just a girl and her bear.
being vegan is going just fine, besides the fact that I hate working in a restaurant and hate being surrounded by foodies who are offended by the fact that some people may not want cow lactation, chicken periods, or shaved fish eggs in their food. not to mention the fact that they serve giant chunks of death... like pate. the grossest, ever. so there's that. I may need to get out of restaurants shortly. I'd like to continue eating to live and not living to eat. consumption bums me out. and I hate super-rich people.
the only other thing that is nagging me about veganism is the fact that I can't eat candy corn pumpkins this Halloween... and their lesser counterparts, regular-type candy corns. I know that gelatin is one of the most unnecessary and disgusting things out there, but I still will miss getting a package of ALL PUMPKINS from my mom and inhaling them until I'm in a sugar coma. but I guess it's just silly. I can do without so much, it's just a matter of deciding that it isn't the food that's so essential to a memory. it's my relationship with my mom that I care about, not boxes of food that she mails me. you know. anyway, I'll get over the candy corn thing, because if that's what ends up breaking my spirit... that would be depressing.
today I rode my bike into Manhattan. I bought a multivitamin. I also ate some watermelon.
this weekend was interesting. I went down a rabbit hole and so much of it was so beautiful, but some of it was frightening. I wanted to take it all as real, a real beautiful thing that happened to me, where I got to be a little girl with giant wet eyes that could see anything she imagined up. and ___ was my imaginary friend, an extension of myself, an embodiment of my heart. and I kept thinking that if I could always remember this moment, nothing bad would ever happen to either of us. but then I couldn't hold on to myself at all... it would be nice to be six years old, of course, but I'm not. I have a grown-up body and grown-up experiences and ___ and I have a relationship that is complicated in a grown-up way. and I can't and don't want to throw away all of that. but I completely understand now why people spend their whole lives altering their minds. we're all just trying to regress and forget that we aren't little girls on adventures anymore. anyway, it's the nicest thing in the world to know that ___ and I are real friends, that I could even imagine in my strangest dreams that we connected on that kid-level. that's fun.
my life is good except for work, which is almost all of the time, and also I have the sniffles. I may eat a burrito and nap until Billy comes home, then we'll watch our Thursday night tv. soon I'll make art. I'm antsy.
the only other thing that is nagging me about veganism is the fact that I can't eat candy corn pumpkins this Halloween... and their lesser counterparts, regular-type candy corns. I know that gelatin is one of the most unnecessary and disgusting things out there, but I still will miss getting a package of ALL PUMPKINS from my mom and inhaling them until I'm in a sugar coma. but I guess it's just silly. I can do without so much, it's just a matter of deciding that it isn't the food that's so essential to a memory. it's my relationship with my mom that I care about, not boxes of food that she mails me. you know. anyway, I'll get over the candy corn thing, because if that's what ends up breaking my spirit... that would be depressing.
today I rode my bike into Manhattan. I bought a multivitamin. I also ate some watermelon.
this weekend was interesting. I went down a rabbit hole and so much of it was so beautiful, but some of it was frightening. I wanted to take it all as real, a real beautiful thing that happened to me, where I got to be a little girl with giant wet eyes that could see anything she imagined up. and ___ was my imaginary friend, an extension of myself, an embodiment of my heart. and I kept thinking that if I could always remember this moment, nothing bad would ever happen to either of us. but then I couldn't hold on to myself at all... it would be nice to be six years old, of course, but I'm not. I have a grown-up body and grown-up experiences and ___ and I have a relationship that is complicated in a grown-up way. and I can't and don't want to throw away all of that. but I completely understand now why people spend their whole lives altering their minds. we're all just trying to regress and forget that we aren't little girls on adventures anymore. anyway, it's the nicest thing in the world to know that ___ and I are real friends, that I could even imagine in my strangest dreams that we connected on that kid-level. that's fun.
my life is good except for work, which is almost all of the time, and also I have the sniffles. I may eat a burrito and nap until Billy comes home, then we'll watch our Thursday night tv. soon I'll make art. I'm antsy.