[Fic] More Than This - 7/15
Title: More Than This
Author: Coley Merrin
Pairings: Zhou Mi/Kyuhyun, Tablo/Eunhyuk
Other: various
Rating: R
Genre: AU, crime, romance
Warnings: violence, death (not of main characters)
Summary: Zhou Mi’s focus is Heartstrings, a dating company where love is more than just a guarantee - it's in Zhou Mi’s blood. A matchmaking gift he’s used with gladness, until a series of murders has it shaping his nightmares.
Eunhyuk, his business partner, can’t let go of his tumultuous past. But finding a man he’s been looking for over half his life has repercussions not only for him, but for Zhou Mi and their future.
Chapter One * Chapter Two * Chapter Three * Chapter Four * Chapter Five * Chapter Six * Chapter Seven * Chapter Eight
***
Zhou Mi polled his stomach. It definitely wasn’t ulcer time, like it had nearly been when the business had first begun. But between fear of sleeping, not wanting to repeat the nightmare of before, either of them. And then the day before, having to embarrassingly cut short a client meeting to be sick. He had a very long email in his inbox from Eunhyuk, hassling him on how he was eating, and that he needed to sleep more, and was he losing weight. Hospital visits weren’t allowed, and Eunhyuk would start digging deeper if he thought Zhou Mi wasn’t taking care of himself. But he was, truly. He’d had a large meal after he’d left the murder scene, and it had felt good. No lingering nausea from earlier. Perhaps Kyuhyun’s nephew had been a larger balm than he’d thought.
“Feeling better?” Kyuhyun asked, following a knock.
Zhou Mi looked up at him, smile already halfway on his face when he saw what Kyuhyun had in his hand. A very familiar paper cup from a cafe nearby. He’d had a meeting on the phone, so he’d taken an early lunch. Which meant that a couple of hours into Kyuhyun’s shift, it was the first time they were seeing each other.
“I am feeling better, thank you. Is that tea?”
He hoped that didn’t sound as hopeful as it was.
“Oh this? You think it’s for you? Uhh.” Kyuhyun sauntered closer and lifted the cup, as though to take a drink, before laughing. “Yeah. I went to the post office, so Eunhyuk had me pick this up on the way back.”
The warmth of the cup leeched immediately into his fingers, soothing him. He inhaled the rich scent. “Mmm. Thank you.”
“Sure. Did you have anything you needed me to do today?”
Zhou Mi stared across his desk. His outbox was empty. New profiles in his inbox, but that was on his shoulders alone.
“No, I don’t think so right now. There might be a few emails later, but that’s all I know of.”
But he stared at what was on his screen, and thought of their dinner, and Kyuhyun’s unsure face. Telling someone he had very real feelings and intuitions about matching was one thing. Eunhyuk had years to learn about it, and he couldn’t expect Kyuhyun to make any snap judgements or instantly believe. Maybe Kyuhyun was a caring person, and had gotten thrown into their crazy business, but that didn’t mean he was some sort of unicorn.
“Does Eunhyuk have you on anything really time-sensitive? If he doesn’t, I can show you more of the matching. How I do it. Like what we talked about the other night.”
He watched Kyuhyun for any sign of hesitation, but Kyuhyun nodded.
“Sure,” Kyuhyun said, and went back to poke his head out into the outer office to speak to Eunhyuk. “I’ll be in here with Zhou Mi if you need anything.”
It had Zhou Mi smiling into his tea. Conscientious, studious Kyuhyun. Eunhyuk hadn’t had much to say, when Zhou Mi had let him know about Kyuhyun knowing his secret. His only response had been that it was up to Zhou Mi who he told, and that he didn’t think it would affect Kyuhyun. He was glad of that trust, and acceptance, and tried to think of a way to help Kyuhyun understand.
“This is our client, Miss Kwon. You met her after my unfortunate incident. She is looking with the intent to marry, so I am trying to match her with men of appropriate age, and of course, other factors.”
“Job, location, family background. All of that,” Kyuhyun said.
“Exactly. Those are the facts, the variables, that we have to work with. Just with that information, an experienced matchmaker can come up with a match that is very correct. Factoring in personality, needs, dislikes, you can go a long way with that experience.”
“But you said the facts aren’t what you end up having an instinct about?”
“That’s right. It’s not about puzzling something. Even if I do double check my instincts afterward.” He sighed, and tried to come up with a good analogy. “You know when someone says something really sexy to you, how there’s that clutch, that punch of arousal? And no, I’m not saying I get aroused by matching, I mean-“
Zhou Mi stopped, before he dug himself a hole. Kyuhyun was almost vibrating with amusement beside him, which spoke volumes.
“I was going to say. If it turns you on, no wonder why you have your door closed so much.”
With a choked sound of embarrassment, Zhou Mi drilled his knuckles into Kyuhyun’s leg.
“Employee abuse!” Kyuhyun protested, trying to move away.
“Boss abuse! You’re going to make me break something. But no, seriously. I mean, how it’s instinctual. You don’t think, oh well, I guess I’ll think about being aroused when it’s convenient. It’s immediate. Only, instead, it’s more…” He touched near the center of his chest. Not his heart, but lower, nearer his solar plexus. “Here. That’s where it’s strongest.”
“Kind of a weird place for your gut.”
“It can be like figuring out a hard problem, too. You just know. Then you check, and double check. And it works.”
“I wish some math problems came that easily. And these three guys, they’re the ones your program suggested?”
“That’s right.”
He watched Kyuhyun, not the screen, as Kyuhyun used the mouse to scroll through first Miss Kwon’s profile, then the three possible candidates. He knew Kyuhyun had almost reached his conclusion when he started flipping back to one man in particular.
“I’m no expert. But I’d say this one,” Kyuhyun said, leaving the man on the screen.
And Zhou Mi felt like he was letting Kyuhyun down, even as he nodded his agreement.
“He is the best of the three, I agree. Most factors in common, certainly. I’d feel comfortable introducing her to any three of these men.”
Kyuhyun’s brows furrowed. “But?”
“But I don’t get that feeling with any of them. Sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I wish I could force it.”
“So will you match her anyway? And your database is finite, right? Maybe a better match hasn’t joined?”
It felt like the smile lit him from the inside. “Yes. That’s very true. As you know, I do set some clients up on dates, if I feel the program has matched to my satisfaction, so I might for her. It isn’t magic. If I found another man, and I got that punch of intuition, is he 100% better than these? 50%? 10%? Enough to where waiting makes a difference? I ask myself those questions every day. I just know that when I know it’s right, when I feel it, that I can’t ignore it.”
“What percentage of marriages are there, based on when you match on instinct, versus using the best and most logical computer match?”
“Eunhyuk has the hard numbers. But I do know that the computer matches alone, when it’s me doing it- tend to be lower. The clients also may have to date several people before finding someone serious.”
“But some of your intuition matches fail, in the dating stage?”
“Yes, absolutely. People are so changeable. I can put them together, but I can’t make them feel or see what I do. Wrong timing, bad day. But there’s never just one person out there. We’re never alone.”
Kyuhyun nodded, rubbing his neck. “I think I understand a little better now. As much as I can.”
“I wish I had some cooler skill I could demonstrate. Turning invisible or walking through walls.”
“Superman?” Kyuhyun wanted to know. “Would you do this, when you could just make money giving demonstrations?”
Zhou Mi struck a pose, and got a chuckle. And he felt a little better, as Kyuhyun went back out to get work done. Little by little, perhaps Kyuhyun would understand. Though he knew full well that Kyuhyun might not be there forever. Jobs were precious, it was true, and he saw an interest in Kyuhyun that went beyond just obligatory work duties. But he didn’t have control over that. Perhaps the business would grow to where they could afford a full time salary, and Kyuhyun could transition fully. Or Kyuhyun would find a different place to settle in. Anything, in the end, was possible. But Kyuhyun would know more than when he came. But the swiftness he put it from his mind, told him he wanted that to be none too soon.
And it meant that maybe there needed to be a few new traditions in the office. Ones for the three of them, not just him and Eunhyuk. He pondered it between calls, and came to a decision.
“Hey guys,” he said, waiting for Eunhyuk and Kyuhyun to look at him. “I was thinking some night this week, you could both come over to my apartment. I’ll cook, and we can hang out, away from this place.”
“No food poisoning?” Eunhyuk quipped, and the look Zhou Mi sent was withering.
Still, with all of them in agreement - the date was set.
***
Kyuhyun was sent home from work two days after Zhou Mi’s dinner invitation with an address, and a time to be there. Apparently Zhou Mi had “things to accomplish” which, according to Eunhyuk meant shopping and cleaning. Zhou Mi wasn’t dirty, exactly, Eunhyuk said, it was just that his things had many places to exist instead of just one. It didn’t bother Kyuhyun, since his apartment wasn’t far out of the way towards Zhou Mi’s. He set a couple alarms on his phone on when to leave in case he fell asleep too hard. Not like he was worried about getting fired because he was late to dinner, but bad impressions were bad impressions. And Zhou Mi wouldn’t hear of Kyuhyun bringing so much as a grain of rice, insisting he had it all covered.
And Eunhyuk, besides subtly insulting Zhou Mi’s housekeeping, had admitted that Zhou Mi could cook. A few things, anyway.
Zhou Mi’s building seemed nice, as he was buzzed in. He climbed the stairs, and pondered Zhou Mi. Zhou Mi loved to talk. It was not the first observation he’d had about his boss, but as even remembering back a few days to the restaurant Zhou Mi had been wanting to try. Standing there and realizing that Zhou Mi was subtly chatting up patrons for opinions as they waited for a table. He had to face into the corner to hide his smile at that point. But thankfully Zhou Mi hadn’t noticed. And Zhou Mi had been a conscientious dinner companion, both times. Not getting drunk or loud or embarrassing. He had all those and more in his friends. If he hadn’t kept reminding himself, repeatedly, the date-like qualities would have overwhelmed him. Not that he typically let people he dated order for him, but just sitting in a nice restaurant, with good food and conversation made it feel that way. Zhou Mi and his obviously fake glasses and glaring good looks didn’t help him either.
Because Zhou Mi, whether he liked it or not, whether he accepted it or not, was his type. And all those moments he spent pondering a touch, or Zhou Mi holding his hand, or being unable to keep his eyes to himself as Zhou Mi walked by. They added up. It made him glad that it wouldn’t just be them at Zhou Mi’s apartment. There would be an Eunhyuk buffer, friendly chatter. And he was already still kind of patting himself on the back that Zhou Mi had let him into the big secret of the business. Though he honestly tried not to think about it too long, or his brain hurt. Eunhyuk buffer. Right.
And of course, as Zhou Mi grinned and waved him in, offering him slippers and leading him further into the apartment - Eunhyuk wasn’t there yet. But the kitchen smelled great, making his stomach growl. And that was even having had a snack before he left home. He took no chances where food was concerned.
“Eunhyuk should be here any minute,” Zhou Mi said. “You can wander around, or take a spot on a stool here.”
“Anything you need me to do?”
“Oh, no. But thank you! I’ve got everything prepared, just have to time it. You found this place okay?”
He nodded, sliding up on a stool and leaning on the little bar beside the kitchen. “Yeah, no problems. Seems like a nice place.”
Zhou Mi all but radiated agreement from where he was stirring something in a pot. “I was happy when I could afford to upgrade. It’s amazing how crazy housing can be. You want water? Tea? I have some juice, too.”
“Water would be great.”
Soup? He pondered. And he took the glass from Zhou Mi, clear and sparkling cold. As Zhou Mi rooted around in the fridge, he took a moment more to look around. Nice TV, closed door. Probably bedroom. Some bookshelves, a computer desk. A couple of comfortable looking chairs. Nice. Homey. A little cluttered, and the posters on the wall were loud with color, but nice.
“But yeah, my apartment is okay. It’s nothing fancy. Big enough for my bed, and my computer desk. Not much cooking on my end.”
“I don’t know much. My mother tried to teach me, but I can at least cook a few things besides ramen without hurting myself. Oh, my phone!”
Zhou Mi raced out of the kitchen, slippers flapping as made for his bag. It was two full rings in when he answered it.
“Did you get lost? The food’s almost ready,” Zhou Mi said, half winking at Kyuhyun when he was back in the kitchen.
So it was Eunhyuk on the phone, then. And he began to have one of those feelings. Maybe like what Zhou Mi had. He kind of knew, at that point. Even if he was hoping he was wrong.
“Oh really! No, I do understand. Don’t worry. Oh-”
Kyuhyun blinked, as Zhou Mi switched from Korean to Mandarin, as easy as taking a breath. The only thing Kyuhyun really caught in the process was Eunhyuk’s name. But then Zhou Mi was hanging up.
“He’s not coming?” Kyuhyun asked, having caught the gist.
“No. Tablo called him, and, well. You understand. You and I, or Tablo, and I think we know who wins there. But that’s okay. More food for us. He doesn’t know what he’s missing. If you don’t mind?”
“Hey, I came to get fed. Count me in.”
Not to mention it would’ve been rude beyond belief to have hopped down and said, oh, well if he’s not coming I’ll just go. It had been a nice invitation, and he wondered just exactly had gone down for Eunhyuk to not show up, especially on such short notice. But if Zhou Mi didn’t want to say, then it really wasn’t his place to ask.
“So you speak Mandarin as well?”
“I do,” Zhou Mi said, stirring rice and vegetables in a pan. “I was six when I started learning Korean, and I was in school already. My parents were determined that I wouldn’t lose their language, so they would only speak Mandarin to and with me at home. I’m sure that didn’t make it any easier on my father, either, since he only spoke Korean at work. But maybe he was just glad to not have to try. So it took me a while to really learn well.”
“You sound very natural at it. Your Korean, really… I pick up a bit of accent, but I don’t find that to be bad.”
Zhou Mi grinned. “Good. I worked really hard at it, reciting back lines of dialogue at the TV. At first I tried speaking very slow and distinct, but that really didn’t work in my favor.”
“Eunhyuk learned Mandarin?”
“He learned some out of self defense, since he was tired of having me translate every word he wanted to say to my parents.”
“Did they appreciate that?”
“I don’t know if they appreciated it as much as thinking that ought to have been what happened. They were particular about those things.”
“Ah,” Kyuhyun vocalized, and twisted his glass. “Are they still here?”
“No. They moved back when I was in my first year of college, I think. They actually wanted me to try to go to college in America, or China, but… I grew up here. The language is more familiar to me. I read it better, definitely. So I think this country is stuck with me. It’s not that far by plane to see them anyway. Well, since he’s not coming, I guess we can eat. Here, soup.”
Zhou Mi drank his standing up, and Kyuhyun found it to be pleasant and inoffensive chicken-type. A definitely step-up from what he could make. And what followed was fish with rice and vegetables, and a little salad on the plate.
“I have wine, too, if you want?” Zhou Mi offered. “I think I remembered which kind you liked.”
Kyuhyun cleared his throat, and stared at the bottle in Zhou Mi’s hands. “Well, I guess if you make me.”
Zhou Mi laughed, and poured them both a glass before levering himself up on the stool beside Kyuhyun’s. “I figured we can just eat here instead of at the table. I hope the food is okay.”
The fish was flaky and flavorful, and the vegetables had good flavor. He didn’t know what there was to complain about. Except maybe that he didn’t eat nearly that well every day. Not exactly high class material, but he didn’t have high class taste buds.
“It’s nice when someone can pull off simple stuff like this. This is the best kind of food.”
“I agree. It feels more like home. I should probably make more food for myself for work, but… Sometimes it feels like what I spend in money, I make up in time.”
Kyuhyun, who rarely had anything fancy to speak of in his own lunch, nodded. “But you’re also staying late, and going in early. I wouldn’t feel like making myself a lunch if I did that either.”
“Maybe personal chef should be the next hire for the business,” Zhou Mi said, chortling around his bite of food.
“Masseuse!”
“Personal spa in the next office!”
“Swimming pool.”
Zhou Mi was laughing too hard to eat, grabbing his wine glass to clear his throat.
“I would have to work at least a thousand hours a day to afford all of that. And maybe matching not just Seoul, but all of Asia.”
Kyuhyun chuckled and speared a piece of broccoli. “You’ll have to wait until they start cloning people.”
“Ahh,” Zhou Mi said, resting a hand on his heart. “My own army of matchmakers. One for each continent.”
“Each planet. You’re dreaming small.”
Affectionate was the word he would have pegged Zhou Mi’s smile as. As though for a moment, he was dreaming far outside of the room, the city, the country, and seeing what Kyuhyun suggested. He thought it amazing that Zhou Mi could take so small a comment, one that was joking more than anything, and see something of use in it, even it was humor.
“To matchmaking the galaxy,” Zhou Mi said, lifting his glass for a toast.
From the awkward angle, they bumped fingers more than actual glasses. And he took a drink to cover the sensation that ghosted up his arm. A tingle that ended at his elbow and made him want to shake it. But he concentrated on finishing his food, first, chasing around the last of his rice, and feeling quite indulged. The after-food, he wasn’t sure about. Had Eunhyuk been there, he imagined it would have been a transition to talking or something. Another brain to throw out small talk conversation items, which he sometimes had a hard time conjuring.
“Are you done?” Zhou Mi asked as he topped off Kyuhyun’s wine glass. “There is more rice. But I have fruit for after, too. And some pastries. Umm.”
“Yeah, I’m done. You’ll have to roll me out the door. Thank you.”
“I can handle it.” And to prove it, Zhou Mi flexes his muscles before hopping down and clearing their plates. And he led Kyuhyun toward the television, with a plate of fruit carefully balanced on a pastry box, and his glass of wine in his other hand.
Kyuhyun took a seat in one of the chairs, and watched Zhou Mi set up the food on the little table between them.
“Will Eunhyuk call to tell you how it went?” he asked, juggling his wine glass and looking at the assembled apples and pears with consideration.
“He might. He didn’t after the last time, but sometimes he spends time in his head. He used to, when we were teenagers. After a date. Didn’t matter what I was studying, I always had to take his call. Though I did that, too,” Zhou Mi admitted. “So these pastries are red bean filled, and those are… I don’t remember. But they’re good! I like them.”
Wine and a few pastries, and fruit. It was there to eat, or so he told himself as he took another flaky pastry. Zhou Mi had turned on the TV and it was the end of a music show, just heading into the news.
“These are really good,” Kyuhyun said, and felt a little greedy. There had clearly been enough for three of them, and he’d eaten about a one-and-a-half portion. But Zhou Mi seemed to be keeping up with him. He stared at the skinny legs, and pondered that fact again.
“I can’t buy these very often or I just won’t stop eating them,” Zhou Mi confessed.
“I can see why.” He tapped his thigh. “I guess as long as I can still get into the office door.”
He looked at Zhou Mi in time to see that Zhou Mi had been looking at his thigh as well. A little slow to look up to meet Kyuhyun’s eyes. That twinge. He wondered if he would have thought twice about it, if Zhou Mi had been attracted to women instead. If knowing that Zhou Mi might, even possibly, be attracted to him made a difference. What mattered was how compatible they were. And Zhou Mi would know whether they were or not, if he totally believed Zhou Mi’s ability. There wasn’t any point in Zhou Mi speculation, he figured. Once Zhou Mi matched him again, he might start dating. And he didn’t want to be measuring every man against his impossible boss.
“Search for the killer of two young mothers continues-“
The TV remote went clattering to the floor between them, and Kyuhyun jumped as though someone had clapped in front of his nose. But Zhou Mi was fishing for the remote, half out of his chair.
“Sorry. Must have slipped.” Zhou Mi apologized, his voice getting louder on each word. “Oh. We should… You like gaming? Let’s game instead of TV.”
Zhou Mi jittered right out of his chair toward the TV cabinet, the news abolished to a black screen, before the familiar chime of the Wii started up. That in itself was odd. Zhou Mi was high energy, faster talker, but the way he’d spoken, was like he’d been spooked.
“Kart racing?” Zhou Mi offered, looking back at him finally, after having spent quite a while at the TV just staring at the games.
“Sure,” Kyuhyun said. A part of him said he should just go, make an excuse, but a few games couldn’t hurt. Especially when he saw the smile Zhou Mi sent him. Relief. Or maybe he was imagining it. Zhou Mi checked his phone before they started. He probably thought he was being subtle, but it was hard to be, when Kyuhyun was sitting there with nothing more to do that hold the white controller in his hand.
“Just checking for client messages,” Zhou Mi said, which was exactly what Kyuhyun had thought. “Okay. Let’s play.”
And Zhou Mi was good. He beat Kyuhyun the first try, mostly because Kyuhyun hadn’t played the game in ages. Smug Zhou Mi was better than the jittery Zhou Mi of ten minutes earlier. Though in the next game, Zhou Mi hit a snag, allowing Kyuhyun to zip past him. That almost backfired too, considering he got caught on Zhou Mi’s contortionist moves to get around a corner.
“I don’t think your arms are meant to bend like that,” he teased, and Zhou Mi just grunted at him.
His pride was short lived as Zhou Mi bumped him and sent him spinning out, leaving him to watch helplessly as Zhou Mi finished the race ahead of him.
“Yes!”
“Ruthless. I see how it is.” And he joined Zhou Mi on the floor, his instinct to win getting the best of him.
The wins were traded for a while, and Zhou Mi only checked his phone a couple more times during it. Usually as Kyuhyun was celebrating. Though he did a curious look, and Zhou Mi swatted at him, telling him to be less observant.
But it was getting later. His fourth, fifth? victory, with Zhou Mi flopping on the floor in defeat, had him looking at his phone. The last thing Zhou Mi needed was to be kept up till all hours, especially if he meant to go into work early as well. And it’d give Kyuhyun sanity time. He was allotting exactly as much as it took to get back to his apartment, to rinse out the “Hey, this is fun. Maybe we can do this more often. And look at the way his face lights up when he laughs. That jaw. And his chest. And-“
Yeah. To rinse away all of those sneaky thoughts that had snuck in during their play. It wasn’t his fault that Zhou Mi pushed all of his buttons. It wasn’t Zhou Mi’s fault either. When he made noises like he was thinking he should go, he actually got a pout.
“Really? Ah. I guess it is getting late. It wouldn’t be good if you were too tired all day at work. But this was fun.”
“Yeah,” he said. “Thank you. For everything. Dinner, and-yeah.”
“No problem. Sorry it wasn’t quite what you expected.”
He shrugged. “You didn’t have control over that. And I had a good time.”
Despite all of his reservations, and all of his traitorous feelings, that was the truth. He stood first, and gave Zhou Mi a hand up. And he made sure he had his phone, keys, and wallet, while Zhou Mi powered down the TV and game system.
“I was hoping we could make a habit of this,” Zhou Mi said, and for a moment, Kyuhyun thought he meant the two of them getting together. “Maybe when Eunhyuk can commit we can try again.”
“Oh, yeah. That’d be nice.”
“Have a good trip back, and a good night. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
He got into his shoes quickly, and smiled at Zhou Mi. “Yeah, see you.”
Zhou Mi patted him on the back of his shoulder as he was on his way out, and there was another little wave before he was out in the hall, and on his way. He’d survived. Nothing had happened. Nothing was going to happen. Nothing except maybe he was falling a little bit for his boss. But like he’d determined, he had the whole ride home to work himself right back out of it.
***
Eunhyuk adjusted his shirt collar in his mirror. Not going anywhere fancy, since he didn’t think even Zhou Mi considered his apartment to be fancy. Just a simple dinner in, the three of them from Heartstrings. He wasn’t perturbed by Kyuhyun’s inclusion. It was a simple and effective way of integrating him into the team. More of what he felt toward Kyuhyun was gratitude, which was weird in its own way.
When his phone rang, he assumed it was Zhou Mi telling him that he was late and to get moving. And he wasn’t even late yet.
But Tablo’s name came up on the screen. And he answered with mingled trepidation and glee.
“Are you busy tonight?”
Eunhyuk blinked, holding the phone half an inch away from his ear. That was a very clear probe because someone wanted something that evening. There was no reason to ask that otherwise. And he was due to leave in ten minutes to get to Zhou Mi’s apartment for dinner.
“Not with anything I can’t reschedule,” he answered truthfully. “What’s up?”
“I was thinking we could get together, do some more of that catching up we were talking about doing. Maybe you could bring your guitar? But if you’re busy, we can try another night.”
“No! No. Tonight is great. Just tell me when and where.”
“Now or any time is fine,” Tablo said, and there was rustling on the other end of the line. “I’ll text you my apartment address. Though fair warning, all I really have is cup ramen and some vegetables. If you want other things…?”
“No, that’s fine!” he almost chirped. He’d have eaten cardboard. He might be able to pick up some kind of extra to go with their meal if he passed something on the way.
“In that case, you can just come over when you’re ready.”
“That sounds good. I can probably leave in about 10 minutes, and I’ll call when I get there.”
“Okay. See you.”
“Bye.”
He nearly dropped his phone making sure the call had been disconnected. He could feel his pulse in his throat and banging against his ribs. It had been hard enough to be patient and wait, to wonder. And then to have everything he wanted offered to him. Or the start of everything. Just have the chance to go and sit and talk. He pumped his fist as he found his guitar, making sure he had everything he needed. It made him so giddy that he almost forgot that he had to cancel plans in order to be able to keep the ones he had just made.
He didn’t even wait to say hello, when Zhou Mi answered his phone.
“Tablo called. He wants to meet. Tonight. I couldn’t say no. I’ve been waiting for this.”
And he let the sound of Zhou Mi’s voice soothe him enough to where he could get his brain together, one more time.
***
The hardest thing had been standing outside of Tablo’s door, waiting. Staring at the numbers on it like he would divine what or who he would find inside. Where the acquaintance was a stranger, and important, frightening, all at once.
Eunhyuk took in the light sweater Tablo was wearing when he answered the door, the sleeves pushed up almost to his elbows. It showed off his forearms, and hinted at his chest, and Eunhyuk had to stare back at the numbers for a moment just to gather himself.
“Ah, you found it!” Tablo said. And saw what Eunhyuk had beside him. “Come in.”
He eased his guitar through the door. Just having the case to hold on the subway, running his fingers down the fake leather seams of the case, had him having flashbacks to the past. It had reminded him of why he was going. Why he’d done what he had, why he was finally making progress on a dream he’d spent two decades building.
The apartment was small, comfortable temperature. There were chairs, and furniture, a TV, and normal things. He glanced to pictures as he left his shoes behind, and put the guitar where Tablo had indicated. He smelled rice, and he edged into the small kitchen where Tablo was getting hot water out of a dispenser.
“Tea?”
“Sure, thank you.”
“I have tea bags, some imported, there in the boxes. Pick whatever you like. I don’t have much. Ramen, kimchi, and I made some rice. A salad I threw together.”
“I picked up some chicken on the way,” Eunhyuk said, offering the bag.
“Okay. Hero of the night.”
Tablo let him choose his choice of cup ramen, emptying the flavor and vegetable packets into them, and filling them at the dispenser as well. And Eunhyuk helped to carry everything to the small table. The ramen, a couple of small plates for the salad and kimchi. And with their tea settled, and chopsticks in place, there was nothing but the food and the table between them.
“I’m sorry for the short notice,” Tablo said, lifting the top of his ramen cup to check its progress. “Things cleared up earlier than I thought, and I figured it was worth a try.”
“No, that was no problem. I was really glad to hear from you.”
“It sounded like you had other plans?”
“Just with Zhou Mi. And Kyuhyun. But I can reschedule with them.”
Though Heartstrings was the last thing he’d come to talk about. It was a fallback, the modern starting point.
Staring down into his cup ramen, a memory gently tugged against his brain.
“You remember trying to sneak soup into my bowl at dinner?”
Tablo made a face. “Yes. That stuff was foul, and you ate it up like it was fresh fruit. I figured you needed it more than me.”
“Not like I could tell you if I didn’t like it. I wanted you to think I was cool. But I guess it wasn’t too bad.”
“And you got taller than me. Was it special height-growing soup? Did I give you my share?”
Eunhyuk laughed and pretended to sit up a little straighter. “I have a secret. I might possibly wear shoelifts sometimes.”
“Stand up then. You don’t have shoes on now.”
Tablo stood, urging Eunhyuk out of his seat. Short of having an objective observer, the only way to find out themselves was to get close.
Really close.
He was torn between searching Tablo’s face and focusing on something truly benign, like Tablo’s ear. But he had to keep his head up, or the exercise was pointless. Tablo stepping into his space and straightening his shoulders so they could consider each other eye to eye. Or at least, mostly eye to eye. Even without shoes, he had a tiny advantage on Tablo, even if it was just a couple centimeters.
“You’ve been faking me out a little, brat,” Tablo said, shoving Eunhyuk’s shoulder. “Maybe I’m shrinking.”
If he had been a braver man, he’d have leaned forward, grabbed Tablo’s shoulders. Never taking his eyes from Tablo’s mouth. He shook his head. It wasn’t about bravery. It was about sanity.
“At least I can’t grow any more,” he offered.
“Yeah, yeah. Food’s getting cold.”
He laughed, and sat back down. He’d let Tablo have his sulk about the height. Though he had to weather jabs instead.
“Maybe your socks have lifts in them.”
“You want me to take them off and show you?”
“No way. I was the one who had to pick up your laundry. Socks on.”
“That was a million years ago?”
“It got better?” Tablo didn’t seem convinced. “I guess I’ll have to live in suspense.”
“You will.”
Eunhyuk just hoped he didn’t turn any strange colors as they talked. Moving on from that, to other things. They finished all of the food between them, lazily meandering between topics like the weather, and baseball. Most everything they used went into the trash, with Tablo rinsing off a couple of plates, and gesturing Eunhyuk into the living area.
“Get out your guitar. Maybe we can play a little before we keep the neighbors awake.”
Eunhyuk opened his case, as Tablo retrieved his, and they sat in chairs adjacent, half facing each other.
“Any songs you want, or just anything?”
“Anything,” Eunhyuk said, and readied his fingers. They made sure their instruments were in tune with each other, and the simple music became their conversation.
The sound of the guitar was soothing, and Tablo played better than he had at 13. Watching Tablo’s fingers on the strings, the way he held the instrument. The press of his fingertips, and the movement of his strum. He wondered if Tablo was thinking again, how Eunhyuk’s fingers wouldn’t have fit around the guitar years ago. How he had sat at Tablo’s knee and listened, and needed. Maybe the music had been a little healing, as Tablo had tried to sing as he played years before. Failing at times when he got a chord wrong, but still trying. He could remember sticking his tongue through the spot one of his front teeth had left and gasping a laugh at Tablo’s efforts.
It had been perfect simplicity. The look on Tablo’s face across from him then wasn’t that of an entertaining child. It was a man a little lost in the music that his instrument was producing at his bidding. He followed in his own harmony, picking up where Tablo left off in a tune familiar to them both.
He was waiting for Tablo to see him. Really see him. Not as a memory. Not as a child. Perhaps the next time he’d have his own pictures, so that Tablo could see that he’d aged as well. He wasn’t six any more. He’d done all the things Tablo had done, had most all the same life experiences. The only thing he hadn’t had was the extra years that separated his age from Tablo’s. But the differences between them were so greatly reduced than they had been when they’d parted. Once, six years had been a lifetime. Then, it seemed only a number.
“You play well,” Tablo said. “You tried so hard to learn back then, but your hands were so small.”
On Tablo’s lap, beside him. So Tablo did remember.
“I wanted to do everything you did,” Eunhyuk said, and let his fingers still on the strings.
“It makes me glad I didn’t sign up with Heartstrings. It would’ve been kind of weird to try and be dating in your company with all this going on.”
“Yea, I guess it would’ve.” And possibly heartbreaking. Zhou Mi matching Tablo with someone else, feeling like he was losing Tablo before he’d even really gotten a chance to know him again. That would’ve been a spectacularly stupid idea, looking back on it.
“So you know I’m not dating, but what about you? That time going out to dinner, I thought you were with Zhou Mi.”
“Zh-“ Eunhyuk nearly choked on his own spit. “No. No. We are just friends, longtime friends, but that’s all. So yeah, I’m not dating.”
A near miss with Sooyoung, he supposed. But not so near after all, considering who he was sitting across from. Sooyoung never had been meant to be second best. And he had so many sky castles built in his head around Tablo. He wasn’t sure where one began and ended.
“It’s pretty hard to find a guy worth keeping around,” Tablo said, and his brow was cocked. Both giving, and asking for information. And the confirmation of it all but shredded his reserve. Make out with me and see if I would just die.
“Yeah, really hard. I haven’t been able to keep one around. But… I guess that’s part of the journey.”
And he forced himself to meet Tablo’s eyes. Shrewd, curious. And that humor.
“Almost like there’s someone we’re waiting for.”
“Yeah,” Eunhyuk said on a breathy chuckle. “Almost.”
And as he swallowed, he pondered what to say. He didn’t want to stay silent. He didn’t want to be that guy pining from the corner, and there was no more perfect an opportunity to hint or ask than right then. It was possible if he said something, given their conversation, Tablo would understand. If there was no mutual understanding, then maybe it was something that could be put behind them. Not that it wouldn’t hurt, but maybe he could save himself. Do the smart thing, for once.
“You told me once that you thought I might be hitting on you. Would you have found that bad?”
Tablo hesitated. “Only because I’m not really looking for a relationship right now. It’d be easy to think, too, that maybe how much you used to rely on me made me look more appealing than I really am.”
He swallowed hard, shaking his head and forcing himself not to look away. “I don’t think that’s the case.”
“Eunhyuk…” It seemed the words were slow in coming to Tablo, and Eunhyuk held his breath. He didn’t want to be crushed, and half expected it. “We’re friends. Nothing changes that.”
A very nice way of saying, buck up son, even if you can’t kiss me, we can still hang out. And it was good, since it meant that Tablo wasn’t banishing him from his life, or screaming in disgust.
“We found each other. That’s the important thing,” he said. And Tablo grinned. A hesitation there, that had him looking back at Tablo’s face, before Tablo shook it off.
He was the one to suggest he go, before it got late. Work, the next day, and also not wanting to push his limits. He wanted Tablo to want more, in that delicate balance.
But as he left, he knew he could have spent hours doing nothing but watching Tablo play. And his steps were reluctant down the hallway. Heartbeats regretting every one.
And wondering that it took so long to hear Tablo’s door click closed behind him.
***
Author: Coley Merrin
Pairings: Zhou Mi/Kyuhyun, Tablo/Eunhyuk
Other: various
Rating: R
Genre: AU, crime, romance
Warnings: violence, death (not of main characters)
Summary: Zhou Mi’s focus is Heartstrings, a dating company where love is more than just a guarantee - it's in Zhou Mi’s blood. A matchmaking gift he’s used with gladness, until a series of murders has it shaping his nightmares.
Eunhyuk, his business partner, can’t let go of his tumultuous past. But finding a man he’s been looking for over half his life has repercussions not only for him, but for Zhou Mi and their future.
Chapter One * Chapter Two * Chapter Three * Chapter Four * Chapter Five * Chapter Six * Chapter Seven * Chapter Eight
***
Zhou Mi polled his stomach. It definitely wasn’t ulcer time, like it had nearly been when the business had first begun. But between fear of sleeping, not wanting to repeat the nightmare of before, either of them. And then the day before, having to embarrassingly cut short a client meeting to be sick. He had a very long email in his inbox from Eunhyuk, hassling him on how he was eating, and that he needed to sleep more, and was he losing weight. Hospital visits weren’t allowed, and Eunhyuk would start digging deeper if he thought Zhou Mi wasn’t taking care of himself. But he was, truly. He’d had a large meal after he’d left the murder scene, and it had felt good. No lingering nausea from earlier. Perhaps Kyuhyun’s nephew had been a larger balm than he’d thought.
“Feeling better?” Kyuhyun asked, following a knock.
Zhou Mi looked up at him, smile already halfway on his face when he saw what Kyuhyun had in his hand. A very familiar paper cup from a cafe nearby. He’d had a meeting on the phone, so he’d taken an early lunch. Which meant that a couple of hours into Kyuhyun’s shift, it was the first time they were seeing each other.
“I am feeling better, thank you. Is that tea?”
He hoped that didn’t sound as hopeful as it was.
“Oh this? You think it’s for you? Uhh.” Kyuhyun sauntered closer and lifted the cup, as though to take a drink, before laughing. “Yeah. I went to the post office, so Eunhyuk had me pick this up on the way back.”
The warmth of the cup leeched immediately into his fingers, soothing him. He inhaled the rich scent. “Mmm. Thank you.”
“Sure. Did you have anything you needed me to do today?”
Zhou Mi stared across his desk. His outbox was empty. New profiles in his inbox, but that was on his shoulders alone.
“No, I don’t think so right now. There might be a few emails later, but that’s all I know of.”
But he stared at what was on his screen, and thought of their dinner, and Kyuhyun’s unsure face. Telling someone he had very real feelings and intuitions about matching was one thing. Eunhyuk had years to learn about it, and he couldn’t expect Kyuhyun to make any snap judgements or instantly believe. Maybe Kyuhyun was a caring person, and had gotten thrown into their crazy business, but that didn’t mean he was some sort of unicorn.
“Does Eunhyuk have you on anything really time-sensitive? If he doesn’t, I can show you more of the matching. How I do it. Like what we talked about the other night.”
He watched Kyuhyun for any sign of hesitation, but Kyuhyun nodded.
“Sure,” Kyuhyun said, and went back to poke his head out into the outer office to speak to Eunhyuk. “I’ll be in here with Zhou Mi if you need anything.”
It had Zhou Mi smiling into his tea. Conscientious, studious Kyuhyun. Eunhyuk hadn’t had much to say, when Zhou Mi had let him know about Kyuhyun knowing his secret. His only response had been that it was up to Zhou Mi who he told, and that he didn’t think it would affect Kyuhyun. He was glad of that trust, and acceptance, and tried to think of a way to help Kyuhyun understand.
“This is our client, Miss Kwon. You met her after my unfortunate incident. She is looking with the intent to marry, so I am trying to match her with men of appropriate age, and of course, other factors.”
“Job, location, family background. All of that,” Kyuhyun said.
“Exactly. Those are the facts, the variables, that we have to work with. Just with that information, an experienced matchmaker can come up with a match that is very correct. Factoring in personality, needs, dislikes, you can go a long way with that experience.”
“But you said the facts aren’t what you end up having an instinct about?”
“That’s right. It’s not about puzzling something. Even if I do double check my instincts afterward.” He sighed, and tried to come up with a good analogy. “You know when someone says something really sexy to you, how there’s that clutch, that punch of arousal? And no, I’m not saying I get aroused by matching, I mean-“
Zhou Mi stopped, before he dug himself a hole. Kyuhyun was almost vibrating with amusement beside him, which spoke volumes.
“I was going to say. If it turns you on, no wonder why you have your door closed so much.”
With a choked sound of embarrassment, Zhou Mi drilled his knuckles into Kyuhyun’s leg.
“Employee abuse!” Kyuhyun protested, trying to move away.
“Boss abuse! You’re going to make me break something. But no, seriously. I mean, how it’s instinctual. You don’t think, oh well, I guess I’ll think about being aroused when it’s convenient. It’s immediate. Only, instead, it’s more…” He touched near the center of his chest. Not his heart, but lower, nearer his solar plexus. “Here. That’s where it’s strongest.”
“Kind of a weird place for your gut.”
“It can be like figuring out a hard problem, too. You just know. Then you check, and double check. And it works.”
“I wish some math problems came that easily. And these three guys, they’re the ones your program suggested?”
“That’s right.”
He watched Kyuhyun, not the screen, as Kyuhyun used the mouse to scroll through first Miss Kwon’s profile, then the three possible candidates. He knew Kyuhyun had almost reached his conclusion when he started flipping back to one man in particular.
“I’m no expert. But I’d say this one,” Kyuhyun said, leaving the man on the screen.
And Zhou Mi felt like he was letting Kyuhyun down, even as he nodded his agreement.
“He is the best of the three, I agree. Most factors in common, certainly. I’d feel comfortable introducing her to any three of these men.”
Kyuhyun’s brows furrowed. “But?”
“But I don’t get that feeling with any of them. Sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I wish I could force it.”
“So will you match her anyway? And your database is finite, right? Maybe a better match hasn’t joined?”
It felt like the smile lit him from the inside. “Yes. That’s very true. As you know, I do set some clients up on dates, if I feel the program has matched to my satisfaction, so I might for her. It isn’t magic. If I found another man, and I got that punch of intuition, is he 100% better than these? 50%? 10%? Enough to where waiting makes a difference? I ask myself those questions every day. I just know that when I know it’s right, when I feel it, that I can’t ignore it.”
“What percentage of marriages are there, based on when you match on instinct, versus using the best and most logical computer match?”
“Eunhyuk has the hard numbers. But I do know that the computer matches alone, when it’s me doing it- tend to be lower. The clients also may have to date several people before finding someone serious.”
“But some of your intuition matches fail, in the dating stage?”
“Yes, absolutely. People are so changeable. I can put them together, but I can’t make them feel or see what I do. Wrong timing, bad day. But there’s never just one person out there. We’re never alone.”
Kyuhyun nodded, rubbing his neck. “I think I understand a little better now. As much as I can.”
“I wish I had some cooler skill I could demonstrate. Turning invisible or walking through walls.”
“Superman?” Kyuhyun wanted to know. “Would you do this, when you could just make money giving demonstrations?”
Zhou Mi struck a pose, and got a chuckle. And he felt a little better, as Kyuhyun went back out to get work done. Little by little, perhaps Kyuhyun would understand. Though he knew full well that Kyuhyun might not be there forever. Jobs were precious, it was true, and he saw an interest in Kyuhyun that went beyond just obligatory work duties. But he didn’t have control over that. Perhaps the business would grow to where they could afford a full time salary, and Kyuhyun could transition fully. Or Kyuhyun would find a different place to settle in. Anything, in the end, was possible. But Kyuhyun would know more than when he came. But the swiftness he put it from his mind, told him he wanted that to be none too soon.
And it meant that maybe there needed to be a few new traditions in the office. Ones for the three of them, not just him and Eunhyuk. He pondered it between calls, and came to a decision.
“Hey guys,” he said, waiting for Eunhyuk and Kyuhyun to look at him. “I was thinking some night this week, you could both come over to my apartment. I’ll cook, and we can hang out, away from this place.”
“No food poisoning?” Eunhyuk quipped, and the look Zhou Mi sent was withering.
Still, with all of them in agreement - the date was set.
***
Kyuhyun was sent home from work two days after Zhou Mi’s dinner invitation with an address, and a time to be there. Apparently Zhou Mi had “things to accomplish” which, according to Eunhyuk meant shopping and cleaning. Zhou Mi wasn’t dirty, exactly, Eunhyuk said, it was just that his things had many places to exist instead of just one. It didn’t bother Kyuhyun, since his apartment wasn’t far out of the way towards Zhou Mi’s. He set a couple alarms on his phone on when to leave in case he fell asleep too hard. Not like he was worried about getting fired because he was late to dinner, but bad impressions were bad impressions. And Zhou Mi wouldn’t hear of Kyuhyun bringing so much as a grain of rice, insisting he had it all covered.
And Eunhyuk, besides subtly insulting Zhou Mi’s housekeeping, had admitted that Zhou Mi could cook. A few things, anyway.
Zhou Mi’s building seemed nice, as he was buzzed in. He climbed the stairs, and pondered Zhou Mi. Zhou Mi loved to talk. It was not the first observation he’d had about his boss, but as even remembering back a few days to the restaurant Zhou Mi had been wanting to try. Standing there and realizing that Zhou Mi was subtly chatting up patrons for opinions as they waited for a table. He had to face into the corner to hide his smile at that point. But thankfully Zhou Mi hadn’t noticed. And Zhou Mi had been a conscientious dinner companion, both times. Not getting drunk or loud or embarrassing. He had all those and more in his friends. If he hadn’t kept reminding himself, repeatedly, the date-like qualities would have overwhelmed him. Not that he typically let people he dated order for him, but just sitting in a nice restaurant, with good food and conversation made it feel that way. Zhou Mi and his obviously fake glasses and glaring good looks didn’t help him either.
Because Zhou Mi, whether he liked it or not, whether he accepted it or not, was his type. And all those moments he spent pondering a touch, or Zhou Mi holding his hand, or being unable to keep his eyes to himself as Zhou Mi walked by. They added up. It made him glad that it wouldn’t just be them at Zhou Mi’s apartment. There would be an Eunhyuk buffer, friendly chatter. And he was already still kind of patting himself on the back that Zhou Mi had let him into the big secret of the business. Though he honestly tried not to think about it too long, or his brain hurt. Eunhyuk buffer. Right.
And of course, as Zhou Mi grinned and waved him in, offering him slippers and leading him further into the apartment - Eunhyuk wasn’t there yet. But the kitchen smelled great, making his stomach growl. And that was even having had a snack before he left home. He took no chances where food was concerned.
“Eunhyuk should be here any minute,” Zhou Mi said. “You can wander around, or take a spot on a stool here.”
“Anything you need me to do?”
“Oh, no. But thank you! I’ve got everything prepared, just have to time it. You found this place okay?”
He nodded, sliding up on a stool and leaning on the little bar beside the kitchen. “Yeah, no problems. Seems like a nice place.”
Zhou Mi all but radiated agreement from where he was stirring something in a pot. “I was happy when I could afford to upgrade. It’s amazing how crazy housing can be. You want water? Tea? I have some juice, too.”
“Water would be great.”
Soup? He pondered. And he took the glass from Zhou Mi, clear and sparkling cold. As Zhou Mi rooted around in the fridge, he took a moment more to look around. Nice TV, closed door. Probably bedroom. Some bookshelves, a computer desk. A couple of comfortable looking chairs. Nice. Homey. A little cluttered, and the posters on the wall were loud with color, but nice.
“But yeah, my apartment is okay. It’s nothing fancy. Big enough for my bed, and my computer desk. Not much cooking on my end.”
“I don’t know much. My mother tried to teach me, but I can at least cook a few things besides ramen without hurting myself. Oh, my phone!”
Zhou Mi raced out of the kitchen, slippers flapping as made for his bag. It was two full rings in when he answered it.
“Did you get lost? The food’s almost ready,” Zhou Mi said, half winking at Kyuhyun when he was back in the kitchen.
So it was Eunhyuk on the phone, then. And he began to have one of those feelings. Maybe like what Zhou Mi had. He kind of knew, at that point. Even if he was hoping he was wrong.
“Oh really! No, I do understand. Don’t worry. Oh-”
Kyuhyun blinked, as Zhou Mi switched from Korean to Mandarin, as easy as taking a breath. The only thing Kyuhyun really caught in the process was Eunhyuk’s name. But then Zhou Mi was hanging up.
“He’s not coming?” Kyuhyun asked, having caught the gist.
“No. Tablo called him, and, well. You understand. You and I, or Tablo, and I think we know who wins there. But that’s okay. More food for us. He doesn’t know what he’s missing. If you don’t mind?”
“Hey, I came to get fed. Count me in.”
Not to mention it would’ve been rude beyond belief to have hopped down and said, oh, well if he’s not coming I’ll just go. It had been a nice invitation, and he wondered just exactly had gone down for Eunhyuk to not show up, especially on such short notice. But if Zhou Mi didn’t want to say, then it really wasn’t his place to ask.
“So you speak Mandarin as well?”
“I do,” Zhou Mi said, stirring rice and vegetables in a pan. “I was six when I started learning Korean, and I was in school already. My parents were determined that I wouldn’t lose their language, so they would only speak Mandarin to and with me at home. I’m sure that didn’t make it any easier on my father, either, since he only spoke Korean at work. But maybe he was just glad to not have to try. So it took me a while to really learn well.”
“You sound very natural at it. Your Korean, really… I pick up a bit of accent, but I don’t find that to be bad.”
Zhou Mi grinned. “Good. I worked really hard at it, reciting back lines of dialogue at the TV. At first I tried speaking very slow and distinct, but that really didn’t work in my favor.”
“Eunhyuk learned Mandarin?”
“He learned some out of self defense, since he was tired of having me translate every word he wanted to say to my parents.”
“Did they appreciate that?”
“I don’t know if they appreciated it as much as thinking that ought to have been what happened. They were particular about those things.”
“Ah,” Kyuhyun vocalized, and twisted his glass. “Are they still here?”
“No. They moved back when I was in my first year of college, I think. They actually wanted me to try to go to college in America, or China, but… I grew up here. The language is more familiar to me. I read it better, definitely. So I think this country is stuck with me. It’s not that far by plane to see them anyway. Well, since he’s not coming, I guess we can eat. Here, soup.”
Zhou Mi drank his standing up, and Kyuhyun found it to be pleasant and inoffensive chicken-type. A definitely step-up from what he could make. And what followed was fish with rice and vegetables, and a little salad on the plate.
“I have wine, too, if you want?” Zhou Mi offered. “I think I remembered which kind you liked.”
Kyuhyun cleared his throat, and stared at the bottle in Zhou Mi’s hands. “Well, I guess if you make me.”
Zhou Mi laughed, and poured them both a glass before levering himself up on the stool beside Kyuhyun’s. “I figured we can just eat here instead of at the table. I hope the food is okay.”
The fish was flaky and flavorful, and the vegetables had good flavor. He didn’t know what there was to complain about. Except maybe that he didn’t eat nearly that well every day. Not exactly high class material, but he didn’t have high class taste buds.
“It’s nice when someone can pull off simple stuff like this. This is the best kind of food.”
“I agree. It feels more like home. I should probably make more food for myself for work, but… Sometimes it feels like what I spend in money, I make up in time.”
Kyuhyun, who rarely had anything fancy to speak of in his own lunch, nodded. “But you’re also staying late, and going in early. I wouldn’t feel like making myself a lunch if I did that either.”
“Maybe personal chef should be the next hire for the business,” Zhou Mi said, chortling around his bite of food.
“Masseuse!”
“Personal spa in the next office!”
“Swimming pool.”
Zhou Mi was laughing too hard to eat, grabbing his wine glass to clear his throat.
“I would have to work at least a thousand hours a day to afford all of that. And maybe matching not just Seoul, but all of Asia.”
Kyuhyun chuckled and speared a piece of broccoli. “You’ll have to wait until they start cloning people.”
“Ahh,” Zhou Mi said, resting a hand on his heart. “My own army of matchmakers. One for each continent.”
“Each planet. You’re dreaming small.”
Affectionate was the word he would have pegged Zhou Mi’s smile as. As though for a moment, he was dreaming far outside of the room, the city, the country, and seeing what Kyuhyun suggested. He thought it amazing that Zhou Mi could take so small a comment, one that was joking more than anything, and see something of use in it, even it was humor.
“To matchmaking the galaxy,” Zhou Mi said, lifting his glass for a toast.
From the awkward angle, they bumped fingers more than actual glasses. And he took a drink to cover the sensation that ghosted up his arm. A tingle that ended at his elbow and made him want to shake it. But he concentrated on finishing his food, first, chasing around the last of his rice, and feeling quite indulged. The after-food, he wasn’t sure about. Had Eunhyuk been there, he imagined it would have been a transition to talking or something. Another brain to throw out small talk conversation items, which he sometimes had a hard time conjuring.
“Are you done?” Zhou Mi asked as he topped off Kyuhyun’s wine glass. “There is more rice. But I have fruit for after, too. And some pastries. Umm.”
“Yeah, I’m done. You’ll have to roll me out the door. Thank you.”
“I can handle it.” And to prove it, Zhou Mi flexes his muscles before hopping down and clearing their plates. And he led Kyuhyun toward the television, with a plate of fruit carefully balanced on a pastry box, and his glass of wine in his other hand.
Kyuhyun took a seat in one of the chairs, and watched Zhou Mi set up the food on the little table between them.
“Will Eunhyuk call to tell you how it went?” he asked, juggling his wine glass and looking at the assembled apples and pears with consideration.
“He might. He didn’t after the last time, but sometimes he spends time in his head. He used to, when we were teenagers. After a date. Didn’t matter what I was studying, I always had to take his call. Though I did that, too,” Zhou Mi admitted. “So these pastries are red bean filled, and those are… I don’t remember. But they’re good! I like them.”
Wine and a few pastries, and fruit. It was there to eat, or so he told himself as he took another flaky pastry. Zhou Mi had turned on the TV and it was the end of a music show, just heading into the news.
“These are really good,” Kyuhyun said, and felt a little greedy. There had clearly been enough for three of them, and he’d eaten about a one-and-a-half portion. But Zhou Mi seemed to be keeping up with him. He stared at the skinny legs, and pondered that fact again.
“I can’t buy these very often or I just won’t stop eating them,” Zhou Mi confessed.
“I can see why.” He tapped his thigh. “I guess as long as I can still get into the office door.”
He looked at Zhou Mi in time to see that Zhou Mi had been looking at his thigh as well. A little slow to look up to meet Kyuhyun’s eyes. That twinge. He wondered if he would have thought twice about it, if Zhou Mi had been attracted to women instead. If knowing that Zhou Mi might, even possibly, be attracted to him made a difference. What mattered was how compatible they were. And Zhou Mi would know whether they were or not, if he totally believed Zhou Mi’s ability. There wasn’t any point in Zhou Mi speculation, he figured. Once Zhou Mi matched him again, he might start dating. And he didn’t want to be measuring every man against his impossible boss.
“Search for the killer of two young mothers continues-“
The TV remote went clattering to the floor between them, and Kyuhyun jumped as though someone had clapped in front of his nose. But Zhou Mi was fishing for the remote, half out of his chair.
“Sorry. Must have slipped.” Zhou Mi apologized, his voice getting louder on each word. “Oh. We should… You like gaming? Let’s game instead of TV.”
Zhou Mi jittered right out of his chair toward the TV cabinet, the news abolished to a black screen, before the familiar chime of the Wii started up. That in itself was odd. Zhou Mi was high energy, faster talker, but the way he’d spoken, was like he’d been spooked.
“Kart racing?” Zhou Mi offered, looking back at him finally, after having spent quite a while at the TV just staring at the games.
“Sure,” Kyuhyun said. A part of him said he should just go, make an excuse, but a few games couldn’t hurt. Especially when he saw the smile Zhou Mi sent him. Relief. Or maybe he was imagining it. Zhou Mi checked his phone before they started. He probably thought he was being subtle, but it was hard to be, when Kyuhyun was sitting there with nothing more to do that hold the white controller in his hand.
“Just checking for client messages,” Zhou Mi said, which was exactly what Kyuhyun had thought. “Okay. Let’s play.”
And Zhou Mi was good. He beat Kyuhyun the first try, mostly because Kyuhyun hadn’t played the game in ages. Smug Zhou Mi was better than the jittery Zhou Mi of ten minutes earlier. Though in the next game, Zhou Mi hit a snag, allowing Kyuhyun to zip past him. That almost backfired too, considering he got caught on Zhou Mi’s contortionist moves to get around a corner.
“I don’t think your arms are meant to bend like that,” he teased, and Zhou Mi just grunted at him.
His pride was short lived as Zhou Mi bumped him and sent him spinning out, leaving him to watch helplessly as Zhou Mi finished the race ahead of him.
“Yes!”
“Ruthless. I see how it is.” And he joined Zhou Mi on the floor, his instinct to win getting the best of him.
The wins were traded for a while, and Zhou Mi only checked his phone a couple more times during it. Usually as Kyuhyun was celebrating. Though he did a curious look, and Zhou Mi swatted at him, telling him to be less observant.
But it was getting later. His fourth, fifth? victory, with Zhou Mi flopping on the floor in defeat, had him looking at his phone. The last thing Zhou Mi needed was to be kept up till all hours, especially if he meant to go into work early as well. And it’d give Kyuhyun sanity time. He was allotting exactly as much as it took to get back to his apartment, to rinse out the “Hey, this is fun. Maybe we can do this more often. And look at the way his face lights up when he laughs. That jaw. And his chest. And-“
Yeah. To rinse away all of those sneaky thoughts that had snuck in during their play. It wasn’t his fault that Zhou Mi pushed all of his buttons. It wasn’t Zhou Mi’s fault either. When he made noises like he was thinking he should go, he actually got a pout.
“Really? Ah. I guess it is getting late. It wouldn’t be good if you were too tired all day at work. But this was fun.”
“Yeah,” he said. “Thank you. For everything. Dinner, and-yeah.”
“No problem. Sorry it wasn’t quite what you expected.”
He shrugged. “You didn’t have control over that. And I had a good time.”
Despite all of his reservations, and all of his traitorous feelings, that was the truth. He stood first, and gave Zhou Mi a hand up. And he made sure he had his phone, keys, and wallet, while Zhou Mi powered down the TV and game system.
“I was hoping we could make a habit of this,” Zhou Mi said, and for a moment, Kyuhyun thought he meant the two of them getting together. “Maybe when Eunhyuk can commit we can try again.”
“Oh, yeah. That’d be nice.”
“Have a good trip back, and a good night. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
He got into his shoes quickly, and smiled at Zhou Mi. “Yeah, see you.”
Zhou Mi patted him on the back of his shoulder as he was on his way out, and there was another little wave before he was out in the hall, and on his way. He’d survived. Nothing had happened. Nothing was going to happen. Nothing except maybe he was falling a little bit for his boss. But like he’d determined, he had the whole ride home to work himself right back out of it.
***
Eunhyuk adjusted his shirt collar in his mirror. Not going anywhere fancy, since he didn’t think even Zhou Mi considered his apartment to be fancy. Just a simple dinner in, the three of them from Heartstrings. He wasn’t perturbed by Kyuhyun’s inclusion. It was a simple and effective way of integrating him into the team. More of what he felt toward Kyuhyun was gratitude, which was weird in its own way.
When his phone rang, he assumed it was Zhou Mi telling him that he was late and to get moving. And he wasn’t even late yet.
But Tablo’s name came up on the screen. And he answered with mingled trepidation and glee.
“Are you busy tonight?”
Eunhyuk blinked, holding the phone half an inch away from his ear. That was a very clear probe because someone wanted something that evening. There was no reason to ask that otherwise. And he was due to leave in ten minutes to get to Zhou Mi’s apartment for dinner.
“Not with anything I can’t reschedule,” he answered truthfully. “What’s up?”
“I was thinking we could get together, do some more of that catching up we were talking about doing. Maybe you could bring your guitar? But if you’re busy, we can try another night.”
“No! No. Tonight is great. Just tell me when and where.”
“Now or any time is fine,” Tablo said, and there was rustling on the other end of the line. “I’ll text you my apartment address. Though fair warning, all I really have is cup ramen and some vegetables. If you want other things…?”
“No, that’s fine!” he almost chirped. He’d have eaten cardboard. He might be able to pick up some kind of extra to go with their meal if he passed something on the way.
“In that case, you can just come over when you’re ready.”
“That sounds good. I can probably leave in about 10 minutes, and I’ll call when I get there.”
“Okay. See you.”
“Bye.”
He nearly dropped his phone making sure the call had been disconnected. He could feel his pulse in his throat and banging against his ribs. It had been hard enough to be patient and wait, to wonder. And then to have everything he wanted offered to him. Or the start of everything. Just have the chance to go and sit and talk. He pumped his fist as he found his guitar, making sure he had everything he needed. It made him so giddy that he almost forgot that he had to cancel plans in order to be able to keep the ones he had just made.
He didn’t even wait to say hello, when Zhou Mi answered his phone.
“Tablo called. He wants to meet. Tonight. I couldn’t say no. I’ve been waiting for this.”
And he let the sound of Zhou Mi’s voice soothe him enough to where he could get his brain together, one more time.
***
The hardest thing had been standing outside of Tablo’s door, waiting. Staring at the numbers on it like he would divine what or who he would find inside. Where the acquaintance was a stranger, and important, frightening, all at once.
Eunhyuk took in the light sweater Tablo was wearing when he answered the door, the sleeves pushed up almost to his elbows. It showed off his forearms, and hinted at his chest, and Eunhyuk had to stare back at the numbers for a moment just to gather himself.
“Ah, you found it!” Tablo said. And saw what Eunhyuk had beside him. “Come in.”
He eased his guitar through the door. Just having the case to hold on the subway, running his fingers down the fake leather seams of the case, had him having flashbacks to the past. It had reminded him of why he was going. Why he’d done what he had, why he was finally making progress on a dream he’d spent two decades building.
The apartment was small, comfortable temperature. There were chairs, and furniture, a TV, and normal things. He glanced to pictures as he left his shoes behind, and put the guitar where Tablo had indicated. He smelled rice, and he edged into the small kitchen where Tablo was getting hot water out of a dispenser.
“Tea?”
“Sure, thank you.”
“I have tea bags, some imported, there in the boxes. Pick whatever you like. I don’t have much. Ramen, kimchi, and I made some rice. A salad I threw together.”
“I picked up some chicken on the way,” Eunhyuk said, offering the bag.
“Okay. Hero of the night.”
Tablo let him choose his choice of cup ramen, emptying the flavor and vegetable packets into them, and filling them at the dispenser as well. And Eunhyuk helped to carry everything to the small table. The ramen, a couple of small plates for the salad and kimchi. And with their tea settled, and chopsticks in place, there was nothing but the food and the table between them.
“I’m sorry for the short notice,” Tablo said, lifting the top of his ramen cup to check its progress. “Things cleared up earlier than I thought, and I figured it was worth a try.”
“No, that was no problem. I was really glad to hear from you.”
“It sounded like you had other plans?”
“Just with Zhou Mi. And Kyuhyun. But I can reschedule with them.”
Though Heartstrings was the last thing he’d come to talk about. It was a fallback, the modern starting point.
Staring down into his cup ramen, a memory gently tugged against his brain.
“You remember trying to sneak soup into my bowl at dinner?”
Tablo made a face. “Yes. That stuff was foul, and you ate it up like it was fresh fruit. I figured you needed it more than me.”
“Not like I could tell you if I didn’t like it. I wanted you to think I was cool. But I guess it wasn’t too bad.”
“And you got taller than me. Was it special height-growing soup? Did I give you my share?”
Eunhyuk laughed and pretended to sit up a little straighter. “I have a secret. I might possibly wear shoelifts sometimes.”
“Stand up then. You don’t have shoes on now.”
Tablo stood, urging Eunhyuk out of his seat. Short of having an objective observer, the only way to find out themselves was to get close.
Really close.
He was torn between searching Tablo’s face and focusing on something truly benign, like Tablo’s ear. But he had to keep his head up, or the exercise was pointless. Tablo stepping into his space and straightening his shoulders so they could consider each other eye to eye. Or at least, mostly eye to eye. Even without shoes, he had a tiny advantage on Tablo, even if it was just a couple centimeters.
“You’ve been faking me out a little, brat,” Tablo said, shoving Eunhyuk’s shoulder. “Maybe I’m shrinking.”
If he had been a braver man, he’d have leaned forward, grabbed Tablo’s shoulders. Never taking his eyes from Tablo’s mouth. He shook his head. It wasn’t about bravery. It was about sanity.
“At least I can’t grow any more,” he offered.
“Yeah, yeah. Food’s getting cold.”
He laughed, and sat back down. He’d let Tablo have his sulk about the height. Though he had to weather jabs instead.
“Maybe your socks have lifts in them.”
“You want me to take them off and show you?”
“No way. I was the one who had to pick up your laundry. Socks on.”
“That was a million years ago?”
“It got better?” Tablo didn’t seem convinced. “I guess I’ll have to live in suspense.”
“You will.”
Eunhyuk just hoped he didn’t turn any strange colors as they talked. Moving on from that, to other things. They finished all of the food between them, lazily meandering between topics like the weather, and baseball. Most everything they used went into the trash, with Tablo rinsing off a couple of plates, and gesturing Eunhyuk into the living area.
“Get out your guitar. Maybe we can play a little before we keep the neighbors awake.”
Eunhyuk opened his case, as Tablo retrieved his, and they sat in chairs adjacent, half facing each other.
“Any songs you want, or just anything?”
“Anything,” Eunhyuk said, and readied his fingers. They made sure their instruments were in tune with each other, and the simple music became their conversation.
The sound of the guitar was soothing, and Tablo played better than he had at 13. Watching Tablo’s fingers on the strings, the way he held the instrument. The press of his fingertips, and the movement of his strum. He wondered if Tablo was thinking again, how Eunhyuk’s fingers wouldn’t have fit around the guitar years ago. How he had sat at Tablo’s knee and listened, and needed. Maybe the music had been a little healing, as Tablo had tried to sing as he played years before. Failing at times when he got a chord wrong, but still trying. He could remember sticking his tongue through the spot one of his front teeth had left and gasping a laugh at Tablo’s efforts.
It had been perfect simplicity. The look on Tablo’s face across from him then wasn’t that of an entertaining child. It was a man a little lost in the music that his instrument was producing at his bidding. He followed in his own harmony, picking up where Tablo left off in a tune familiar to them both.
He was waiting for Tablo to see him. Really see him. Not as a memory. Not as a child. Perhaps the next time he’d have his own pictures, so that Tablo could see that he’d aged as well. He wasn’t six any more. He’d done all the things Tablo had done, had most all the same life experiences. The only thing he hadn’t had was the extra years that separated his age from Tablo’s. But the differences between them were so greatly reduced than they had been when they’d parted. Once, six years had been a lifetime. Then, it seemed only a number.
“You play well,” Tablo said. “You tried so hard to learn back then, but your hands were so small.”
On Tablo’s lap, beside him. So Tablo did remember.
“I wanted to do everything you did,” Eunhyuk said, and let his fingers still on the strings.
“It makes me glad I didn’t sign up with Heartstrings. It would’ve been kind of weird to try and be dating in your company with all this going on.”
“Yea, I guess it would’ve.” And possibly heartbreaking. Zhou Mi matching Tablo with someone else, feeling like he was losing Tablo before he’d even really gotten a chance to know him again. That would’ve been a spectacularly stupid idea, looking back on it.
“So you know I’m not dating, but what about you? That time going out to dinner, I thought you were with Zhou Mi.”
“Zh-“ Eunhyuk nearly choked on his own spit. “No. No. We are just friends, longtime friends, but that’s all. So yeah, I’m not dating.”
A near miss with Sooyoung, he supposed. But not so near after all, considering who he was sitting across from. Sooyoung never had been meant to be second best. And he had so many sky castles built in his head around Tablo. He wasn’t sure where one began and ended.
“It’s pretty hard to find a guy worth keeping around,” Tablo said, and his brow was cocked. Both giving, and asking for information. And the confirmation of it all but shredded his reserve. Make out with me and see if I would just die.
“Yeah, really hard. I haven’t been able to keep one around. But… I guess that’s part of the journey.”
And he forced himself to meet Tablo’s eyes. Shrewd, curious. And that humor.
“Almost like there’s someone we’re waiting for.”
“Yeah,” Eunhyuk said on a breathy chuckle. “Almost.”
And as he swallowed, he pondered what to say. He didn’t want to stay silent. He didn’t want to be that guy pining from the corner, and there was no more perfect an opportunity to hint or ask than right then. It was possible if he said something, given their conversation, Tablo would understand. If there was no mutual understanding, then maybe it was something that could be put behind them. Not that it wouldn’t hurt, but maybe he could save himself. Do the smart thing, for once.
“You told me once that you thought I might be hitting on you. Would you have found that bad?”
Tablo hesitated. “Only because I’m not really looking for a relationship right now. It’d be easy to think, too, that maybe how much you used to rely on me made me look more appealing than I really am.”
He swallowed hard, shaking his head and forcing himself not to look away. “I don’t think that’s the case.”
“Eunhyuk…” It seemed the words were slow in coming to Tablo, and Eunhyuk held his breath. He didn’t want to be crushed, and half expected it. “We’re friends. Nothing changes that.”
A very nice way of saying, buck up son, even if you can’t kiss me, we can still hang out. And it was good, since it meant that Tablo wasn’t banishing him from his life, or screaming in disgust.
“We found each other. That’s the important thing,” he said. And Tablo grinned. A hesitation there, that had him looking back at Tablo’s face, before Tablo shook it off.
He was the one to suggest he go, before it got late. Work, the next day, and also not wanting to push his limits. He wanted Tablo to want more, in that delicate balance.
But as he left, he knew he could have spent hours doing nothing but watching Tablo play. And his steps were reluctant down the hallway. Heartbeats regretting every one.
And wondering that it took so long to hear Tablo’s door click closed behind him.
***