Fandom Radio: Friday, May 9th, 2008
Xander: Hi, Fandom. This is Xander Harris. Which you know unless you're a newbie. Hi, newbies.
Willow: And this is Willow Rosenberg, giving the traditional newbie greeting that the nearby box is not actually talking to you, but projecting the sound of our voices from a distance. As some of you newbies tend to be from an earlier time, it's always useful to mention this.
Xander: Unless the nearby box is a toaster. Then it might actually be talking.
Willow: Or the bread you put into it became sentient, in which case it's not the toaster talking so much as it is the bread going "OW OW OW HOT OW!"
Xander: Sometimes you're callous and strange.
Willow: I'm not saying I don't feel for the bread. But sometimes butter and jelly needs a home.
Xander: Absolutely. The bread's just fulfilling its buttery *fingerwiggle* destiny.
Willow: As must we, by reporting the news. By which I mean we fulfill our reporting destiny, not that we're confined into small metal boxes with hot coils on either side of us until we're thrown into the air once we're properly crunchy.
SCHOOL! Which didn't have classes but it STILL COUNTS, DARN IT!
The big news of the day is new people! Everywhere! Like an invasion of some kind though hopefully without the people getting hurt and/or dying. Um - not that that happens often here, new kids! Once or twice a year, give or take. Which is a very weetiny number compared to having it happen every Tuesday.
Anyway, people first met up with their siblings. Allow me to take a moment to remember when I met my little sibling. Taking a moment... and I'm done. People who aren't me but still get sibling-paired include Gwen who waited for her sib to show up, Turtle and - Kaylee?? She's back? Oh, no, wait, Turtle warned her about gremlins so it must be a different one. Memo to newbies: get used to seeing double. It happens so much we could include it as an official extra-curricular activity. Lee met Giselle, who was more interested in finding a Prince Edward. I know the title's wrong but Peter, sweetie? Friend of your brother's maybe?
John met Blair and tried to keep his new little sib apprised of everything a newbie needs to know. I can tell you that Blair should know that John coaches an inferior flag football team. And the squirrels tell us that we should be aware that this is not Blair-with-bouncing but a whole new Blair-with-boo - I am not saying that! She's a girl, that's what I'll say. Also the squirrels seem to be very strongly of the opinion that Dawnie should stay far away from new!Blair, though I have no idea why. Is she a demon?
Xander: Or maybe her hair is so shiny that if she and Dawn showed up in the same place they'd reflect enough sunlight to burn the planet to a cinder so it's just safer if they only e-mail each other or something.
Willow: Possibly? Summer met Cal, who is from the US, and the past, and why did it take me this long to wonder about making Fandom newbie bingo cards? Okay, those of you staying here! Get on that before the next round of new kids get here. A student could come here who's from a different planet, time, species, and a doppelganger of somebody else and you'd totally be one square away from winning! Chris met Alex and filled him in on Fandom wackiness, as did Sam for his little sib Lois. Of course, around here we just call that "Fandom." Kinda like how in China they just call it food. Ino was super excited to meet her little sib, Dick Grayson. No word on if Dick returned the sentiment.
Anemone met Worf, who was surprised to be here and not at his academy. Oo! There's another one for bingo! Did they expect to be here or not? Sokka gave Wes an enthusiastic welcome to Fandom, while I hope that this is not the same Wes that I'm thinking of since wow would you guys not have fun with that.
Xander: Actually I almost had fun with that Wes once, but we weren't quite drunk enough.
Willow: Romeo met Friday Next, which is a strange note as it doesn't mention who Romeo met First but with all the notes we have today it's not surprising that something would get lost in the shuffle. Hoshi met Hinata and I got my happy squee of alliteration for the day.
Jen met Ned via the traditional Fandom greeting of "Welcome to our school where we not only redefine 'normal' but we may have possibly taken it out back and had it shot." Naomi met Lion-o. I assume that's a name and not an exclaimation like "Naomi met a lion - OH NO SHE'S GOT NO ARMS LEFT!" but the squirrels seem calm about this so we'll figure all is well. Inferior Peter met Gladys and how very sad for her to be stuck with that dead weight for the rest of her days in Fandom. Evey met Alec and got distracted by his shirtlessness. After a while she'll come to understand that the weird thing is when he's clothed.
Xander: Fandom missed you, Alec.
Willow: Eve met Deiara and I am told they got off to an odd start. Around here how could you tell? Inara met Temari. Reno met shirtless!Toby - does Alec have a brother? - and skipped over the lecture about weirdness in favor of pointing out directions to the bar. Dean met Alice and tried to explain the concept of fake siblings to her. It's not a scam to steal your money off to Nigeria, we swear! Mac met Francine and covered the "Virginia by way of Greece" lesson of the day.
Gwen met Friday, no word on what order this happened in, and those of you who had 'Co-ed rooming OMG!" on your bingo cards can cross that off now. Or you could if we had cards. Seriously, why do we not have cards? Turtle met Ella and warned her that roomates of Turtle have a habit of leaving school. For what it's worth that thing about an automatic 4.0 depending on how they leave? Urban legend. Not that I've ever had a reason for wanting to look into that. Wes met Marco and they began to try to get along. So not the Wes I'm thinking of then.
Worf waited for his roommate Bob. At least I think that's the name and not the action that Worf did while waiting. Brooke was pleased to find out she had a single now. The squirrels suggest that inferior Peter might also have an opinion about that, but I'm not going into it because I still say Brooke could do better. Cal met Alex and together they tried to find common ground. I suggest 'WOW with the weirdness' as a good place to start. Liz met Deidara. Kaylee met Alec and figured out that with their powers combined the squirrels are going to be taking a lot of pictures through the window to their room. Temari met Gladys, who explained what she knew about the island.
Blair wasn't too happy about her roommate assignment, which I don't think is unique enough to Fandom to count as bingo. Not until we know why she was pouting.
Xander: If they put out their cigarettes on your bed and kill people every now and then? Totally worth a bingo.
Willow: Alice met Francine and was happy to discover that there would be no allergies towards cats. This is of the good. We all need purr therapy now and then. Toby met Lion-o and tried to figure out what kind of creature he is. Uh, Toby? Unless he's named ironically I'm pretty sure there's a way to make a fairly accurate guess. Ned met Dick for roomie joy.
Xander: This would be my last ceremonial use of the no-touchy pole.
Willow: Then there were teachers! Without whom we could not learn. First up was The Doctor, who got to meet Fraser and vice versa. Is this the same one as last time? Make sure to remind him that not all werewolves are evil. Bond lurked and watched the crowd. Can you call it lurking after you've been spotted? Marshall went directly for the food. One of many nice things about Fandom is that you never lack for nummy things. Juli met Earthworm Jim who was upset about his weapon being taken away. Oo! Another one for the bingo card! Sokka tried to help, until Jim made fun of his ponytail. Liir tried to figure out what kind of animal Jim was - again with this assumption of ironic nicknames - and if he was from Oz.
Tyler talked to Fraser - TYLER? Okay, according to Jamie, yes, Tyler. Wow. Rikku had a reunion of her own with Murdock, who she met at Merc-Con. Ghanima and Aly looked the new teachers over and judged them on their worthiness. Juli watched the crowd as well, possibly while making entirely different judgements. Murdock met Principal Washburn, hopefully while being very respectful and giving her no reason to kick his behind.
Yes-the-same-Tyler thanked Zoe for the job. Groveling could be good. Kaylee got drawn in by Grace's cuteness - I believe that's Grace's secret power - and Zoe was surprised to see her. Kaylee, not Grace. I think at this point Zoe's not surprised by Grace now.
Xander: I'm surprised that Zoe was surprised by anything by now.
Willow: The surprises continue as Gwen is surprised to see Harriet not being the Prime Minister. The Doctor skipped surprise and went to fighting, which is not a great way to introduce yourself for the record.
Deidara checked Deadpool out, which the squirrels assure us is not dirty. Rikku was happy to see Deadpool again. And again with not dirty. For you newbies trust us when we say that with Deadpool you always want to stay clean. Barney and Tyler met and if you're not hearing a DUN DUN DUUNNNN there then you really should be. Barney met Marshall, who isn't his Marshall, and I think that counts for bingo. Steve met Murdock, and they had teaching buddy bonding. Not dirty.
I'm still not calling him Professor Hottie Mchottenson but I will say that he joined in the people watching, as did Mike who possibly couldn't be heard over the sound of his clothing. Mr. Dean and Sam's Daddy also kept an eye out, and Aly tried to help the Doctor get acclimated. Oh, sure, now she does. Where was she when he was going after Harriet?
Xander: Judging his worthiness?
Willow: Seely went for shirtlessness and Ino approved. Which just goes to show how well Ino doesn't know him. Jamie joined in and while I must say there's a whole brotherly vibe which would make any appreciation kind of icky, I will say that at least Jamie is more friendly and fun to be with. Lois joined in on the stripping and please tell me she at least had a sports bra on underneath. Alec worried that Seely was stealing his schtick. I worry that Alec is stealing my lines. Dojima wondered what Seely did in January. The squirrels have written a note about "shrinkage."
Xander: I choose to believe that refers to laundry.
Willow: Deidara hadn't expected shirtlessness. You'll get over that after a while. Kaylee wondered what was wrong with Seely's shirt. My guess? Understandably rejecting Seely's body. Seely told Friday that shirtless Friday was a tradition. Friday immediately filed a sexual harassment suit.
Ned and Cassandra make with the chatty. Ned told Teyla about how he liked to make pies. Ned immediately became the most popular person on this island. Gwen encouraged Ned to act like he belongs. Hopefully this advice did not come while Ned was in the girls' rest room. Ned is weird at Kaylee but Kaylee, being as sweet as the last one, doesn't seem to mind. Friday offers to help Ned, which may or may not be a ploy to get in on the pie-making. Rikku uses Ned for a game of break-the-newbie, supposedly not on purpose but we've all heard that one before.
Xander: Hey, it's not our fault they're all brittle and damageabley.
Willow: Liir and Dean say hi to Gwen. Apparently in unison, which is kind of adorable of them. Summer wants an official date from Chris. Last I heard it was May 9, 2008. I could get proof if you needed it? Friday and Lois talked about being shirtless on Fridays, which the squirrels think isn't dirty but they hasten to add they don't know if Friday maybe has a twin. Sokka stared and Lois waved. I hope it was with her hand.
Wes and Jen nearly meet, but don't. For the record I'd like to thank the squirrels for not making a note of every time people didn't meet today because the sheer mathematics of that is mind-boggling. Meg was all happily graduated, which I can understand, and she chatted with Cassandra. Meg realizes that she hasn't groped Alec, which I would say isn't possible but then again he hasn't been here for a while.
Xander: Hey, I've never groped Alec! That wasn't a complaint, Bridge. Just pointing it out.
Willow: Andros was hanging about, which we all know is like lurking but with a completely different vibe. Romeo asked Brooke if she got a fake sibling. Ino was gleeful and didn't notice Temari. I hope those things aren't related because it's kinda rude otherwise. Deidara stared at Ino, which is also kinda rude. Liir waved to Ino, which is a much better way to greet people. Again assuming you're using your hand.
Xander: Giant foam fingers are also acceptable. Though in retrospect maybe not giant foam Twinkies.
Willow: Adah had a notebook. Throw in some highlighters and it's a nearly perfect day. Anemone and Naomi where there. Isabel and Meg decided they would miss newbie day. But... they were right there and - oh! In the future. I get that. Worf got cranky when Sokka questioned his forehead. Honestly, Sokka! Eye contact! Gwen asked Worf if he'd been to Cardiff. I bet she says that to all the guys whose foreheads Sokka talks to. Friday asked if Worf was like where you tie a boat, Worf wondered what happened when Friday's family runs out of days of the week. The squirrels have written down OTP in response to all of this.
Chad played guitar and let Hinata pet his cat, which the squirrels assure us isn't dirty. Alice made a musical request of Chad. Hopefully not the one about playing far far away because Chad's very nice . Sokka waved at newbies and told Friday that you never lack for food in Fandom. Though oddly? No places offering diet programs. One could therefore argue that Fandom is a paradise. Hinata wanted to know who Sokka was waving at, so clearly Hinata needs to pay better attention to radio because I just said and no I won't repeat it.
Liz was around. Ned told Cal he felt like escaping. Wow, so Ned's a mind reader? Which may come in handy as Ino discovers that Cal doesn't talk much. Jenny smoked and told Cal that the island was in Greece and that Jenny didn't care about getting lung cancer. That last part may have been silent, but it was there all the same. Alec was shirtless and nametagged and I don't want to know where. Yes-that-Tyler is glad to see Alec, unlike Sam who glared strong enough to choke a pigeon, which really isn't a saying but I find it evocative so I'm hoping it catches on.
Xander: Fandom missed you except for Sam, Alec.
Willow: Temari appreciated Alec's form, Gwen got to meet Alec, Z and Rikku were happy to see Alec, Dawnie said hi, and Dean wanted to know if Alec was having a good picnic, to which the squirrels have added "if you know what he means, and we think you do."
Xander: The squirrels missed you, Alec.
Willow: Jamie greeted Temari in a shirtless fashion and encouraged her to join in. Bad Jamie! I'd thwap you but that'd only double the problem. Turtle checked out the food while Wes wondered if the food was bad. For his sake I hope the food wasn't from Turtle and Canary because otherwise that's a very fatal question to be asking right about then. Dojima, Lee, and Jen were there. Hinata met Cassandra who had apparently been up a tree. I'm not sure if that's a metaphor.
Deidara and Cassandra were drawn to the food, and then made this mixy by talking to each other about food, which is rather efficient of them. Kaylee talked to Ino about coming from the future. You know, for all the folks who have done that around here none of them have been thoughtful enough to cough up some lottery numbers or a cure for cancer. I'm just saying.
Xander: I took Vanessa Saturn spoilers home to 2000 with me. That's something, right?
Willow: Marco and Summer were there. Ella met Cimorene and they talked about books and other stuff that I don't care about since eeee! People who start conversations with books! Yay! Sokka told Cimorene about her fake step siblings, and now I'm wondering what the Fandom family tree would look like. Well, an Escher drawing, sure, but more specifically. Anemone told Cimorene about meeting Worf and Alice who is interesting. Sokka said hi to Gladys. Toby met Friday and worried about being eaten by his roommate-who-be-a-lion, though the squirrels are probably paraphrasing the wording there.
Reno wondered if Hinata was lost or if perhaps that was the usual look of overwhelming befuddlement that most newbies tend to get when they arrive. Friday ran out of conversation starters by the time he got to Reno. You can always go with "OMG SPIDER ON YOUR ARM!" Even if it's not true, you can't say it won't break the ice. Rikku snuck up on Reno and I'm not repeating the rest of that for fear of the FCC violations. Reno talked to Alice about the free food, and let's just acknowledge right now how that's really the true draw of Fandom.
Xander: Mmmm, tasty, tasty Fandom.
Willow: Alice asked Sokka if pets were allowed, then let Dinah out of her suitcase. To which I have two comments: one, I hope the suitcase had airholes and two, I hope Dinah's her cat. Either way Dinah got to meet Guilliver while Anemone met Alice. Alex didn't know what a cookie was! I would hyperventilate about this grave injustice but luckily Liir was there with the cookie assist. Well done Liir! Alex then worried about how healthy cookies were, in the sense of not, and he was rude to Isabel when she tried to help. Sheesh, the words are thank you, people!
Liir was under a tree and Hinata said hi. No word on if Cassandra did as well from up above them, or possibly a "Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!" as she fell. Rikku and John pondered scaring newbies and really, does that take effort now?
Ella and Alice talked about how horribly people were dressed. Or undressed as the case turned out to very frequently be. Dean and Ino introduced themselves to Ella. Dean then moved on to be surprised at seeing yes-that-Tyler. Isabel re-met Tyler and they caught up on old times. Ella and Kaylee talked about fruit and workshops and Friday was surprised to hear about Kaylee's lack of experience with fruit and... we're not talking euphemistically, right? Because I don't think they offer the "fruit workshops" anymore if we're not. Just so we're clear.
Kaylee and Alice talked about being in Greece instead of Virginia. Then we're back to fruit with Sokka and Kaylee being sad about how they don't get enough fruit at home and... seriously, not a metaphor, right? Speaking of things I hope aren't metaphors, Friday met Johnny who "showed off his firepower." Please let that be the actual fire. And how many school radio broadcasts are going to include that phrase, huh? Ella tried to stare at Johnny in the totally-not-staring kind of way. Hinata saw Johnny and blushed. Johnny's firepower can do that to people.
Amber got food and made with the people watching. Lion-o got to meet Dean and Alice and her cat, and there was the general "The lion part of the name means something obvious, doesn't it?" conversation having. Ino introduces herself to Alice and Alice tells her a little about herself. Possibly "I JUST MET A LION WTF??" To which I would just like to say that lions who talk can be very nice. Not that I've met any personally but I've heard good things. At least the one I know of didn't make fun of the blanket I sent him. Or if he did nobody told me about it.
Isabel and Dean have the Alec's return + Meg = Awkward conversation. Sam checked to see if Dean had seen Alec. Given all the notes on shirtlessness I think even people not on this island have seen Alec. Great wall of China and shirtless Alec: two objects that can be seen even if you're in outer space. Sam saw Friday and was surprised at the lack of weetinyness. The squirrels hope that this is in relation to Friday's age, and not in relation to any attempts on Friday's part to start a tradition of pantslessness as well.
Speaking of which, Dean complimented Toby on how quickly he figured out the shirtless thing. Ino approved of shirtless Toby as well. Harry and Hinata people-watched. Chris discovered that Wes and Alex are not the same person and I am so going to have to draw up a spreadsheet so that everyone can keep the newbies straight, aren't I.
Kaylee and Inara met and realized that they have matchy backgrounds. Alec being back was the topic of conversation between Dawnie and Dean as well as Dawnie and Sam. Katara went in search of people. Throw a brick, you're bound to hit at least five of them. Steve, Adam, and Sokka watched the crowds while Bridge and Anders chatted about being old and graduated, possibly starting sentences with things like "In MY day we had to walk through six feet of snow to see shirtless Alec!" or maybe just telling all the new kids to get off their lawn. You get the idea.
Xander: If I'm not allowed to bitch about being old, neither is he, dammit.
And now for the news that's not about picnics.
Alongside the shocking lack of classes today what with classes not being in session, and the office that was open but nobody found it so did it still make a sound when it fell, there weren't many people hanging in the dorms either. Gee, I *coughpicnic* wonder *coughgraduation* why. Ino wasn't happy about Kabuto not being around anymore. Eve was still here, though, moving her stuff to her new room with Gwynn. So was Dean, and Alec showed up to say HEY GUESS WHAT, I'M BACK AND THIS TIME IT'S SHIRTLESS. Last time it was too, but the point is Fandom missed you, Alec. Also Marco turned into a vending machine, which you know, same-old same-old.
Town was just about as slow. Besides the shirtless guy who woke up on the beach, the chick in the hoop skirt running through the streets, and the police box in the park, there wasn't a lot of excitement. Roy visited Aly at her place tonight. Melody and her cat got ready to leave town, but not before handing over the keys to 33 Apocalypse to a random stranger, as you do if you're Melody, and saying bye to Steve. Dr. Troy and Katara had the good kind of slow day at the clinic, and George Michael, Jen, Fai, Mary and Jolee had the not-so-profitty kind at the Banana Stand, Pizza Planet, the Arms Hotel, and Caritas. Lacey got a visit from a pie-loving squirrel at Luke's, but she's not so down with the squirrelly bits.
*chitterchitter* *skritchskritch*
Xander: Dude, I'm not reading that out loud. I want to eat there again someday! Moving on. Liir opened Book Haven and Ino came in to tell him how excited she was about being a big sister. I remember doing that when I was a senior; it was fun.
Willow: I don't remember you being a girl when you were a senior.
Xander: No, I only do that for special o-- nevermind. And finally in the only other non-picnic news of the day, The boss was in the studio earlier today, drinking hea-- Oh come on, guys. There's filler and then there's scraping the bottom of the barrel. In no way is that a news item.
Willow: Still, it's nice to report on him being okay. I find it a good note to close out a final broadcast on.
Xander: We'll still be reading reading the news every Friday, just not the Fandom news. The Harris and Rosenberg Show will be syndicated weekly on GBC, the official broadcasting company of the noble nation of Gremlinistan.
Willow: You really are the BFFiest BFF, did you know that?
Xander: I might've heard that someplace. Good night, BFF. Good night, Fandom!
Willow: Thanks to all the squirrels for all their note-taking and to you for all your listening. Night, Fandom!
Willow: And this is Willow Rosenberg, giving the traditional newbie greeting that the nearby box is not actually talking to you, but projecting the sound of our voices from a distance. As some of you newbies tend to be from an earlier time, it's always useful to mention this.
Xander: Unless the nearby box is a toaster. Then it might actually be talking.
Willow: Or the bread you put into it became sentient, in which case it's not the toaster talking so much as it is the bread going "OW OW OW HOT OW!"
Xander: Sometimes you're callous and strange.
Willow: I'm not saying I don't feel for the bread. But sometimes butter and jelly needs a home.
Xander: Absolutely. The bread's just fulfilling its buttery *fingerwiggle* destiny.
Willow: As must we, by reporting the news. By which I mean we fulfill our reporting destiny, not that we're confined into small metal boxes with hot coils on either side of us until we're thrown into the air once we're properly crunchy.
SCHOOL! Which didn't have classes but it STILL COUNTS, DARN IT!
The big news of the day is new people! Everywhere! Like an invasion of some kind though hopefully without the people getting hurt and/or dying. Um - not that that happens often here, new kids! Once or twice a year, give or take. Which is a very weetiny number compared to having it happen every Tuesday.
Anyway, people first met up with their siblings. Allow me to take a moment to remember when I met my little sibling. Taking a moment... and I'm done. People who aren't me but still get sibling-paired include Gwen who waited for her sib to show up, Turtle and - Kaylee?? She's back? Oh, no, wait, Turtle warned her about gremlins so it must be a different one. Memo to newbies: get used to seeing double. It happens so much we could include it as an official extra-curricular activity. Lee met Giselle, who was more interested in finding a Prince Edward. I know the title's wrong but Peter, sweetie? Friend of your brother's maybe?
John met Blair and tried to keep his new little sib apprised of everything a newbie needs to know. I can tell you that Blair should know that John coaches an inferior flag football team. And the squirrels tell us that we should be aware that this is not Blair-with-bouncing but a whole new Blair-with-boo - I am not saying that! She's a girl, that's what I'll say. Also the squirrels seem to be very strongly of the opinion that Dawnie should stay far away from new!Blair, though I have no idea why. Is she a demon?
Xander: Or maybe her hair is so shiny that if she and Dawn showed up in the same place they'd reflect enough sunlight to burn the planet to a cinder so it's just safer if they only e-mail each other or something.
Willow: Possibly? Summer met Cal, who is from the US, and the past, and why did it take me this long to wonder about making Fandom newbie bingo cards? Okay, those of you staying here! Get on that before the next round of new kids get here. A student could come here who's from a different planet, time, species, and a doppelganger of somebody else and you'd totally be one square away from winning! Chris met Alex and filled him in on Fandom wackiness, as did Sam for his little sib Lois. Of course, around here we just call that "Fandom." Kinda like how in China they just call it food. Ino was super excited to meet her little sib, Dick Grayson. No word on if Dick returned the sentiment.
Anemone met Worf, who was surprised to be here and not at his academy. Oo! There's another one for bingo! Did they expect to be here or not? Sokka gave Wes an enthusiastic welcome to Fandom, while I hope that this is not the same Wes that I'm thinking of since wow would you guys not have fun with that.
Xander: Actually I almost had fun with that Wes once, but we weren't quite drunk enough.
Willow: Romeo met Friday Next, which is a strange note as it doesn't mention who Romeo met First but with all the notes we have today it's not surprising that something would get lost in the shuffle. Hoshi met Hinata and I got my happy squee of alliteration for the day.
Jen met Ned via the traditional Fandom greeting of "Welcome to our school where we not only redefine 'normal' but we may have possibly taken it out back and had it shot." Naomi met Lion-o. I assume that's a name and not an exclaimation like "Naomi met a lion - OH NO SHE'S GOT NO ARMS LEFT!" but the squirrels seem calm about this so we'll figure all is well. Inferior Peter met Gladys and how very sad for her to be stuck with that dead weight for the rest of her days in Fandom. Evey met Alec and got distracted by his shirtlessness. After a while she'll come to understand that the weird thing is when he's clothed.
Xander: Fandom missed you, Alec.
Willow: Eve met Deiara and I am told they got off to an odd start. Around here how could you tell? Inara met Temari. Reno met shirtless!Toby - does Alec have a brother? - and skipped over the lecture about weirdness in favor of pointing out directions to the bar. Dean met Alice and tried to explain the concept of fake siblings to her. It's not a scam to steal your money off to Nigeria, we swear! Mac met Francine and covered the "Virginia by way of Greece" lesson of the day.
Gwen met Friday, no word on what order this happened in, and those of you who had 'Co-ed rooming OMG!" on your bingo cards can cross that off now. Or you could if we had cards. Seriously, why do we not have cards? Turtle met Ella and warned her that roomates of Turtle have a habit of leaving school. For what it's worth that thing about an automatic 4.0 depending on how they leave? Urban legend. Not that I've ever had a reason for wanting to look into that. Wes met Marco and they began to try to get along. So not the Wes I'm thinking of then.
Worf waited for his roommate Bob. At least I think that's the name and not the action that Worf did while waiting. Brooke was pleased to find out she had a single now. The squirrels suggest that inferior Peter might also have an opinion about that, but I'm not going into it because I still say Brooke could do better. Cal met Alex and together they tried to find common ground. I suggest 'WOW with the weirdness' as a good place to start. Liz met Deidara. Kaylee met Alec and figured out that with their powers combined the squirrels are going to be taking a lot of pictures through the window to their room. Temari met Gladys, who explained what she knew about the island.
Blair wasn't too happy about her roommate assignment, which I don't think is unique enough to Fandom to count as bingo. Not until we know why she was pouting.
Xander: If they put out their cigarettes on your bed and kill people every now and then? Totally worth a bingo.
Willow: Alice met Francine and was happy to discover that there would be no allergies towards cats. This is of the good. We all need purr therapy now and then. Toby met Lion-o and tried to figure out what kind of creature he is. Uh, Toby? Unless he's named ironically I'm pretty sure there's a way to make a fairly accurate guess. Ned met Dick for roomie joy.
Xander: This would be my last ceremonial use of the no-touchy pole.
Willow: Then there were teachers! Without whom we could not learn. First up was The Doctor, who got to meet Fraser and vice versa. Is this the same one as last time? Make sure to remind him that not all werewolves are evil. Bond lurked and watched the crowd. Can you call it lurking after you've been spotted? Marshall went directly for the food. One of many nice things about Fandom is that you never lack for nummy things. Juli met Earthworm Jim who was upset about his weapon being taken away. Oo! Another one for the bingo card! Sokka tried to help, until Jim made fun of his ponytail. Liir tried to figure out what kind of animal Jim was - again with this assumption of ironic nicknames - and if he was from Oz.
Tyler talked to Fraser - TYLER? Okay, according to Jamie, yes, Tyler. Wow. Rikku had a reunion of her own with Murdock, who she met at Merc-Con. Ghanima and Aly looked the new teachers over and judged them on their worthiness. Juli watched the crowd as well, possibly while making entirely different judgements. Murdock met Principal Washburn, hopefully while being very respectful and giving her no reason to kick his behind.
Yes-the-same-Tyler thanked Zoe for the job. Groveling could be good. Kaylee got drawn in by Grace's cuteness - I believe that's Grace's secret power - and Zoe was surprised to see her. Kaylee, not Grace. I think at this point Zoe's not surprised by Grace now.
Xander: I'm surprised that Zoe was surprised by anything by now.
Willow: The surprises continue as Gwen is surprised to see Harriet not being the Prime Minister. The Doctor skipped surprise and went to fighting, which is not a great way to introduce yourself for the record.
Deidara checked Deadpool out, which the squirrels assure us is not dirty. Rikku was happy to see Deadpool again. And again with not dirty. For you newbies trust us when we say that with Deadpool you always want to stay clean. Barney and Tyler met and if you're not hearing a DUN DUN DUUNNNN there then you really should be. Barney met Marshall, who isn't his Marshall, and I think that counts for bingo. Steve met Murdock, and they had teaching buddy bonding. Not dirty.
I'm still not calling him Professor Hottie Mchottenson but I will say that he joined in the people watching, as did Mike who possibly couldn't be heard over the sound of his clothing. Mr. Dean and Sam's Daddy also kept an eye out, and Aly tried to help the Doctor get acclimated. Oh, sure, now she does. Where was she when he was going after Harriet?
Xander: Judging his worthiness?
Willow: Seely went for shirtlessness and Ino approved. Which just goes to show how well Ino doesn't know him. Jamie joined in and while I must say there's a whole brotherly vibe which would make any appreciation kind of icky, I will say that at least Jamie is more friendly and fun to be with. Lois joined in on the stripping and please tell me she at least had a sports bra on underneath. Alec worried that Seely was stealing his schtick. I worry that Alec is stealing my lines. Dojima wondered what Seely did in January. The squirrels have written a note about "shrinkage."
Xander: I choose to believe that refers to laundry.
Willow: Deidara hadn't expected shirtlessness. You'll get over that after a while. Kaylee wondered what was wrong with Seely's shirt. My guess? Understandably rejecting Seely's body. Seely told Friday that shirtless Friday was a tradition. Friday immediately filed a sexual harassment suit.
Ned and Cassandra make with the chatty. Ned told Teyla about how he liked to make pies. Ned immediately became the most popular person on this island. Gwen encouraged Ned to act like he belongs. Hopefully this advice did not come while Ned was in the girls' rest room. Ned is weird at Kaylee but Kaylee, being as sweet as the last one, doesn't seem to mind. Friday offers to help Ned, which may or may not be a ploy to get in on the pie-making. Rikku uses Ned for a game of break-the-newbie, supposedly not on purpose but we've all heard that one before.
Xander: Hey, it's not our fault they're all brittle and damageabley.
Willow: Liir and Dean say hi to Gwen. Apparently in unison, which is kind of adorable of them. Summer wants an official date from Chris. Last I heard it was May 9, 2008. I could get proof if you needed it? Friday and Lois talked about being shirtless on Fridays, which the squirrels think isn't dirty but they hasten to add they don't know if Friday maybe has a twin. Sokka stared and Lois waved. I hope it was with her hand.
Wes and Jen nearly meet, but don't. For the record I'd like to thank the squirrels for not making a note of every time people didn't meet today because the sheer mathematics of that is mind-boggling. Meg was all happily graduated, which I can understand, and she chatted with Cassandra. Meg realizes that she hasn't groped Alec, which I would say isn't possible but then again he hasn't been here for a while.
Xander: Hey, I've never groped Alec! That wasn't a complaint, Bridge. Just pointing it out.
Willow: Andros was hanging about, which we all know is like lurking but with a completely different vibe. Romeo asked Brooke if she got a fake sibling. Ino was gleeful and didn't notice Temari. I hope those things aren't related because it's kinda rude otherwise. Deidara stared at Ino, which is also kinda rude. Liir waved to Ino, which is a much better way to greet people. Again assuming you're using your hand.
Xander: Giant foam fingers are also acceptable. Though in retrospect maybe not giant foam Twinkies.
Willow: Adah had a notebook. Throw in some highlighters and it's a nearly perfect day. Anemone and Naomi where there. Isabel and Meg decided they would miss newbie day. But... they were right there and - oh! In the future. I get that. Worf got cranky when Sokka questioned his forehead. Honestly, Sokka! Eye contact! Gwen asked Worf if he'd been to Cardiff. I bet she says that to all the guys whose foreheads Sokka talks to. Friday asked if Worf was like where you tie a boat, Worf wondered what happened when Friday's family runs out of days of the week. The squirrels have written down OTP in response to all of this.
Chad played guitar and let Hinata pet his cat, which the squirrels assure us isn't dirty. Alice made a musical request of Chad. Hopefully not the one about playing far far away because Chad's very nice . Sokka waved at newbies and told Friday that you never lack for food in Fandom. Though oddly? No places offering diet programs. One could therefore argue that Fandom is a paradise. Hinata wanted to know who Sokka was waving at, so clearly Hinata needs to pay better attention to radio because I just said and no I won't repeat it.
Liz was around. Ned told Cal he felt like escaping. Wow, so Ned's a mind reader? Which may come in handy as Ino discovers that Cal doesn't talk much. Jenny smoked and told Cal that the island was in Greece and that Jenny didn't care about getting lung cancer. That last part may have been silent, but it was there all the same. Alec was shirtless and nametagged and I don't want to know where. Yes-that-Tyler is glad to see Alec, unlike Sam who glared strong enough to choke a pigeon, which really isn't a saying but I find it evocative so I'm hoping it catches on.
Xander: Fandom missed you except for Sam, Alec.
Willow: Temari appreciated Alec's form, Gwen got to meet Alec, Z and Rikku were happy to see Alec, Dawnie said hi, and Dean wanted to know if Alec was having a good picnic, to which the squirrels have added "if you know what he means, and we think you do."
Xander: The squirrels missed you, Alec.
Willow: Jamie greeted Temari in a shirtless fashion and encouraged her to join in. Bad Jamie! I'd thwap you but that'd only double the problem. Turtle checked out the food while Wes wondered if the food was bad. For his sake I hope the food wasn't from Turtle and Canary because otherwise that's a very fatal question to be asking right about then. Dojima, Lee, and Jen were there. Hinata met Cassandra who had apparently been up a tree. I'm not sure if that's a metaphor.
Deidara and Cassandra were drawn to the food, and then made this mixy by talking to each other about food, which is rather efficient of them. Kaylee talked to Ino about coming from the future. You know, for all the folks who have done that around here none of them have been thoughtful enough to cough up some lottery numbers or a cure for cancer. I'm just saying.
Xander: I took Vanessa Saturn spoilers home to 2000 with me. That's something, right?
Willow: Marco and Summer were there. Ella met Cimorene and they talked about books and other stuff that I don't care about since eeee! People who start conversations with books! Yay! Sokka told Cimorene about her fake step siblings, and now I'm wondering what the Fandom family tree would look like. Well, an Escher drawing, sure, but more specifically. Anemone told Cimorene about meeting Worf and Alice who is interesting. Sokka said hi to Gladys. Toby met Friday and worried about being eaten by his roommate-who-be-a-lion, though the squirrels are probably paraphrasing the wording there.
Reno wondered if Hinata was lost or if perhaps that was the usual look of overwhelming befuddlement that most newbies tend to get when they arrive. Friday ran out of conversation starters by the time he got to Reno. You can always go with "OMG SPIDER ON YOUR ARM!" Even if it's not true, you can't say it won't break the ice. Rikku snuck up on Reno and I'm not repeating the rest of that for fear of the FCC violations. Reno talked to Alice about the free food, and let's just acknowledge right now how that's really the true draw of Fandom.
Xander: Mmmm, tasty, tasty Fandom.
Willow: Alice asked Sokka if pets were allowed, then let Dinah out of her suitcase. To which I have two comments: one, I hope the suitcase had airholes and two, I hope Dinah's her cat. Either way Dinah got to meet Guilliver while Anemone met Alice. Alex didn't know what a cookie was! I would hyperventilate about this grave injustice but luckily Liir was there with the cookie assist. Well done Liir! Alex then worried about how healthy cookies were, in the sense of not, and he was rude to Isabel when she tried to help. Sheesh, the words are thank you, people!
Liir was under a tree and Hinata said hi. No word on if Cassandra did as well from up above them, or possibly a "Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!" as she fell. Rikku and John pondered scaring newbies and really, does that take effort now?
Ella and Alice talked about how horribly people were dressed. Or undressed as the case turned out to very frequently be. Dean and Ino introduced themselves to Ella. Dean then moved on to be surprised at seeing yes-that-Tyler. Isabel re-met Tyler and they caught up on old times. Ella and Kaylee talked about fruit and workshops and Friday was surprised to hear about Kaylee's lack of experience with fruit and... we're not talking euphemistically, right? Because I don't think they offer the "fruit workshops" anymore if we're not. Just so we're clear.
Kaylee and Alice talked about being in Greece instead of Virginia. Then we're back to fruit with Sokka and Kaylee being sad about how they don't get enough fruit at home and... seriously, not a metaphor, right? Speaking of things I hope aren't metaphors, Friday met Johnny who "showed off his firepower." Please let that be the actual fire. And how many school radio broadcasts are going to include that phrase, huh? Ella tried to stare at Johnny in the totally-not-staring kind of way. Hinata saw Johnny and blushed. Johnny's firepower can do that to people.
Amber got food and made with the people watching. Lion-o got to meet Dean and Alice and her cat, and there was the general "The lion part of the name means something obvious, doesn't it?" conversation having. Ino introduces herself to Alice and Alice tells her a little about herself. Possibly "I JUST MET A LION WTF??" To which I would just like to say that lions who talk can be very nice. Not that I've met any personally but I've heard good things. At least the one I know of didn't make fun of the blanket I sent him. Or if he did nobody told me about it.
Isabel and Dean have the Alec's return + Meg = Awkward conversation. Sam checked to see if Dean had seen Alec. Given all the notes on shirtlessness I think even people not on this island have seen Alec. Great wall of China and shirtless Alec: two objects that can be seen even if you're in outer space. Sam saw Friday and was surprised at the lack of weetinyness. The squirrels hope that this is in relation to Friday's age, and not in relation to any attempts on Friday's part to start a tradition of pantslessness as well.
Speaking of which, Dean complimented Toby on how quickly he figured out the shirtless thing. Ino approved of shirtless Toby as well. Harry and Hinata people-watched. Chris discovered that Wes and Alex are not the same person and I am so going to have to draw up a spreadsheet so that everyone can keep the newbies straight, aren't I.
Kaylee and Inara met and realized that they have matchy backgrounds. Alec being back was the topic of conversation between Dawnie and Dean as well as Dawnie and Sam. Katara went in search of people. Throw a brick, you're bound to hit at least five of them. Steve, Adam, and Sokka watched the crowds while Bridge and Anders chatted about being old and graduated, possibly starting sentences with things like "In MY day we had to walk through six feet of snow to see shirtless Alec!" or maybe just telling all the new kids to get off their lawn. You get the idea.
Xander: If I'm not allowed to bitch about being old, neither is he, dammit.
And now for the news that's not about picnics.
Alongside the shocking lack of classes today what with classes not being in session, and the office that was open but nobody found it so did it still make a sound when it fell, there weren't many people hanging in the dorms either. Gee, I *coughpicnic* wonder *coughgraduation* why. Ino wasn't happy about Kabuto not being around anymore. Eve was still here, though, moving her stuff to her new room with Gwynn. So was Dean, and Alec showed up to say HEY GUESS WHAT, I'M BACK AND THIS TIME IT'S SHIRTLESS. Last time it was too, but the point is Fandom missed you, Alec. Also Marco turned into a vending machine, which you know, same-old same-old.
Town was just about as slow. Besides the shirtless guy who woke up on the beach, the chick in the hoop skirt running through the streets, and the police box in the park, there wasn't a lot of excitement. Roy visited Aly at her place tonight. Melody and her cat got ready to leave town, but not before handing over the keys to 33 Apocalypse to a random stranger, as you do if you're Melody, and saying bye to Steve. Dr. Troy and Katara had the good kind of slow day at the clinic, and George Michael, Jen, Fai, Mary and Jolee had the not-so-profitty kind at the Banana Stand, Pizza Planet, the Arms Hotel, and Caritas. Lacey got a visit from a pie-loving squirrel at Luke's, but she's not so down with the squirrelly bits.
*chitterchitter* *skritchskritch*
Xander: Dude, I'm not reading that out loud. I want to eat there again someday! Moving on. Liir opened Book Haven and Ino came in to tell him how excited she was about being a big sister. I remember doing that when I was a senior; it was fun.
Willow: I don't remember you being a girl when you were a senior.
Xander: No, I only do that for special o-- nevermind. And finally in the only other non-picnic news of the day, The boss was in the studio earlier today, drinking hea-- Oh come on, guys. There's filler and then there's scraping the bottom of the barrel. In no way is that a news item.
Willow: Still, it's nice to report on him being okay. I find it a good note to close out a final broadcast on.
Xander: We'll still be reading reading the news every Friday, just not the Fandom news. The Harris and Rosenberg Show will be syndicated weekly on GBC, the official broadcasting company of the noble nation of Gremlinistan.
Willow: You really are the BFFiest BFF, did you know that?
Xander: I might've heard that someplace. Good night, BFF. Good night, Fandom!
Willow: Thanks to all the squirrels for all their note-taking and to you for all your listening. Night, Fandom!