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How I Am Feeling Today...
Well after a rough last week, I am feeling a bit better. I SI'ed 3 times and cried a lot. I had a lot of saddness and frustration and guilt, but slowly came out of it. Today I am ok. I weigh myself this afternoon and I am 104. I haven't been this low in a long time. My BMI is 17.3 which is pretty underweight. My usual weight is 109 giving me a BMI ( Read more... ) -
SIX YEARS AGO tonight at midnight...
You died. I miss you so much Nicole. You were such a big part of my life. G*D how I wished it was me that night. To this day, I still believe it was my fault. Why didn't I just call 911? Why did I listen to Jeff. What the H*LL was I thinking? I knew you weren't well. I knew that after you left the house to get "more", I knew you were getting worse ( Read more... ) -
Talk about a long time...
Man, it has been forever. I am just stressed in my life right now with everything that is going on. My life has gotten so incredibly busy over the past couple months that I barely have time to sit down and think....perhaps this is a good thing. I really am not concentrating on myself. I am worried about where I have to go and when, and how much ( Read more... ) -
Why Bother Writing...
No one is even reading my entries. Not that I want any recognition, but I would like for someone else to be walking with me through my times. Anyway...I barely even have time to write. Who cares anymore. Today my BodyFatPercentage is 18% and my BMI is 18 and weight is 107 pounds. I don't know why I am writing. The Zoloft I am on is ok. Makes me ( Read more... ) -
So no one is reading my posts...
I went to the Dr. today. I have had about 15 years of having headaches and about 5 years of back problems. That was what mainly brought me to the Dr. today. But I also wanted to mention the depression I have had in the past. I thought maybe there was something they could do for me without giving them my entire past history and going into all those ( Read more... ) -
Can't Stop Crying...
Gosh, I need something. I don't even know what. I am so lonely, so full of self-hatred, shame, overwhelming, loss, depression, guilt, fear, anxiety, sadness, grief. I am so so so very low right now. Please, someone, help me. Gosh, what do I do? I am just going to ramble. I wish you all knew what I was thinking and feeling. How can ONE person, one ( Read more... ) -
I am not gonna do it!!
I watched a show again last night...Degrassi - The Next Generation. This particular episode was about cutting. I, naturally, was interested in watching it and got all down about it. I wanted to do it, but I was not in a setting where I could. I managed to make it through the night...and...all day today!!! CLAPPING HANDS!! Yippeeee. I am trying. ( Read more... )
