So this is it. I've done it. I've worked my butt off, I've sacrified nights, days, weekends, pain, tears, sleep, exercise, food, (relationships) and I've got it. I've got the offer, and by my old metric I would have made it.

But now I question my old metric. I am not over the moon with this offer. When they first said my face broke out into a smile ( Read more... )

It just hit me, I'm not going home this summer. I'll not be home until Christmas. And surprisingly, I feel like I don't mind. Maybe because I know that home will always be there for me, that even though it may be a shadow of what it really is like, I carry home around in my pocket, on my wrist, and in my heart.

And that even though the most ( Read more... )

Today I woke up, and for (seemingly) no rhyme or reason I broke down. This scares me - I need to be stronger than this, term's ending, summer's starting, and the worst I can be (or do) is be a wuss. 

I attended a CS event a couple of days ago... and immediately after, and for a couple of hours, I felt lit with (for a lack of a better word) a glow within. I feel like, when I talk to someone from CS, I feel this instant fit. I haven't felt this way in a long time, tbh. But anyway, the event put some of my fears to starting to rest, a little bit, ( Read more... )

It does take quite a bit of strength and courage to say, OK, I'm focussing on myself now, I need to sort myself out first before I deal with anything/one else. Everything else has to take a backseat, and now I need to step back and look into my own affairs.

I'm trying to do this now - and surprisingly (or not), it's not easy. I need to harden my ( Read more... )

Was just musing today while riding on my bike (in the rain, no less) about superpowers, ha ha. I don't know, it seems really strange that no one really asks to be omniscient, right? It's like, in the (seemingly unbounded) range of superpowers one can ask for, no one considers omniscience to be of any importance. I guess that's for two reasons ( Read more... )

A bit confused right now - I think I need someone to tell me not to be too sensitive about this (or to agree with me hahaha). It's not a horrible feeling per se, but it's weird. I guess it's something that needed to come up eventually haha.

Anyway, Easter, a stock taking. Plenty, plenty of sleep in the past 1.5 weeks. Trying to come up to scratch ( Read more... )

I don't really know what this is, really. It's probably fear. Fear of many things possibly - of losing out, of being left behind, or alone. There's so many things I miss as well. People, places, things. I feel like I'm missing out on the bigger picture. Like I sit here and I feel like the world is running on ahead without me and that I should go ( Read more... )

at that very moment when i clicked purchase, or OK, i felt instantly better - actually, almost happy. To know that plans are falling into place, but really it does feel like a very Grown Up thing to do. To plan, I don't know, things in general, and knowing that I'm mostly in charge of the decisions I make ( Read more... )

I need the strength to do the right thing at the right time.

I fear I won't have the strength and the courage.