Comments | billyduran: If his chest had been a cannon, he would have shot his heart upon it

billyduran

If his chest had been a cannon, he would have shot his heart upon it

Jan 23, 2009 14:43

I've been having odd-feeling experiences lately thanks to the wonder of Facebook. Getting in contact with people I haven't seen or talked to in years ( Read more... )

playpen, memories, social media, therapy, school, noteworthy, self-esteem, reflection, depression, circus

Comments 3

kebias January 23 2009, 22:19:02 UTC

I'm having similar issues. A few people that followed a traditional life plan are getting in my face about how I'm living my life and I feel like taking a bat to their faces.

As I see it, I'm enjoying life and a freedom I haven't known since my mom got sick in the early 90s. My bills are paid and my responsibilites are all covered.

I especially like the financial advice from people with a tenth of my net worth.

Fuck 'em. You've been through all those phases in life and you're still yourself. The proportions are a bit differernt, but all the ingredients are still there... most importanly.. HONESTY.

The people who would want a past Billy over a current Billy are the people who generally delude themselves into thinking that life is hunkey dorey, just because they followed the flight plan of the majority.

When they finally come to terms with life, you will be laughing at them when you realize that you've already done it.

risingtofall January 26 2009, 16:42:45 UTC

jesus Billy this post made me sad. I haven't done anything lately to challenge the person I've become. I haven't attempted to do anything to change how things are besides use that fact alone to beat myself up. But I truly do hope you get to a place where you are happy and content. I hope we both do.

When I went to the last reunion, it was a similar cascade of emotions. I may have been smart, but I had no college degree. I may have been fun, but I still lived at home. I may have lived an entire lifetime since I was that pathetic, plastic-rimmed glasses wearing nerd but the minute I was in their presence, I was nothing again. I was inferior. And that is what I felt last night. I am again inferior. Even with anything I have in my life right now that might be good and bring me personal happiness, it all means nothing when the demons rear their heads and I have to remember what I really am and where I came from.

besides the plastic rimmed glasses wearing nerd, I swear that I could have written this word for word.

billyduran January 27 2009, 15:21:08 UTC

Meh, happiness isn't much of a motivator for me. It's ok. I don't mind being miserable. I like it in a sadistic way.