Buy Piranhas Online!
--Goddamnit, one of these days I'm determined to have an aquarium with piranhas in it. So when little kids come to my door trick-or-treating, I can threaten to drop them in.
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Parents go on strike--Oh, if only I had a dollar for every time my mom threatened to do this. What pisses me ( Read more... )

Welp, Ohio has officially certified the vote recount. But the numbers are still in favor of Bush, so they need to be recounted. Again. And again. And again, until they clearly show that Kerry won, and only then will they be considered legitimate ( Read more... )

I think this must qualify as the most priceless call I've gotten to date:

(After getting all the thinkpad info)
Me: What seems to be the issue today?
Caller: (Who makes a snail look like a drag racer on speed) Well, I accidentally vomited on my laptop.
Me: . (thinking: Did I just hear that right?)
Me: .. (He vomited on his laptop?)
Me: ... (What ( Read more... )

In a long and eventful life, I have experienced nothing that I could not account for by the laws of physics, chemistry or biology. If a God or Gods exist, and I cannot rule out the possibility, then I can only presume that He, She or They take no active part in the lives of the many and various peoples that populate this extensive and wonderful ( Read more... )

"If you will not fight for right when you can easily win without bloodshed; if you will not fight when your victory will be sure and not too costly; you may come to the moment when you will have to fight with all odds against you and only a precarious chance of survival. There may be even a worse fate. You may have to fight when there is no hope of ( Read more... )

$19.179 Billion dollars was spent in 2003 in the war on drugs on a federal level ( Read more... )

Soviet space battle station--You should get a kick outta this one Sam. In the 1980's the Soviet Union was developing a secret laser space battle station to compete with Reagan's Star Wars program. On May 15, 1987 the laser battle station was launched, but after 460 seconds the laser battle station (named "Skif-DM") separated from the launcher ( Read more... )

Yes, welcome once again to another episode of "This is MY meme, motherfuckers!!!!!!!!". Directly tying into the homework assignment I just gave you, and proving that I've got the balls to put my money where my mouth is, here's the plan. We as a society have gotten so thin-skinned that we believe that we have the right not to be offended. This is ( Read more... )

You know, I don't feel as if I've been nearly offensive enough lately. I mean, honestly, I don't even get any hate mail anymore. I feel left out. It's my own fault, I know, I haven't been on my ball doing my best to find that one little soft spot in your psyche that I can poke at until it bleeds.

So. Lets play catchup.

Men - Dispite what she ( Read more... )

I dislike children. Anyone who'se been out with me in a public place can attest to the fact. Big ones, little ones, I consider the newer generation of shitmonkey rugrats as little more than a testament to the need for subsidized contraceptives. And then I look to the parents, and I realize where my true contempt should rightfully be placed. ( Read more... )