then you crumble just like chalk ( Read more... )

Mary says it may take months for my body to recover. That's oh-so encouraging. We had a good but rough session. I told her more about the "ancient history". And we talked about how that may be relating to my current situation ( Read more... )

I'm heavy. My eyes, my chest, my mood. I miss my exuberance. Is that a word? I'm too tired. I'm listening to Seeger's cd, again. It always makes me want to write. This is going out to everyone ( Read more... )

something shimmering and white ( Read more... )

This is getting out of hand. Oh did I say "getting"? This is way out of hand. The crying, the sleeplessness, the everything, I want my life back...

I think there are some answers. I think that they are maybe not what I hoped they would be but a little comforting nonetheless. I've been feeling as I believe I said "unmoved" lately. Which is weird because I still cry but ... I can't say how I feel, which I am supposed to consider if that is okay ( Read more... )

...can't carry on this way ( Read more... )

So one of the things I noticed early on was that there wasn't much that made me happy, much that I was interested in or hoped for, or looked forward to. And I think I'm just starting to notice a graver symptom of that. I don't think I care very much about the people in my life. Which I think anyone would say is pretty unusual for me. I admit to ( Read more... )

...the feeling lingers on ( Read more... )

A lot has happened since I last wrote. Wednesday....Wednesday was a strange day. Had to go in early for implementation and teasing. It was Chris's last CSA day. We went to breakfast. It was nice. It felt like there was nothing wrong with me. Of course we saw Toby on the way out. Toby of course being the bane of our friendship. Oh and of course Toby ( Read more... )