Breakdown
Last night I had to go get stitches for a cut I did that ended up way too deep. It was absolutely humiliating. My mom, who thought I was going on 2 years without cutting, screamed at me the whole way to and from the ER. I wished so badly that I was dead. It was truly awful.
Today I saw my psychiatrist and we’re doing a complete overhaul of my meds - stopping my Lithium CR and Abilify and starting Zyprexa Zydis. I’m feeling hopeful, but realistic, with a heaping topping of shame.
How do you recover emotionally after something like this happens? It always takes me literally months before I start to feel again like I’m worth the air it takes to keep me alive, and I really can’t wait that long for relief from these overwhelming feelings of self-hatred, guilt, and shame.