I work and I'm in a sludge/doom metal band. Ain't got time to bleed and spill. That is all.

I'm breaking down, I couldn't take it anymore. I'm alone and I only have this blank page to talk to, how pathetic. I can't seem to keep anyone close to me anymore, they just abandoned me for several different things that leave a same pattern. I'm seeing no point in having human company anymore at least ones close to me. What does an animal with it' ( Read more... )

I wish she would open up to me more, I hate how it feels more distance just to chat or hear a voice reminding me it's still there every day. Sometimes I feel she only wants to talk to me whenever she feels like it. These are just negative thoughts I have to deal with daily, I don't know what's keeping me sane anymore. Probably these false hopes I ( Read more... )

Sometimes I wonder what it is to be human anymore, Most of the world is blinded by distractions of fantasy. I still see no hope, no real meaning. I want to watch this world burn...We hell bent our lives to only satisfy our pleasures. No one ever complains when their in constant lust of life to ever see the big picture. I am sick of this, the self ( Read more... )

I'm trying my best not break down right now, I don't know what's wrong with me anymore...I feel like I been having quite the shitty weeks and my mind is trying to lash out on everything. I feel so fucking utterly alone right now that I actually feel sadness. I been having suicidal thoughts again, a sign of wanting a scape goat from the hurting. ( Read more... )

Why would I love someone or go to that level? it goes from the physical attraction to the connection and chemistry down to what we feel is the soul. To think alike or instantly know how one feels without saying a word. Maybe this is what I been craving for, my "perfect" soul mate. I think only ever felt that way for truly one person in my entire ( Read more... )

Music is only dangerous when negative moments/memories are attach to them. Here I was looking at industrial music and certain attachments came back to me. Memories I try to repress now to enjoy certain songs again, it's like shooting my foot for fun. I think back to Mike and J(not even going to bother with her name). It's been 6-7 years since I ( Read more... )

I haven't thought deeply to myself for a long while. I guess here goes nothing, it's ironic I say that since nothing has been really going on. I sit here and remembered my goal in existing. How I been slipping away from the idea for years due to depending on finding others with the same drive or passion for the music to even bother jamming. It's ( Read more... )

This is hard to write for me, it's been building up quite sometime. Now I feel it's dark mood upon me and hopefully I can vent it all. I feel as I am holding back and I can't fully express myself to someone like I used to due to fear of pushing that person away further than I rather have once. This fear is pretty strong since the rejection I felt ( Read more... )

I should be sleeping right now since I'm working on a house I'm moving into....AGAIN. The only thing I like about it is (hopefully) my room will be more sound proof with the extra insulation into the walls and it's closer to society which shorter time and gas usage. We have a month to fix/build parts of the house up and move into it, since people ( Read more... )