Can't Stop Crying...
Gosh, I need something. I don't even know what. I am so lonely, so full of self-hatred, shame, overwhelming, loss, depression, guilt, fear, anxiety, sadness, grief. I am so so so very low right now. Please, someone, help me. Gosh, what do I do? I am just going to ramble. I wish you all knew what I was thinking and feeling. How can ONE person, one body be filled with so much emotion...all at once? I feel like a nobody. A great big nothing. I want to curl up and die right now. I can't take it. I know I can...tonight...I just wonder how long I will last. I was feeling so completely overwhelmed that I had to do something. I did...about 10 minutes ago. I am not proud of myself. I know it was wrong. I will not mention the behavior because I am too ashamed, but it immediately released some of the twisted pain and anguish I was feeling at that second. But, it does not TAKE IT AWAY....my best friend still died, my brother still died, my other good friend died, I am still going through all my personal life stuff right now...I am still constantly wondering what is wrong with my eating habits, still confused, still hurting, still sitting here crying...still flowing with tremendous anguish. I feel I am burning, melting, dying, fading...who knows. I wish I was a pile of sand that could be blown away with one big gust of wind vanishing so quickly that no one notices. I know I didn't give you any real details as to why I am feeling all of this except about the deaths...believe me, there is so much more, but I gave you enough about my feelings. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE..........I don't know. I must go now.