wow, so i thought i had deleted this account. the last time i wrote here was when i was still struggling with alexas suicide. i miss her, but life moves on. things are stressful, but moving along. i have finally accepted the love of my life into my heart and it feels nice to not be fighting it anymore. i am working through a lot of issues i had ( Read more... )

it has been forever since i have just bloged ( Read more... )

so from not really eating much i have lost 10 pounds.... and now i have to eat three times a day because the doctor put me on lithium which i have to take 3 times a day and i have to eat with :-( i havent been eating because i havent felt like it, and now i have to...super suck. i hate doctors

so i am getting help tomorrow :-) should make things easier

i cant deal with anymore. i was just coming to grips with my grandfathers death, then alexa shoots herself, the wake is today, there is no funeral because she is being cremated. i am all fucked up, it just hit me the other night that i am going to have to see my older brother, i just want to scream my fucking lungs out....and i have about 10 times ( Read more... )

I am having a really hard time with the thought of going to my granfathers funeral, part of me doesnt want to go, and i am pretty sure its the part of me that  doesnt want to admit he's no longer here. I got an email from my aunt with what to expect for his military burial at arlington cemetary in d.c. and it hit me really hard, i miss him so much ( Read more... )

wow, i havent written in this for a while, i have been doing the facebook thing :-) blah my moods have been such a roller coaster the past couple months, i wish it would stop

happy birthday to me
i really got to pee
i look like a monkey
and smell like chimpanzee

........

yeah lol

so right after i finished venting chris and i talked, it was good, we both had calmed down and we had a good talk. then i took a nap, woke up naseaus as hell, tried to work out with chris, but i started feeling like i was just gonna puke so i had to stop a couple minutes into it, i hate that because i want to work out, i always feel good afterwards ( Read more... )

i am ready to kill someone ( Read more... )