The subtle, gentle hint of spring beneath the puffs of air that swim in front of my eyes as I breathe in, breathe out. It carries with it sealed packages tied carefully shut, filled with ugly things, with pretty things, with sad things, with things that I leave alone, until this late winter air draws them out. And I find myself lost in them, drawn ( Read more... )

I took a walk today through a sketchy park and passed some shady looking people because I was too lazy to get in ymy car and drive to the 99 cent store to buy some Crystal Lite. I’m glad I walked though, because it gave me time to think, albeit, I’ll not pretend that I got particularly far with any of these thoughts ( Read more... )

So I've just made one bad decision after another today. I showed up for work this morning and wandered around for an hour in a daze before deciding that I really needed to binge and purge so I should leave. I thought about just walking out the door and leaving, but that seemed a little too irresponsible, so I did mention that I was leaving and then ( Read more... )

I found out yesterday that I have until the end of the month to be out of my current house. Basically, my house mates complained to our land lord about my inability to stop puking all over our bathroom. Oh, and the shower does not drain water even close to normally anymore because it's been clogged with remnants of my vomit. I'm classy. Anyway, my ( Read more... )

I felt something today. A feeling. An emotion! I cried. I woke up at 6AM b/ped for a few hours, fell asleep, forced myself to read a chapter of neuropsych, fell asleep, and then b/ped for a another few hours. Then my mom sent me a message on facebook, short and sweet, and it made me so sad. I called her and we talked for over an hour and I cried. I ( Read more... )

There must be a reason I'm not dead yet. Because I've done everything in my power short of actually attempting suicide to indirectly kill myself. And I am one bloody resilient person apparently. So I am left with the conclusion that God has some majestic purpose for me if I can pull my head out of the toilet long enough to find out what it is ( Read more... )

I woke up at noon today. NOON. I went to bed around 10:00 PM last night. Too much mixing of sleep inducing meds right there I tell you. I missed Micro Biology today since I was slumbering and managed to make it to school for discussion, ran my research and then left. Where I found out I got a parking ticket because I parked in a spot that wasn't a ( Read more... )

Gosh, what a waste of a day. Last night I took some random sleeping pill, Benadryl and Ny-Quil and I felt like I was being hit in the head with a hammer all day. After I was done in the lab, I went back to my car and fell asleep for two hours before my biochem midterm. That went horridly. I actually studied pretty hard and all the questions were ( Read more... )

So I let my Ambien prescription run out and when I took it to the pharmacy, they said I had to wait until tomorrow to pick it up. How the hell am I supposed to knock myself out tonight? I had a slight panic attack in front of the lady at the pharmacy after accosting her and making absolutely SURE that she logged that I had two refills on my ( Read more... )

This is not life as it was intended to be experienced. It is not practical, or even logical. A constant barrage of intrusions on one’s self, an attack that drives the limbs to movements against their will, forcing into existence a perpetual pain tinged with controversy. This is not life as it was intended to be experienced. And yet it is the ( Read more... )