pretty neat, right?

things i learned today:

1. i still have no idea how to communicate with stoned people.
2. i still can't tell when people are stoned.
3. don't sit in 3-hour traffic with your arm resting on your window because it will get disproportionately tan.

i love how people who create spam mail assume everyone who has an e-mail account has the IQ of my right sock. they're super clever. i can tell by the subjects of the e-mails, i.e. 'Re: Wanna screw?!!1.' and i'm definitely enticed by 'Vagina enlargemenSDJKSKK@(!!111i3u787fdSSSUBJECTVOID ( Read more... )

the few things i had enough time and energy to write in my graph-paper polish notebook that would offend chickens if i called it chicken scratch:

places with cobblestone streets are not friendly to people who shuffle their feet.

i used to sneeze in doubles.

there are no fat people in europe.

i've been feeling a little bit like jonathan safran foer in everything is illuminated but sans all the jewish ancestry. every place we visit has some sort of historical significance, whether it's my mother playing hide and seek there as a child or people being rounded up for concentration camps there during world war deux. i suppose it's hard to ( Read more... )

i don't think i'll write here anymore, so i suppose if you want to hear about stupid, pointless minutia, you'll have to find your fix elsewhere. or just continue your drug use like you have been for years.

everything that could have prevented me from turning in my final project in on time well, did. after running out of ink, driving to best buy, damaging the ink cartridge, wrestling with my printer, kicking it, then begging it to take me back because i didn't really mean it, my shoddy fake knock-off of the onion printed out and i ran, nay, SPRINTED ( Read more... )

belle and sebastian charmed the socks right off me last nizzle. they get the best onstage banter of all time cake. and i usually don't put up songs i don't think y'all would like, but when the bass line from your cover's blown kicked in, i combusted out of joy a few times. needless to say, the janitors weren't too happy.

every time i use the ninja (mainly unused) stairwell in my dorm, i picture my own untimely death. because chances are if i use it at 4 a.m., people wouldn't find my body until morning. then i wonder if there would be a chalk outline and if the incident would call for some caution tape and if they'd remind everyone to have their cell phones at all ( Read more... )

i'm having urges to go to some warm-hued restaurant and dance to hotel california by the gypsy kings. oh the glorious, glorious strumming. if you get a hankering to find such a place and take me to it, i'll bake you cookies.