I posed a question almost six months ago, I know the answer now. it didn't come the way I had expected when I asked it, but the answer is green ( Read more... )

that was a moment. it's gone now. in four hours I will get out of bed and sit and breathe and smile and talk to my insides, if I'm lucky. then I will exercise until my body makes my heart forget and my sadness just melts into sweat. then I will clean my house. then I will think about the people I care about. I'll make lists. and I'll make a peanut ( Read more... )

I think I need to let go of someone I love very much because I've officially tapped him of all his resources. sometimes I make myself so ugly that I can't show my face around the people I love anymore. the light of recognition has sunk out of their eyes, and that's just too painful to bear ( Read more... )

I had the funny realization tonight that there is no moment I would rather be in right now. I'm not especially ecstatic or accomplished or ambitious or satisfied. but I'm more myself in this moment than I think I ever have been. I wanted to look back at some of my entries from last year, when I was dating people off the internet and assimilating to ( Read more... )

I haven't written in a while. ___ and I didn't not speak for very long, now we're friends and it is very good. it's a happy thing and an easy thing, and that is so worth breaking up for. the stress and pressure and overwroughtness and owing each other is gone, so thank goodness. there's still a lot of love, I care for him immensely, and I think he ( Read more... )

when I was seventeen, and an unimportant ex and I broke up, I took out my journal, my paper one, and started listing things I'd miss about him. I think I listed a hundred ( Read more... )

being vegan is going just fine, besides the fact that I hate working in a restaurant and hate being surrounded by foodies who are offended by the fact that some people may not want cow lactation, chicken periods, or shaved fish eggs in their food. not to mention the fact that they serve giant chunks of death... like pate. the grossest, ever. so ( Read more... )

sometimes, I think, you just need to get in the shower and sing some South Pacific. not that I would ever want to really wash ___ out of my hair, but I mean that it may be important to take a step back. at this proximity, it's impossible to not become completely carried away. the last two and a half years have been extremely intense for me. it took ( Read more... )

I shouldn't worry.
I think I'm going to start seeing a therapist.
I need somebody else to organize my thoughts.
I want, so badly, to think that I'm special and beautiful. it's a hard thing.

I'm not a nice girl. I'm Scarlett more than ever. I've let myself get completely consumed by jealousy to the point that I can't breathe. I've even convinced myself a few times that I don't care. but I do. I cried in a ball on my bed tonight while Billy watched. I don't want to go to work anymore. I want to have time to take care of the people who' ( Read more... )