[Fic] More Than This - 9/15
Title: More Than This
Author: Coley Merrin
Pairings: Zhou Mi/Kyuhyun, Tablo/Eunhyuk
Other: various
Rating: R
Genre: AU, crime, romance
Warnings: violence, death (not of main characters)
Summary: Zhou Mi’s focus is Heartstrings, a dating company where love is more than just a guarantee - it's in Zhou Mi’s blood. A matchmaking gift he’s used with gladness, until a series of murders has it shaping his nightmares.
Eunhyuk, his business partner, can’t let go of his tumultuous past. But finding a man he’s been looking for over half his life has repercussions not only for him, but for Zhou Mi and their future.
Chapter One * Chapter Two * Chapter Three * Chapter Four * Chapter Five * Chapter Six * Chapter Seven * Chapter Eight * Chapter Nine * Chapter Ten
***
Eunhyuk.
Finding a childhood friend should not have been that full of uncertainty, Tablo thought. One day a business partner, the next day a long lost friend, and the next confessing interest in dating him. It made his head spin, the quickness of it all. He’d barely gotten used to the idea that Eunhyuk was Hyukjae was Eunhyuk. Twenty years and some separating them. He hadn’t been lying when he’d told Eunhyuk that he didn’t think them getting together was a good idea. He didn’t know how to even think about it, and hiding behind the idea that he wasn’t looking for a relationship was easiest. But the idea wasn’t so easily laid to rest.
Accepting the trip to the ocean had come with some reluctance. But it wasn’t just Eunhyuk. It was also Kyuhyun, his employee, and Eunhyuk’s business partner. Maybe not the smart thing, but the right thing.
He’d asked himself a thousand questions and gave as many denials, but having Eunhyuk all but wash up against him in the water, wet and close, destroyed them. As he showered, washing off any lingering hint of sand and sea water, he couldn’t get it out of his head. Ten more seconds and he’d have been kissing the salt from Eunhyuk’s lips, and there wouldn’t have been any common sense stopping him. It was the immediate, inexplicable attraction- not the first he’d ever had in his life. Something magnetic about Eunhyuk that he couldn’t explain. When Eunhyuk’s eyes had opened. Not begging, but an invitation. Something he couldn’t let rest.
“Hey,” he said to Kyuhyun, who was starting to get settled for the night. “Sorry to ask this, but I need to talk Eunhyuk.”
Kyuhyun blinked up at him. “You want me to go over to their room for a while? I guess I can send him back?”
Tablo let out a breath. “Yes. That’d be great. Thank you.”
“Sure.”
It was torture to wait on the edge of the bed, staring at the door and waiting for the knock. The room Zhou Mi and Eunhyuk were in wasn’t far down the hall. He considered changing his mind, turning Eunhyuk back, but nothing made sense. Nothing got resolved without at least talking. And finally, the knock.
“Hey, thanks for coming,” Tablo said, letting Eunhyuk into the room.
“No problem. You needed something?”
“I wanted to…talk,” Tablo said.
And that sounded wrong. Tablo wasn’t sure those words ever ended in something good.
“I like talking,” Eunhyuk said, but they both paused not far in.
Eunhyuk didn’t move away from him, Tablo gave him credit for that. Standing close and looking at him directly.
“It’s about earlier, in the water. I know we talked before. You’re an attractive man. Attractive to me, but-“
It seemed that Eunhyuk could see it coming from miles away, stopping Tablo’s explanation. Adding more. More excuses.
“But proximity is confusing, and today didn’t mean anything,” Eunhyuk said, listing them off. “You’re not looking to date anyone. And our past makes it difficult.”
Tablo wasn’t sure if he wanted to be amused or uncomfortable. How easily Eunhyuk read him. “I don’t mean to confuse you.”
The sound Eunhyuk made was something close to disbelief but not quite. “But you’re succeeding anyway.”
“Look, this is weird all around, isn’t it?”
It felt weird. From a man who was certainly striking, but nothing different than anyone he worked with every day. A facet of business, not a possibility for anything more. Not every man intrigued him enough to even give them a passing thought. But he’d remembered Eunhyuk for more than the blond hair. Something in his smile. Maybe it’d been an echo of when they’d know each other as kids, but that was a long shot. And it was something he tried to tell himself to make his whole mess of confusion try and make sense.
“I don’t know if it has to be weird,” Eunhyuk said, and Tablo tried not to hear any hurt in that. “But I understand if you think it is. You wanted to kiss me today?”
Tablo blew out a breath. ”Yeah.”
“And weird is what’s stopping you?”
Eunhyuk stepped forward, and it was obvious, the determination on his face. The way his eyes latched at Tablo’s mouth. If it hadn’t have been wanted, he could’ve moved, said something. Instead of a wave causing the stumble, it was because Eunhyuk took a step, and then another. Watching Eunhyuk’s chin tip as he did so.
And Eunhyuk’s mouth was warm and giving, as they pressed together. Kisses, small and neat, that drove reality from his brain. The whimper from Eunhyuk’s throat as Tablo’s body molded to his, pressing back his head, kissing with an urgency he could not have dreamed. Eunhyuk’s arm beneath his hand, shooting goosebumps over his skin. A chill, with heat flushing right after.
And then, to see Eunhyuk standing there, eyes huge and impossibly dark. Illusion of the hair, he knew it. But it didn’t make his concentration waver. Staring down at Eunhyuk’s wet mouth as they parted, and hardly believing. And Eunhyuk’s mouth quirked, the beginnings of a smile, that grew. It was almost like he could feel it, making him want to smile as well. To nuzzle close, and laugh, secure-
“Hyukjae,” Tablo murmured. And Eunhyuk looked up, surprise written all over him. The name was subtle on his lips, from some deep place he hadn’t even realized. That smile, that happy laugh.
”Daniel,” Hyukjae said, bottom lip trembling as he tried to be strong. The scrape on his knee wasn’t much, but it had been a start, Hyukjae all but tumbling through the door. But a bandaid later, and Hyukjae sat with him against the wall. Grubby sneakers with half tied laces stretching not nearly as far as his own. But Hyukjae copied his stance and looked up at him with joy. Adoration. And he read to Hyukjae until they’d been called for dinner.
Hyukjae.
Even if he knew, rationally, that the man in front of him wasn’t that little boy, in that moment he couldn’t shake it. There was a man’s face, man’s voice, man’s body, within reach. His hands that had gripped Eunhyuk in want, allowed Eunhyuk to kiss him. Tasted Eunhyuk’s mouth and felt his sighs, and for even one moment thought that it could work.
Tablo stepped back abruptly, shaking his head. Touching his mouth as though he’d tasted something dangerous.
“I can’t. I say that, I think about that, and I remember when you were six, and it just feels… I don’t even know what anymore.”
Dangerous and wrong. Weird didn’t even cover it. Not wanting a relationship didn’t quantify it. He’d had relationships good and bad, ones that had ended both of his own fault and not. He could take Eunhyuk to bed, date him, fall for him. But he had no idea if he ended up hurting Eunhyuk, if it would be that six-year-old smile, so full of trust that he saw. And then to see it fade. It didn’t matter if it was logical. It felt real. Eunhyuk didn’t get it, but there was no way he could. He didn’t know how he was supposed to live up to one of the few unsullied memories he had. The child that believed in him.
The man he wanted.
“I’m not six years old any more!” Eunhyuk uttered, voice unreadable.
“I know you’re not.”
His nails dug into his palms as he watched Eunhyuk flounder in his own head. Mouth falling open as he breathed, eyes darting. He could’ve stopped it. He could’ve stepped forward and taken Eunhyuk’s shoulders and kissed him, assured him. Or maybe opened his mouth and talked about all the twisting, confusing feelings inside of him. It was odd right then that he wanted to hear Eunhyuk sing, like they had that night with their guitars. Hearing Eunhyuk’s amusement in his voice, and knowing right then that he was in trouble.
“If being in matchmaking taught me anything, it’s that things change, and that there is always someone out there, somewhere. We’re friends, and that’s how we should stay,” Eunhyuk said.
“Us as friends never changed,” Tablo agreed, and put his hand on Eunhyuk’s shoulder. Not the kind of contact he’d wanted, it was clear, but he didn’t trust himself touching Eunhyuk’s hand. Eunhyuk nodded, pursing his lips a moment before speaking.
“We’ll have plenty of the weekend left to just hang out. Which is all I ever planned on from the start.”
Eunhyuk’s clarification was another nick against the already oozing wound. Of course, Eunhyuk had graciously accepted his rejection. But something had gone horribly wrong ever since.
“I know. It wasn’t your…fault.” And Tablo flinched. Not quite the word he’d have chosen.
“I should go so Kyuhyun can get some rest. I’ll see you at breakfast.”
It was odd that as Eunhyuk turned to go, he did not see that day - when Hyukjae had left. The day his life had altered in a way he didn’t like to remember. Kind of odd to admit, that a little pipsqueak leaving the orphanage had made such an impact. He didn’t see that day, so much as feel as though he were recreating it, but of his own doing. Fuck, get ahold of yourself, he urged himself. Eunhyuk leaving wasn’t like that. They were solid, they’d exist as friends. Or-
Or what?
The door was half open when he said, “Eunhyuk, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” Eunhyuk said over his shoulder, flashing a smile.
Though as Eunhyuk closed the door behind himself, that was the last thing Tablo really meant.
***
Zhou Mi stalked the hammock. Or at least, Zhou Mi thought that was a good way of describing it. They had eaten breakfast, watched a little TV in the restaurant, before walking down to the beach. It had been exactly what he’d wanted, the four of them wandering along the sand, posing by rock formations, and getting their feet wet. Wasting time, in the best of ways. But even as he walked beside Eunhyuk, his eye was on the hammock and the people resting in it. Waiting for them to go. If someone else got to it first-
“Earth to Zhou Mi?”
He blinked at Eunhyuk. “Yes?”
“Lunch. You want? Or are you soaking up nutrients from the sand.”
He glanced down at his sandy feet in skepticism. But food sounded good.
“We can eat here on the beach,” he suggested. “Get sandwiches and drinks, and spend some more quality time with the water.”
Everyone agreed. And it made him happy, because Eunhyuk volunteered himself and Tablo to go get the food, while Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi staked out a spot to eat. He didn’t really care where they ate, he just knew where he wanted to wait for them to get back.
The speculation about undid him, watching Eunhyuk walk away with Tablo, gestures and conversation he couldn’t hear. Eunhyuk had been gone for half an hour at the most the night before, as the exiled Kyuhyun had used his laptop at the desk near Zhou Mi. He hadn’t felt right pondering out loud about Eunhyuk’s impromptu visit, though Kyuhyun surely wondered about it as well. They’d arranged the rooms as they had on Eunhyuk’s suggestion, and it had been fine to Zhou Mi. He was used to rooming with Eunhyuk, and he thought it’d work fine. But Eunhyuk hadn’t wanted to talk about it when he’d come back and apologized, telling Kyuhyun he was free to go back whenever. Kyuhyun had left right away, raising his eyebrows at Zhou Mi and getting a smile in return.
He’d been watching Tablo and Eunhyuk all morning. A little cool, maybe. But probably nothing for Zhou Mi to worry about, given that they were still willing to spend time alone together. Eunhyuk seemed antsy, but if he said something before Eunhyuk was ready for help, he didn’t know if his head would still be attached. He’d have to wait and see.
But his stalking paid off, as the family that had been near the hammock left. He waved Kyuhyun along, and all but rolled into the hammock’s rope structure, sprawling out in satisfaction.
“Looks like you found the best place to relax,” Kyuhyun said, and swung the hammock to tease Zhou Mi into grabbing at it. It worked, and he glared up at Kyuhyun in mock anger. Though with a ripe sense of caution, in case Kyuhyun thought about dumping him out of it.
“They’ll be gone a while,” Zhou Mi said, making a show of throwing out his arm. “There’s room for more than just me here.”
It was an offer he’d have made to any friend. And he didn’t mean it in any seductive way. It was a hammock, not a proposition. And the fact that he even had to reason that with himself made him unhappy, because if he couldn’t be relaxed about it, then there was no way Kyuhyun would be. Kyuhyun had a very natural debate of is own, before lifting one shoulder and grasping the edge.
“Okay. Don’t let your hip sweat on me,” Kyuhyun joked as he slid down into the hammock, kicking off his flip flops as he did so.
His neck naturally curved over Zhou Mi’s arm, and he heard the sigh as Kyuhyun relaxed. The hammock gently coming back to a swinging motion with their combined weight.
“Nice pillow,” Kyuhyun murmured, and Zhou Mi laughed.
They got themselves situated, feet resting close together, hips against each other. Just enough ambient breeze to cool them in the heat, with the sound of the waves not far. And people, but that was a dull buzz to the the other elements. Food and drinks were on their way, he was comfortable. That little bit of strength he drew from another’s presence, soothing him. He let his head rock to the side, closer to Kyuhyun’s head. Utterly at peace as he listened to Kyuhyun breathe, staring at Kyuhyun’s profile. Nose, mouth, chin. The quirk of his eyebrows, and imagining the dimple the popped when he smiled. And the gentle movement of the hammock lulled him into a restful stupor.
He was rudely jolted out of his reverie by the hammock being shaken.
“I don’t think all four of us can fit on there to eat,” Eunhyuk said, and it got a groan out of both of them. Kyuhyun flailed for the edge and tried to pull himself over, which had Zhou Mi rolling into his back - and trying to reach so they didn’t roll right out. It planted his face in Kyuhyun’s hair, which at any other time would have been something he appreciated.
“The line was enormous,” Tablo agreed. “But I guess they think it’s naptime, not lunchtime.”
“I’m up, I’m up!” Zhou Mi protested.
He was pretty sure he heard Kyuhyun’s stomach growl. And grinned, as he got a handhold and got himself up before the others got any nasty ideas about forcing him out. Extracting himself from Kyuhyun on one side, and then pulling Kyuhyun onto his feet as well. And he couldn’t help the laugh as he petted down the back of Kyuhyun’s hair as Kyuhyun stared at him with sleepy eyes. Just a little fluffed from having his head on the hammock ropes, and somehow adorably three again for a moment as he got his bearings. At least until he spotted Tablo and Eunhyuk unpacking the food. He sent Zhou Mi a cockeyed grin, and creeped on the food instead. It had Zhou Mi looking back at the hammock, feeling Kyuhyun against him. He rubbed his arm, where Kyuhyun had been, inhaled and remembered the scent of his hair. Solid, warm, and real. And not his to take.
***
Kyuhyun managed to sit in a non-bumpy spot to unwrap his sandwich. It took a few moments for the cobwebs to sweep out of his brain, going from mostly asleep to upright in a matter of too-few minutes. Sleeping beside Zhou Mi had its benefits, clearly, if there was a hammock involved. He could’ve easily stayed there for another hour, just lazing.. The light swinging and airiness of it had its appeal. And there were worse people to share it with. It wasn’t so much that Zhou Mi was a bad option as he was a dangerous one. But the desire for comfort had won out against propriety, since the only other option had been sitting on the sand beside the hammock and pretending to be a sea turtle.
Of course, he watched Zhou Mi have a slight food war with a piece of lettuce, and that made everything okay again. He stretched his shoulders and sighed with contentment. Stomach full, not too hot. Pretty good company.
“You sure we cant just move the office to right here?”
“I don’t know how many clients would be willing to come all this way for meetings,” Zhou Mi said, chortling. And then wrapping his lips around his straw, distractingly. Or distracting to him at least. Eunhyuk and Tablo weren’t paying the slightest bit of attention. Maybe that was more reason to question what was going on in his head. But he hadn’t been the only one on that hammock. And that moment getting out, with Zhou Mi snugged unwittingly against his back and breathing into his neck. It brought too many images, both sexy and sweet.
And he wasn’t sure if he wanted those images. It’d be easier not to, by far. Of course he couldn’t have had a boss who was old and unattractive. He had to get a guy who laughed at almost everything, even when he was hurting inside.
“Time for another nap,” Zhou Mi said, leaning into Kyuhyun’s shoulder.
“Did you not sleep last night?”
“I did,” Zhou Mi said, but he looked down so quickly that it nearly gave Kyuhyun whiplash. Either something to do with the nightmares, or perhaps he and Eunhyuk had stayed up talking. He blew a breath out, and considered his options. It wasn’t anything, really. Something he’d have offered a friend.
“You can sleep if you want,” he said, jostling his shoulder and offering it.
Zhou Mi looked back at him, eyes meeting first as Zhou Mi’s head rose slowly. Mouth parted in something a little like surprise.
“Kyuhyun…”
“Hey, let’s go walk off that food,” Eunhyuk said, not having heard their exchange. Eunhyuk and Tablo were both standing, and Zhou Mi laughed, boosting himself up, too.
Kyuhyun trailed behind the others for a few moments, berating himself for offering when it had gotten that response. Not that it had been bad, it had been grateful, and maybe even happy. And if he knew how to get that kind of a response once, he didn’t want to know how he’d act trying to get it again. Tipping his little crush and slight attraction into something obvious, something Zhou Mi would notice. And he imagined that smile turning into pity, trying to let Kyuhyun down gently, and it flipped his stomach just thinking about it.
“We should bury someone in the sand,” Eunhyuk said.
Zhou Mi stopped short as everyone looked at him. “Not me! I’m too tall! You’ll give yourselves indigestion if you tried.”
“Don’t you like how he threatens us?” Eunhyuk said airily. “That just means he-“
“You! No, it should be Kyuhyun!”
Betrayed, Kyuhyun started backing away.
“No way. Just because I’m the newest-”
He didn’t count on Zhou Mi’s long arms, and the struggle was a meager one between him and a guy who looks like he weighed nothing soaking wet. But he wasn’t immune to tackling, as the full force of Zhou Mi’s weight toppled him into the sand.
“Not fair,” he croaked, and got his retaliation in. A handful of wet sand, smeared down Zhou Mi’s cheek and neck. Tablo and Eunhyuk were laughing, as Zhou Mi made the world’s most indignant sound. And not crawling, not squirming, nothing got him far enough away, as he felt the back of his shorts being lifted and something wet being squished down into them.
He stayed very still on his belly as Zhou Mi patted just above his butt.
“Did you just put wet sand down my pants?” Kyuhyun asked, his voice very calm.
“Ye-s,” Zhou Mi sing-songed.
“You should probably not be there when I stand up.”
That was his only warning. If they were having a sand war, he was game. Zhou Mi would get sand in every place he didn’t want it. He could feel the water from the compressed sand snaking down his hips. He’d chosen a bad, bad day not to wear underwear under the board shorts.
Zhou Mi took his warning, darting down the sand and into the water. Just where Kyuhyun wanted him.
And he sprinkled sand out of his shorts, chasing Zhou Mi all the way.
***
So much for burying someone in the sand. But watching Zhou Mi trying to fend off Kyuhyun’s attacks in the water was almost as amusing. Eunhyuk hadn’t expected them to just go after each other like that. Zhou Mi didn’t exactly have control of his voice, so his shrieks were very audible as Kyuhyun’s splashed him, and they rolled like seals in the surf as Zhou Mi tried to evade being dunked.
“Might as well walk until they’re done,” he told Tablo, and sank his toes into the cooler sand for a moment before starting toward the water. “Or we could bury you?”
“Don’t even think about it,” Tablo warned, walking beside him.
He couldn’t help the laugh, watching Zhou Mi and Kyuhyun come to some kind of truce as they panted and squared off. It had turned into a comedy show, Kyuhyun trying to get the sand out of his shorts, and Zhou Mi trying to make waves for him. But to watch it next to Tablo, who was making little waves of his own as he laughed as well. He blocked the night before again, for the hundredth time. He couldn’t obsess, or he’d ruin the weekend for himself. But even distracted by that, he noted how much had changed between Zhou Mi and Kyuhyun. Finding them together in the hammock, watching them wrestle in the water. He half believed he’d missed some big development, but Zhou Mi wouldn’t have kept that from him. And he wasn’t sure what to think about it.
The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them.
“They’ve gotten close,” Eunhyuk said, steadying himself as a wave rolled in, and watching his two friends cavort in the water.
“That’s normal isn’t it? How long has Kyuhyun been there?”
“No.” That wasn’t what he meant at all. If it was just friendly, that was one thing. He didn’t own Zhou Mi’s time. But he’d been around the matchmaking business long enough to have a few intuitions of his own. “They’ve spent a lot of time alone together the last few weeks. A lot of that’s been my fault.”
Tablo’s eyebrows rose when he caught Eunhyuk’s eye. “Is that bad?”
“I just hope Zhou Mi is taking precaution. He can be really…He’s gotten himself hurt.”
“Him and Kyuhyun, huh?” Tablo murmured, and they watched as Kyuhyun got Zhou Mi in a poorly executed and held headlock.
“I’m probably just imagining things,” he said, and tried to convince himself that it was true.
“So you’d be the reason they met,” Tablo said.
And he knew Tablo didn’t mean that to be quite the stab it felt like. If Zhou Mi got hurt, then yeah, it was his fault. But it wasn’t to that point yet. Maybe it was harmless wondering. He’d have to talk to Zhou Mi about it. They did have a professional standard to look after. That was one reason. He wanted to be worrying for nothing.
But he whooped as Zhou Mi finally dunked Kyuhyun, cheering Zhou Mi on, at least until Zhou Mi disappeared under the water, too. Bested by his own boastful stance. He tried not to laugh himself silly, just waiting for them to tire out and be done with it. But they finally did, trudging out of the water, Zhou Mi’s arm around Kyuhyun’s shoulders. Zhou Mi looked like a very sad wet dog, and Kyuhyun looked little better. They dripped their way up the sand to where Eunhyuk and Tablo had gotten away from the water.
“I’m going into the shower to de-sand myself. And no I do not need help!” Kyuhyun said as Zhou Mi cackled. Kyuhyun made his own way toward the shower room.
Zhou Mi flopped down beside Eunhyuk and made a show of resting his hand on his chest. “He’s brutal! I thought he’d drown me there for a few minutes. I need to work out more.”
“I didn’t say anything,” Eunhyuk said, and got a punch to the thigh for his effort.
“Maybe Kyuhyun is right. We could spend half the week here, right?”
“We could get laptops and work right here,” Eunhyuk agreed. “At least until you two wrestled them into the ocean.”
“We can be professional,” Zhou Mi said, flapping a hand to wave away Eunhyuk’s accusations. “I bet there wouldn’t be much work done. And I like having a desk.”
“At least the picture on your wall looks like a beach.”
“True.” And Zhou Mi leaned around Eunhyuk to speak to Tablo. “You should take Eunhyuk out there and give him a good dunk. It’d do him good.”
“Go shower. You look like you’ve been rolling in a sand hill,” Eunhyuk demanded.
It’d get him away from making suggestions like that. And Zhou Mi pouted, but took his suggestion. They’d already done their playing in the waves, and he could still see Tablo’s smile shifting, fading. Fading to something he couldn’t think about. If going in the water with Tablo hadn’t happened, maybe the kiss wouldn’t have.
He closed his eyes and tried to center himself. At least until the sounds of Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi bickering reached his ears. And he made the halfhearted promise to himself, that they would all stay together after that.
***
Zhou Mi was the one who made the suggestion to walk around after dinner, to see the little town they were staying in. Four wide on the sidewalks was too wide, and they merged between groups of two, switching as they crossed streets. But no matter who he was walking with, Tablo had his eyes on Eunhyuk. The night before had been heavy on him all day. True to his word, Eunhyuk had been nothing but polite. But he could feel the reserve. The thought of it had kept him up long after their talk. And then to sit beside Eunhyuk, to get lunch with him. Hear him muse about Zhou Mi and Kyuhyun- It didn’t actually matter what they were talking about. There was an ease between Zhou Mi and Eunhyuk, and even Zhou Mi and Kyuhyun, that he didn’t have with Eunhyuk. He wondered when he’d gotten so spineless. When he liked someone, he got close to them. Let them know in little ways. He didn’t spent time obsessing about how things would go wrong, unless he saw a problem to start with.
Any other guy, someone he was attracted to, and he’d have been agreeing to a date without a second thought. Dating. The trial of it. He’d stayed friends with some guys he’d dated. And there he was again, assuming. Maybe he wasn’t the most optimistic guy in the universe, but he was not a coward. His whole life he’d fought for where he’d gotten to.
He just had to stop fighting himself. But he tapped Zhou Mi’s elbow, getting his attention.
“We’ll catch up to you in a minute,” he said, and Zhou Mi nodded, though not before glancing at Eunhyuk. And he waited for Zhou Mi and Kyuhyun to get out of earshot before turning to the confused Eunhyuk. It took a moment to figure out the words, organize his thoughts.
“I screwed up last night,” he told Eunhyuk. And that was an understatement. “If you’re okay with it, maybe we can get together after we get back. Get a drink sometime.”
A date. In not too many words.
“I didn’t know six-year-olds could drink,” Eunhyuk said, nearly a scoff.
“I deserve that.” There was no doubt of that, as he took Eunhyuk’s arm. Confusion he expected. He’d confused both of them. “Look, I’m not jerking you around this time.”
“I don’t understand,” Eunhyuk said. “Why the sudden change? Again?”
“I thought a lot today. And I didn’t tell you the other reasons I was having a problem with it. Mostly- I didn’t want to hurt you.”
Eunhyuk blinked. “So you’re saving me from my own choice? Or do you hurt people by default?”
“I don’t try to. But it’s different with you, because you’re not just some guy I’m getting to know and like. I don’t want to hurt you.”
He could almost see the slow slide of understanding, as Eunhyuk realized he wasn’t joking. “I’m not six anymore. You don’t have to protect me. And how does that make you wrong for me, when you’re afraid of that?”
“I didn’t say it made sense. Forgive me for not telling you that. I’ve told you twice I don’t want you. I can’t tell you that again. We took twenty years to find each other again. We shouldn’t have to take that long to figure this out.”
And to prove it, he stepped forward, brushing his lips against Eunhyuk’s. The lightness of a kiss, but not only that. A promise. And he smiled at Eunhyuk’s confused face. One step at a time.
“When we go back, maybe Kyuhyun will switch with us. We can watch TV and hang out,” Tablo suggested.
And maybe talk a little. Maybe kiss a little. But Eunhyuk nodded and agreed.
“I don’t drink,” Eunhyuk said, just before they caught sight of Zhou Mi and Kyuhyun up ahead, waiting for them. “But there are other things we could do.”
And the knot of worry he’d held since the night before, gave way just a little.
***
Eunhyuk was glad that Kyuhyun didn’t seem to mind going over to sit with Zhou Mi. Gathering his computer as soon as they got back, and leaving with a smile for both of them. No doubt there would be talk between Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi, but Eunhyuk wasn’t worried about that. Not about that, or anything else to do with them. All the tension he had, was for Tablo. He wanted to believe, badly. That Tablo meant it, that it wasn’t going to end in some kind of reversal. Another whiplash of a changed mind. Tablo hummed, tossing a bag of dried fruit onto the bed and scooting on after it.
“TV?” Tablo asked, looking up at him with a smile touching his lips.
“You have the remote?” Eunhyuk asked, trying not to laugh. “Or are you planning on turning it on with your mind?”
Tablo pretended he was going to throw the food at Eunhyuk, but Eunhyuk grabbed the remote off the table, sliding onto the bed, and under the arm Tablo threw out to welcome him.
“This way I don’t have to yawn and pretend,” Tablo said, squeezing his shoulder.
It just meant that Eunhyuk got the man the remote.
They settled on the tail end of a drama, sharing the fruit with it propped on one of Tablo’s legs, and discussing. Faces close. Familiar. Not comfortable as much as it was exciting. Seeing their legs stretched out together, hips close. The warmth of Tablo’s arm under his neck, and feeling his laughter. A touch of giddiness, like he was caught in some alternate reality. Especially after having gone to bed berating himself and bargaining that he could erase those feelings entirely.
As the news came on, Eunhyuk muted the TV, turning a bit so they could see each other better.
“Why weren’t you looking to date? You said you were busy, but…”
Tablo frowned, considering Eunhyuk’s question. His bottom lip poked out, adorably, and Eunhyuk wanted to touch it.
“Busy, yeah. Mentally busy. Even if I’d used Heartstrings, and paid for Zhou Mi to match me, it would’ve been exhausting. And trying to find someone off the street is almost non-existent. Why weren’t you dating?”
“Does “I was waiting for you” sound weird? I wasn’t, really. I didn’t expect this. But it felt like I had been,” Eunhyuk said, that little spasm of worry hitting him.
“Yeah,” Tablo said, agreeing. “Meeting you, spending time with you… I didn’t have to try. You just showed up.”
Like before, when he’d showed up at the orphanage with a bag, and a ratty bear, and in need of someone to cling to.
But he wasn’t leaving so soon again.
“So being with me was easy?”
Tablo’s grin was a little sly, and the adoration was almost violent for that expression. But his words were sweet to the anxiety that was tight in Eunhyuk’s throat.
“No, but it’ll let me date you. And here I thought you were going to be at most a few little fantasies. Surprise.” And they laughed together a little at that. The current of truth so awkward and real, that Eunhyuk wasn’t even surprised that it was true for them both. But Tablo cleared his throat, sobering. “I don’t intend to be a lazy boyfriend. If you’ll have me.”
He reached, touching the contours of Tablo’s chin, the mark there. His lips.
“Of course,” Eunhyuk promised.
He had loved Daniel. And in his memories, that love had only grown through the years. A delicate, yet robust fondness. He didn’t know if Tablo understood, how unsteady he was inside. How needy. How close he was to falling, to a place there was no protecting himself. Maybe Tablo didn’t know that love was in his touch, that it had been Eunhyuk’s heart, not his ego, that had been hurting from rejection. But Eunhyuk hid it all, as Tablo turned, as their combined weight on the mattress created a little dent for them to rock against each other, face to face. He looped an arm around Tablo’s ribs, and it was more than symbolic. That Eunhyuk could hold as well, and not just be held. He was the one meeting Tablo’s mouth, tasting sugar and tang, from the dried fruit. And it was his hair that parted for Tablo’s fingers, and his laugh, as Tablo’s foot tickled his. He wanted to tell Tablo that he wouldn’t regret it. Wanted Tablo to believe it.
They were going to try, and the thought of it made him want to shout or squirm. Or both.
He exhaled softly, in lieu of either of those, and Tablo let his head rest down on the pillow.
“Favorite book,” Tablo said, his voice flat. Not even a question, but absolutely one with Tablo’s raised brows. Getting to know each other, one little bit at a time.
And at that thought, it was impossible to hold back the laugh.
***
Kyuhyun’s expression when he showed up at the door was bemused at best, Zhou Mi thought. He had his laptop, again, and took a spot at the desk since Zhou Mi had been sitting at the little table. And Zhou Mi could almost hear the thoughts running through Kyuhyun’s head as he turned to look back at Zhou Mi, before changing his mind and turning back. That happened again before Zhou Mi decided to put him out of his misery.
“Are you wondering why they didn’t just room together to start with?” Zhou Mi asked.
“Kind of,” Kyuhyun said, half turning his chair around with a laugh.
“Since it’s awkward, just getting to know each other again. Tumultuous. Good to have time apart, too, so it doesn’t get to be too much. I know they’re not trying to be rude.”
“No, no, no,” Kyuhyun denied. “I wasn’t thinking that. I probably wouldn’t want to stay with a guy I…er. A guy I was trying to get to know, either. It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it.”
Kyuhyun said it as though he were prying, but it was plain for all to see. “It’s not like there are any secrets we’re revealing. They’re not exactly subtle. But we’ll see.”
“Yeah,” Kyuhyun agreed.
“Oh, so I was watching this movie the night before we left,” Zhou Mi said. He wasn’t deliberately trying to change the topic, but there was only so much they could speculate about before they started rehashing. “It was called “The Village.” Have you seen it?”
“I haven’t.”
Zhou Mi nodded enthusiastically. “I think you’d really like it. I have the DVD with me. It’s too late to watch it tonight, and who knows how long Eunhyuk will be gone, but if we end up sitting together on the ride back tomorrow, we can watch it! If you want to anyway.”
Kyuhyun leaned on the chair behind him as Zhou Mi showed him the movie information. It felt nice to share it with someone. He’d always loved sharing. And Eunhyuk thankfully put up with him doing that. They’d shared more than one obsession that way over the years. But something about Kyuhyun- Something he didn’t let himself think about.
But Kyuhyun had not been long back at his own computer before Zhou Mi was leaping up to grab his cell phone. That it was from Eunhyuk’s cell had his eyebrows raising.
“Hey? Oh, okay. No, that’s fine. Do you mind sleeping in here tonight?” Zhou Mi asked Kyuhyun, sitting on the edge of one of the beds. “He says it’s fine. But his things? I- But he could get…? No. No, of course I can. Sure. Of course. See you in the morning.”
He watched Kyuhyun’s brows rise and fall during the exchange, not even bothering to hide his curiosity.
“So, that was Eunhyuk, as you gathered. He wanted to know if you minded staying here with me. I asked if you could get your things, but apparently he said you can borrow my clothes. Not his of course,” Zhou Mi said, amused.
“I see,” Kyuhyun said. And he thought that said as much for the both of them. Maybe it was totally innocent, but they had no way to know that in the end. But he put it away, because there was nothing for him to do but help Kyuhyun get settled.
“I always pack a pair of extra pajamas in case,” Zhou Mi said, flipping open his suitcase. “Freshly washed, of course! I have extra underwear too if you want, or if just the pants and t-shirt are okay?”
“That’s fine. Anything is fine,” Kyuhyun said.
“I didn’t even ask if you needed anything from your room besides clothes,” Zhou Mi said regretfully. “I have shampoo and stuff you can use. Sorry, I was surprised.”
Kyuhyun took the offered clothes with a grin. “I have my computer. That’s all I needed.”
And Zhou Mi laughed.
***
He showered first, of no design of his own. Leaving Kyuhyun in the bathroom after having showed him the shampoo and conditioner, the soap that Kyuhyun could use. He was the host, after all, even if it was impromptu. He dried his hair, and answered a few work emails as Kyuhyun showered, figuring they could sleep afterward. Or he could, anyway. Kyuhyun was welcome to any time, but it seemed rude to sleep before Kyuhyun got out.
It was one thing, he realized as Kyuhyun walked out, to hand the man his clothes. And another to see Kyuhyun in them. The bright and cheerful design he’d picked out in the pants. The shirt he’d been given that proclaimed he was a fashionista. From Kyuhyun’s bare feet, to the top of his damp head, screamed Zhou Mi’s name over and over. Like he’d branded himself onto Kyuhyun’s existence, simply by giving him a pair of pajama pants that fit Kyuhyun far better than they ever had Zhou Mi. He’d bought them loose because he liked to relax if he wore pants at all. But they hinted at Kyuhyun’s butt and thighs in a way that Kyuhyun’s work slacks didn’t, or even the board shorts from before. He had to close his mouth, before he started babbling nonsense just from seeing Kyuhyun in his clothes. All the more reason to sleep, before his mind did stupid things, like read meaning into that.
“I’m going to sleep,” he said, “but feel free to stay up as long as you want. I have my mask here. Sleep well, though!”
“Thanks,” Kyuhyun said. “You too.”
He hoped so. And half hoped that Kyuhyun would follow him into his dreams.
***
The whimper. Like a frightened puppy. A short, sharp cry. It had Kyuhyun jolting awake, clutching at the blanket over him and staring into the dark. His first thought was that Eunhyuk had come back, but that wasn’t the case, and he rolled to his side, peering at the other bed in time for another sound. Strangled. And he could see Zhou Mi jerk under the blanket.
A nightmare.
“Zhou Mi?” he called, limbs frozen. He could get up, shake Zhou Mi out of it. But he didn’t want to be swung at. But he also wouldn’t want to be stuck in a dream he couldn’t wake from. “Hey, Zhou Mi!”
Zhou Mi gasped, and was perfectly still. He could barely see that kind of detail, searching for any sign Zhou Mi was awake. He got it, as Zhou Mi lifted a hand and touched his head. Quick sighs indicating he was gathering himself. He wasn’t sure he’d want to be called out after something like that. Wasn’t sure if Zhou Mi found it embarrassing, or would only feel guilty for waking Kyuhyun up. But then, it was Zhou Mi, not himself.
“You okay?”
There was rustling from the other bed, and he could see Zhou Mi’s legs move underneath the covers.
“I’m sorry I woke you,” Zhou Mi said.
“Don’t worry about it,” he said, sighing. “A nightmare?”
“It wasn’t one of the bad ones. No, that’s not right. It wasn’t a new one. Those are the worst. At least someone else hasn’t died.”
The way Zhou Mi said that was so resigned. Total belief in what he was experiencing, and the reality surrounding it. It made Kyuhyun’s stomach turn, but the reality of it was, he wasn’t in Zhou Mi’s head. And he was still coming to terms with the nightmares himself. He believed Zhou Mi. Believing in something he couldn’t even fathom was something else. But that Zhou Mi was being traumatized by the events, he knew that without doubt. And that there were two women dead wasn’t up for debate. That was the real tragedy.
He stared at the ceiling in silence for several seconds debating with himself.
“Does it help to talk about it?”
“I wish it did. I wish it took everything away, made it so I didn’t see it any more. The pleas for help hurt, because I wish I could, but I don’t know how to.”
“But you think it’s something you’re seeing so you can help?”
“That’s what I hope,” Zhou Mi said. “Otherwise, it’s needless. It’s terrible that they are dying, and I’ve- I feel awful for hating what I see, because their families lost someone so important. There has to be a point to me feeling their pain.”
“And you said you told Eunhyuk everything. But everything you know matches up with what you see the papers. Have you thought about seeing if you can see crime scene photos, if something leaps out at you? Or maybe you’ll get some kind of intuition about the killer?”
“I’ve thought it. But I don’t know who I’d go to. I’d be labelled a freak, or turned in for mental evaluation. Or be told I was just having a bad reaction to the news.”
Kyuhyun grunted, accepting that. It wasn’t like on TV where people with extra gifts were listened to. “So why this, why now. What connects you to the first murder? There has to be something, or you’d never have seen it.”
“I’d never seen her before. I had never matched any of her family,” Zhou Mi listed off. “I did as much digging as I could, and didn’t see anything. She didn’t even live close to me.”
“Sorry. This is probably all stuff you’ve gone over.”
“Don’t be sorry. You don’t know, and maybe someone will come up with an explanation. I just don’t know anything.”
“Then we should get some sleep.”
“Yeah,” Zhou Mi said. And the laugh was a little ironic. “I’ll try not to wake you up again.”
“You’ll go back to sleep?”
Zhou Mi hummed as though it was a possibility but not a given. Kyuhyun consulted the ceiling again, as though it would give him thoughts. Finally, he sighed and pushed himself onto his feet. When he’d had nightmares as a kid, he’d wanted to be close to someone. And when Eunhyuk had stayed with Zhou Mi, Zhou Mi had seemed less tired the next day.
It was only a few feet to cross, with his pillow.
“Scoot over,” he said, and shooed with his hand also when Zhou Mi lifted his head in confusion.
“You don’t have-“
“I know I don’t have to. Here, hang onto this” Kyuhyun said, and gave Zhou Mi the pillow Zhou Mi’d had his head on. It gave Kyuhyun room to lay down his own pillow and get under the blankets, turning on his side so he faced Zhou Mi. “You’re not alone. So, sleep.”
“Kyuhyun…” Zhou Mi rested a hand over Kyuhyun’s wrist. “You’ve seen the worst of me. I hope I can show you my best, too.”
He figured he’d seen a lot of Zhou Mi, good and bad. Just like anyone had. But he let his body relax, oddly as comforted by Zhou Mi’s presence as he assumed Zhou Mi was by his. It meant he didn’t have to worry that Zhou Mi was rolling around sleeplessly and trying not to disturb Kyuhyun. And there was a great deal of thanks in the fact that he heard Zhou Mi slip into sleep, before he followed.
***
Seoul
A murderer woke from a recurring nightmare. Someone was watching. Someone had seen. Right from the very beginning. Eyes open, hands reaching to stop.
Hands reaching to catch.
At first the dreams were dismissed as nothing, some vestige of a conscience. Some echo of fear of being caught for a transgression, in nightmare form. Again. And again.
It became more than that. Every kill, those eyes were there. Like a shuddering aftershock, a voyeur into nightmares. Not dreams of the kill. The watching.
They drove the want to menace, and scare away, and warn.
Whoever watched needed to close their eyes. Before they saw something they shouldn’t.
***
Kyuhyun woke to noise, and light, comfortably warm and squashed into the mattress as he opened his eyes. The empty bed he’d abandoned, and Eunhyuk beyond it packing his bag. Eunhyuk. It was Eunhyuk and Zhou Mi’s room. And he was in bed with…Zhou Mi. Zhou Mi was against him. He could tell that much.
“Oh!” he croaked, and Eunhyuk looked up, laughing a little as he waved at Kyuhyun.
“Don’t mind me, I was just getting my stuff together. Sorry about the last minute switch last night.”
“Mm.” He thought that counted as an agreement. One shoulder was incredibly warm, as was his lower back.
“I guess you learned the secret Zhou Mi doesn’t like to let out. He is a real cuddler in bed. I almost have to sleep on the floor visiting him, or I kick him to death to get him on his own side.”
“What lies are you telling?” Zhou Mi asked, his voice all molten honey against Kyuhyun’s neck.
Kyuhyun’s nails dug into the edge of the mattress, taking inventory of just how close they were. He was mostly on his stomach, and Zhou Mi was pressed to his side, an arm over him. He tried to remember the last time he’d slept beside anyone like that before, anyone he hadn’t recently had sex with. Even then, the list grew smaller.
He picked his face up out of the pillowcase, and blearily craned his head back.
“Where did the other pillow go?”
The one Zhou Mi had been clutching, the one Kyuhyun had intended as a barrier. He got a chuckle, and saw Zhou Mi move his hand to point down between the beds. Zhou Mi’s pillow, on the floor on Kyuhyun’s side of the bed. Somehow Zhou Mi had pushed it, thrown it, who knew. It meant no pillow, and a lot of Zhou Mi touching. And he still wasn’t conscious enough to funnel it in any way other than unfortunate and immediate arousal. Ah, that’s what Zhou Mi would feel like in bed. Ah, I got a good night sleep anyway, and he’s warm. I could fall asleep just like this. Or he could jerk me off, that too.
Though obviously not with Eunhyuk there, or probably actually never. He sat up with a yawn, carefully sure Zhou Mi’s arm disentangled from him, before grabbing the pillow from the floor and flopping it over Zhou Mi’s head and shoulders. He got a laugh, and reasoned that there was no point in feeling awkward. It wasn’t like they’d been naked. But that didn’t mean he lingered, grabbing up his clothes and laptop and hustling back to his own motel room so he could change and pack as well.
Both beds had been slept in, when he slipped into the room where Tablo and Eunhyuk had stayed. But then again, so had both the beds in Zhou Mi’s room and he’d still been found - innocently - in Zhou Mi’s bed. He just had a dirty mind, jumping to conclusions. The shower was running, so he got out clothes for the return trip and packed everything else up. He’d wash Zhou Mi’s pajamas and return them, but otherwise he was good to go. And snacks left, check. He’d definitely made sure of that for the trip. Laptop was charged so he and Zhou Mi could watch that movie.
“Bathroom is free,” Tablo said, coming out with a towel around his neck.
“Sure, thanks,” he said.
“Kyuhyun… Sorry for making you sleep over there. Eunhyuk and I, we’re…” Tablo paused, patting a half curled fist with his other hand as he looked at the door. As though he was looking at Eunhyuk. “We needed some time together.”
“It’s okay. Bed was the same over there as it was here. Besides, it’s not every day you find someone again like that.”
He was pretty sure that wasn’t what Tablo was talking about, but that was certainly all he felt comfortable discussing at the moment. But Tablo let him go, and they had all gotten ready and eaten in time for their bus back into the city. Zhou Mi wriggled, getting comfortable beside him, as Kyuhyun queued up the movie from Zhou Mi’s DVD.
“You’ll really like it,” Zhou Mi promised him, and took the offered earbud.
“Is there compensation if I don’t?”
Zhou Mi just elbowed him and settled in.
But they weren’t half an hour into watching it before movement had them looking up.
“Sorry,” Eunhyuk said. “Can I switch places with you?”
He was looking at Kyuhyun. Kyuhyun blinked and found no reasonable way to refuse, even as he paused the movie. He avoided Zhou Mi’s apologetic look. Not like it was his fault. But he grabbed up his things and stood, stepping out so Eunhyuk could sit, and taking the seat beside Tablo instead. He packed away his computer. No use in watching the movie by himself. He felt vaguely guilty that he hadn’t thought of Donghae almost at all, during the weekend, and sent out a quick text to let him know they were on their way back. He got smiley faces in return, and an offer to go to a movie a couple of days later. Which he accepted. He’d missed out seeing a movie with Zhou Mi, and was going to see one with Donghae. Of course.
He sighed, and used his handheld game to amuse himself the rest of the trip, keeping himself from looking over at Zhou Mi.
***
Author: Coley Merrin
Pairings: Zhou Mi/Kyuhyun, Tablo/Eunhyuk
Other: various
Rating: R
Genre: AU, crime, romance
Warnings: violence, death (not of main characters)
Summary: Zhou Mi’s focus is Heartstrings, a dating company where love is more than just a guarantee - it's in Zhou Mi’s blood. A matchmaking gift he’s used with gladness, until a series of murders has it shaping his nightmares.
Eunhyuk, his business partner, can’t let go of his tumultuous past. But finding a man he’s been looking for over half his life has repercussions not only for him, but for Zhou Mi and their future.
Chapter One * Chapter Two * Chapter Three * Chapter Four * Chapter Five * Chapter Six * Chapter Seven * Chapter Eight * Chapter Nine * Chapter Ten
***
Eunhyuk.
Finding a childhood friend should not have been that full of uncertainty, Tablo thought. One day a business partner, the next day a long lost friend, and the next confessing interest in dating him. It made his head spin, the quickness of it all. He’d barely gotten used to the idea that Eunhyuk was Hyukjae was Eunhyuk. Twenty years and some separating them. He hadn’t been lying when he’d told Eunhyuk that he didn’t think them getting together was a good idea. He didn’t know how to even think about it, and hiding behind the idea that he wasn’t looking for a relationship was easiest. But the idea wasn’t so easily laid to rest.
Accepting the trip to the ocean had come with some reluctance. But it wasn’t just Eunhyuk. It was also Kyuhyun, his employee, and Eunhyuk’s business partner. Maybe not the smart thing, but the right thing.
He’d asked himself a thousand questions and gave as many denials, but having Eunhyuk all but wash up against him in the water, wet and close, destroyed them. As he showered, washing off any lingering hint of sand and sea water, he couldn’t get it out of his head. Ten more seconds and he’d have been kissing the salt from Eunhyuk’s lips, and there wouldn’t have been any common sense stopping him. It was the immediate, inexplicable attraction- not the first he’d ever had in his life. Something magnetic about Eunhyuk that he couldn’t explain. When Eunhyuk’s eyes had opened. Not begging, but an invitation. Something he couldn’t let rest.
“Hey,” he said to Kyuhyun, who was starting to get settled for the night. “Sorry to ask this, but I need to talk Eunhyuk.”
Kyuhyun blinked up at him. “You want me to go over to their room for a while? I guess I can send him back?”
Tablo let out a breath. “Yes. That’d be great. Thank you.”
“Sure.”
It was torture to wait on the edge of the bed, staring at the door and waiting for the knock. The room Zhou Mi and Eunhyuk were in wasn’t far down the hall. He considered changing his mind, turning Eunhyuk back, but nothing made sense. Nothing got resolved without at least talking. And finally, the knock.
“Hey, thanks for coming,” Tablo said, letting Eunhyuk into the room.
“No problem. You needed something?”
“I wanted to…talk,” Tablo said.
And that sounded wrong. Tablo wasn’t sure those words ever ended in something good.
“I like talking,” Eunhyuk said, but they both paused not far in.
Eunhyuk didn’t move away from him, Tablo gave him credit for that. Standing close and looking at him directly.
“It’s about earlier, in the water. I know we talked before. You’re an attractive man. Attractive to me, but-“
It seemed that Eunhyuk could see it coming from miles away, stopping Tablo’s explanation. Adding more. More excuses.
“But proximity is confusing, and today didn’t mean anything,” Eunhyuk said, listing them off. “You’re not looking to date anyone. And our past makes it difficult.”
Tablo wasn’t sure if he wanted to be amused or uncomfortable. How easily Eunhyuk read him. “I don’t mean to confuse you.”
The sound Eunhyuk made was something close to disbelief but not quite. “But you’re succeeding anyway.”
“Look, this is weird all around, isn’t it?”
It felt weird. From a man who was certainly striking, but nothing different than anyone he worked with every day. A facet of business, not a possibility for anything more. Not every man intrigued him enough to even give them a passing thought. But he’d remembered Eunhyuk for more than the blond hair. Something in his smile. Maybe it’d been an echo of when they’d know each other as kids, but that was a long shot. And it was something he tried to tell himself to make his whole mess of confusion try and make sense.
“I don’t know if it has to be weird,” Eunhyuk said, and Tablo tried not to hear any hurt in that. “But I understand if you think it is. You wanted to kiss me today?”
Tablo blew out a breath. ”Yeah.”
“And weird is what’s stopping you?”
Eunhyuk stepped forward, and it was obvious, the determination on his face. The way his eyes latched at Tablo’s mouth. If it hadn’t have been wanted, he could’ve moved, said something. Instead of a wave causing the stumble, it was because Eunhyuk took a step, and then another. Watching Eunhyuk’s chin tip as he did so.
And Eunhyuk’s mouth was warm and giving, as they pressed together. Kisses, small and neat, that drove reality from his brain. The whimper from Eunhyuk’s throat as Tablo’s body molded to his, pressing back his head, kissing with an urgency he could not have dreamed. Eunhyuk’s arm beneath his hand, shooting goosebumps over his skin. A chill, with heat flushing right after.
And then, to see Eunhyuk standing there, eyes huge and impossibly dark. Illusion of the hair, he knew it. But it didn’t make his concentration waver. Staring down at Eunhyuk’s wet mouth as they parted, and hardly believing. And Eunhyuk’s mouth quirked, the beginnings of a smile, that grew. It was almost like he could feel it, making him want to smile as well. To nuzzle close, and laugh, secure-
“Hyukjae,” Tablo murmured. And Eunhyuk looked up, surprise written all over him. The name was subtle on his lips, from some deep place he hadn’t even realized. That smile, that happy laugh.
”Daniel,” Hyukjae said, bottom lip trembling as he tried to be strong. The scrape on his knee wasn’t much, but it had been a start, Hyukjae all but tumbling through the door. But a bandaid later, and Hyukjae sat with him against the wall. Grubby sneakers with half tied laces stretching not nearly as far as his own. But Hyukjae copied his stance and looked up at him with joy. Adoration. And he read to Hyukjae until they’d been called for dinner.
Hyukjae.
Even if he knew, rationally, that the man in front of him wasn’t that little boy, in that moment he couldn’t shake it. There was a man’s face, man’s voice, man’s body, within reach. His hands that had gripped Eunhyuk in want, allowed Eunhyuk to kiss him. Tasted Eunhyuk’s mouth and felt his sighs, and for even one moment thought that it could work.
Tablo stepped back abruptly, shaking his head. Touching his mouth as though he’d tasted something dangerous.
“I can’t. I say that, I think about that, and I remember when you were six, and it just feels… I don’t even know what anymore.”
Dangerous and wrong. Weird didn’t even cover it. Not wanting a relationship didn’t quantify it. He’d had relationships good and bad, ones that had ended both of his own fault and not. He could take Eunhyuk to bed, date him, fall for him. But he had no idea if he ended up hurting Eunhyuk, if it would be that six-year-old smile, so full of trust that he saw. And then to see it fade. It didn’t matter if it was logical. It felt real. Eunhyuk didn’t get it, but there was no way he could. He didn’t know how he was supposed to live up to one of the few unsullied memories he had. The child that believed in him.
The man he wanted.
“I’m not six years old any more!” Eunhyuk uttered, voice unreadable.
“I know you’re not.”
His nails dug into his palms as he watched Eunhyuk flounder in his own head. Mouth falling open as he breathed, eyes darting. He could’ve stopped it. He could’ve stepped forward and taken Eunhyuk’s shoulders and kissed him, assured him. Or maybe opened his mouth and talked about all the twisting, confusing feelings inside of him. It was odd right then that he wanted to hear Eunhyuk sing, like they had that night with their guitars. Hearing Eunhyuk’s amusement in his voice, and knowing right then that he was in trouble.
“If being in matchmaking taught me anything, it’s that things change, and that there is always someone out there, somewhere. We’re friends, and that’s how we should stay,” Eunhyuk said.
“Us as friends never changed,” Tablo agreed, and put his hand on Eunhyuk’s shoulder. Not the kind of contact he’d wanted, it was clear, but he didn’t trust himself touching Eunhyuk’s hand. Eunhyuk nodded, pursing his lips a moment before speaking.
“We’ll have plenty of the weekend left to just hang out. Which is all I ever planned on from the start.”
Eunhyuk’s clarification was another nick against the already oozing wound. Of course, Eunhyuk had graciously accepted his rejection. But something had gone horribly wrong ever since.
“I know. It wasn’t your…fault.” And Tablo flinched. Not quite the word he’d have chosen.
“I should go so Kyuhyun can get some rest. I’ll see you at breakfast.”
It was odd that as Eunhyuk turned to go, he did not see that day - when Hyukjae had left. The day his life had altered in a way he didn’t like to remember. Kind of odd to admit, that a little pipsqueak leaving the orphanage had made such an impact. He didn’t see that day, so much as feel as though he were recreating it, but of his own doing. Fuck, get ahold of yourself, he urged himself. Eunhyuk leaving wasn’t like that. They were solid, they’d exist as friends. Or-
Or what?
The door was half open when he said, “Eunhyuk, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” Eunhyuk said over his shoulder, flashing a smile.
Though as Eunhyuk closed the door behind himself, that was the last thing Tablo really meant.
***
Zhou Mi stalked the hammock. Or at least, Zhou Mi thought that was a good way of describing it. They had eaten breakfast, watched a little TV in the restaurant, before walking down to the beach. It had been exactly what he’d wanted, the four of them wandering along the sand, posing by rock formations, and getting their feet wet. Wasting time, in the best of ways. But even as he walked beside Eunhyuk, his eye was on the hammock and the people resting in it. Waiting for them to go. If someone else got to it first-
“Earth to Zhou Mi?”
He blinked at Eunhyuk. “Yes?”
“Lunch. You want? Or are you soaking up nutrients from the sand.”
He glanced down at his sandy feet in skepticism. But food sounded good.
“We can eat here on the beach,” he suggested. “Get sandwiches and drinks, and spend some more quality time with the water.”
Everyone agreed. And it made him happy, because Eunhyuk volunteered himself and Tablo to go get the food, while Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi staked out a spot to eat. He didn’t really care where they ate, he just knew where he wanted to wait for them to get back.
The speculation about undid him, watching Eunhyuk walk away with Tablo, gestures and conversation he couldn’t hear. Eunhyuk had been gone for half an hour at the most the night before, as the exiled Kyuhyun had used his laptop at the desk near Zhou Mi. He hadn’t felt right pondering out loud about Eunhyuk’s impromptu visit, though Kyuhyun surely wondered about it as well. They’d arranged the rooms as they had on Eunhyuk’s suggestion, and it had been fine to Zhou Mi. He was used to rooming with Eunhyuk, and he thought it’d work fine. But Eunhyuk hadn’t wanted to talk about it when he’d come back and apologized, telling Kyuhyun he was free to go back whenever. Kyuhyun had left right away, raising his eyebrows at Zhou Mi and getting a smile in return.
He’d been watching Tablo and Eunhyuk all morning. A little cool, maybe. But probably nothing for Zhou Mi to worry about, given that they were still willing to spend time alone together. Eunhyuk seemed antsy, but if he said something before Eunhyuk was ready for help, he didn’t know if his head would still be attached. He’d have to wait and see.
But his stalking paid off, as the family that had been near the hammock left. He waved Kyuhyun along, and all but rolled into the hammock’s rope structure, sprawling out in satisfaction.
“Looks like you found the best place to relax,” Kyuhyun said, and swung the hammock to tease Zhou Mi into grabbing at it. It worked, and he glared up at Kyuhyun in mock anger. Though with a ripe sense of caution, in case Kyuhyun thought about dumping him out of it.
“They’ll be gone a while,” Zhou Mi said, making a show of throwing out his arm. “There’s room for more than just me here.”
It was an offer he’d have made to any friend. And he didn’t mean it in any seductive way. It was a hammock, not a proposition. And the fact that he even had to reason that with himself made him unhappy, because if he couldn’t be relaxed about it, then there was no way Kyuhyun would be. Kyuhyun had a very natural debate of is own, before lifting one shoulder and grasping the edge.
“Okay. Don’t let your hip sweat on me,” Kyuhyun joked as he slid down into the hammock, kicking off his flip flops as he did so.
His neck naturally curved over Zhou Mi’s arm, and he heard the sigh as Kyuhyun relaxed. The hammock gently coming back to a swinging motion with their combined weight.
“Nice pillow,” Kyuhyun murmured, and Zhou Mi laughed.
They got themselves situated, feet resting close together, hips against each other. Just enough ambient breeze to cool them in the heat, with the sound of the waves not far. And people, but that was a dull buzz to the the other elements. Food and drinks were on their way, he was comfortable. That little bit of strength he drew from another’s presence, soothing him. He let his head rock to the side, closer to Kyuhyun’s head. Utterly at peace as he listened to Kyuhyun breathe, staring at Kyuhyun’s profile. Nose, mouth, chin. The quirk of his eyebrows, and imagining the dimple the popped when he smiled. And the gentle movement of the hammock lulled him into a restful stupor.
He was rudely jolted out of his reverie by the hammock being shaken.
“I don’t think all four of us can fit on there to eat,” Eunhyuk said, and it got a groan out of both of them. Kyuhyun flailed for the edge and tried to pull himself over, which had Zhou Mi rolling into his back - and trying to reach so they didn’t roll right out. It planted his face in Kyuhyun’s hair, which at any other time would have been something he appreciated.
“The line was enormous,” Tablo agreed. “But I guess they think it’s naptime, not lunchtime.”
“I’m up, I’m up!” Zhou Mi protested.
He was pretty sure he heard Kyuhyun’s stomach growl. And grinned, as he got a handhold and got himself up before the others got any nasty ideas about forcing him out. Extracting himself from Kyuhyun on one side, and then pulling Kyuhyun onto his feet as well. And he couldn’t help the laugh as he petted down the back of Kyuhyun’s hair as Kyuhyun stared at him with sleepy eyes. Just a little fluffed from having his head on the hammock ropes, and somehow adorably three again for a moment as he got his bearings. At least until he spotted Tablo and Eunhyuk unpacking the food. He sent Zhou Mi a cockeyed grin, and creeped on the food instead. It had Zhou Mi looking back at the hammock, feeling Kyuhyun against him. He rubbed his arm, where Kyuhyun had been, inhaled and remembered the scent of his hair. Solid, warm, and real. And not his to take.
***
Kyuhyun managed to sit in a non-bumpy spot to unwrap his sandwich. It took a few moments for the cobwebs to sweep out of his brain, going from mostly asleep to upright in a matter of too-few minutes. Sleeping beside Zhou Mi had its benefits, clearly, if there was a hammock involved. He could’ve easily stayed there for another hour, just lazing.. The light swinging and airiness of it had its appeal. And there were worse people to share it with. It wasn’t so much that Zhou Mi was a bad option as he was a dangerous one. But the desire for comfort had won out against propriety, since the only other option had been sitting on the sand beside the hammock and pretending to be a sea turtle.
Of course, he watched Zhou Mi have a slight food war with a piece of lettuce, and that made everything okay again. He stretched his shoulders and sighed with contentment. Stomach full, not too hot. Pretty good company.
“You sure we cant just move the office to right here?”
“I don’t know how many clients would be willing to come all this way for meetings,” Zhou Mi said, chortling. And then wrapping his lips around his straw, distractingly. Or distracting to him at least. Eunhyuk and Tablo weren’t paying the slightest bit of attention. Maybe that was more reason to question what was going on in his head. But he hadn’t been the only one on that hammock. And that moment getting out, with Zhou Mi snugged unwittingly against his back and breathing into his neck. It brought too many images, both sexy and sweet.
And he wasn’t sure if he wanted those images. It’d be easier not to, by far. Of course he couldn’t have had a boss who was old and unattractive. He had to get a guy who laughed at almost everything, even when he was hurting inside.
“Time for another nap,” Zhou Mi said, leaning into Kyuhyun’s shoulder.
“Did you not sleep last night?”
“I did,” Zhou Mi said, but he looked down so quickly that it nearly gave Kyuhyun whiplash. Either something to do with the nightmares, or perhaps he and Eunhyuk had stayed up talking. He blew a breath out, and considered his options. It wasn’t anything, really. Something he’d have offered a friend.
“You can sleep if you want,” he said, jostling his shoulder and offering it.
Zhou Mi looked back at him, eyes meeting first as Zhou Mi’s head rose slowly. Mouth parted in something a little like surprise.
“Kyuhyun…”
“Hey, let’s go walk off that food,” Eunhyuk said, not having heard their exchange. Eunhyuk and Tablo were both standing, and Zhou Mi laughed, boosting himself up, too.
Kyuhyun trailed behind the others for a few moments, berating himself for offering when it had gotten that response. Not that it had been bad, it had been grateful, and maybe even happy. And if he knew how to get that kind of a response once, he didn’t want to know how he’d act trying to get it again. Tipping his little crush and slight attraction into something obvious, something Zhou Mi would notice. And he imagined that smile turning into pity, trying to let Kyuhyun down gently, and it flipped his stomach just thinking about it.
“We should bury someone in the sand,” Eunhyuk said.
Zhou Mi stopped short as everyone looked at him. “Not me! I’m too tall! You’ll give yourselves indigestion if you tried.”
“Don’t you like how he threatens us?” Eunhyuk said airily. “That just means he-“
“You! No, it should be Kyuhyun!”
Betrayed, Kyuhyun started backing away.
“No way. Just because I’m the newest-”
He didn’t count on Zhou Mi’s long arms, and the struggle was a meager one between him and a guy who looks like he weighed nothing soaking wet. But he wasn’t immune to tackling, as the full force of Zhou Mi’s weight toppled him into the sand.
“Not fair,” he croaked, and got his retaliation in. A handful of wet sand, smeared down Zhou Mi’s cheek and neck. Tablo and Eunhyuk were laughing, as Zhou Mi made the world’s most indignant sound. And not crawling, not squirming, nothing got him far enough away, as he felt the back of his shorts being lifted and something wet being squished down into them.
He stayed very still on his belly as Zhou Mi patted just above his butt.
“Did you just put wet sand down my pants?” Kyuhyun asked, his voice very calm.
“Ye-s,” Zhou Mi sing-songed.
“You should probably not be there when I stand up.”
That was his only warning. If they were having a sand war, he was game. Zhou Mi would get sand in every place he didn’t want it. He could feel the water from the compressed sand snaking down his hips. He’d chosen a bad, bad day not to wear underwear under the board shorts.
Zhou Mi took his warning, darting down the sand and into the water. Just where Kyuhyun wanted him.
And he sprinkled sand out of his shorts, chasing Zhou Mi all the way.
***
So much for burying someone in the sand. But watching Zhou Mi trying to fend off Kyuhyun’s attacks in the water was almost as amusing. Eunhyuk hadn’t expected them to just go after each other like that. Zhou Mi didn’t exactly have control of his voice, so his shrieks were very audible as Kyuhyun’s splashed him, and they rolled like seals in the surf as Zhou Mi tried to evade being dunked.
“Might as well walk until they’re done,” he told Tablo, and sank his toes into the cooler sand for a moment before starting toward the water. “Or we could bury you?”
“Don’t even think about it,” Tablo warned, walking beside him.
He couldn’t help the laugh, watching Zhou Mi and Kyuhyun come to some kind of truce as they panted and squared off. It had turned into a comedy show, Kyuhyun trying to get the sand out of his shorts, and Zhou Mi trying to make waves for him. But to watch it next to Tablo, who was making little waves of his own as he laughed as well. He blocked the night before again, for the hundredth time. He couldn’t obsess, or he’d ruin the weekend for himself. But even distracted by that, he noted how much had changed between Zhou Mi and Kyuhyun. Finding them together in the hammock, watching them wrestle in the water. He half believed he’d missed some big development, but Zhou Mi wouldn’t have kept that from him. And he wasn’t sure what to think about it.
The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them.
“They’ve gotten close,” Eunhyuk said, steadying himself as a wave rolled in, and watching his two friends cavort in the water.
“That’s normal isn’t it? How long has Kyuhyun been there?”
“No.” That wasn’t what he meant at all. If it was just friendly, that was one thing. He didn’t own Zhou Mi’s time. But he’d been around the matchmaking business long enough to have a few intuitions of his own. “They’ve spent a lot of time alone together the last few weeks. A lot of that’s been my fault.”
Tablo’s eyebrows rose when he caught Eunhyuk’s eye. “Is that bad?”
“I just hope Zhou Mi is taking precaution. He can be really…He’s gotten himself hurt.”
“Him and Kyuhyun, huh?” Tablo murmured, and they watched as Kyuhyun got Zhou Mi in a poorly executed and held headlock.
“I’m probably just imagining things,” he said, and tried to convince himself that it was true.
“So you’d be the reason they met,” Tablo said.
And he knew Tablo didn’t mean that to be quite the stab it felt like. If Zhou Mi got hurt, then yeah, it was his fault. But it wasn’t to that point yet. Maybe it was harmless wondering. He’d have to talk to Zhou Mi about it. They did have a professional standard to look after. That was one reason. He wanted to be worrying for nothing.
But he whooped as Zhou Mi finally dunked Kyuhyun, cheering Zhou Mi on, at least until Zhou Mi disappeared under the water, too. Bested by his own boastful stance. He tried not to laugh himself silly, just waiting for them to tire out and be done with it. But they finally did, trudging out of the water, Zhou Mi’s arm around Kyuhyun’s shoulders. Zhou Mi looked like a very sad wet dog, and Kyuhyun looked little better. They dripped their way up the sand to where Eunhyuk and Tablo had gotten away from the water.
“I’m going into the shower to de-sand myself. And no I do not need help!” Kyuhyun said as Zhou Mi cackled. Kyuhyun made his own way toward the shower room.
Zhou Mi flopped down beside Eunhyuk and made a show of resting his hand on his chest. “He’s brutal! I thought he’d drown me there for a few minutes. I need to work out more.”
“I didn’t say anything,” Eunhyuk said, and got a punch to the thigh for his effort.
“Maybe Kyuhyun is right. We could spend half the week here, right?”
“We could get laptops and work right here,” Eunhyuk agreed. “At least until you two wrestled them into the ocean.”
“We can be professional,” Zhou Mi said, flapping a hand to wave away Eunhyuk’s accusations. “I bet there wouldn’t be much work done. And I like having a desk.”
“At least the picture on your wall looks like a beach.”
“True.” And Zhou Mi leaned around Eunhyuk to speak to Tablo. “You should take Eunhyuk out there and give him a good dunk. It’d do him good.”
“Go shower. You look like you’ve been rolling in a sand hill,” Eunhyuk demanded.
It’d get him away from making suggestions like that. And Zhou Mi pouted, but took his suggestion. They’d already done their playing in the waves, and he could still see Tablo’s smile shifting, fading. Fading to something he couldn’t think about. If going in the water with Tablo hadn’t happened, maybe the kiss wouldn’t have.
He closed his eyes and tried to center himself. At least until the sounds of Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi bickering reached his ears. And he made the halfhearted promise to himself, that they would all stay together after that.
***
Zhou Mi was the one who made the suggestion to walk around after dinner, to see the little town they were staying in. Four wide on the sidewalks was too wide, and they merged between groups of two, switching as they crossed streets. But no matter who he was walking with, Tablo had his eyes on Eunhyuk. The night before had been heavy on him all day. True to his word, Eunhyuk had been nothing but polite. But he could feel the reserve. The thought of it had kept him up long after their talk. And then to sit beside Eunhyuk, to get lunch with him. Hear him muse about Zhou Mi and Kyuhyun- It didn’t actually matter what they were talking about. There was an ease between Zhou Mi and Eunhyuk, and even Zhou Mi and Kyuhyun, that he didn’t have with Eunhyuk. He wondered when he’d gotten so spineless. When he liked someone, he got close to them. Let them know in little ways. He didn’t spent time obsessing about how things would go wrong, unless he saw a problem to start with.
Any other guy, someone he was attracted to, and he’d have been agreeing to a date without a second thought. Dating. The trial of it. He’d stayed friends with some guys he’d dated. And there he was again, assuming. Maybe he wasn’t the most optimistic guy in the universe, but he was not a coward. His whole life he’d fought for where he’d gotten to.
He just had to stop fighting himself. But he tapped Zhou Mi’s elbow, getting his attention.
“We’ll catch up to you in a minute,” he said, and Zhou Mi nodded, though not before glancing at Eunhyuk. And he waited for Zhou Mi and Kyuhyun to get out of earshot before turning to the confused Eunhyuk. It took a moment to figure out the words, organize his thoughts.
“I screwed up last night,” he told Eunhyuk. And that was an understatement. “If you’re okay with it, maybe we can get together after we get back. Get a drink sometime.”
A date. In not too many words.
“I didn’t know six-year-olds could drink,” Eunhyuk said, nearly a scoff.
“I deserve that.” There was no doubt of that, as he took Eunhyuk’s arm. Confusion he expected. He’d confused both of them. “Look, I’m not jerking you around this time.”
“I don’t understand,” Eunhyuk said. “Why the sudden change? Again?”
“I thought a lot today. And I didn’t tell you the other reasons I was having a problem with it. Mostly- I didn’t want to hurt you.”
Eunhyuk blinked. “So you’re saving me from my own choice? Or do you hurt people by default?”
“I don’t try to. But it’s different with you, because you’re not just some guy I’m getting to know and like. I don’t want to hurt you.”
He could almost see the slow slide of understanding, as Eunhyuk realized he wasn’t joking. “I’m not six anymore. You don’t have to protect me. And how does that make you wrong for me, when you’re afraid of that?”
“I didn’t say it made sense. Forgive me for not telling you that. I’ve told you twice I don’t want you. I can’t tell you that again. We took twenty years to find each other again. We shouldn’t have to take that long to figure this out.”
And to prove it, he stepped forward, brushing his lips against Eunhyuk’s. The lightness of a kiss, but not only that. A promise. And he smiled at Eunhyuk’s confused face. One step at a time.
“When we go back, maybe Kyuhyun will switch with us. We can watch TV and hang out,” Tablo suggested.
And maybe talk a little. Maybe kiss a little. But Eunhyuk nodded and agreed.
“I don’t drink,” Eunhyuk said, just before they caught sight of Zhou Mi and Kyuhyun up ahead, waiting for them. “But there are other things we could do.”
And the knot of worry he’d held since the night before, gave way just a little.
***
Eunhyuk was glad that Kyuhyun didn’t seem to mind going over to sit with Zhou Mi. Gathering his computer as soon as they got back, and leaving with a smile for both of them. No doubt there would be talk between Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi, but Eunhyuk wasn’t worried about that. Not about that, or anything else to do with them. All the tension he had, was for Tablo. He wanted to believe, badly. That Tablo meant it, that it wasn’t going to end in some kind of reversal. Another whiplash of a changed mind. Tablo hummed, tossing a bag of dried fruit onto the bed and scooting on after it.
“TV?” Tablo asked, looking up at him with a smile touching his lips.
“You have the remote?” Eunhyuk asked, trying not to laugh. “Or are you planning on turning it on with your mind?”
Tablo pretended he was going to throw the food at Eunhyuk, but Eunhyuk grabbed the remote off the table, sliding onto the bed, and under the arm Tablo threw out to welcome him.
“This way I don’t have to yawn and pretend,” Tablo said, squeezing his shoulder.
It just meant that Eunhyuk got the man the remote.
They settled on the tail end of a drama, sharing the fruit with it propped on one of Tablo’s legs, and discussing. Faces close. Familiar. Not comfortable as much as it was exciting. Seeing their legs stretched out together, hips close. The warmth of Tablo’s arm under his neck, and feeling his laughter. A touch of giddiness, like he was caught in some alternate reality. Especially after having gone to bed berating himself and bargaining that he could erase those feelings entirely.
As the news came on, Eunhyuk muted the TV, turning a bit so they could see each other better.
“Why weren’t you looking to date? You said you were busy, but…”
Tablo frowned, considering Eunhyuk’s question. His bottom lip poked out, adorably, and Eunhyuk wanted to touch it.
“Busy, yeah. Mentally busy. Even if I’d used Heartstrings, and paid for Zhou Mi to match me, it would’ve been exhausting. And trying to find someone off the street is almost non-existent. Why weren’t you dating?”
“Does “I was waiting for you” sound weird? I wasn’t, really. I didn’t expect this. But it felt like I had been,” Eunhyuk said, that little spasm of worry hitting him.
“Yeah,” Tablo said, agreeing. “Meeting you, spending time with you… I didn’t have to try. You just showed up.”
Like before, when he’d showed up at the orphanage with a bag, and a ratty bear, and in need of someone to cling to.
But he wasn’t leaving so soon again.
“So being with me was easy?”
Tablo’s grin was a little sly, and the adoration was almost violent for that expression. But his words were sweet to the anxiety that was tight in Eunhyuk’s throat.
“No, but it’ll let me date you. And here I thought you were going to be at most a few little fantasies. Surprise.” And they laughed together a little at that. The current of truth so awkward and real, that Eunhyuk wasn’t even surprised that it was true for them both. But Tablo cleared his throat, sobering. “I don’t intend to be a lazy boyfriend. If you’ll have me.”
He reached, touching the contours of Tablo’s chin, the mark there. His lips.
“Of course,” Eunhyuk promised.
He had loved Daniel. And in his memories, that love had only grown through the years. A delicate, yet robust fondness. He didn’t know if Tablo understood, how unsteady he was inside. How needy. How close he was to falling, to a place there was no protecting himself. Maybe Tablo didn’t know that love was in his touch, that it had been Eunhyuk’s heart, not his ego, that had been hurting from rejection. But Eunhyuk hid it all, as Tablo turned, as their combined weight on the mattress created a little dent for them to rock against each other, face to face. He looped an arm around Tablo’s ribs, and it was more than symbolic. That Eunhyuk could hold as well, and not just be held. He was the one meeting Tablo’s mouth, tasting sugar and tang, from the dried fruit. And it was his hair that parted for Tablo’s fingers, and his laugh, as Tablo’s foot tickled his. He wanted to tell Tablo that he wouldn’t regret it. Wanted Tablo to believe it.
They were going to try, and the thought of it made him want to shout or squirm. Or both.
He exhaled softly, in lieu of either of those, and Tablo let his head rest down on the pillow.
“Favorite book,” Tablo said, his voice flat. Not even a question, but absolutely one with Tablo’s raised brows. Getting to know each other, one little bit at a time.
And at that thought, it was impossible to hold back the laugh.
***
Kyuhyun’s expression when he showed up at the door was bemused at best, Zhou Mi thought. He had his laptop, again, and took a spot at the desk since Zhou Mi had been sitting at the little table. And Zhou Mi could almost hear the thoughts running through Kyuhyun’s head as he turned to look back at Zhou Mi, before changing his mind and turning back. That happened again before Zhou Mi decided to put him out of his misery.
“Are you wondering why they didn’t just room together to start with?” Zhou Mi asked.
“Kind of,” Kyuhyun said, half turning his chair around with a laugh.
“Since it’s awkward, just getting to know each other again. Tumultuous. Good to have time apart, too, so it doesn’t get to be too much. I know they’re not trying to be rude.”
“No, no, no,” Kyuhyun denied. “I wasn’t thinking that. I probably wouldn’t want to stay with a guy I…er. A guy I was trying to get to know, either. It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it.”
Kyuhyun said it as though he were prying, but it was plain for all to see. “It’s not like there are any secrets we’re revealing. They’re not exactly subtle. But we’ll see.”
“Yeah,” Kyuhyun agreed.
“Oh, so I was watching this movie the night before we left,” Zhou Mi said. He wasn’t deliberately trying to change the topic, but there was only so much they could speculate about before they started rehashing. “It was called “The Village.” Have you seen it?”
“I haven’t.”
Zhou Mi nodded enthusiastically. “I think you’d really like it. I have the DVD with me. It’s too late to watch it tonight, and who knows how long Eunhyuk will be gone, but if we end up sitting together on the ride back tomorrow, we can watch it! If you want to anyway.”
Kyuhyun leaned on the chair behind him as Zhou Mi showed him the movie information. It felt nice to share it with someone. He’d always loved sharing. And Eunhyuk thankfully put up with him doing that. They’d shared more than one obsession that way over the years. But something about Kyuhyun- Something he didn’t let himself think about.
But Kyuhyun had not been long back at his own computer before Zhou Mi was leaping up to grab his cell phone. That it was from Eunhyuk’s cell had his eyebrows raising.
“Hey? Oh, okay. No, that’s fine. Do you mind sleeping in here tonight?” Zhou Mi asked Kyuhyun, sitting on the edge of one of the beds. “He says it’s fine. But his things? I- But he could get…? No. No, of course I can. Sure. Of course. See you in the morning.”
He watched Kyuhyun’s brows rise and fall during the exchange, not even bothering to hide his curiosity.
“So, that was Eunhyuk, as you gathered. He wanted to know if you minded staying here with me. I asked if you could get your things, but apparently he said you can borrow my clothes. Not his of course,” Zhou Mi said, amused.
“I see,” Kyuhyun said. And he thought that said as much for the both of them. Maybe it was totally innocent, but they had no way to know that in the end. But he put it away, because there was nothing for him to do but help Kyuhyun get settled.
“I always pack a pair of extra pajamas in case,” Zhou Mi said, flipping open his suitcase. “Freshly washed, of course! I have extra underwear too if you want, or if just the pants and t-shirt are okay?”
“That’s fine. Anything is fine,” Kyuhyun said.
“I didn’t even ask if you needed anything from your room besides clothes,” Zhou Mi said regretfully. “I have shampoo and stuff you can use. Sorry, I was surprised.”
Kyuhyun took the offered clothes with a grin. “I have my computer. That’s all I needed.”
And Zhou Mi laughed.
***
He showered first, of no design of his own. Leaving Kyuhyun in the bathroom after having showed him the shampoo and conditioner, the soap that Kyuhyun could use. He was the host, after all, even if it was impromptu. He dried his hair, and answered a few work emails as Kyuhyun showered, figuring they could sleep afterward. Or he could, anyway. Kyuhyun was welcome to any time, but it seemed rude to sleep before Kyuhyun got out.
It was one thing, he realized as Kyuhyun walked out, to hand the man his clothes. And another to see Kyuhyun in them. The bright and cheerful design he’d picked out in the pants. The shirt he’d been given that proclaimed he was a fashionista. From Kyuhyun’s bare feet, to the top of his damp head, screamed Zhou Mi’s name over and over. Like he’d branded himself onto Kyuhyun’s existence, simply by giving him a pair of pajama pants that fit Kyuhyun far better than they ever had Zhou Mi. He’d bought them loose because he liked to relax if he wore pants at all. But they hinted at Kyuhyun’s butt and thighs in a way that Kyuhyun’s work slacks didn’t, or even the board shorts from before. He had to close his mouth, before he started babbling nonsense just from seeing Kyuhyun in his clothes. All the more reason to sleep, before his mind did stupid things, like read meaning into that.
“I’m going to sleep,” he said, “but feel free to stay up as long as you want. I have my mask here. Sleep well, though!”
“Thanks,” Kyuhyun said. “You too.”
He hoped so. And half hoped that Kyuhyun would follow him into his dreams.
***
The whimper. Like a frightened puppy. A short, sharp cry. It had Kyuhyun jolting awake, clutching at the blanket over him and staring into the dark. His first thought was that Eunhyuk had come back, but that wasn’t the case, and he rolled to his side, peering at the other bed in time for another sound. Strangled. And he could see Zhou Mi jerk under the blanket.
A nightmare.
“Zhou Mi?” he called, limbs frozen. He could get up, shake Zhou Mi out of it. But he didn’t want to be swung at. But he also wouldn’t want to be stuck in a dream he couldn’t wake from. “Hey, Zhou Mi!”
Zhou Mi gasped, and was perfectly still. He could barely see that kind of detail, searching for any sign Zhou Mi was awake. He got it, as Zhou Mi lifted a hand and touched his head. Quick sighs indicating he was gathering himself. He wasn’t sure he’d want to be called out after something like that. Wasn’t sure if Zhou Mi found it embarrassing, or would only feel guilty for waking Kyuhyun up. But then, it was Zhou Mi, not himself.
“You okay?”
There was rustling from the other bed, and he could see Zhou Mi’s legs move underneath the covers.
“I’m sorry I woke you,” Zhou Mi said.
“Don’t worry about it,” he said, sighing. “A nightmare?”
“It wasn’t one of the bad ones. No, that’s not right. It wasn’t a new one. Those are the worst. At least someone else hasn’t died.”
The way Zhou Mi said that was so resigned. Total belief in what he was experiencing, and the reality surrounding it. It made Kyuhyun’s stomach turn, but the reality of it was, he wasn’t in Zhou Mi’s head. And he was still coming to terms with the nightmares himself. He believed Zhou Mi. Believing in something he couldn’t even fathom was something else. But that Zhou Mi was being traumatized by the events, he knew that without doubt. And that there were two women dead wasn’t up for debate. That was the real tragedy.
He stared at the ceiling in silence for several seconds debating with himself.
“Does it help to talk about it?”
“I wish it did. I wish it took everything away, made it so I didn’t see it any more. The pleas for help hurt, because I wish I could, but I don’t know how to.”
“But you think it’s something you’re seeing so you can help?”
“That’s what I hope,” Zhou Mi said. “Otherwise, it’s needless. It’s terrible that they are dying, and I’ve- I feel awful for hating what I see, because their families lost someone so important. There has to be a point to me feeling their pain.”
“And you said you told Eunhyuk everything. But everything you know matches up with what you see the papers. Have you thought about seeing if you can see crime scene photos, if something leaps out at you? Or maybe you’ll get some kind of intuition about the killer?”
“I’ve thought it. But I don’t know who I’d go to. I’d be labelled a freak, or turned in for mental evaluation. Or be told I was just having a bad reaction to the news.”
Kyuhyun grunted, accepting that. It wasn’t like on TV where people with extra gifts were listened to. “So why this, why now. What connects you to the first murder? There has to be something, or you’d never have seen it.”
“I’d never seen her before. I had never matched any of her family,” Zhou Mi listed off. “I did as much digging as I could, and didn’t see anything. She didn’t even live close to me.”
“Sorry. This is probably all stuff you’ve gone over.”
“Don’t be sorry. You don’t know, and maybe someone will come up with an explanation. I just don’t know anything.”
“Then we should get some sleep.”
“Yeah,” Zhou Mi said. And the laugh was a little ironic. “I’ll try not to wake you up again.”
“You’ll go back to sleep?”
Zhou Mi hummed as though it was a possibility but not a given. Kyuhyun consulted the ceiling again, as though it would give him thoughts. Finally, he sighed and pushed himself onto his feet. When he’d had nightmares as a kid, he’d wanted to be close to someone. And when Eunhyuk had stayed with Zhou Mi, Zhou Mi had seemed less tired the next day.
It was only a few feet to cross, with his pillow.
“Scoot over,” he said, and shooed with his hand also when Zhou Mi lifted his head in confusion.
“You don’t have-“
“I know I don’t have to. Here, hang onto this” Kyuhyun said, and gave Zhou Mi the pillow Zhou Mi’d had his head on. It gave Kyuhyun room to lay down his own pillow and get under the blankets, turning on his side so he faced Zhou Mi. “You’re not alone. So, sleep.”
“Kyuhyun…” Zhou Mi rested a hand over Kyuhyun’s wrist. “You’ve seen the worst of me. I hope I can show you my best, too.”
He figured he’d seen a lot of Zhou Mi, good and bad. Just like anyone had. But he let his body relax, oddly as comforted by Zhou Mi’s presence as he assumed Zhou Mi was by his. It meant he didn’t have to worry that Zhou Mi was rolling around sleeplessly and trying not to disturb Kyuhyun. And there was a great deal of thanks in the fact that he heard Zhou Mi slip into sleep, before he followed.
***
Seoul
A murderer woke from a recurring nightmare. Someone was watching. Someone had seen. Right from the very beginning. Eyes open, hands reaching to stop.
Hands reaching to catch.
At first the dreams were dismissed as nothing, some vestige of a conscience. Some echo of fear of being caught for a transgression, in nightmare form. Again. And again.
It became more than that. Every kill, those eyes were there. Like a shuddering aftershock, a voyeur into nightmares. Not dreams of the kill. The watching.
They drove the want to menace, and scare away, and warn.
Whoever watched needed to close their eyes. Before they saw something they shouldn’t.
***
Kyuhyun woke to noise, and light, comfortably warm and squashed into the mattress as he opened his eyes. The empty bed he’d abandoned, and Eunhyuk beyond it packing his bag. Eunhyuk. It was Eunhyuk and Zhou Mi’s room. And he was in bed with…Zhou Mi. Zhou Mi was against him. He could tell that much.
“Oh!” he croaked, and Eunhyuk looked up, laughing a little as he waved at Kyuhyun.
“Don’t mind me, I was just getting my stuff together. Sorry about the last minute switch last night.”
“Mm.” He thought that counted as an agreement. One shoulder was incredibly warm, as was his lower back.
“I guess you learned the secret Zhou Mi doesn’t like to let out. He is a real cuddler in bed. I almost have to sleep on the floor visiting him, or I kick him to death to get him on his own side.”
“What lies are you telling?” Zhou Mi asked, his voice all molten honey against Kyuhyun’s neck.
Kyuhyun’s nails dug into the edge of the mattress, taking inventory of just how close they were. He was mostly on his stomach, and Zhou Mi was pressed to his side, an arm over him. He tried to remember the last time he’d slept beside anyone like that before, anyone he hadn’t recently had sex with. Even then, the list grew smaller.
He picked his face up out of the pillowcase, and blearily craned his head back.
“Where did the other pillow go?”
The one Zhou Mi had been clutching, the one Kyuhyun had intended as a barrier. He got a chuckle, and saw Zhou Mi move his hand to point down between the beds. Zhou Mi’s pillow, on the floor on Kyuhyun’s side of the bed. Somehow Zhou Mi had pushed it, thrown it, who knew. It meant no pillow, and a lot of Zhou Mi touching. And he still wasn’t conscious enough to funnel it in any way other than unfortunate and immediate arousal. Ah, that’s what Zhou Mi would feel like in bed. Ah, I got a good night sleep anyway, and he’s warm. I could fall asleep just like this. Or he could jerk me off, that too.
Though obviously not with Eunhyuk there, or probably actually never. He sat up with a yawn, carefully sure Zhou Mi’s arm disentangled from him, before grabbing the pillow from the floor and flopping it over Zhou Mi’s head and shoulders. He got a laugh, and reasoned that there was no point in feeling awkward. It wasn’t like they’d been naked. But that didn’t mean he lingered, grabbing up his clothes and laptop and hustling back to his own motel room so he could change and pack as well.
Both beds had been slept in, when he slipped into the room where Tablo and Eunhyuk had stayed. But then again, so had both the beds in Zhou Mi’s room and he’d still been found - innocently - in Zhou Mi’s bed. He just had a dirty mind, jumping to conclusions. The shower was running, so he got out clothes for the return trip and packed everything else up. He’d wash Zhou Mi’s pajamas and return them, but otherwise he was good to go. And snacks left, check. He’d definitely made sure of that for the trip. Laptop was charged so he and Zhou Mi could watch that movie.
“Bathroom is free,” Tablo said, coming out with a towel around his neck.
“Sure, thanks,” he said.
“Kyuhyun… Sorry for making you sleep over there. Eunhyuk and I, we’re…” Tablo paused, patting a half curled fist with his other hand as he looked at the door. As though he was looking at Eunhyuk. “We needed some time together.”
“It’s okay. Bed was the same over there as it was here. Besides, it’s not every day you find someone again like that.”
He was pretty sure that wasn’t what Tablo was talking about, but that was certainly all he felt comfortable discussing at the moment. But Tablo let him go, and they had all gotten ready and eaten in time for their bus back into the city. Zhou Mi wriggled, getting comfortable beside him, as Kyuhyun queued up the movie from Zhou Mi’s DVD.
“You’ll really like it,” Zhou Mi promised him, and took the offered earbud.
“Is there compensation if I don’t?”
Zhou Mi just elbowed him and settled in.
But they weren’t half an hour into watching it before movement had them looking up.
“Sorry,” Eunhyuk said. “Can I switch places with you?”
He was looking at Kyuhyun. Kyuhyun blinked and found no reasonable way to refuse, even as he paused the movie. He avoided Zhou Mi’s apologetic look. Not like it was his fault. But he grabbed up his things and stood, stepping out so Eunhyuk could sit, and taking the seat beside Tablo instead. He packed away his computer. No use in watching the movie by himself. He felt vaguely guilty that he hadn’t thought of Donghae almost at all, during the weekend, and sent out a quick text to let him know they were on their way back. He got smiley faces in return, and an offer to go to a movie a couple of days later. Which he accepted. He’d missed out seeing a movie with Zhou Mi, and was going to see one with Donghae. Of course.
He sighed, and used his handheld game to amuse himself the rest of the trip, keeping himself from looking over at Zhou Mi.
***