This is the most personal and up-close I've gotten with him. I most likely won't need to update this blog with my venting frustrations anymore since now that we're actually exchanging some personal dialogue, I'd sooner cut out my tongue than posting anything we say in confidence. I have a feeling he wouldn't like that. (Supposing that he's reading ( Read more... )

In my leisure, I perused the email at the pace of a snail (I am getting a knack for rhyming at random. lol). I went through the email word by word, taking a break at every few lines to savor every last detail like a lucky little girl who was rewarded the delicious and much coveted candy after much begging and pleading. "Mommy! Mommy! PLEASE can I ( Read more... )

I got the email. I anticipated it. What I didn't anticipate was that when he chanted my "stage" name, I didn't make it past four words. I logged off without perusing the email and went to the bathroom. My knees shared one single, impactful violent kiss with the carpet and my heart sank into my stomach and danced so frightfully that I almost retched ( Read more... )

I've been guilty on multiple charges when it comes to settling. That is, settling for less than what I've bargained for. Of course, it's almost impossible to find the utopian fit, and that goes for most ladies and gents. But while shortcomings are forgivable sins, the numero uno gross sin in my dating book is settling for a romance-less ( Read more... )

He is onto me now, He is insinuating interest, and that sneaky bastard had the nerve to made me believe my perceived reciprocity of interest to be pitiful and desperate paranoia. It may be the slightest of flirtation from his part, but nevertheless it made me happy enough to hang on to it for dear life. I feel flattered and grateful and wanted and ( Read more... )

He hardly showed up today. It's a slow day. He didn't reply my emails, we didn't e-talk in general. Nothing to see here folks, move along. Though to be fair, he often made it obvious that he's busy with either work, exam, ignoring me, papers, jerking off on his guitar (kiddin' but he is capable of that, believe me. In fact they were a paraphrased ( Read more... )

I must give an impression that reeks of desperation and angst. I just sent him another email. I might as well be talking to myself judging from how responsive he is to my emails. Most pitifully, my heart is palpating like crazy. It makes utterly imperfect, impractical, and ridiculous sense. I only know what he looks like, and I don't give a crap no ( Read more... )

At least he gave me something to blog about. I haven't blogged for years because there was nothing worthwhile to blog about. I wouldn't call a self-deluding, fanciful infatuation a noble blog topic, but I recognize it for what it is and it gets things off my chest.

I'd just really like to talk to him. Just hear from him once in a while. Why is he ( Read more... )

So I get it. He's more well informed about the ways of the world than I am and he's impatient with naive, simpleminded crap. But screw that, he directly told me that he'd take great talk over information and stuff.  If he doesn't find me a great talker, then I feel like he's really leading me on with a little more (maybe I'm biased, but it seems ( Read more... )

After wacking all over my brains for numerous possible  (et plausible) explanations for why he wouldn't respond to my casual emails (deux total), even though he clearly showed unprecedented interest in me and everything I say lately after three years of informal interactions, I came up with:

No.1 He's not approachable. FACT.

No.2. He believes there's ( Read more... )