Delicious Irony (And Other Acquired Tastes): Chapter Nine
Okay 1) this chapter is probably one of the shortest ones to date, 2) it was not meant to be, in fact, it was originally going to be about three times as long but 3) if I waited to write the rest of this chapter, you would not be getting it until probably the end of the school year because I have been ridiculously busy. I already had most of this written from when I went on my big writing streak with chapter eight, and I kept trying to find time to add to it but ultimately, I just smoothed out the end of it a bit to make it end at least a little less abruptly (although it is still a rather abrupt ending) and now here I am posting it. Sorry that this is all I can give you for now - I just really didn't want to make you wait another two months (or more!) for this. Chapter ten hasn't even been started yet, so...now you'll probably just have to wait those two months (or more!) for that one. I am really, really sorry.
Delicious Irony (And Other Acquired Tastes)
Authoress: chelime
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Anything you recognize isn't mine.
Summary: A misunderstanding leads Remus and Sirius into playing a brilliant joke on the entire population of Hogwarts. Really, that’s all this is. A joke. And Remus is okay with that. Maybe. RLSB SLASH.
xXxXx
He couldn’t let it go on.
Remus wasn’t sure when or how it had happened in the past ten days, but something about this whole prank had indefinably changed. More to the point, something had indefinably changed for him, and that was his feelings towards Sirius.
He didn’t know what to label these new feelings, exactly. All he knew was that those friendly, we’re-in-this-together feelings had morphed into…well. Last night when he’d had the curtains drawn around his bed, the usually vaguely detailed body of the man that lived in his head for those Special Moments had suddenly acquired long and lustrous black hair and painfully familiar pale grey eyes.
Remus was quite sure that this sexual confusion involving his best friend had to do with those nasty little buggers known as Hormones; they must have caught on to the fact that Remus was getting regular snogs from a highly attractive male, and, consequentially, they decided to focus his lust for the male gender into that one specific (and ironically off-limits) male. It didn’t necessarily mean anything. It was simply a natural reaction, an animal instinct, a physical response to stimulation that was as likely to occur as shivering when it was cold or sweating when it was hot. But the fact was that Remus could not let this charade of dating Sirius go on when he actually would like to date Sirius, if only for his bone-melting kisses and sweet caresses that sent shivers down Remus’s spine. They now had completely different feelings towards this entire thing, towards each other, and Remus would not let himself use Sirius that way.
Now he just needed to figure out a way to explain it all to Sirius.
xXxXx
Peter sat at his usual table in the Library, not paying much attention to what he was writing in his Transfiguration essay but quite sure that even if he had been paying attention, it wouldn’t be any better than it was now. The current topic in class was completely lost on Peter, and with his friends constantly busy, he had no hope of writing an acceptable essay.
So instead, he thought about his smashing success with his potion.
He had managed to acquire all the necessary hairs for his potion-even Filch’s-and had even successfully infiltrated Slughorn’s supply cabinet for a few choice ingredients that were not sold in your average apothecary. Now the potion was safely tucked away in a broom cupboard that he had spelled with a warding charm and a rather tricky locking spell that Remus had taught each of the Marauders two years ago.
He was just beginning to silently gloat about the potion’s perfect tangerine color when he felt someone poke his shoulder.
He turned and stared.
“Hello, Peter,” said Lily Evans.
“What? Oh. Er. Hello, Lily. Um, did you need something?”
Without even asking, Lily set her books down on the table-Peter’s table-and flashed him a somewhat self-deprecating smile. “I do, actually. Your help with Herbology the other day really saved me on that essay-can you believe I actually got an E on it? I would have gotten a D on it if it hadn’t been for your most illuminating speech on the finer points of using Clabbert fertilizer for a Fanged Geranium, I’m certain.”
Peter eyed her for a moment before lowering his face, blushing slightly. “You’re making fun of me,” he said tightly, wishing he hadn’t gone on so much the other day.
“No! Oh, no, Peter, I wasn’t.” He looked back up at her. “Okay, maybe a little bit, but not meanly, I promise! You’re really very passionate about the subject, and I think that’s absolutely wonderful. You’ve a gift for Herbology.” Lily smiled at him. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about, actually. Professor Sprout was telling us about that project today, remember? And so I was wondering if I could be your partner. I know I’m not the ideal Herbology partner, but I’m a fast learner, and I promise I won’t let you get a bad grade because of me. And if you partner with me on this project, I promise to help you in any other subject.”
Oh. Oh it was tempting, especially with his completely rubbish Transfiguration essay sitting right in front of him. But work with Lily Evans? The Yoko Ono of the Marauders? Absolutely not. “Any subject?” he found his traitorous mouth asking.
“Any subject,” Lily replied solemnly, the corners of her lips tilting upwards.
“Right, then, you’ve got yourself a deal,” Peter said, outstretching his hand. Lily clasped it with her own, and like that, the deal was done. “Now explain this ridiculous Transfiguration assignment to me, I can’t make heads or tails or any other body part of it.”
xXxXx
What he should do was go up to Sirius, right now, while they were (finally) alone in their dormitory, and say, “We need to talk,” and then just get on with it.
But Remus instead found himself staring as Sirius nibbled on his bottom lip, deep in thought as he studied the text of a book he was certain could provide them with ways to “spiff up” the Marauder’s Map.
It was inexplicable. This was a boy that he had roomed with for seven years and had seen in various states of undress, and only just now, when it was most inconvenient, he had developed these feelings.
Completely inexplicable.
The door crashed open.
“Are you two shagging?” James asked, tossing his robes onto his bed.
“No,” Sirius said. A wicked grin bloomed across his face. Remus tried not to squirm. “But we could be.”
And just like that, Sirius had crossed the room and was ravaging Remus’s mouth in a way that Remus’s body was very agreeable with.
Remus tried to think of Filch. He tried to think of Mrs. Norris. He tried to think of Filch doing any of the number of things Sirius had suggested over the years to Mrs. Norris.
It was not working.
“Sirius,” Remus gasped, only succeeding in bringing his lips a fraction of an inch away from Sirius’s. “Can we-walk. Go on a walk. And-talk. While we-while we walk.” It was very hard to articulate thoughts into coherent speech when one had a Sirius Black attached to one’s lips.
Sirius smiled at him. “Sure. A walk. Let’s go.” Flipping a lazy salute at James, Sirius took Remus’s hand and led him from the dormitory.
Remus began to sweat.
Chapter One: Misconceptions and Consequences Thereof
Chapter Two: A Rather Complicated Situation
Chapter Three: The Kind Of Plan That Never Fails
Chapter Four: The Stealing of James Potter's Thunder
Chapter Five: Plotting Solo for a Change
Chapter Six: Provocation and It's Appeal
Chapter Seven: Bursting the Metaphorical Bubble
Chapter Eight: The Nervous Game
Delicious Irony (And Other Acquired Tastes)
Authoress: chelime
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Anything you recognize isn't mine.
Summary: A misunderstanding leads Remus and Sirius into playing a brilliant joke on the entire population of Hogwarts. Really, that’s all this is. A joke. And Remus is okay with that. Maybe. RLSB SLASH.
xXxXx
He couldn’t let it go on.
Remus wasn’t sure when or how it had happened in the past ten days, but something about this whole prank had indefinably changed. More to the point, something had indefinably changed for him, and that was his feelings towards Sirius.
He didn’t know what to label these new feelings, exactly. All he knew was that those friendly, we’re-in-this-together feelings had morphed into…well. Last night when he’d had the curtains drawn around his bed, the usually vaguely detailed body of the man that lived in his head for those Special Moments had suddenly acquired long and lustrous black hair and painfully familiar pale grey eyes.
Remus was quite sure that this sexual confusion involving his best friend had to do with those nasty little buggers known as Hormones; they must have caught on to the fact that Remus was getting regular snogs from a highly attractive male, and, consequentially, they decided to focus his lust for the male gender into that one specific (and ironically off-limits) male. It didn’t necessarily mean anything. It was simply a natural reaction, an animal instinct, a physical response to stimulation that was as likely to occur as shivering when it was cold or sweating when it was hot. But the fact was that Remus could not let this charade of dating Sirius go on when he actually would like to date Sirius, if only for his bone-melting kisses and sweet caresses that sent shivers down Remus’s spine. They now had completely different feelings towards this entire thing, towards each other, and Remus would not let himself use Sirius that way.
Now he just needed to figure out a way to explain it all to Sirius.
xXxXx
Peter sat at his usual table in the Library, not paying much attention to what he was writing in his Transfiguration essay but quite sure that even if he had been paying attention, it wouldn’t be any better than it was now. The current topic in class was completely lost on Peter, and with his friends constantly busy, he had no hope of writing an acceptable essay.
So instead, he thought about his smashing success with his potion.
He had managed to acquire all the necessary hairs for his potion-even Filch’s-and had even successfully infiltrated Slughorn’s supply cabinet for a few choice ingredients that were not sold in your average apothecary. Now the potion was safely tucked away in a broom cupboard that he had spelled with a warding charm and a rather tricky locking spell that Remus had taught each of the Marauders two years ago.
He was just beginning to silently gloat about the potion’s perfect tangerine color when he felt someone poke his shoulder.
He turned and stared.
“Hello, Peter,” said Lily Evans.
“What? Oh. Er. Hello, Lily. Um, did you need something?”
Without even asking, Lily set her books down on the table-Peter’s table-and flashed him a somewhat self-deprecating smile. “I do, actually. Your help with Herbology the other day really saved me on that essay-can you believe I actually got an E on it? I would have gotten a D on it if it hadn’t been for your most illuminating speech on the finer points of using Clabbert fertilizer for a Fanged Geranium, I’m certain.”
Peter eyed her for a moment before lowering his face, blushing slightly. “You’re making fun of me,” he said tightly, wishing he hadn’t gone on so much the other day.
“No! Oh, no, Peter, I wasn’t.” He looked back up at her. “Okay, maybe a little bit, but not meanly, I promise! You’re really very passionate about the subject, and I think that’s absolutely wonderful. You’ve a gift for Herbology.” Lily smiled at him. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about, actually. Professor Sprout was telling us about that project today, remember? And so I was wondering if I could be your partner. I know I’m not the ideal Herbology partner, but I’m a fast learner, and I promise I won’t let you get a bad grade because of me. And if you partner with me on this project, I promise to help you in any other subject.”
Oh. Oh it was tempting, especially with his completely rubbish Transfiguration essay sitting right in front of him. But work with Lily Evans? The Yoko Ono of the Marauders? Absolutely not. “Any subject?” he found his traitorous mouth asking.
“Any subject,” Lily replied solemnly, the corners of her lips tilting upwards.
“Right, then, you’ve got yourself a deal,” Peter said, outstretching his hand. Lily clasped it with her own, and like that, the deal was done. “Now explain this ridiculous Transfiguration assignment to me, I can’t make heads or tails or any other body part of it.”
xXxXx
What he should do was go up to Sirius, right now, while they were (finally) alone in their dormitory, and say, “We need to talk,” and then just get on with it.
But Remus instead found himself staring as Sirius nibbled on his bottom lip, deep in thought as he studied the text of a book he was certain could provide them with ways to “spiff up” the Marauder’s Map.
It was inexplicable. This was a boy that he had roomed with for seven years and had seen in various states of undress, and only just now, when it was most inconvenient, he had developed these feelings.
Completely inexplicable.
The door crashed open.
“Are you two shagging?” James asked, tossing his robes onto his bed.
“No,” Sirius said. A wicked grin bloomed across his face. Remus tried not to squirm. “But we could be.”
And just like that, Sirius had crossed the room and was ravaging Remus’s mouth in a way that Remus’s body was very agreeable with.
Remus tried to think of Filch. He tried to think of Mrs. Norris. He tried to think of Filch doing any of the number of things Sirius had suggested over the years to Mrs. Norris.
It was not working.
“Sirius,” Remus gasped, only succeeding in bringing his lips a fraction of an inch away from Sirius’s. “Can we-walk. Go on a walk. And-talk. While we-while we walk.” It was very hard to articulate thoughts into coherent speech when one had a Sirius Black attached to one’s lips.
Sirius smiled at him. “Sure. A walk. Let’s go.” Flipping a lazy salute at James, Sirius took Remus’s hand and led him from the dormitory.
Remus began to sweat.
Chapter One: Misconceptions and Consequences Thereof
Chapter Two: A Rather Complicated Situation
Chapter Three: The Kind Of Plan That Never Fails
Chapter Four: The Stealing of James Potter's Thunder
Chapter Five: Plotting Solo for a Change
Chapter Six: Provocation and It's Appeal
Chapter Seven: Bursting the Metaphorical Bubble
Chapter Eight: The Nervous Game