Delicious Irony (And Other Acquired Tastes): Chapter Seven
I BET YOU THOUGHT I'D ABANDONED THIS, DIDN'T YOU?
Oh ye of little faith.
No, I simply got SWAMPED with work and stuff BUT NOW I'M BACK. And sorry to say that I've barely even started on chapter eight - but here's chapter seven, finally finished to my satisfaction. I am rather happy with this chapter. You just might be too :)
Delicious Irony (And Other Acquired Tastes)
Authoress: chelime
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Anything you recognize isn't mine.
Summary: A misunderstanding leads Remus and Sirius into playing a brilliant joke on the entire population of Hogwarts. Really, that’s all this is. A joke. And Remus is okay with that. Maybe. RLSB SLASH.
“And then I think we need to-“
“What I don’t understand,” Remus interrupted, “is why you’re telling me about this when you should be telling the Head Boy.”
Lily flushed, at Remus had suspected she would. “James has got enough going on,” she muttered to her feet.
Remus couldn’t help the grin on his face. “You’re afraid of facing him again, aren’t you?”
Lily’s eyes widened. “What? That’s not-“ She cut herself off.
“It is true!” Remus said, a bit awed. “But why? Didn’t the date go all right?”
“Yes,” Lily grudgingly admitted. “That’s the problem.”
“Granted I may not know much in this field, but isn’t it a good thing when a date goes all right?”
“Well, yes,” Lily said, not even trying to hide her reluctance at having this conversation. “But not where James Potter is concerned.”
“Ah. I think I see what you’re getting at. You’ve hated James for six years now, and this sudden turnaround in your feelings scares you, right?”
Lily blinked up at him. “That’s-I mean, well-I never hated him, per se. I just didn’t particularly like him.”
“And now you do.”
“The thing is, Remus,” Lily sighed, “I don’t know. I know I don’t feel how I used to feel towards him, but beyond that, I don’t know.” She pushed her hand through her hair, obviously mulling over something in her head. “It’s just…hard to accept, I guess. I mean, he’s so different now, and I can tell that he’s different, but I just…I guess I’m just reluctant to take this new James Potter at face value. I think I’m just afraid that I’ll start to appreciate this new James so much and then I’ll be disappointed when he reverts back into the old James. Because that’s what I’m really afraid of. That this change isn’t permanent, and he’s just playing a part to get me to go out with him.”
Of all the conversations Remus had thought he could have with Lily Evans, this was not one of them. “He’s not just playing a part, Lily,” he found himself saying. “James has actually matured, and trust me, I was as surprised as you. I think he was always so…blasé because he never had a direction, he never had anything he was particularly inclined to be mature about. But he takes being Head Boy very seriously. He doesn’t want to let Professor Dumbledore or his parents-or you-down.”
Lily nodded, looking a bit preoccupied with her thoughts. And not entirely convinced.
“Let me ask you something, Lily,” Remus said suddenly.
She looked up at him-a little bit warily, Remus noted-and said, “All right.”
“How disappointed would you be if he reverted back to the old James?”
Remus was quite pleased with himself for doing what so few others had been able to do, and that was making Lily Evans speechless.
“I think that-“
But he didn’t get to finish his sentence because Sirius Black had wrapped himself around Remus and stuck his nose in his ear.
Remus only just managed to muffle a yelp. He hoped his expression was schooled well enough that Lily wouldn’t begin to suspect.
“Come on, Moony,” Sirius said, still nuzzling his ear. “I haven’t seen you all day. The dorm’s empty.”
OH MY GOD, Remus’s brain shrieked. “Uh-“
“Sorry, Tigerlily, afraid I’m going to have to steal your Prefect, you can talk to the Head Boy instead, can’t you?” And with that, Sirius dragged Remus out of the Library.
xXxXx
“You know,” Sirius said, stretched out on his bed with a critical eye on Remus as the brunet scratched out a few words in his History of Magic essay, “if this prank is going to work, you’re going to have to relax. People aren’t going to think we’re much of a couple if you freeze up every time I touch you.”
Remus muttered something to his quill and continued his revising.
“Funny, isn’t it? You’re the one who’s gay, yet you’re the one that cannot stand the touch of one of the most attractive, if I do say so myself-and I do-male specimens in this fine country of Merry Old England.”
“Your being male has nothing to do with it,” Remus snapped, “your being one of my best friends has everything to do with it. It’s just weird, okay? How would you feel if James started sticking his tongue in your ear and calling you his love muffin?”
“Not half as honored as he’d feel if I were doing it to him,” Sirius promptly replied. “Come on, you’d think our being best mates would make this more comfortable. We’ve lived together for almost seven years now, Moony!”
“Yes, that’s what makes it weird. You’re my friend. My roommate. And after seven years it’s just weird to be snogging you when I’m not actually snogging you.”
Sirius smirked at him. “So it’d be less weird if you were actually snogging me?”
“Well, yes. Logically speaking, that is. But I’m not and we’re not and we never will so I guess I’ll just have to figure out some way to relax when you are publicly molesting me.”
“Thatta boy, Moony,” Sirius said with a grin and a hearty slap on Remus’s back.
“Still really weird, though,” Remus muttered.
xXxXx
“Well, yes, that would be true, except it seems that you’ve skipped over ‘hagalaz’ and that would make the-“
“Hello, Moony,” someone murmured into his ear.
“Hello, Sirius,” he replied, grinning.
Sirius slid into the seat next to him, nodding a greeting to the people in Remus’s study group-Dorcas Meadowes, Caradoc Dearborn, and Lily Evans.
“Yes, yes, Sirius, hello, now what was that about hagalaz, Remus?” Dorcas said breezily.
“You’ve forgotten to factor that into the equation, so the outcome would actually mean ‘protection from nonverbal spells,’ not ‘attraction of foul curses.’”
Dorcas squinted at her paper. “Which one is hagalaz again? I can’t keep track of all these ruddy runes.”
“It’s the one that’s sort of H-shaped, like so,” and Remus lifted his left hand to demonstrate to Dorcas. “See, two vertical lines, and then-“
Sirius captured his hand, pulling it to his lips to kiss the knuckles. “Sorry, Moony,” Sirius said, sounding surprisingly apologetic. “I just love it when you talk with your hands.”
Remus smiled at him. “It’s all right.” He turned back to Dorcas. “Found it, then?”
“Yes, thank you, Remus.”
“Not a problem,” he replied, turning back to his own parchment.
His hand was still being held by Sirius’s.
After three days, Remus was finally starting to relax, even feel comfortable when Sirius put on these public displays, be it the hand-holding, the slight caresses of his shoulder or his knee, the occasional peck on the cheek, and, when they were around people that were sure to have an amusing reaction, the full out snogging. Of course it was still odd to be doing these things with Sirius of all people, his very straight best mate, but the intimacy was becoming familiar and no longer made him flinch or twitch in ways that couldn’t possibly be healthy. He found he was quite unaffected by the thumb stroking his palm as he wrote out a few more runes.
“Oh, Lily, how did your date with ol’ Jamesie go?” Sirius said, looking disturbingly innocent.
Lily looked up in surprise. “Are you asking if I enjoyed it, or how did it go?”
“Well, why not both?”
“I’m sure James has filled you in-“
“Ha!” Sirius’s bark drew several “Shhh!”s.
“You mean he hasn’t told you about it?”
Sirius gave Lily an awed sort of look. “James, capable of coherent speech within a week after a date with Lily Evans? For shame, woman, you’ve really got no idea how infatuated with you he is, do you?”
Lily’s cheeks reddened as she looked down at her paper. “Oh,” she said softly. “Well, it was lovely. Please tell James I enjoyed it very much. I should get going. Thanks for all your help, Remus.”
“It was my pleasure, Lily,” Remus replied as Lily hastily gathered up her things and exited the Library. “Actually, I should go, too. I’m done here, and you both look like you’ve got the hang of things now.”
“Yeah, I think we’re okay,” Caradoc cheerfully replied. “Wait-is this uruz or uraz?”
Remus studied his paper. “Uraz.”
“Ah, all right. Thanks, Remus.”
“If either of you has any questions, feel free to find me at dinner tonight.” Remus made to pick up his books and realized Sirius had beaten him to them.
“Come on, muffin,” Sirius said with a wolfish grin.
“I said no pet names,” Remus grumpily replied.
“You secretly love it,” Sirius replied confidently, slinging an arm across Remus’s shoulders and steering him towards the Library doors. “Now come on, you’ve been in here all day. I’ve had to rely on Wormtail for entertainment in your absence.”
“And where was James?”
Sirius threw Remus a look of utmost horror. “You would sentence me to time alone with James? Oh, Moony. I thought you loved me. You’re really plotting my death, aren’t you?”
“I take it he’s still on about his date with Lily,” Remus said solemnly, a hint of a grin crossing his features.
“Of course he is, you daft little darling. I’m staying away from him for at least the next five days.” A suggestive smirk settled itself upon Sirius’s lips. “I wonder how I shall ever pass the time.”
“You could try doing your homework for a change.”
“Where would the fun be in that?”
“In the satisfaction you would get knowing you’d done your work?”
“I think I know a few other ways to get my satisfaction,” Sirius leered.
And there in the middle of the crowded corridor, Remus was barely fazed when Sirius pressed his lips against his own.
Chapter One: Misconceptions and Consequences Thereof
Chapter Two: A Rather Complicated Situation
Chapter Three: The Kind Of Plan That Never Fails
Chapter Four: The Stealing of James Potter's Thunder
Chapter Five: Plotting Solo for a Change
Chapter Six: Provocation and It's Appeal
Oh ye of little faith.
No, I simply got SWAMPED with work and stuff BUT NOW I'M BACK. And sorry to say that I've barely even started on chapter eight - but here's chapter seven, finally finished to my satisfaction. I am rather happy with this chapter. You just might be too :)
Delicious Irony (And Other Acquired Tastes)
Authoress: chelime
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Anything you recognize isn't mine.
Summary: A misunderstanding leads Remus and Sirius into playing a brilliant joke on the entire population of Hogwarts. Really, that’s all this is. A joke. And Remus is okay with that. Maybe. RLSB SLASH.
“And then I think we need to-“
“What I don’t understand,” Remus interrupted, “is why you’re telling me about this when you should be telling the Head Boy.”
Lily flushed, at Remus had suspected she would. “James has got enough going on,” she muttered to her feet.
Remus couldn’t help the grin on his face. “You’re afraid of facing him again, aren’t you?”
Lily’s eyes widened. “What? That’s not-“ She cut herself off.
“It is true!” Remus said, a bit awed. “But why? Didn’t the date go all right?”
“Yes,” Lily grudgingly admitted. “That’s the problem.”
“Granted I may not know much in this field, but isn’t it a good thing when a date goes all right?”
“Well, yes,” Lily said, not even trying to hide her reluctance at having this conversation. “But not where James Potter is concerned.”
“Ah. I think I see what you’re getting at. You’ve hated James for six years now, and this sudden turnaround in your feelings scares you, right?”
Lily blinked up at him. “That’s-I mean, well-I never hated him, per se. I just didn’t particularly like him.”
“And now you do.”
“The thing is, Remus,” Lily sighed, “I don’t know. I know I don’t feel how I used to feel towards him, but beyond that, I don’t know.” She pushed her hand through her hair, obviously mulling over something in her head. “It’s just…hard to accept, I guess. I mean, he’s so different now, and I can tell that he’s different, but I just…I guess I’m just reluctant to take this new James Potter at face value. I think I’m just afraid that I’ll start to appreciate this new James so much and then I’ll be disappointed when he reverts back into the old James. Because that’s what I’m really afraid of. That this change isn’t permanent, and he’s just playing a part to get me to go out with him.”
Of all the conversations Remus had thought he could have with Lily Evans, this was not one of them. “He’s not just playing a part, Lily,” he found himself saying. “James has actually matured, and trust me, I was as surprised as you. I think he was always so…blasé because he never had a direction, he never had anything he was particularly inclined to be mature about. But he takes being Head Boy very seriously. He doesn’t want to let Professor Dumbledore or his parents-or you-down.”
Lily nodded, looking a bit preoccupied with her thoughts. And not entirely convinced.
“Let me ask you something, Lily,” Remus said suddenly.
She looked up at him-a little bit warily, Remus noted-and said, “All right.”
“How disappointed would you be if he reverted back to the old James?”
Remus was quite pleased with himself for doing what so few others had been able to do, and that was making Lily Evans speechless.
“I think that-“
But he didn’t get to finish his sentence because Sirius Black had wrapped himself around Remus and stuck his nose in his ear.
Remus only just managed to muffle a yelp. He hoped his expression was schooled well enough that Lily wouldn’t begin to suspect.
“Come on, Moony,” Sirius said, still nuzzling his ear. “I haven’t seen you all day. The dorm’s empty.”
OH MY GOD, Remus’s brain shrieked. “Uh-“
“Sorry, Tigerlily, afraid I’m going to have to steal your Prefect, you can talk to the Head Boy instead, can’t you?” And with that, Sirius dragged Remus out of the Library.
xXxXx
“You know,” Sirius said, stretched out on his bed with a critical eye on Remus as the brunet scratched out a few words in his History of Magic essay, “if this prank is going to work, you’re going to have to relax. People aren’t going to think we’re much of a couple if you freeze up every time I touch you.”
Remus muttered something to his quill and continued his revising.
“Funny, isn’t it? You’re the one who’s gay, yet you’re the one that cannot stand the touch of one of the most attractive, if I do say so myself-and I do-male specimens in this fine country of Merry Old England.”
“Your being male has nothing to do with it,” Remus snapped, “your being one of my best friends has everything to do with it. It’s just weird, okay? How would you feel if James started sticking his tongue in your ear and calling you his love muffin?”
“Not half as honored as he’d feel if I were doing it to him,” Sirius promptly replied. “Come on, you’d think our being best mates would make this more comfortable. We’ve lived together for almost seven years now, Moony!”
“Yes, that’s what makes it weird. You’re my friend. My roommate. And after seven years it’s just weird to be snogging you when I’m not actually snogging you.”
Sirius smirked at him. “So it’d be less weird if you were actually snogging me?”
“Well, yes. Logically speaking, that is. But I’m not and we’re not and we never will so I guess I’ll just have to figure out some way to relax when you are publicly molesting me.”
“Thatta boy, Moony,” Sirius said with a grin and a hearty slap on Remus’s back.
“Still really weird, though,” Remus muttered.
xXxXx
“Well, yes, that would be true, except it seems that you’ve skipped over ‘hagalaz’ and that would make the-“
“Hello, Moony,” someone murmured into his ear.
“Hello, Sirius,” he replied, grinning.
Sirius slid into the seat next to him, nodding a greeting to the people in Remus’s study group-Dorcas Meadowes, Caradoc Dearborn, and Lily Evans.
“Yes, yes, Sirius, hello, now what was that about hagalaz, Remus?” Dorcas said breezily.
“You’ve forgotten to factor that into the equation, so the outcome would actually mean ‘protection from nonverbal spells,’ not ‘attraction of foul curses.’”
Dorcas squinted at her paper. “Which one is hagalaz again? I can’t keep track of all these ruddy runes.”
“It’s the one that’s sort of H-shaped, like so,” and Remus lifted his left hand to demonstrate to Dorcas. “See, two vertical lines, and then-“
Sirius captured his hand, pulling it to his lips to kiss the knuckles. “Sorry, Moony,” Sirius said, sounding surprisingly apologetic. “I just love it when you talk with your hands.”
Remus smiled at him. “It’s all right.” He turned back to Dorcas. “Found it, then?”
“Yes, thank you, Remus.”
“Not a problem,” he replied, turning back to his own parchment.
His hand was still being held by Sirius’s.
After three days, Remus was finally starting to relax, even feel comfortable when Sirius put on these public displays, be it the hand-holding, the slight caresses of his shoulder or his knee, the occasional peck on the cheek, and, when they were around people that were sure to have an amusing reaction, the full out snogging. Of course it was still odd to be doing these things with Sirius of all people, his very straight best mate, but the intimacy was becoming familiar and no longer made him flinch or twitch in ways that couldn’t possibly be healthy. He found he was quite unaffected by the thumb stroking his palm as he wrote out a few more runes.
“Oh, Lily, how did your date with ol’ Jamesie go?” Sirius said, looking disturbingly innocent.
Lily looked up in surprise. “Are you asking if I enjoyed it, or how did it go?”
“Well, why not both?”
“I’m sure James has filled you in-“
“Ha!” Sirius’s bark drew several “Shhh!”s.
“You mean he hasn’t told you about it?”
Sirius gave Lily an awed sort of look. “James, capable of coherent speech within a week after a date with Lily Evans? For shame, woman, you’ve really got no idea how infatuated with you he is, do you?”
Lily’s cheeks reddened as she looked down at her paper. “Oh,” she said softly. “Well, it was lovely. Please tell James I enjoyed it very much. I should get going. Thanks for all your help, Remus.”
“It was my pleasure, Lily,” Remus replied as Lily hastily gathered up her things and exited the Library. “Actually, I should go, too. I’m done here, and you both look like you’ve got the hang of things now.”
“Yeah, I think we’re okay,” Caradoc cheerfully replied. “Wait-is this uruz or uraz?”
Remus studied his paper. “Uraz.”
“Ah, all right. Thanks, Remus.”
“If either of you has any questions, feel free to find me at dinner tonight.” Remus made to pick up his books and realized Sirius had beaten him to them.
“Come on, muffin,” Sirius said with a wolfish grin.
“I said no pet names,” Remus grumpily replied.
“You secretly love it,” Sirius replied confidently, slinging an arm across Remus’s shoulders and steering him towards the Library doors. “Now come on, you’ve been in here all day. I’ve had to rely on Wormtail for entertainment in your absence.”
“And where was James?”
Sirius threw Remus a look of utmost horror. “You would sentence me to time alone with James? Oh, Moony. I thought you loved me. You’re really plotting my death, aren’t you?”
“I take it he’s still on about his date with Lily,” Remus said solemnly, a hint of a grin crossing his features.
“Of course he is, you daft little darling. I’m staying away from him for at least the next five days.” A suggestive smirk settled itself upon Sirius’s lips. “I wonder how I shall ever pass the time.”
“You could try doing your homework for a change.”
“Where would the fun be in that?”
“In the satisfaction you would get knowing you’d done your work?”
“I think I know a few other ways to get my satisfaction,” Sirius leered.
And there in the middle of the crowded corridor, Remus was barely fazed when Sirius pressed his lips against his own.
Chapter One: Misconceptions and Consequences Thereof
Chapter Two: A Rather Complicated Situation
Chapter Three: The Kind Of Plan That Never Fails
Chapter Four: The Stealing of James Potter's Thunder
Chapter Five: Plotting Solo for a Change
Chapter Six: Provocation and It's Appeal