reminding myself to hold on and carry on; even when the same voice tears down my defenses i must rebuild, i can waver but never give up because i have come so far, my dreams have encountered cycles of doubt / hope / destruct / reconstruct but their essence is the same - i still want to be as good a person as i can be, i still want to make people ( Read more... )

it's starting to seep in - the stress is building up in a small quantities, small because i am gripping so tightly on the handle, refusing the bad, panicky, paranoid thoughts. bt1 went well with the calm collected method i want to keep up - but i am painfully aware: that was bt1. this is bt2, then it's prelim and a levels - the whole syllabus is ( Read more... )

1. yawp was hyper-real. still looking at photos on my phone, still running over the things people have said to me, still feeling doubt well up inside me but still vaguely proud of myself and what i made myself do despite wanting to give up ( Read more... )

suffering a shitty flu / fever that took the whole day to slowly come upon me that a slow fog ( Read more... )

(i forgot to post this yesterday)

i'm completely disorganized and disconnected. it's as though on the night of aurum i climbed into a resting-place and forgot the way out. i am lost, surely, but where did i go? i can't find myself at the moment; i've forgotten my reasons and misplaced all my meticulously inked out maps.

watching the heirs all over ( Read more... )

( Read more... )

texting aly in the morning / getting through inorganic qa + planning / 103 likes for aurum / more merch + tickets sold for aurum (though we have a long way to go!!) / my sam rui interview is up on wallflowers / i am finding solace in making easy art - seaming photographs together using crop and paste (and it's still amazing!!!) / packed my friday ( Read more... )

it has been an unexpectedly good day

• the buzz i woke with sustained for almost the whole day
• light-hearted and giggly lunch with fok and giogi
• i slept on the bus home but didn't miss my stop
• my new chemistry tutor is a good fit, which is a huge relief
• even gp comprehension felt particularly manageable today; i feel i am improving

it's been a month into the year and i'm starting to have a clearer idea of how i'm going to cope. it hasn't been a breezy january, but there have been exhilarating / interesting / happy days that i'm really grateful for ( Read more... )

1. believe in the people who love you. believe they exist and believe they are sincere.
2. never live life watching numbers. fame, followers - these do not equate to an easier life, or a more content life.
3. live with dignity - do not betray yourself to be favourable, do not submit to external pressures to change if it means losing who you really are and ( Read more... )