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I hate everything
I literally never asked to be born and if I had the choice I'd absolutely say no -
Haven't posted in a while
I still hate my life haha. I'm 36, and I started my journal in 2001. i have to seriously ask myself this year if life has gotten much better. -
I'm really unintelligent and it sucks lol
Today I realized how unintelligent I actually am. It was apparent to everyone else except for me lol. I went through life thinking I was this awesome intellectual but it was a distortion. I'm really sad about this fact. I need to think before I try to engage with anything I'm not 100% knowledgeable in (culinary subject would be the only topic that ( Read more... ) -
Pain - and losing Eric Dabrowski.
I said I'd continue my post from last year lol. So, technically, here it is. I have an excuse though! Sorry, I mean an actual explanation. My anxiety gets so hard to manage because it forces me to become irrationally fearful, which can then escalate into a full blown episode. During my CPTSD episodes, clinically, my IQ drops by 30 points. It falls ( Read more... ) -
Cliff
I'm stuck in a rock and a hard place. I received two diagnoses from a recent admission to my psychiatrist. I have a mood disorder. I have post traumatic stress disorder ( Read more... ) -
Answers and mental illness
I think the psychiatrist may have figured out could be wrong with me ( Read more... ) -
Relief
Hello Livejournal,
I'm glad that this has become a deserted ghostland, because I could never talk about this in my waking life. I haven't been to therapy in a while; my meds are running low, and I'm still not doing well. If I'm honest on the intake form at the psych's office, they'll send me to the ER or mental hospital and I don't want to be sent ( Read more... ) -
Tired
It's been tough to get up in the morning. I've been sleeping for 10 hours or more, and still feeling tired. It's been a hell of a whirlwind during the summer and fall, and it hasn't been for the better either. I don't even know why I'm still living because I don't even really deserve to live. There are some days I wish I was dead and other days ( Read more... ) -
Not meant to be
Sometimes, perhaps a lot of the time, I sit here and think that there's no purpose in going forward. Every day is a tumultuous ocean and I never know what I have to battle whilst attempting to sail against the winds; I'm trying with every ounce to fight the good fight. It's so exhausting to put the happy mask on, I won't lie. It makes me wonder how ( Read more... ) -
Falling
Falling into a depressive episode right now. It isn't feeling so good and I'm a little worried. I hope it leaves soon.