Delicious Irony (And Other Acquired Tastes): Chapter One
Authoress's Notes: All right! This is my first posted R/S chaptered fic - it is not finished, I am stuck in the middle of chapter seven - that was first posted on FanFiction.Net. Now, this is not a particularly original fic, nor do I think it's my best writing, but it's quite entertaining and many people have found it amusing and sweet, so I've decided it should be the second thing posted here. It has so far received 114 reviews for the 6 chapters that have been posted on FF.Net, which I think is pretty darn good for any fic on FF.Net as it's so huge, it's easy for an author's work to get lost in the masses of ficage.
Delicious Irony (And Other Acquired Tastes)
Authoress: chelime
Rating: R (not until later, though, and so far it's only for language)
Disclaimer: Anything you recognize isn't mine.
Summary: A misunderstanding leads Remus and Sirius into playing a brilliant joke on the entire population of Hogwarts. Really, that’s all this is. A joke. And Remus is okay with that. Maybe. RLSB SLASH.
Upon reflection, Remus probably should have expected something like this, especially when Sirius had exclaimed, upon learning about Remus’s plans for the evening, “That tart? Last time I met her for ‘Transfigurations lessons,’ we ended up snogging for half an hour. In that exact same spot, coincidentally.”
Upon further reflection, he probably shouldn’t have been even slightly comforted when Sirius had added, “But that’s probably not what she’s after this time, I mean, come on, you’re Moony! I don’t think she really goes for the brainy blokes. Just keep prattling on about numeric equations and you’ll keep her at bay. In fact, you might even make her head explode.”
When Remus had agreed to meet his classmate, a Seventh Year Ravenclaw by the name of Marly Jenkins, in the Library that night, he had thought he was meeting with her to help her with their upcoming Arithmancy exam.
He had not thought that “I could really use some help studying for that Arithmancy exam” would lead to molestation of his person!
“Marly!” Remus hissed. “Would you cut it out?”
There was horrible wet, smacking sound as Marly pulled away from him. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, Remus,” Marly said in a low, throaty voice, “but I rather fancy you.”
“Well, er, yes, I had noticed,” Remus said, drawing in on himself in an attempt to keep Marly from returning to her previous ministrations on his neck. “And I’m afraid I do not, er, reciprocate those feelings. So if you aren’t going to be needing my help, I really must be getting back to-“
“But I do need your help,” Marly insisted, combing a hand through Remus’s sandy-colored hair. “You’ve been on my mind a lot lately…you’re so handsome, Remus…so kind and smart…I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you…”
She leaned in to give him a kiss on the mouth, but Remus had decided that Enough was Enough, and leapt off the couch.
“I’m sorry, Marly, but I really must be going,” Remus blurted out, scooping his textbooks into his arms.
“Where are you going that’s got you in such a hurry, hmmm?” Marly stood and sauntered over to Remus, a small smile poised on her lips. “What is it you need to be getting back to that can’t wait until later?”
“My boyfriend,” Remus said in a cynical tone, hoping she would take the hint.
Remus registered, with glee, that her eyes were positively popping out of their sockets. “Boyfriend?”
“Yes, so you see, there’s a bit of a conflict-“
“It’s Black, isn’t it!?”
“What? N-“
“Oh, Merlin, I should’ve known! Sorry, Remus, I’ll just be going now, take care!” The look she flashed him before racing out of the Library assured Remus that by tomorrow, the Ravenclaw population of Hogwarts (at the very least) would be aware of Remus’s preference, as well as the identity of his “boyfriend.”
Nevermind the fact that Sirius Black was the straightest man to ever walk the planet. And the fact that, up until now, at least, he had been unaware that his best friend was a poof.
“Bloody buggering hell,” Remus said.
Glancing quickly around to reassure himself that no one had been close enough to overhear him and Marly-why have the “news” spread around any faster than it was already going to?-Remus fled the Library, not quite sure where he was headed or what he was planning on doing once he got there, but knowing that something had to be done now.
Delicious Irony (And Other Acquired Tastes)
Authoress: chelime
Rating: R (not until later, though, and so far it's only for language)
Disclaimer: Anything you recognize isn't mine.
Summary: A misunderstanding leads Remus and Sirius into playing a brilliant joke on the entire population of Hogwarts. Really, that’s all this is. A joke. And Remus is okay with that. Maybe. RLSB SLASH.
Upon reflection, Remus probably should have expected something like this, especially when Sirius had exclaimed, upon learning about Remus’s plans for the evening, “That tart? Last time I met her for ‘Transfigurations lessons,’ we ended up snogging for half an hour. In that exact same spot, coincidentally.”
Upon further reflection, he probably shouldn’t have been even slightly comforted when Sirius had added, “But that’s probably not what she’s after this time, I mean, come on, you’re Moony! I don’t think she really goes for the brainy blokes. Just keep prattling on about numeric equations and you’ll keep her at bay. In fact, you might even make her head explode.”
When Remus had agreed to meet his classmate, a Seventh Year Ravenclaw by the name of Marly Jenkins, in the Library that night, he had thought he was meeting with her to help her with their upcoming Arithmancy exam.
He had not thought that “I could really use some help studying for that Arithmancy exam” would lead to molestation of his person!
“Marly!” Remus hissed. “Would you cut it out?”
There was horrible wet, smacking sound as Marly pulled away from him. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, Remus,” Marly said in a low, throaty voice, “but I rather fancy you.”
“Well, er, yes, I had noticed,” Remus said, drawing in on himself in an attempt to keep Marly from returning to her previous ministrations on his neck. “And I’m afraid I do not, er, reciprocate those feelings. So if you aren’t going to be needing my help, I really must be getting back to-“
“But I do need your help,” Marly insisted, combing a hand through Remus’s sandy-colored hair. “You’ve been on my mind a lot lately…you’re so handsome, Remus…so kind and smart…I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you…”
She leaned in to give him a kiss on the mouth, but Remus had decided that Enough was Enough, and leapt off the couch.
“I’m sorry, Marly, but I really must be going,” Remus blurted out, scooping his textbooks into his arms.
“Where are you going that’s got you in such a hurry, hmmm?” Marly stood and sauntered over to Remus, a small smile poised on her lips. “What is it you need to be getting back to that can’t wait until later?”
“My boyfriend,” Remus said in a cynical tone, hoping she would take the hint.
Remus registered, with glee, that her eyes were positively popping out of their sockets. “Boyfriend?”
“Yes, so you see, there’s a bit of a conflict-“
“It’s Black, isn’t it!?”
“What? N-“
“Oh, Merlin, I should’ve known! Sorry, Remus, I’ll just be going now, take care!” The look she flashed him before racing out of the Library assured Remus that by tomorrow, the Ravenclaw population of Hogwarts (at the very least) would be aware of Remus’s preference, as well as the identity of his “boyfriend.”
Nevermind the fact that Sirius Black was the straightest man to ever walk the planet. And the fact that, up until now, at least, he had been unaware that his best friend was a poof.
“Bloody buggering hell,” Remus said.
Glancing quickly around to reassure himself that no one had been close enough to overhear him and Marly-why have the “news” spread around any faster than it was already going to?-Remus fled the Library, not quite sure where he was headed or what he was planning on doing once he got there, but knowing that something had to be done now.