement.” she smiled warmly. “Frank’ll put the light on for you.”
He nodded and squeezed past with the box. Casey shared a worried glance with his mom. “I’ll move the washing.” he offered. “Do you want it in the utility room?”
“Um…” She seemed flustered. “Please. I’ll find some bedding.”
Casey moved the ironing board first, manoeuvring it out of the door and down the stairs with care to avoid scratching the walls. When he reached the kitchen, his dad was busy with mugs. “Black, three sugars for Zeke.” he said as he passed. “Did you put the light on?”
“What light?” he asked, confused.
“What?” Zeke obviously hadn’t asked. Too wary of Frank to ask him much of anything. “Oh, for… He’ll break his neck!” He leant the board against a counter and raced to the basement door. The light was on, sounds of moving furniture drifting up the stairs. Relieved, Casey shook his head and went back to his task.
He’d moved all the washing and was about to pick up a box when Zeke reappeared in the bedroom. “Where’ve you been?” he quizzed.
“Basement.” Zeke scowled at his apparent stupidity.
“Took your time down there. Thought you didn’t like basements?”
Zeke finally managed a slight smile. “I don’t like my basement. Yours is tidy. I was making more room.”
“You reorganised our basement?”
The wariness returned. “Not entirely… why? I can move it back.”
Casey grinned. “No… it’s just… You keep making yourself useful and they won’t ever let you leave.” he finished with mock horror.
Zeke’s smile was precarious, but it warmed Casey’s heart all the same.
They shared the task of moving the boxes, pausing every other box or so for a sip in the kitchen, before heading up to do more. In the corner of the room, pushed up against the bed was a small white bedside cabinet that Casey had forgotten about.
Casey’s mom came in with some spare fresh bedding of Casey’s and placed it on the now cleared dresser. “You could do with some clean clothes.”
Zeke looked stumped for a second. “I’ll have to nip home at some point.”
“Frank can go with you. I don’t want you going alone.”
He shook his head. “I’m okay.” He picked up two bags in each hand and left the room before anything more could be said.
She watched him go and sighed. “He’s not okay, is he?”
“Not even close.” Casey replied to the empty doorway.
“Well… help me get this bed down.”
They set the bed down in a corner against the wall, beneath the small window in relative silence, speaking only to give instructions while Zeke moved in and out collecting the last of the bags. When they’d put the plain cream bedding on and pushed the white cabinet up against the bed it began to look a lot more like a miniature, yet fully formed bedroom. She added a desk lamp from her room to the bedside cabinet to finish the look.
“There…” she said as Zeke reappeared in the doorway. “That’s not so bad.”
Zeke stuck his hands in his pockets and nodded curtly. “Thanks.” When she turned to him he seemed to shrink back. “Seriously.” he added, averting his eyes to the floor. “I appreciate it.”
“You’re welcome.” she replied; her worry written all over her face. “Now… you boys must be starving, let me fix something up.”
Zeke’s eyes shot to Casey’s and held him in a near-panicked stare. “Um… mom?” He resisted lying. Zeke might be here for some time and it could take some time for him to eat. The ‘We’ve just eaten’ excuse wouldn’t last. “Can I have a word?”
She looked between the two and nodded. “Okay.” she said warily.
He guided her out of the door and took her a few steps down the hall. He quietly explained the situation and convinced her that just letting him eat what he wanted when he wanted was the easiest way to stop him stressing over food and actually eat something. She didn’t like it, but conceded that he’d had first hand experience and that she’d try not to force the issue. Casey had no such grace. He’d eat with the family, even if Zeke refused to come down from his room. Once he agreed, she left him to get Zeke settled with a warning to keep the door open.
Upon entering the bedroom he found Zeke had kicked off his shoes and was sat in the very corner of the room, huddled against the wall on the bed, hugging his knees and staring at the opposite wall. He subconsciously approached in an arc, trying to get into Zeke’s line of sight before climbing on the bed to sit with him.
He didn’t know what to say. After a moment’s thought, he placed a hand on Zeke’s arm. Zeke shuddered violently in response then quickly glanced over. “Sorry.” he apologised quietly and returned his gaze to the wall.
“S’okay.” Casey replied meekly. With nothing else to say, he simply rested his head on Zeke’s shoulder and tried to think of a way to bring him back out of the shell he was hiding in.