Breakdown

[ever_raining]

Last night I had to go get stitches for a cut I did that ended up way too deep. It was absolutely humiliating. My mom, who thought I was going on 2 years without cutting, screamed at me the whole way to and from the ER. I wished so badly that I was dead. It was truly awful.

Today I saw my psychiatrist and we’re doing a complete overhaul of my meds

Comments

[michigangirl]

First off, let me start off by saying *hugs* I'm so glad you're alright.

Secondly, one way to gain recovery time is to be completely honest with you mom. When you feel like cutting - tell her - I need someone to talk to. I feel like cutting because *insert problem here* is getting to be too much for me.

We can give as much advice as we can, but the answer has to come with in you. You have to see what a wonderful person you are and that you truly do deserve happiness and to be the best you can be.

[waffles2poles]

Sorry but LOVE your icon!

[michigangirl]

Thanks! I hardly ever use it. I've been rainbows and bunnies lately but I thought it fit here.

[ever_raining]

Thanks! My p doc put me on another med whose name evades me at the moment that's suppose to counter the weight gain side effect of Zyprexa Zydis. She said I'll actually loose weight on it. If I start gaining weight or if I can't loose weight, then I'm going off of it. I will never be happy while I'm fat, regardless of how stable my mood is, so there's no point.

[bunnicula38]

Topomax, I believe, but it also makes you stutter and forget things. I remember taking it at work and going "hamina hamina hamina" because I couldn't get the words out.

[bunnicula38]

Zyprexa is the evil. While I was on it - I gained 40 pounds and would drink a carton of orange juice every day. I was not on it for long.

[ever_raining]

I fully agree. I was on Zyprexa for a few months and gained inordinate amounts of weight. However, Zyprexa Zydis is suppose to be much better in the cravings and weight gain department. If it's anything like being on regular Zyprexa I'll be off it within the week.

[screamatsunsets]

I'm struggling with similar feelings of worthlessness- no matter how much anyone tells me I'm worth it, or that they love me, my head always finds a way to make me feel otherwise. Thats kinda how I deal with it. It still hurts like hell, but it gives me something to be angry at (albeit another part of myself). My head hates me and I hate it back- and until we sort out our differences it's going to keep lying to me over and over again. It's childish but it's self preservation via self deprecation.
*hug*

[big_k_mart]

put under an lj cut please?
very very triggering

[ever_raining]

What's triggering about it? I made sure not to put any details in it that might be triggering...

I like your icon :)

[big_k_mart]

the subject matter alone is triggering.

[big_k_mart]

I just think you should put it under a cut, even if you don't think it's triggering, I asked you nicely.
if even one person thinks that, it's worth the four minutes max it would take to type in the cut.