This is the last time I'll write in this journal. Y? Because simply writing things down in hopes that he'll read them is not the way to solve a problem or tell him how I feel. I guess you could say I'm finally maturing. I used to think arguing with your friends over facts and such was fun, but i hate arguing with him. He's my world. It's not ( Read more... )

Tonight, my friends and I went to the movies and the chosen movie was The Exorcism of Emily Rose. Needless to say i've never been more creeped out in my life,but at the same time I felt an overpowering sense of understanding. Suddenly it all became clear and my feud with God was if nothing else unjustified. Why should I harbor an ill will when ( Read more... )

Wow, two entries in technically one day. Still bored and been feeling like shit and I finally realize why i'm feeling like shit. I don't know what happened somewhere in taking my birth control, but the fear returned. The fear that if I say or do one thing out of line that I'll lose Mark. That fear caused me to lose Mark in the first place and ( Read more... )

Hey, it's been awhile, but things haven't been too eventful. Well, after the temp work for two weeks I still don't have a job, but I did manage to get my permit today. Only problem is, my parents have flat out refused to teach me to drive. I can't rely on Mark to teach me because it's not fair to him. Why should he have to put up with teaching ( Read more... )

i deleted my last entry because it was wrong of me to accuse him. He loves me and i'm first in his life, but i have to learn to share. short notice doesn't work with him. I should have learned that by now. dumb me right.

BUT HE'S STILL NOT GETTING THAT SURPRISE! LOL! I'M JUST KIDDING ^_^

No not mine. Mark and I are going to his cousin's wedding. You're all probably thinking things must be going great cause she hasn't updated in so long. Great or I finally killed myself over him. No I'm still here and we're still together. Things are great. We laugh, love, fight and makeup again. I cried last night when I realized that I ( Read more... )

It's the end of my weekend and I have work tonight, boo hoo, but i'm still at Mark's house, but i'll be leaving early cause I have to go to a doctor's appointment just to get a note for missing work saturday night. Other than that, things are awesome, except i've been sick for about two weeks, but Mark has been taking care of me and me vice versa ( Read more... )

Well, it seems like no matter how early ...or how late...i get to bed i can't sleep past 4 hours. Actually the only time I can is when i'm over Mark's house. I don't know, there's just something about being curled up against him, feeling safe, warm and completely loved that...well i don't even know what it does. All I know is I wake up ready and ( Read more... )

K, so woke up at 745, shower, then off to the gyno...damn adultness. so yeah test went fine. good news i'm not pregnant and i am now on birth control. probably the first smart thing i've done since i was a kid. all too true, too. k, i'll be seeing mark tonight as usual. if it wasn't for my appointment i'd be at his house right now...or rather ( Read more... )

trying to think happy thoughts and it really isn't helping...at least it's not helping that i'm watching an episode of buffy, the one where her mother dies. it's depressing and really dampering my mood. ima take a walk/run soon to clear my head. i'm just brooding and i hate brooding. i realize that you can't control what happens all the time. ( Read more... )