Bones Fanfic: Show Me What I'm Looking For (14/?)
Title: Show Me What I’m Looking For
Author: biba79
Disclaimer: Characters aren’t mine, they belong to Hart Hanson.
Pairings/Characters: Booth/Brennan
Rating: T
Spoilers: None
Summary: When Brennan fears she may be incapable of truly making love, she asks Booth for help only he can provide. What will his answer be? Season Six. Booth/Brennan.
Word Count: 1,772
Previous Chapters: One - Two - Three - Four - Five - Six - Seven - Eight - Nine - Ten - Eleven - Twelve - Thirteen
A/N: I know everyone is frustrated with them not saying anything to each other about how they are feeling, but I just wanted let you all know that they will eventually, but I just want to have a little fun with them first. The end game is to have BB together in heart and soul, so that will happen. Just please be patient. I have been back to writing. I have about six chapters written already, so that’s good news, right? I have been feeling inspired again, so hopefully I will be writing a lot more. Hopefully you guys will still be here until the end. I know exactly how that will happen. Thanks for reading.
A huge thanks to Angie (Angiebc) for always being there for me and supporting me through everything. You are one amazing friend.
I also need to thank Jen (JSQ79) my awesome beta. Without her, you guys wouldn’t have chapters to read. Thanks! Thanks! Thanks! You rock!
Song “I Shall Believe” by Sheryl Crow
Come to me now
And lay your hands over me
Even if it's a lie
Say it will be alright
And I shall believe
I'm broken in two
And I know you're on to me
That I only come home
When I'm so all alone
But I do believe
That not everything is gonna be the way
You think it ought to be
It seems like every time I try to make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly you won't give up on me
And I shall believe
And I shall believe
Chapter 14
Booth held her tenderly. He was so relieved to have just a little more time with her. He laughed quietly, thinking of the poor cop who was never going have Brennan in his arms like this. At least he hoped he wouldn’t.
“Bones.....”
“Hmmm?”
“About that cop… you lied to him, you know.”
“I know. I was just playing a part, and I thought I would make an excellent lawyer.”
“You sure would.” He knew she would make an excellent everything.
“What if he calls?”
“He did say he needed a lawyer,” she said giggling.
“Yeah, so what are you going to do when he calls?”
“I didn’t actually give him my number.”
Booth was pleased to hear this bit of information. “Then what number did you give him?”
“Uh… well, Angela loves a man in uniform.”
Booth laughed happily. “Imagine the look on his face.”
“His face? What about Angela?”
“Shame on you, Bones.”
“Angela might like him, after all I did kind of owe her after she lost you and ended up with Jacob.”
“You do know she’s married with a kid, right?”
“Yes, but come on, she’s going to have fun trying to figure out who he is. And then we can laugh about it.”
“True.”
“And I kept you out of prison!”
“I suppose you want me to thank you for that too?”
“Not unless you really want to.” She said looking into his eyes for her answer.
“There’s nothing I want more.”
X-X-X-X-X-X
Booth stared at the clock willing it to either go backwards or stop all together. No such luck. He could stay here with her forever. The sound of her breathing softly comforted him. He knew this weekend was good for her; she had conquered her fear and insecurity. Knowing he was a part of that, gave him solace. He would always be the one who helped her through that pain, nothing could ever take that away. He tried to control the sadness that was threatening to consume him.
Finally, he forced himself to leave the warm cocoon. He shivered in the cold as he dressed being careful to make no noise. He walked out to the living room to call the cab.
Quietly he tiptoed back into the bedroom. He looked at her, treasuring these last moments. She was so sweet, so amazing, a kaleidoscope of color in an all too dark world. If she were awake, he would never be able to look into those eyes and walk away. This was the only way he could leave. His face was a mirror of everything he felt, if she opened her eyes now, there would be no more subterfuge between them.
Booth felt the loneliness returning. He was only half of who he should be again.
Booth saw a pad of paper and a pen lying on the bedside table. He wrote a short note, placing it on the empty pillow next to her. Walking to the door, he turned back, one more minute was all he allowed himself. His eyes were burning and his heart was aching with indescribable pain. He opened the door, closing it softly behind him.
X-X-X-X-X-X
At the sound of the bedroom door closing, Brennan’s eyes opened, already brimming with molten tears. It had taken every ounce of strength for her to keep quiet. She stayed awake all night waiting, knowing it was coming, dreading it with each second that passed. He had stayed longer than she dared dream he would. She kept hoping he wouldn’t go at all. As she felt his arms release her, it was all she could do not to reach out, to pull him back to her. If she had, what would he have done? Instead she stayed motionless, willing herself to breathe evenly. She couldn’t let him see how his leaving was tearing her apart. She listened as he dressed. She heard his muffled voice from the living room as he phoned for the cab then the rustle of paper. She felt the touch of his hand brush her back as he placed the note on the pillow.
She sat up in bed, looking at the clock, the numbers were blurred through her tears. It was after five in the morning. The abandonment she felt was almost too much to bear. If she had mustered the courage to tell him how much this time with him had changed her life, maybe things could have been different. She got out of bed quickly, wrapping only the sheet around her, hurrying to the door, praying by some miracle he was still there. Brennan opened the door, calling out his name, “Booth.” She looked around the room hoping to see his bags by the front door. The space was empty. A soft cry escaped from her as she hurried over to the living room window. She looked down over the sleepy neighborhood. The entrance to her building was illuminated by street lights. She saw him handing his bags to the taxi driver. Resting her head against the chilly window, she watched.
Booth, walked toward the cab door, then slowly turned as if he was rethinking his decision to leave. Brennan was holding her breath while awaiting his next move.
Booth wondered what would happen if he went back. He would take her in his arms and tell her he never wanted to be apart again. Would she open her arms to him, or would she laugh in his face? He took a step away from the cab. He had to know. His indecisiveness was interrupted by the driver’s impatient voice.
“So, what are you doing man?”
Booth had already made his decision, there was no turning back. “I’m letting her go,” He said softly as he forced himself to get into the cab, shutting the door.
Brennan watched the cab pulled away from the curb, taking away her one chance for true happiness. She stood perfectly still, watching it disappear around the corner. Her lips quivered as she tried to hold back
the dam that was threatening to burst. She walked slowly back into the bedroom, remembering what they had shared such a short time ago.
She saw his note on the pillow, the tears were falling fast now, her mind was in turmoil. She had lost him without really ever having him. How could it be that she could love someone this much and have none of those feelings returned. How could he not feel anything? That first magical night they shared, she had never experienced anything so wonderful, was it less for him? The night under the stars, she had made love to him over and over again, how could he not know? Yet he seemed to be satisfied with the few days they had. It wasn’t the same for him, she had to accept it somehow and move forward.
She looked down at the note resting on the pillow, reaching down to pick it up, her hand was trembling. She was afraid to read it, having to see it in black and white would only be more painful. Slowly she opened the paper as the tears continued their sad procession down her face.
Bones,
Your trust means more than I can say. Sharing Le Havre with you, seeing it through your eyes was a revelation of what is really important in life. I think maybe I tend to forget it sometimes. Memories of our time together will always be with me. No one can predict what our future holds, but in my heart I know yours will be filled with love and happiness.
Booth
Brennan’s tears wouldn’t stop, her legs felt weak with the finality of his words. She collapsed to the floor unable to stand strong any longer. The sound of her broken heart was interrupted by an occasional hiccup.
X-X-X-X-X-X
Booth walked into his cold, dark apartment. He threw his bags on the couch. The first thing he looked for as he flicked on the light was the telephone. He reached for it, entering her number into it, he reached the
last digit, he shook his head dropping the phone to the chair.
“Real good Booth, is that what you call ‘letting go’?” His voice cracked as the pain rushed through him, at the thought. “What’s it been, half an hour?”
He walked over to his desk, opening a drawer, he removed a black and white photo. It was taken the day her latest book came out, they were at the after party for it. Brennan and he were walking down the steps smiling and talking when a newspaper reporter snapped it. Booth called him later and asked for a copy.
He closed his eyes as he remembered everything he had given up. When his eyes opened they reflect the anguish he felt as he faced the reality of his loss. His fingers gently touch her face in the picture. “No one will ever be what you are to me Bones, no one.”