Bones Fanfic: Show Me What I'm Looking For (2/?)

[biba79]

Title: Show Me What I’m Looking For
Author: biba79 
Disclaimer: Characters aren’t mine, they belong to Hart Hanson.
Pairings/Characters: Booth/Brennan
Rating: T
Summary: When Brennan fears she may be incapable of truly making love, she asks Booth for help only he can provide. What will his answer be? Season Six. Booth/Brennan.
Word Count: 3,043
A/N: Because of so much angst in season six, I wanted to write something fluffier and this is what came out. I started writing this three weeks ago, so "The Doctor in the Photo" is not part of this fic, keep that in mind. I hope this will help everyone be able to heal a little bit with this after last night's episode, and also hope to make the hiatus run smoothly.
Previous Chapters: One


A/N: Thanks for the reviews, I’m surprised to see how well this fic was liked. Hope that everyone enjoys the next chapter.

Song “Gotta Figure This Out” by Erin McCarley.

I've gotta figure it out
I need a story to tell
Where's the feeling I long for
I've gotta figure it out
Before I lose you love

It's not ok to make him wait
To make you wonder why I
Can't hold you close and give you hope
That this will be all right

Chapter 2

It was late. Booth sat in a chair reading. He was holding the book upside down, staring at what could have been blank pages. He was deeply troubled by Brennan’s request. How could she expect him to do it? What on earth was she thinking? He couldn’t get that deeply involved with her one minute and then act like it didn’t matter the next. She wanted to use him; that was what bothered him the most. She wanted to use him to find out she wasn’t broken and then move on to someone else.

He didn’t have time for dead-end relationships anymore; he had had his fill of those. It was time to get serious. He needed stability in his life. He wanted a wife and a family.

He told her he would think it over, and God knew, it was all he could think about... but there was no way he could do this with her and act like it didn’t matter. She mattered.  So much.

X-X-X-X-X-X

Brennan was sitting in her rocking chair, wondering how on earth she could have actually said all those things to Booth. What was she thinking? How would she ever be able to face him on Monday?

She couldn’t even use the excuse that she had had too much to drink.

“I’ll tell him first thing Monday,” Brennan decided out loud.

“I can’t wait ‘til Monday... what if he really does think about it all weekend? I have to call him now.” She took a deep breath to try to relax.

It didn’t seem to be working. “What if by calling him, I just make everything worse? What should I do? But it’s not fair to let him think it over for nothing.”

She had never been so agitated in her whole life.

“Right, call him and tell him I’m going through a really bad case of PMS. Or that I have a mental disorder, that’s more like it. Maybe Ange was right... maybe I do need sex therapy.” She sighed.

She remembered Booth’s reaction to her telling him she needed therapy. That was what got her into this mess in the first place. She got up from the chair, trying to shake off the memories of her complete insanity.

“Booth couldn’t get away fast enough. I have to fix it. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to read his reaction. He was trying to be kind, so he said he would think it over.”

She walked over to the phone, totally dreading what she knew she had to do next.

Booth was shaken out of his thoughts by the shrill ring of his phone. He looked at his watch, it was one am.

“Booth,” he said hoping it was not a case. He was in no mood to deal with one now.

“Hi…” Brennan was trying not to sound nervous. “It’s me.”

“Hi.” He sat up in his chair.

“Booth, I don’t know what to say....”

“You called, Bones.” He wasn’t making this easy; he was confused and hurt.

“I know. I just… I’m sorry about earlier… It didn’t come out how I wanted… it was… I don’t know what it was! I think everything that’s happened lately, then the damn fortune cookie… I went a little crazy, that’s all…”

Booth listened to her. He wanted to reassure her, but he couldn’t come up with the right words.

“Anyway…” she went on, wishing he would say something, anything, “I hope you understand… I really wasn’t thinking straight. I acted on impulse, and I never do that, and after we kissed… well... I want you to please forget everything I said tonight.”

“That might be a little hard to do, Bones.”

“I know, Booth. You don’t deserve to be in the middle of… I’m such a mess, and it’s my problem, and I’ll find another way to get past it. I didn’t mean to put you in such an awkward situation.”

“You’re not a mess Bones. You just need...”

“Oh yes I am. I’m going to take Angela’s suggestion and see someone. I wanted you to know that I don’t expect you to solve this for me. I’m so sorry, Booth. I never meant to behave like such a lunatic.”

“So you think you’d have to be crazy to want to be with me?” Booth teased her, trying to lighten the mood.

She felt a little better hearing the laughter in his voice. “Please Booth, can we just put this behind us?”

“No, not until you answer a few questions.”

“What questions?”

“Did you mean any of the things you said tonight?”

She owed him an honest answer. “Booth, I think it would be better if we both forget this ever happened.”

“If you meant any of it, Bones, how can we forget?”

Brennan was so relieved not to be face to face with him right now. She let out a deep sigh.

“The truth?”

“Nothing but....” He said, smiling a little.

“Okay…” She took a deep breath. “I do trust you. I’ve shared so much with you; I feel like we have a special a bond because of that. I don’t know what made me ask you. Maybe it’s the fact that... you know... I don’t have to pretend with you.”

“No, you don’t.” He agreed.

“That, and the other part of what I said, is true too.”

“The chemistry?”

“Yes. I can’t explain it. I have never felt so close to someone ever before… when you held me, I felt things I’ve never felt before…”

“What kind of things?” Booth asked hopefully.

“Booth....” She really didn’t want to talk about it with him, especially now.

“Tell me. Please?”

“When you kissed me, I didn’t want it to stop. I wanted more. When I’m with you, I seem to lose

fear. For the first time, I ....I think it could be okay.”

“Only okay?” Booth tried to get her to keep going.

“The jury’s still out on that,” Brennan teased him.

“Funny,” Booth responded, not finding it funny at all. He wanted to know more.

“Booth, if it could be… It scares me a little, but not in a horrible way like before.”

“You really think that with me… it would be… it would help you?”

“I won’t know if we don’t try.”

“So if we do this, and you find out what you need to know, then what Bones?”

“Then we go back to being partners and friends.”

“Just like that.”

“Booth, we work together…”

“So what you called to tell me is that nothing’s changed. You still want this.”

“I’d be lying if I said I didn’t.” She admitted, realizing this phone conversation wasn’t getting her out of anything. She was even more confused than before. “I don’t want to lie to you, Booth.”

“Then don’t.” He felt she was leaving something out.

“I’m sorry…” Brennan said, wanting to cry.

“Don’t be.”

“You’re my partner, Booth. How much more complicated can things get?”

‘More complicated than either of us could ever imagine.’ Booth thought.

“Bones, I think we both need some time to think this thing through. What you said about our special bond… I feel it too. I don’t.... I don’t want to lose our friendship. Doing this would be irreversible, you know?”

“I know.”

“So we agree, we will give it the weekend, and then we can talk on Monday?”

“Okay,” she agreed, “Monday.”

X-X-X-X-X-X

Saturday morning Booth stood outside of Cam’s house. He rang the bell and paced back and forth like a caged animal.

Cam answered the door wearing her robe. She was yawning and wondering what jerk would be ringing

her doorbell at seven am on a Saturday morning.

She opened the door to find Booth looking like he was ready to climb a wall. He was wearing sunglasses, dressed in jeans and a long sleeved black jersey shirt.

“What are you doing here? Booth, it’s barely morning,” Cam said trying to get her eyes to focus.

“I’m sorry, Cam… I really needed to talk to someone.”

“I’m the one, huh?” She yawned. She motioned for him to enter the house. She walked towards the kitchen, he followed her.

“So what did you do to her now?” Cam knew this had to be about Brennan.

“Nothing!” He took immediate offense.

She got the coffee maker started and motioned for him to sit at the counter.

He took off his sunglasses and tucked them into the neckline of his shirt.

“Oh Booth! Not another sleepless night! I swear, if you two don’t get into bed soon and get it over with, one or both of you is going to drop from exhaustion.”

“How did you know? Did she call you?” He asked suspiciously.

“Oh my God… you did it?” Cam was ecstatic.

“What? No! Is that all you women think about?”

“Give me a break, Booth. It’s seven in the morning. What are you talking about?” She handed him a cup of coffee and settled down on the stool across from him.

“She wants me.”

“To do what?”

“Cam… she wants… me!”

“Oh.”

“Yeah…. Oh.”

“How do you know?”

“How do you think?” He asked, exasperated.

“Did she attack you or something?” Cam was amused by Booth’s prudish attitude.

“No, she didn’t attack me. She… propositioned me!”

“Oh, you poor thing. So, that’s what made you drag me out of bed at seven in the morning, on a weekend no less.”

“Cam.”

“Booth, I’m sorry if I’m missing something here, but you are telling me the woman you are in

love with wants to sleep with you? Exactly what is the problem?”

“I never said I was in love with her!” Why was he denying it?

“Where have I heard this before?” Cam said in a long suffering tone.

“Camille!”

“Seeley, of course you are in love with her - even after what you guys been through and after Hannah, it’s still very obvious. I can see it in your eyes and the sooner you admit it, the easier this is going to be on all of us!” ‘Especially me’, she thought.

“Ok for the sake of argument, say I do.”

“Thank you.”

Booth gave her one of his looks.

“So, she admitted she wants to be with you, and you love her.” Cam was relishing the chance to rub it in. “Isn’t this exactly what you wanted?”

“No. Not...exactly.”

Cam got up and started to fix breakfast… It was going to be a long morning.

“So tell me.”

“All I can say is that she hasn’t been able to do it in a very long time.”

“How long?” Cam asked curiously.

“It doesn’t matter really. The important thing is that she has some fears in that area that she will never…”

“Go on.”

“You know, we’ve been through a lot of stuff together, so she feels comfortable with me, I guess. So, comfortable that she wants to…” He couldn’t finish it explaining. “Can you believe it?!”

Cam handed Booth a plate of scrambled eggs and toast, settling down with one for herself as well.

“Is that really what she said?”

“Yeah, I mean, really… how can she just expect me to turn myself on and off like that? She said it would be a onetime thing - no ties, no commitment... can you believe it?” Booth said again, shaking his head.

“So, what did you say?”

“I said I’d think about it over the weekend.”

“Well, I can see that you’ve kept your word.”

“Cam, please, I need some help here.”

“Why are you so upset about this, Booth?”

“She’s treating me like I’m some kind of business deal. We’re talking about making love like

it’s a potato chip for God’s sake. Bet you can’t do it just once.”

Cam laughed out loud at Booth’s analogy.

“It’s not funny. And you want to know the worst part?”

“Do I have a choice?” She asked, sipping on her coffee.

“The worst part is, she wants a future with somebody else.”

“Who?”

“Somebody. How should I know?”

“Booth, you’re not making a lot of sense... not that you ever do when it comes to Brennan.”

“She said she wanted a chance to love someone in the future. I mean, here she is asking me to help her figure out what’s wrong with her, and in the next breath letting me know...” he blew out a confused sigh. “She wants nothing to do with me after.”

“Booth, maybe she is afraid to put too much pressure on you. She probably wants to protect herself

a little.”

“Why would she do that?” Booth asked, confused.

“I don’t know Booth, why do you think? She’s afraid of getting hurt. People do strange things when they are in love. They go to great lengths to avoid potential pain, especially Brennan. You wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?”

“You think she thinks I’ll hurt her.”

“I don’t know, Booth. If you would just tell her how you feel...” Cam looked up to the heavens; getting Booth to open up about this would take an act of God.

“I don’t know what I feel anymore.”

“That isn’t true, Booth. You and I both know it.”

“Cam, I don’t know if I can do this.”

“Then don’t.”

“And then what do I tell her? How do I tell her? I don’t want to hurt her.”

“Tell her that.”

“Part of me wants to just say to hell with everything, you know… close out the rest of the world to be with her. Then worry about the consequences later.”

“And the other part?”

“I want more, Cam, so much more.”

“What makes you so sure Brennan doesn’t?”

“I don’t know.” Booth’s voice broke a little.

“Booth, while you’re making this decision, remember everything.”

“Everything?”

“Yes, Booth, think about it. You two have been turning to each other for seven years, even when Hannah was in the picture.”

Booth closed his eyes at the mention of his ex-girlfriend.

“Who has been by her side for everything? Whenever you see Brennan scared, you help her through. You support her, and you’ve always protected her Booth, even unconsciously. She trusts you, she depends on you. You taught her how to handle herself with other people. You fight with her, you hold her when she is sad, or scared. When she found out her mother was dead, who did she turn to? Whose shoulder does she cry on, who does she confide in? You Booth, only you.”

She smiled at him.

“It’s so obvious the two of you are meant to be. I don’t know what Brennan feels for you, she’s never told me, but I know what I see.”

His eyes softened as he absorbed everything Cam was saying.

“And Booth, she been there for you too. How many dates has she turned down to stay and work with you, or go for a drink with you? I know I’ve heard her reject quite a few. Seems to me, if she was looking so hard for someone else, she wouldn’t be excluding all the possibilities.”

Booths eyes widened in surprise at hearing this news. He had no idea that she was turning down dates because of him.

“You really think… ”

“Booth, do you really need me to tell you all this… you know, maybe Brennan isn’t ready to admit her feelings anymore than you are.”

“So you think we should do… ”

“You have to do what you know is right in your heart.”

“I don’t want to do this for the wrong reason.” Booth now felt like Brennan. His mind was overtaking his heart.

“Then don’t. Do it for the right reason - do it because you love her. Do it because it’s time. Booth, you’ve been waiting for this for a very long time.”

“What if she doesn’t…”

“You do. Isn’t that what really matters? I’m pretty sure once it happens, everything will be clear to both of you.”

“I don’t know if I can take it if…” He couldn’t finish the sentence, knowing that the possibility would break his heart.

“Booth, Brennan is a beautiful woman. There are plenty of other men who will want her. If you don’t do something soon, you may never know what you missed.”

X-X-X-X-X-X

Later that day, Brennan was cleaning out the hall closet, wishing she had someone to confide in. The problem was, she couldn’t tell Angela. She would make a big deal out of it, and that was the last thing Brennan needed right now.

She laughed, thinking about how his face would look if she told him everything. What would he do if she actually said those three little words to him?

Tears welled in her eyes. She had known it deep down from the first moment she laid eyes on him. At first she didn’t want to admit it to herself. She had tried everything in her power to stop it from happening, but she couldn’t help it.

All of her memories played through her mind like a collage. All the nuances and characteristics that made him who he was, the good and the bad combined. He was overprotective, and she hated that. Everything that went wrong, he would blame himself, no matter if it was his fault or not. His selfish side. His generosity. His voice, one minute teasing her and the next comforting her. His commanding presence as an FBI agent. His sense of humor. His strength. His smile. His eyes. His compassion. And, of course, his passion.

For the first time, she said the words out loud.

“I love you, Booth.”

She closed her eyes, letting a tear roll down her face.

“What if he says no?”