Reincarnation Part Six
Harold Meets With Joss Carter
Harold scanned Nathan’s face, the person Finch had loved most of his adult life, loved almost as much as he loved- loves Reese now, “I don’t understand Nathan. You actually want me to go?”
Nathan’s eyes lost their teasing light and he spoke sincerely, “No, I do not. I want you here with me. But I had my chance and I don’t deserve another one when you know as well as I do it’s not what you want. Not really. You loved me for how long? Did you ever once feel like your life wasn't worth living after I married Olivia? When I turned to anyone but you, did you just give up? You were steadfast and tenacious. You were strong where I was weak.”
Nathan continued on. “I had the option to be true to myself, to take a chance with you. I didn't. I had my chance Harold and I never had the guts to take what I needed. John tried but he just didn't know you returned his love. You didn't give up on me for nearly three decades and countless women. Don't give up on John for one weak and fleeting moment when he thought he was going to die."
“Nathan, I didn't give up on John,” Harold agonized, his perception of John’s actions tormenting him still, “He gave up on me,” then lowered his head in grief.
Nathan reached out grasping Finch’s shoulder in comfort, then forcibly to confront Harold with the truth. “Look at me.” Harold raised his head then, searching his friends face with sorrow-filled eyes. “Didn’t you? Why are you here now?
Seeing that his words were still falling on deaf ears, Nathan offered Harold a compromise of sorts. “Nothing I can tell you will ever convince you how wrong you are, but there is someone waiting out there,” Nathan looked toward the door again, “that possibly can help you understand.”
Nathan promised “You hear what she has to say and if you still decide you’d rather stay here with me, I’ll be here.”
Finch looked uncertain. He stared at Nathan for a few heartbeats then sighed. Slowly, as if he still had his injuries from the explosion, Harold rose and made his way to the door. With his hand on the handle, Harold took one last look at the beauty and familiarity of his best friend and first great love.
“Nathan you are wrong, John never replaced you in my heart. You, Grace... both of you will always be there.”
With another sigh, Finch turned and pulled the handle to be blinded by the setting sun bouncing off the sparkling ocean at the pier where he and Carter had met so many times, with John and Leila, with Fusco when Carter told Harold about Stanton and the bomb vest, when Carter had information on a case that she would only give him in person.
Sitting peacefully, perfectly silhouetted by the light was the unmistakable figure of Joss Carter. Harold hesitated not wanting to converse with John’s lost love. However, when he turned to leave the cabin and everything was gone. Only seagulls could be seen scrounging for food on a weathered dock. With no other options now, Finch made his way to join Carter on the bench.
She looked over and smiled, “Fancy meeting you here. You know some people are going to be mighty pissed you took a vacation.
She turned back to look at the sea, “Especially John.”
Harold sat down beside her on the bench to look out over the water with her. Harold inquired doubtfully, “Why John? He’s the one that ran away after you were…sorry...murdered? John never accused me personally, but I think he blames me and...”
“Your machine, Harold, I know now.” Carter offered, smiling faintly.
Harold nodded with a fond smile of his own, “Yes, you figured that out. I was deeply impressed.”
Finch shrugged, frowned and then went on, “John held me and The Machine accountable. As soon as Mr. Reese was strong enough to stand on his own, he just left. I tried to be the friend John needed to help him cope with losing you, but he went away without a word.”
Harold voice broke, “So I ask again, why John? I believe Mr. Reese couldn’t forgive me for using the Machine to save his life and attempt to stop him from killing Quinn. I doubt he’ll even care if I’m gone now.”
“Oh, Harold.” Carter nudged into Finch, chastising him. “Is that what you think? John cares more about you now than he ever has. John left you because he couldn’t stand hurting you anymore, not because he blamed you.”
“John wasn’t hurting me, why would he think that?” Harold turned to Carter, disbelief written all over his face. “If anything I hurt him, I selfishly kept him to myself, when I should have seen he had developed feelings for you.”
“What feelings, Harold?” Carter asked puzzled. “I had thought once we could be more than friends, had even hoped for more, but I could see it would never be. John only had eyes for you.” Carter admitted sadly.
Watching Harold’s doubting scowl, Joss inquired indulgently. “You don’t believe me do you?”
Harold looked at her briefly before turning away with a dejected sigh, “No. I was watching and listening. I heard him thank you for changing him. I saw John kiss you.”
Carter put a hand on his shoulder apologetically, “I’m so sorry Finch. I shouldn't have let that happen. I knew how John felt about you. I should have sensed something was off when he started thanking me for things I knew you were responsible for. Yet, for a brief moment I believed what he what he was telling me and I hoped maybe we could have that relationship beyond friendship.”
Carter put her hands in her lap and lowered her head. With a sense of guilt she confessed. “I kept that desire alive even as we walked out of that precinct. Then I saw you and the love on your face. The flame of promise quickly died. John was, is, and always will be yours.”
She sighed and looked out over the water again. “I realized then what happened between John and I was just two friends comforting each other in a time of crisis. I think John understood that too; eventually. But Simmons exacted his revenge before John and I had a chance to figure out what we were feeling together.”
Two tears trailed down Joss’ cheek. “Can you ever forgive me?”
Harold offered sympathetically, “There is nothing to forgive. John loved you. It wasn’t because of anything you did or didn’t do.”
Carter got up from the bench and started walking away, “Please walk with me Harold. I need to tell you how wrong you are. I don’t have much time.”
They fell in step together as Carter continued, “John still loves you. I can tell you these things because I see them now. He didn't leave you because of me. John left because of what he felt he did to you. John regarded his actions as a betrayal to you. And what did you do because of them? You saved him from himself and offered to still be his friend. John ran away because he couldn't bear to see the pain you tried to hide because you believed you had lost his love.”
She swallowed. “John is lost without you; he needs you now more than ever. You need to see for yourself. Nothing your friend Nathan or I have been saying to convince you is working.” She stopped and turned to Finch, “I will always love both of you as the dear friends I came to know. This is where I have to say goodbye. You need to see for yourself in there.”
Harold turned to look ahead and there was New York City General. “Why here?” he turned to Carter, but she was gone.
~ * ~
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Epilogue