As I have undoubtedly mentioned, I am a research assistant in a psychology lab. We are preparing recruitment for a new study on quality of life in young patients with testicular cancer. It's interesting really, I hope some of the results are determined before I graduate. Anyway, my task today was to address over a thousand envelopes to potential ( Read more... )

I left my apartment for the first time in a week for a reason other than going to the grocery store to buy binge food. It wasn't exactly a good day, but I suppose it felt good to be out in the world. I do such a great job of faking being well. The only reason I even went to school today was that I had a participant in the lab, so I had to be there ( Read more... )

When I look back on my college experience thus far, I'm beyond frustrated with myself. I know I am intelligent. I barely study or open my books and I still manage to pull better grades out my ass than most people I know. When I think of what I could have achieved had I actually opened my books, gone to study sessions, turned homework in, I could ( Read more... )

Ever since April I have been planning to enter a contest for getting a short story published in this small magazine called All Story. Today is the first day to submit entries and thus far I don't feel like I've produced anything near quality enough to be published. I have one piece, that I am actually fairly proud of, but I'm afraid it's still not ( Read more... )

I don't know what I am doing with my life anymore. I cannot understand why I continue to wake up every day and do absolutely nothing except binge and purge and perhaps go to class. I have no hope anymore. I just don't see a light at the end of this tunnel, I feel so trapped and so alone. It's not like even if I could wave a magic wand and get ( Read more... )

His name was Chris. He had a round face and a round body and he talked to everyone. And there I was, the only other passenger on the bus, just Chris and me, sitting there together. Except I didn’t know him as Chris then. I didn’t know anything about him, but my limited knowledge about autism led me to consequently diagnose him as such because of ( Read more... )

I am currently reading Walden Two by B.F Skinner. It's a fictional outline of a modern utopia, which is an odd sort of literature for me to read.Fascinating to be sure, but I always find myself irritated by Utopian philosophies. I find the very concept of a utopian society misguided and frustrating. The basis of a Utopia almost demands that all ( Read more... )

I cannot force my brain to connect to reality. With everything within me, I want to break free and live, but I am being smothered by some unseen external force. There are no words to accurately describe madness. If there were, it would be simple to articulate and surely to fathom. It would be a discernible process, but this is not the case. And no ( Read more... )

I didn't b/p on Friday or Saturday. It was an amazing feeling. I feel like I'll be able to continue having more days like these and have longer stretches. I barely ate...but at this point, it's better than b/ping. I've dealt with anorexia for 6 years now, that part isn't going to go away so easily. I'm losing weight though since I've at least ( Read more... )

I don't know where else to write this, so I'll post it here and perhaps someone will read it and give me feedback ( Read more... )