Silence = Death (Part 7) - Jensen/Jared - NC-17
When Jensen wakes up the next morning, it's to Jared brushing soft butterfly kisses over his cheeks and nose and forehead. Jensen smiles but doesn't open his eyes yet. Instead, he enjoys the sensation of Jared's gentle lips all over his face.
By the time Jensen joined Jared in bed last night, Jared was already asleep so that Jensen didn't even get a proper goodnight kiss. Looks like Jared's trying to make up for that now.
"Wake up," Jared whispers, his breath tickling Jensen's skin.
Sleepily, Jensen blinks at him. "Glasses," Jensen demands, yawning. He's got no clue how early or late it is and even though the room is already light, it definitely feels way too early for him.
Jared snickers and kisses him again. "I kinda like you all blind and squint-eyed."
Jared's lips wander over Jensen's eyelids, not even really kissing, merely… touching.
"'M not squint-eyed," Jensen protests half-heartedly, only to ask again, "Glasses, please."
His hand blindly searches on the bedside table and eventually, Jared takes mercy on him and pushes Jensen's glasses on his nose. Jensen blinks a few times as the world around him slowly comes into focus. Ah, bliss.
"Good morning," Jared says. He smiles at Jensen and when Jensen rises up to kiss him, Jared parts his lips immediately. Jensen doesn't pay any attention to how long they kiss but when they stop, he whispers, "Good morning."
Jared rolls on top of him and Jensen nearly bursts out laughing when he feels Jared's morning wood against his thigh. He cocks an eyebrow and asks, "That's why you disturbed my precious sleep?"
Jared grins cheekily and nods. He then rolls his hips against Jensen's leg to make his point clear. But Jensen shakes his head, his hands sliding to Jared's hips as he slowly rolls him off.
"No, Jared," he says. It's amazing how much sexual energy Jared has. Still, Jensen and Jared sharing a room is subjected to one condition.
"No sex, remember? Let's not abuse your father's trust, okay?"
"I know," Jared says back, with a little trace of disappointment in his voice.
"Can't wait to finally get home again," Jared whispers, kissing Jensen's neck, that tender spot just right behind the ear. Jensen shivers because of all the promises.
"Can't wait to finally get you spread out and naked, ready for me to take you," Jared goes on. "Can't wait to make you scream."
Heat pools in Jensen's belly and he thinks it's not fair that Jared has so much control over him, that he's so helpless when it comes to Jared and his bedroom voice.
"I'll fuck you slow and good. So good that you'll feel me for days."
Jensen groans and Jared only snickers. All of a sudden, Jared gets up and out of bed. Jensen looks at him, confused and a little unhappy because he's half-hard and he simply doesn't like being left hanging in the air like that.
Jared grins at him and collects a few clothes. He walks over to the door and before he opens it, he turns to Jensen, saying, "You know what, my Dad said we can't have sex in his house; he didn't say I can't jerk off in the shower, imaging it's your tight little ass I'm fucking and not my fist."
"Jesus, Jared!" Jensen exclaims, quickly sitting up in bed.
Jared laughs evilly and before Jensen can say anything else, he's out the door and on his way to the bathroom.
Thankfully, they only have to make it through breakfast and then they leave for the airport to fly back to LA Jensen still doesn't have any clue how to take Jared's family, but somehow he's come to like them.
The whole family is there, including Jeff and Judy while Sharon's making sure that everybody's plates are loaded with more breakfast than they can possibly eat. The atmosphere is a little tense, or maybe just Jensen is. Jeff continues giving him those looks and at a certain point, Jensen's this close to just asking point-blank what his fucking problem is.
But then he thinks that it's not worth it. Not when Jared, the girls and he are back home in a few hours. The weekend went relatively well and Jensen's not starting anything now. Not when they're almost there.
Between two bites of breakfast, Audrey asks Jensen, "Daddy, can Grandma Sherri and Grandpa Jerry come visit us soon?"
He sees Sharon smile from where she's sitting. And Gerald smiles too.
"Yes, if they'd like to," Jensen says, stroking over Audrey's head. "Sharon and Gerald definitely should come visit once we're settled in our new home."
"That would be very lovely," Sharon says. For now Audrey seems content with this answer.
Once they're done with breakfast, Jensen suggests that they go pack and get ready.
"I'll be with you in a minute," Jared promises.
Jared isn't though. In the end, Jensen is packing both Jared's and his stuff and also the girls' all by himself. He's a little mad at Jared, especially as he checks the time and sees that they really have to hurry up if they want to catch their flight.
He's carrying two bags down the stairs, ready to have a go at Jared, when he hears Jared snarling at someone in the living room. Setting the luggage down at the bottom of the stairway, Jensen walks toward the source of the noise.
What he sees is Jared fisting his hand in Jeff's shirt, their faces hard and angry. He's surprised it took them that long.
Even though Jared's a big guy, a strong, physical guy, Jeff is still bigger and Jensen really doesn't think he should let them get into a fight. Quickly, he stalks over to them, his hand immediately on Jared's as he tries to push himself between the two brothers.
"Hey, hey, hey," Jensen says. "Chill everyone."
Once Jensen managed to separate Jeff and Jared, Jeff gives him a look as if he'd punch him any second. A cold shiver runs down Jensen's spine at the mere thought of that. He's got no clue what he's done to Jeff to be met with such downright hostility, but Jensen doesn't care enough at the moment to find out. After all, they're already on their way out.
"What's going on here?" Jensen asks.
It's almost funny how both Jared and Jeff say, "Nothing," at exactly the same time. Well, it would be comical if only it hadn't been said with such venom and anger.
They don't want to tell him? Jensen's absolutely fine with that. Really. He's more than happy to not interfere in whatever problem the two have with each other. He pats Jared's chest and gives him a quick shove before he says, "All right then. Let's go."
Pulling Jared out of the room, Jensen whispers harshly, "What was that all about, Jared?"
But Jared only gives him petulant look, not answering the question. Jensen's dealt with enough children, and adults who sometimes behave like children, in his life to recognize the look and to know that he's not going to get an answer out of Jared right now. No matter how often he asks.
"Are we ready to go?" Jared asks. He's panting angrily, fury clearly written all over his face. Jared's head and neck are red, his nose and mouth twitching. When Jensen nods, yes, they're ready to go, Jared calls for the girls.
They come from the kitchen, together with Sharon and Gerald and Megan appears in the doorway as well. Sharon smiles, car keys in her hands.
"Jerry and I will drive you," she says. "I think we better get going."
Jensen nods and then he walks over to Megan to say goodbye properly. Before Jensen can look, she hugs him tightly and says, "It was nice meeting you, Jensen. See you around!"
She gives Jared a hug too and a kiss on the cheek before she crouches down to hug both Audrey and Sophie. The girls squeal happily and give Megan a wet kiss each. By the time everyone's standing up, Jeff and Judy have appeared from the living room. If Jensen could, he'd be an ass and just go without saying anything to Jeff. But his mother taught him better than that, so he walks to them and offers his hand to shake.
Jeff takes it and nearly crushes it. There's this stupid challenging look on his face again that never disappeared ever since Jensen met him. Jensen's tempted to ask Jeff who pissed into his coffee this morning, but again, he knows better. Instead he nods and says, "Jeff."
He doesn't add, "Nice meeting you," because that would be a lie. And if Jensen can avoid it, he doesn't lie. After all, meeting Jeff has been anything but nice. He shakes Judy's hand and wonders for a brief moment what kind of woman would want to be with an ass like Jeff.
The tension becomes even thicker when it's Jared's turn to say goodbye to his brother. He doesn't shake his hand, he doesn't say anything. Instead, he skips Jeff all together and immediately goes to hug Judy. Out of the corner of his eye, Jensen sees that Jeff is furious. He's got that same facial expression as Jared when he's mad at someone. Sharon and Gerald seem confused, neither knowing what's going on either.
"Okay, let's go," Jared finally says, all but bolting out of the house.
The drive to the airport is a little weird. Sharon asks what's going on between Jared and Jeff, but Jared gives her the same answer he gave Jensen earlier: nothing. Jensen hopes that Jared will talk to him once they're back home because judging from Jared's expression and from the way his jaw still twitches, Jensen can tell he's extremely angry.
The actual goodbye at the airport definitely goes differently than Jensen had anticipated. Sharon cries as she hugs both Jared and Jensen tight enough to make them gasp for air. Between all the tears, Jensen thinks she says how happy she is that they all came down to see her and how this was one of the best birthday presents ever. Jensen thinks that he hears her say something about scheduling a visit as soon as Jensen and Jared moved in together.
"It was so great meeting you, Jensen," Sharon says before she kisses his cheek.
"It was great meeting you, too, Sharon," Jensen answers.
Sharon slaps his arm lightly and with a wink, she corrects, "Sherri."
"Sherri," Jensen parrots.
When she seems content, she bends down to kiss and hug Audrey and Sophie.
Looking to the side, Jensen sees how Gerald hugs Jared and somehow he can't help but think back to Friday when they first met. He thinks back to how Gerald didn't hug Jared and how utterly disappointed Jared appeared to be. It makes Jensen happy to see that all things seem to have come to a good end after all and that Gerald and Jared at least can say goodbye the way they usually do.
When Jared and Gerald finally let go, Jensen turns to Gerald. He doesn't know whether Gerald's the kind of person to hug it out; actually this makes Jensen a little uncomfortable. So when Gerald holds out his hand for Jensen to shake, Jensen takes it gladly. The handshake's firm but there's a friendly smile on Gerald's face.
"It was really nice meeting you, Jensen," Gerald says.
"Nice meeting you, too."
After the girls have said goodbye to Gerald too and after Jared appeased Sharon enough by telling her over and over again that she can come visit them in the near future and that they'll also be back, she eventually stops crying. Turning around one final time, Jensen, Jared and the girls wave everyone goodbye before they finally take off to go home.
The flight to LA is uneventful. Jensen can't wait to touch down again and to be at Jared's apartment, finally. Some things never change as the flight attendants swoon over the girls and make sure they're supplied with enough candy to eat and sheets of paper and crayons to draw.
"I'm so glad this is over," Jared says, looking out of the small window.
Jensen sits on the other side of the aisle, so he can't reach out for Jared. Unfortunately. When Jared looks at him, Jensen smiles and says, "Yeah, me too."
He pauses for a moment before he goes on, "But don't you think it was totally worth it? Even though it was exhausting?"
Jared doesn't answer at first, but after thinking a brief moment, he smiles and nods. "Yeah, I am. I'm happy that we're done and through with this. You were right when you said I'd feel better after coming out to my parents. This is my life now."
Jensen is tempted to ask what happened between Jeff and Jared before they left but he assumes that Jared won't tell him in the plane anyway. For now he lets it go, determined to ask Jared later.
Sandy's already waiting for them when they finally leave the airport. She grins and laughs happily when Audrey and Sophie come running to her, calling, "Aunt Sandy!"
Both Jensen and Jared kiss her on the cheek.
"So guys," she asks, "How was it?"
"It went great," Jared tells her. "Mom totally loved Jensen and Dad did, too. But you know, for now, I'm just glad to be back home."
"I bet you are," Sandy says and then she takes both Audrey and Sophie by the hand as they walk toward Jared's car parked outside.
"They were nice," Jensen says and Sandy grins at him happily. He decides not to mention Jeff or the argument Jared had with his mother because looking at the weekend in retrospect, it did go well.
Audrey and Sophie start chattering about how nice Grandma Sherri and Grandpa Jerry were and all the things they did during the weekend. They mention Megan taking them out for ice cream in great detail, specifying each and every flavor they had. Sandy listens closely and asks questions about the new friends the girls made. Jensen's glad to hear that they didn't notice any of the drama and tension and that at least for them, it was a great weekend from the very first minute to the very last.
Sandy drives toward Jared's apartment where she promises that the dogs are already waiting impatiently for their family to come home.
There's indeed a lot of yelping and happy barking once Jared, Jensen and the girls step inside. It takes Jared a few good minutes until he's done kissing and stroking and cuddling his babies with the girls happily joining in. Sadie and Harley certainly enjoy the treatment and all the attention they're receiving.
"Thanks so much, Sandy, for taking good care of them," Jared says once he manages to emerge from underneath two excited dogs.
"You can treat me to dinner some time," she answers with a wink.
Jared opens his mouth to speak but Jensen's quicker this time. "Why don't you stay for dinner? We could order something," he suggests. "I'm in no condition to cook and I'm pretty sure neither is Jared. We'd love if you stayed."
Jared nods and Sandy smiles, saying that she would be glad to.
They quickly decide on Italian and when Jensen grabs the phone to call their favorite delivery place, he sees one new message on the answering machine. He presses the button to listen to it and it only takes him a split second to recognize the voice of the realtor who showed them the house last week. The house they wanted so badly.
"Jared, Jensen, this is Martin Brindley from Tiffany Thompson, I'm happy to inform you that your bid for the real estate near Hancock Park has been accepted. Please call me back once you get this so that we can discuss further details."
Immediately, a huge grin spreads across Jensen's face and when he turns around to check whether Jared heard the message, he finds Jared grinning just as broadly. Without thinking, Jensen strides to Jared and actually jumps into his arms. Jared's hands move to support Jensen's ass while Jensen's legs cross behind Jared's back.
"Fuck, yes!" Jared whispers before Jensen presses their mouths together. Jared holds him for a moment while they kiss and only when Jensen remembers that he's a grown man and that they have a guest - Sandy - who probably shouldn't see them like this, he reluctantly breaks their kiss and comes to a stand.
"We've got a house," Jensen says, kissing Jared again.
Jared beams at him for a moment and then he nods, "We've got a home. Together."
Sandy comes up with the girls to congratulate everyone and once everyone's been hugged and kissed plenty, Jensen finally orders food.
So later, they're all sitting over pizza and a bottle of wine - or soda for Audrey and Sophie - looking back on the weekend. Sandy wants to hear all the details and when Jared tells the story of how Sharon wouldn't let them sleep in the same room at first but that they did anyway, Sandy laughs and pats Jared on the back. She also wants to hear everything about the new house, now that Jensen and Jared received this wonderful news.
Shortly after the girls go to bed, Sandy insists on going home too, no matter how much Jensen and Jared say she can still stay if she wants to. Playfully slapping Jared's arm she says, "Nah, I bet you guys are happy to have some privacy now. I'll call you tomorrow."
She kisses Jensen and Jared on the cheek and after Jensen closes the front door behind her, he thinks, yeah, privacy would be a nice thing.
He finds Jared in the bathroom, brushing his teeth. Without saying a word, Jensen joins him and they go through their evening routine together. Jared's done before Jensen and on his way out of the bathroom, he slaps Jensen's ass playfully. Jensen glares at him for a split second but when Jared licks his lips, Jensen forgets why.
By the time Jensen finishes and walks into the bedroom, he finds Jared on the bed. Naked. His hard cock in hand. Jensen drops the clothes he was carrying, the sight of Jared like this too much to handle.
"Holy shit," Jensen says. "Warn a guy, won't you?"
He quickly closes the door behind him and then he simply stares at Jared and his gorgeous body.
"Where's the fun in that?" Jared singsongs. "Besides, would you have wanted me to yell 'Honey, I'm in the bedroom, naked, waiting for your big dick?' I don't think so."
Good point.
Jared looks mischievous. He bites his lip and then the hand on his dick starts moving again. Jared's eyes drift shut as he strokes himself.
All Jensen can do is stare. Jared's cock is shining wetly and when Jensen spots the tube of lube next to him on the bed, he knows why. Jensen's jeans grow tighter and tighter with each of Jared's strokes. His dick twitches whenever Jared's hand is so far up that only the very tip of his dick peeks out.
"Hm, feels so good," Jared moans, his strokes slow. All of a sudden, his eyes open again and looking at Jensen, he asks, "Are you just gonna stand there and stare?"
Jensen's dick gives another violent jerk at the tone of Jared's voice, his husky bedroom voice. But it also gives him an idea.
He smirks at Jared and says, "Yeah, maybe. Want to put up a little show for me?"
Slowly, Jensen walks over to the bed, sitting down next to Jared. He doesn't undress and when Jared reaches out for him, Jensen swats his hand away. He shakes his head and when Jared gives him a confused look, he whispers, "Come on, Jared. I want to watch you. Come on, stroke yourself."
Jared bites his lip again but soon enough he resumes the movement of his hand. He goes slow at first, so teasingly slow. Jared's eyes fall half-closed and on every upstroke, whenever his hand reaches the tip of his cock, he squeezes them closed particularly hard.
Jensen smiles to himself when he sees Jared do a little flick with his wrist that Jensen first used on him as they started sleeping together. And then Jared's other hand begins sliding over his body, from his chest, to his abs, down to his pubes and up again. With his nails, Jared scratches at his skin and over his nipples.
He sweats a little, beads of perspiration appearing on his body, making it damp. The scent of sex and arousal is faint in the air. The only sounds Jensen can hear are the slick movements of skin on skin and the blood rushing in his own ears.
As Jensen keeps watching Jared, his own excitement increases. It turns him on so much to see his boyfriend like this, doing something so incredibly intimate like pleasuring himself right in front of Jensen. For Jensen.
Jensen's tempted to touch himself and it takes all his strength not to drop a hand to his own crotch and start jerking off. But this is so beautiful, so sensual that all Jensen wants to do is concentrate on watching Jared and nothing else.
Jared's pink mouth opens a little, his wet lips parting. His moans are soft and barely audible, his movements make the bed vibrate ever so slightly. Jared's breathing quickens and when he opens his eyes for a split second to look at Jensen, there's so much lust and need in them that Jensen thinks he's going to burst any second.
"Jensen," Jared whines.
Jensen places a hand on Jared's, effectively stopping it from sliding up and down his dick. Jared's erection is big and dark purple; it's twitching already and Jensen wouldn't be surprised if Jared came after a few more strokes.
"What d'you need," Jensen asks softly. "Come on, tell me."
"I- I want you in- inside me," Jared moans. "Please, Jensen. I need-"
Jensen makes a shushing noise and then he reaches for the lube on the bed. They've never done it this way. He's never topped Jared because until now, Jared had never asked for it. Jensen let Jared do him a few times and Jensen's been happy with that.
"Are you sure?" Jensen whispers, bending down to kiss Jared's chest right above his left nipple. "You don't have to, not yet."
"Yeah, please Jen, please," Jared groans. "I want it. Please, I want you."
Jensen nods at Jared who's looking at him with glassy eyes. Jared's pupils are so wide with lust and need that Jensen believes him immediately. Jensen takes the lube and once he removed Jared's hand from Jared's erection, he pushes it into Jared's hands.
"Come on, prepare yourself. Let me see how you get yourself open and ready for me," Jensen whispers.
Jared groans again but then he squirts some of the clear liquid onto his fingers. Biting his bottom lip, Jared reaches between his legs, his hand sliding below his balls, further down and further down.
Jensen sits back to get a better view. His cock feels almost ready to spill just like that without even being touched. The sight of Jared stroking his entrance, merely teasing, makes Jensen's dick jerk inside his pants.
Jared moans as he finally pushes the first finger inside, and then he just stops.
Jensen reaches out for Jared, his hand landing on top of Jared's knee. Jared's legs are bent, his feet flat on the bed and as Jensen touches him, Jared's legs fall open to the side.
"Take your time, Jared. Do it slow," Jensen instructs.
The last thing he wants is for Jared to rush this and maybe not be turned on and to not find this pleasurable. Jensen's aware that this is only a finger and that his cock is a lot bigger, but he's also aware that despite their horniness, they can do this at their own pace.
Jared does take his time indeed. He takes a few deep breaths and after he visibly relaxes, he slowly starts moving his finger. He pulls out just a little and then pushes back inside.
"Yeah, that's good, just like that," Jensen encourages him.
He really wants to touch himself but he keeps telling himself not to. Jared's face is flushed, his skin sweaty. He smiles so he must be getting something out of this. However, Jensen thinks, it doesn't hurt to ask.
"Does that feel nice?"
Jared nods, biting his lip.
"Yeah," he groans, never stopping his ministrations. His movements seem smoother now, he seems more relaxed and more secure about what he's doing. Jared closes his eyes again while his finger easily moves in and out of him.
Jensen kisses Jared softly, gentle movements of tongue and lips. Jared's moans are swallowed by Jensen's mouth, never fading as Jared continues working himself open.
When Jensen sits back again, he whispers at Jared, "I think you can take another one. Go ahead."
Jared nods and then he pulls out his finger, only to replace it with two. He takes a deep breath before he pushes both fingers inside. Jared's dick is leaking heavily, curved beautifully against his belly. It twitches when Jensen finally reaches out to touch it. Jared gives him a hopeful expression but unlike Jared probably has hoped for; Jensen doesn't stroke it.
Jared writhes on the bed and just watching him like this - needy and beautiful - nearly makes Jensen come himself. Jared keeps moaning, panting softly as he tries to push into Jensen's fist.
"Scissor your fingers," Jensen instructs and immediately Jared does. Jensen groans low in his throat, happy with what he's seeing. "Yeah, that's good. Damn, Jared, you look so hot. So beautiful."
Jared doesn't answer, instead he just keeps moving his fingers. Jensen doesn't have to tell him to add another. When Jared pulls out and presses three digits against his entrance, Jensen has to press a hand against his own dick in order not to come. The sight of Jared's body opening up, the tight muscles relaxing enough for Jared's fingers to slide inside is one of the hottest things Jensen's ever seen.
Jared writhes, his back lifting from the bed in a beautiful arch, his fingers still obscenely between his legs. And then Jared comes in creamy white splashes over his abs and chest. Jared groans low and loud as release finally washes over him.
His cock still twitches in the aftershock of orgasm as Jared drops back down on the bed. His hair is plastered to his face, but he grins wide and sated.
Through half-lidded eyes, Jared watches Jensen undress quickly. Jensen's cock seems to be more than happy as it's finally freed from its prison. It slaps against Jensen's belly, the pre-come already smearing against his skin. Jensen doesn't care where he throws the clothes, all that matters now is that he's naked and inside Jared soon.
Jared's eyes are glassy, a fucked out expression on his face. Lazily Jared slides his fingers through the come on his chest, while Jensen rolls on a condom and spreads plenty of lube on his dick.
Once Jensen's done, he reaches for his glasses to take them off but Jared grins at him cheekily and says, "Don't."
When Jensen gives him a confused look, Jared says again, "Don't take them off. Leave them."
Jensen grins and doesn't comment. Instead, he grabs Jared's legs and pushes them even further apart and goes back to the mission at hand. Slowly, Jensen strokes over the insides of Jared's thighs, from the knees to the curve where leg meets body. Jared shivers as Jensen's fingers ghost over his skin.
"D'you want to turn around? It's gonna be more comfortable for you," Jensen asks. Jensen knows from experience that the first time bottoming is going to be easiest if the receiving partner lies on his belly.
But Jared shakes his head and says, "No, wanna see you."
So Jensen doesn't protest and gives his dick a few more good strokes. He bends down and kisses Jared again, the taste of Jared sweet and heavenly in his mouth. Their tongues tangle, quick and urgent.
When Jensen places his cock against Jared's entrance, not yet pushing in, he looks into Jared's eyes, searching for any traces of insecurities, any signs of Jared changing his mind. But what he finds is a determined expression instead.
"Ready?" Jensen whispers.
"Yeah, ready."
Jared's voice is hoarse as he nods. Slowly, Jensen pushes inside, watching Jared open up for him. Jensen groans when the head of his dick, and only the head, slides past Jared's ring of muscles.
Jared nods again and then he even grins, "Didn't you promise me I would see stars once you fucked me 'cause of the piercing?"
There's a smug expression on Jared's face that disappears when Jared tenses for a heartbeat. But when Jensen caresses over Jared's belly, Jared relaxes again so that Jensen can push all the way in, the piercing sliding over the rim of Jared's entrance.
"Fuuuck," Jared groans.
Jensen smiles smugly because he meant it when he said it would feel amazing. But then he pauses, giving Jared a moment to adjust. Gently at first, Jensen's hands slide over Jared's body. He continues stroking Jared's belly, his chest and arms. The angle's a little awkward as Jensen bends over to kiss Jared.
"Are you okay?" Jensen asks, not yet moving.
"Yeah, fuck," Jared groans. "Do that again, with- with the piercing."
Once Jensen's confident that Jared's really comfortable, he deliberately draws his hips back, far enough for the piercing to slide out of Jared once more. When Jared groans again Jensen thrusts forward, teasingly slow. Jared's so blissfully tight and hot around Jensen's dick that Jensen fears he's not going to last very long. During the whole weekend he retained a lot of sexual energy. It's all coming back to get him now.
"Fuck, feel so good," Jensen groans.
Jared only grunts as he pushes his hips up and against Jensen. His cock is limp when Jensen takes it in his hand. With a firm grip, Jensen starts moving up it and down Jared's shaft. It takes a few strokes until Jared grows hard again but when he does, his cock is practically pulsating in Jensen's hand.
"This is so good, fuck, so good," Jared moans. His hair is even more damp and plastered to his face than before.
Jensen tries to go slow so that he can slide the barrel of his piercing over the rim of Jared's entrance as often as possible. Whenever Jensen succeeds, Jared is particularly vocal. Jared's writhing and squirming badly underneath Jensen, his head trashing left and right.
Jensen thinks it's a good thing he made Jared jerk off and finger himself before he fucked him. This certainly helped Jared relax and now he can enjoy this without being too uncomfortable. In fact, Jared doesn't show any signs of discomfort so Jensen speeds up his thrusts a little, intent on getting Jared off again.
He manages to hit Jared's prostate every now and then but still Jensen can't quite figure out the right angle just yet. Jared doesn't seem to mind, far from it, he seems to enjoy himself even though his prostate is not being stimulated with each and every stroke.
The room smells even stronger of sex now. Jensen and Jared's sweat is becoming one scent in the air, together with the smell of Jared's come and the strawberry lube. The smell makes Jensen's head light and it almost acts as an aphrodisiac.
Reaching down to squeeze the base of his own dick, Jensen tries to keep himself from coming, not wanting this to end just yet. Watching Jared pleasure himself turned him on so much and the tightness of Jared around him certainly doesn't make it easier to maintain the slow pace.
The heat is already pooling in the pit of his stomach, spreading from his belly to his groin and his limbs. He knows he's not going to last much longer now, not with the tickling that starts all over. His thrusts become more and more uncoordinated with every movement he does.
This is the point when Jensen decides that Jared needs a little help. His hand finally goes back to sliding up and down Jared's dick, lending him a figurate helping hand.
Jensen's head falls forward until it's buried in the crook of Jared's neck. With one last, hard thrust, Jensen pushes against Jared before he spills his load into the condom. Mostly on instinct (and definitely not thinking clearly) Jensen sinks his teeth into Jared's soft skin to keep himself from groaning too loudly.
"Piercing. Feels. Fucking. Amazing," Jared groans, just right before he comes for the second time of the evening. Apparently, the bite was all he needed. Jensen feels how release washes over Jared, how the orgasm hits him. Jared's whole body shakes, quivering around Jensen's cock.
Once they've both come down enough from feeling so high and light, Jensen pulls out of Jared, making him moan one last time as the piercing slides out. They don't speak immediately as Jensen pulls off the condom and grabs his discarded shirt to wipe Jared and himself clean.
Then he settles down next to Jared, his head lying on Jared's chest. For now Jensen's happy with listening to the steady thump-thump-thump of Jared's heartbeat. When Jared's hands come up to run through Jensen's hair, Jensen only moves far enough to cover them both with the comforter.
"Thank you," Jared says softly, kissing the top of Jensen's head.
Jensen's perplexed because he doesn't know what Jared's thanking him for. Seriously. If someone should do any thanking then it's Jensen because he's just had some extremely awesome sex.
"What for?" Jensen asks, not bothering to look at Jared because his head lies so comfortably on Jared's chest.
"Everything, I guess. For making me come out to my family. For going through this with me and for being so fantastic," Jared whispers. And then he snorts, "And of course for popping my butt cherry."
Jensen snorts too and when he eventually does turn to Jared, he chuckles, "Don't worry. Especially the last one was my pleasure."
Jared grins at him, that broad, boyish grin that Jensen loves so much. That broad, boyish grin that Jensen missed so much lately. Somewhat seriously, he adds, "But honestly, Jared, I meant it when I said I'd be there for you if you needed me. You mean a damn lot to me and I knew that lying to your parents would destroy you in the long run. That the silence would kill you from the inside. I'm proud of how you handled everything this weekend. You've been fantastic."
To emphasize his point, Jensen gives Jared a chaste kiss, their lips touching as they share a breath. Jared doesn't answer and Jensen doesn't really expect him to either.
However, now there's something else Jensen remembers. "Hey, tell me, what was that thing with Jeff? Come on, man, tell me."
He hopes that Jared doesn't avoid the subject anymore. For a split second, Jared looks angry as if Jensen was the one he's mad at. He doesn't answer right away but eventually he does, bitterly, "Turns out my big bro is a big bigot."
"What do you mean?" Jensen asks, not quite getting it.
"See, you told me that you felt Jeff was acting weird around you, so I asked him what it was all about. Sure, Jeff isn't the kind of guy who likes to hug and talk about feelings, but he's not so downright hostile either, usually," Jared pauses. "So when I asked him why he's such an ass to you, it turns out he's not fond of homosexual people and that he doesn't approve of their way of living."
Jensen shakes his head, not getting it. "But he was nice to you."
"I know!" Jared says, frowning. "That's what struck to me as weird. So when I asked him about it, he told me that he thinks this is just a phase and as soon as I meet a nice woman, I'll be head over heels for her."
For a brief moment, Jensen thinks back to his and Sharon's conversation in the kitchen and how she asked him something similar. "Oh," he says then.
Jared immediately frowns again, asking, "What?"
"Well," Jensen hems and haws, not entirely sure whether he should say it or whether he should keep it as something between Sharon and he. In the end, he decides to tell Jared because he knows Jared wouldn't stop asking anyway. "Your mother kinda asked me the same thing. Like, she wanted to know whether I thought you were going through a phase."
"What did you tell her?" Jared asks. His arms come around Jensen, holding him close before his fingers start drawing invisible patterns on his naked, damp skin.
"That people usually don't bother to come out to their families if they're unsure about their sexuality," Jensen says honestly.
He thinks about how he's been wondering whether Jared considers this to be just a phase. Maybe this is something Jensen shouldn't ever ask Jared and just figure it out as time goes by. But if he's going to address the matter he thinks this is probably the most perfect moment he'll ever get.
"This isn't just a phase, right?" Jensen asks, hating how insecure his voice sounds.
"Jensen, I just let you fuck me. My throbbing ass tells me this is not just a phase," Jared says. He kisses Jensen's forehead and then he turns serious. "But honestly, Jensen, you're absolutely right. People don't come out to their families if they don't consider their relationship serious. People don't move in with their partners if they don't consider their relationship serious."
And after another kiss and another brief pause, Jared adds, "I love you Jensen. And right now, I don't even want to imagine my life without you or Audrey. Okay?"
Jensen smiles and nods, willing to let the subject drop. Snuggling against Jared, he closes his eyes when there's one more thought that comes back to his mind.
"Jared," he says.
When Jared hums, his sleepy voice indicating that he was nearly asleep already, Jensen says softly, "Don't worry about Jeff, okay? We'll tackle him extra hard next time we're there. We've got your parents and Megan on our sides; we'll find a way to handle Jeff. He's not the first homophobic person I've dealt with."
Jared laughs softly and then he says, "Yes, that's what we're gonna do. But you know, for now I can totally live with not flying down to Texas in the near future."
"Good point," Jensen says. Even though he likes Jared's family, he's definitely okay with not going back to see them for another while. And then, a different thought crosses his mind. Grinning, he says, "Who knows, maybe the next time we're down there, Jeff actually will punch me."
Despite the implication, Jared snickers a little. His arms tighten around Jensen before he says, "Ah, don't fret. I'll protect you."
"Oh, thank you, you strong knight in shining armor," Jensen simpers. By no means is Jensen a damsel in distress, but the idea of Jared protecting him against someone else, against Jeff, makes a warm feeling spread in Jensen's belly. This feeling of safety he has whenever he's with Jared is back. When Jared doesn't comment on the matter any further, neither does Jensen.
He thinks they should be sleeping after such an eventful weekend, after all both Jared and he have to go back to work the next day, yet there's one last thing he needs to know. Despite his tiredness, Jensen's mind just doesn't settle for the day.
"How did it go from your point of view? I mean, how would you say your family reacted?" Jensen asks, reaching up to kiss Jared. The angle is awkward but Jensen's too sleepy, too lazy to move.
"Good, I guess," Jared says. "I mean, if we forget about Jeff for a second, I'd say that you managed to charm my parents and Megan all right. Mom and Megan love you and as I told you before, Dad simply always needs a little time. But you know, he likes you just fine."
Jensen smiles to himself, proud that he left such a good impression on Jared's family. A good relationship with Jared's family is important to him because Jared's family is important to Jared and the last thing Jensen wants is to be the sore spot of the Padalecki family.
Still, Jared only answered part of his question.
"But what about you? How was it for you?" he asks again.
When Jared snorts and snickers softly, his whole body vibrates underneath Jensen. Stroking a hand through Jensen's hair, Jared teases, "D'you want to talk about feelings and stuff? Are we really that gay?"
"Call it perceptions if feelings is too gay for you," Jensen immediately counters.
Jared laughs lightly and when he stops, he sounds thoughtful, "It was weird, man. I felt like shit after we arrived at my parents' and when my Dad wouldn't even hug me, you know? He always hugs me. I kinda wanted to puke then because I had a really bad feeling."
Even though it pains Jensen to hear that Jared was miserable, it's also a nice feeling that everything he thought back on Friday was right, that his own perceptions were right and that he does seem to know Jared that well. That he can read Jared.
Not saying anything, Jensen lets Jared go on. "I guess it's pretty clear how I felt about Mom suggesting you and me sleep in different rooms."
Jared laughs again and yes, Jensen remembers.
"And after that, I was a bit irritated that no one would talk about it, but still I didn't know how to make a start myself. So I was kinda happy with ignoring things. I mean, I kinda wanted to talk to them about me being with you, but I didn't know how. And I was scared. Does that even make sense?"
Jared sighs and then Jensen takes Jared's hand in his and brings it up to kiss each and every one of Jared's knuckles gently. "Yeah, I guess it does. And for the record, I think you handled the whole situation great, Jared."
"And when we finally talked, I was scared shitless. I mean, this was so important and I was just really, really scared, you know?" Jared admits.
Jensen kisses his hand again and then he says, "Yeah, been there, done that."
He was incredibly scared too when he had the talk with his own parents so he understands Jared's reaction perfectly fine. Smiling, he tells Jared again, "As I said, I think you did fantastic."
"Thanks," Jared whispers. His arms tighten around Jensen once more, giving him a good, quick squeeze. "After that, it was easier, you know? I knew Megan would be okay with you and honestly, after the air has been cleared with my close family, I didn't really care all that much about the rest. So in the end, this whole weekend just was super-intense and I felt as if I were in a roller coaster or something."
For a brief moment, Jensen wonders whether Jared knows about Sharon asking her guests not to mention anything and if he would care about it. Jensen wonders whether he should mention it, but then he concludes that there is really no sense. If anyone's in the position to say anything on this particular matter, then it's Sharon.
"But after we were done with the initial awkwardness, it was actually a fun trip, right?" Jared asks, pulling Jensen out of his thoughts.
Jensen smiles even though he knows that Jared can't see him because of the angle they're curled up in. He thinks for a moment before he says, "Yeah, it was."
And that's not a lie. He's relieved and when he thinks back to the weekend, now that they're back, he did enjoy meeting Jared's parents. It was incredibly important for them as individuals but also as a couple. Jensen's glad to hear about Jared's version of how the weekend went and that it's not all that different from his own.
But for now, he's just very happy they're through with this.
"I wish I didn't have to go to work tomorrow but could stay in with you and stay in bed all day," Jared whispers. He tries to say it seductively but when he yawns halfway through the sentence they both have to laugh.
Jensen squeezes Jared's hand and promises, "Some other day, okay? For now it sounds as if we both could use the sleep."
"Hmmm."
And as if to prove Jensen's point, Jared yawns again. It's highly contagious and when Jensen joins him, he kisses Jared again and whispers, "Goodnight."
Finally, Jensen takes off his glasses and switches off the lights. The last thing Jensen hears before he finally falls asleep is, "Goodnight, Jen."
- END
Final notes and thanks. I don't even know where to start. I'm typing this as I get Silence = Death ready for being posted and now that this fic is being put out there after it has been constantly on my mind for the last months, my mind is blank. Excuse me in advance if I don't make much sense.
First of all, let me thank a few people. My first thanks go to wendy and audrarose for organizing this fun challenge and managing it so superbly despite the huge number of participants. Thank you, ladies!
Then I have to thank wendy again and also hd_obsession for their thorough beta, which I know wasn't easy, due to this fic's size. Many, many, many thanks also to missyjack, lostt1 and keepaofthecheez for reading through this fic for me after the first draft stage and who helped me greatly with their insightful comments and great suggestions. Thanks also to legoline, krazykipper, thelonejuliet and my special co-panicker mickeym for encouragement. And my flist in general who continued to listen to my whining, bitching and squeeing. Thanks everybody for the encouragement and constant hand-holding! I love you guys! ♥
And last but not least, many thanks to taliosi_x for her enthusiasm and the beautiful fanart. Please don't forget to check out her art post and to give her some love! [ here]
You all deserve a fucking star!
Edit. I think I should clarify why I chose the title and what it means to me personally.
Let me first say that I didn't choose it to upset or to offend anyone. That was never my intention. I didn't choose it to mislead people on purpose or to exploit a very serious issue like AIDS and all the accusations that came along with it. As I said, there was no malicious intent behind selecting this title and I apologize if anybody was upset by this.
I also should clarify that when I first said I wanted a gay pride slogan that my clumsy wording made it sound as if I thought gay pride and AIDS awareness were the same thing. It was 2 AM when I originally wrote my author's notes and while I don't want to use this as an excuse, it's maybe an explanation.
So let me try to explain my reasoning behind the title again: The title is a bit of a mixture of "oh damn, another ten minutes until I have to turn in my draft, quick, I still need a title!" and a second meaning that it has for me personally. I know that the slogan Silence = Death was originally used in the 1980s to make people talk about safe sex, AIDS and HIV and to educate them and that it is not about gay pride but about AIDS awareness.
When I originally looked for a title, I wanted something like a gay pride slogan since this fic is about Jared's coming out. Slogans like "Out & Proud" or "In & Out" or something like "We're here. We're queer. Get used to it" left me a bit blah. Somehow they didn't work for me as a story title. This is when I started looking beyond gay pride slogans and found Silence = Death.
I know that it's not a gay pride slogan but something that was used by gay rights activists like Avram Finkelstein to make people talk about this serious topic. It was actually first used by ACT UP (AIDS Coalition to Unleash Power) in NYC, a group of people who fight AIDS. I think Wikipedia's entry on ACT UP and ACT UP NYC's website are both worth reading.
When I first saw the slogan, I immediately thought about how I personally found it fitting for Jared and this story in a non-AIDS related way. For me Silence = Death means that Jared not coming out to his parents would kill him eventually. Jared is the kind of guy who wants harmony, he's the kind of guy who cares about his parents and lying to them (i. e. being silent about his true sexuality) would make him die on the inside.
When the original slogan talks about death, they mean the physical death of dying from AIDS and affecting other people if you don't talk about your disease. When I look at death in the context of this fic, it's about emotional death that comes from keeping something so important (like your true sexuality) secret from the family. The difference between physical death (original meaning) and emotional death (fic meaning) was big enough for me that I personally thought I wouldn't offend and upset people. Yet at the same time, I felt the title still had a second meaning to the fic that was important to me personally. In the fic itself, Jensen tells Jared that lying to his parents will make him die on the inside. This was a point I wanted to bring across with my title.
I know that the title might be misleading and that maybe readers will think this has to do with AIDS and/or that it maybe includes character death. As I said, I'm sorry if the title upsets anyone. I understand if people can't see the second meaning and how the title is relevant to the fic but as I said, the difference between physical death and emotional death were big enough in my head that I considered this to be okay and not to be offending.
I understand that some readers are uncomfortable with the title and I accept that. In return, I ask you to accept that this is the title I chose.
I've done a bit of copying text between Word and LJ and we all know about Word's habit of eating words. In case you spotted a missing word somewhere, please let me know!
Thanks again for reading.
Index | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 & Additional Notes and Thanks
By the time Jensen joined Jared in bed last night, Jared was already asleep so that Jensen didn't even get a proper goodnight kiss. Looks like Jared's trying to make up for that now.
"Wake up," Jared whispers, his breath tickling Jensen's skin.
Sleepily, Jensen blinks at him. "Glasses," Jensen demands, yawning. He's got no clue how early or late it is and even though the room is already light, it definitely feels way too early for him.
Jared snickers and kisses him again. "I kinda like you all blind and squint-eyed."
Jared's lips wander over Jensen's eyelids, not even really kissing, merely… touching.
"'M not squint-eyed," Jensen protests half-heartedly, only to ask again, "Glasses, please."
His hand blindly searches on the bedside table and eventually, Jared takes mercy on him and pushes Jensen's glasses on his nose. Jensen blinks a few times as the world around him slowly comes into focus. Ah, bliss.
"Good morning," Jared says. He smiles at Jensen and when Jensen rises up to kiss him, Jared parts his lips immediately. Jensen doesn't pay any attention to how long they kiss but when they stop, he whispers, "Good morning."
Jared rolls on top of him and Jensen nearly bursts out laughing when he feels Jared's morning wood against his thigh. He cocks an eyebrow and asks, "That's why you disturbed my precious sleep?"
Jared grins cheekily and nods. He then rolls his hips against Jensen's leg to make his point clear. But Jensen shakes his head, his hands sliding to Jared's hips as he slowly rolls him off.
"No, Jared," he says. It's amazing how much sexual energy Jared has. Still, Jensen and Jared sharing a room is subjected to one condition.
"No sex, remember? Let's not abuse your father's trust, okay?"
"I know," Jared says back, with a little trace of disappointment in his voice.
"Can't wait to finally get home again," Jared whispers, kissing Jensen's neck, that tender spot just right behind the ear. Jensen shivers because of all the promises.
"Can't wait to finally get you spread out and naked, ready for me to take you," Jared goes on. "Can't wait to make you scream."
Heat pools in Jensen's belly and he thinks it's not fair that Jared has so much control over him, that he's so helpless when it comes to Jared and his bedroom voice.
"I'll fuck you slow and good. So good that you'll feel me for days."
Jensen groans and Jared only snickers. All of a sudden, Jared gets up and out of bed. Jensen looks at him, confused and a little unhappy because he's half-hard and he simply doesn't like being left hanging in the air like that.
Jared grins at him and collects a few clothes. He walks over to the door and before he opens it, he turns to Jensen, saying, "You know what, my Dad said we can't have sex in his house; he didn't say I can't jerk off in the shower, imaging it's your tight little ass I'm fucking and not my fist."
"Jesus, Jared!" Jensen exclaims, quickly sitting up in bed.
Jared laughs evilly and before Jensen can say anything else, he's out the door and on his way to the bathroom.
Thankfully, they only have to make it through breakfast and then they leave for the airport to fly back to LA Jensen still doesn't have any clue how to take Jared's family, but somehow he's come to like them.
The whole family is there, including Jeff and Judy while Sharon's making sure that everybody's plates are loaded with more breakfast than they can possibly eat. The atmosphere is a little tense, or maybe just Jensen is. Jeff continues giving him those looks and at a certain point, Jensen's this close to just asking point-blank what his fucking problem is.
But then he thinks that it's not worth it. Not when Jared, the girls and he are back home in a few hours. The weekend went relatively well and Jensen's not starting anything now. Not when they're almost there.
Between two bites of breakfast, Audrey asks Jensen, "Daddy, can Grandma Sherri and Grandpa Jerry come visit us soon?"
He sees Sharon smile from where she's sitting. And Gerald smiles too.
"Yes, if they'd like to," Jensen says, stroking over Audrey's head. "Sharon and Gerald definitely should come visit once we're settled in our new home."
"That would be very lovely," Sharon says. For now Audrey seems content with this answer.
Once they're done with breakfast, Jensen suggests that they go pack and get ready.
"I'll be with you in a minute," Jared promises.
Jared isn't though. In the end, Jensen is packing both Jared's and his stuff and also the girls' all by himself. He's a little mad at Jared, especially as he checks the time and sees that they really have to hurry up if they want to catch their flight.
He's carrying two bags down the stairs, ready to have a go at Jared, when he hears Jared snarling at someone in the living room. Setting the luggage down at the bottom of the stairway, Jensen walks toward the source of the noise.
What he sees is Jared fisting his hand in Jeff's shirt, their faces hard and angry. He's surprised it took them that long.
Even though Jared's a big guy, a strong, physical guy, Jeff is still bigger and Jensen really doesn't think he should let them get into a fight. Quickly, he stalks over to them, his hand immediately on Jared's as he tries to push himself between the two brothers.
"Hey, hey, hey," Jensen says. "Chill everyone."
Once Jensen managed to separate Jeff and Jared, Jeff gives him a look as if he'd punch him any second. A cold shiver runs down Jensen's spine at the mere thought of that. He's got no clue what he's done to Jeff to be met with such downright hostility, but Jensen doesn't care enough at the moment to find out. After all, they're already on their way out.
"What's going on here?" Jensen asks.
It's almost funny how both Jared and Jeff say, "Nothing," at exactly the same time. Well, it would be comical if only it hadn't been said with such venom and anger.
They don't want to tell him? Jensen's absolutely fine with that. Really. He's more than happy to not interfere in whatever problem the two have with each other. He pats Jared's chest and gives him a quick shove before he says, "All right then. Let's go."
Pulling Jared out of the room, Jensen whispers harshly, "What was that all about, Jared?"
But Jared only gives him petulant look, not answering the question. Jensen's dealt with enough children, and adults who sometimes behave like children, in his life to recognize the look and to know that he's not going to get an answer out of Jared right now. No matter how often he asks.
"Are we ready to go?" Jared asks. He's panting angrily, fury clearly written all over his face. Jared's head and neck are red, his nose and mouth twitching. When Jensen nods, yes, they're ready to go, Jared calls for the girls.
They come from the kitchen, together with Sharon and Gerald and Megan appears in the doorway as well. Sharon smiles, car keys in her hands.
"Jerry and I will drive you," she says. "I think we better get going."
Jensen nods and then he walks over to Megan to say goodbye properly. Before Jensen can look, she hugs him tightly and says, "It was nice meeting you, Jensen. See you around!"
She gives Jared a hug too and a kiss on the cheek before she crouches down to hug both Audrey and Sophie. The girls squeal happily and give Megan a wet kiss each. By the time everyone's standing up, Jeff and Judy have appeared from the living room. If Jensen could, he'd be an ass and just go without saying anything to Jeff. But his mother taught him better than that, so he walks to them and offers his hand to shake.
Jeff takes it and nearly crushes it. There's this stupid challenging look on his face again that never disappeared ever since Jensen met him. Jensen's tempted to ask Jeff who pissed into his coffee this morning, but again, he knows better. Instead he nods and says, "Jeff."
He doesn't add, "Nice meeting you," because that would be a lie. And if Jensen can avoid it, he doesn't lie. After all, meeting Jeff has been anything but nice. He shakes Judy's hand and wonders for a brief moment what kind of woman would want to be with an ass like Jeff.
The tension becomes even thicker when it's Jared's turn to say goodbye to his brother. He doesn't shake his hand, he doesn't say anything. Instead, he skips Jeff all together and immediately goes to hug Judy. Out of the corner of his eye, Jensen sees that Jeff is furious. He's got that same facial expression as Jared when he's mad at someone. Sharon and Gerald seem confused, neither knowing what's going on either.
"Okay, let's go," Jared finally says, all but bolting out of the house.
The drive to the airport is a little weird. Sharon asks what's going on between Jared and Jeff, but Jared gives her the same answer he gave Jensen earlier: nothing. Jensen hopes that Jared will talk to him once they're back home because judging from Jared's expression and from the way his jaw still twitches, Jensen can tell he's extremely angry.
The actual goodbye at the airport definitely goes differently than Jensen had anticipated. Sharon cries as she hugs both Jared and Jensen tight enough to make them gasp for air. Between all the tears, Jensen thinks she says how happy she is that they all came down to see her and how this was one of the best birthday presents ever. Jensen thinks that he hears her say something about scheduling a visit as soon as Jensen and Jared moved in together.
"It was so great meeting you, Jensen," Sharon says before she kisses his cheek.
"It was great meeting you, too, Sharon," Jensen answers.
Sharon slaps his arm lightly and with a wink, she corrects, "Sherri."
"Sherri," Jensen parrots.
When she seems content, she bends down to kiss and hug Audrey and Sophie.
Looking to the side, Jensen sees how Gerald hugs Jared and somehow he can't help but think back to Friday when they first met. He thinks back to how Gerald didn't hug Jared and how utterly disappointed Jared appeared to be. It makes Jensen happy to see that all things seem to have come to a good end after all and that Gerald and Jared at least can say goodbye the way they usually do.
When Jared and Gerald finally let go, Jensen turns to Gerald. He doesn't know whether Gerald's the kind of person to hug it out; actually this makes Jensen a little uncomfortable. So when Gerald holds out his hand for Jensen to shake, Jensen takes it gladly. The handshake's firm but there's a friendly smile on Gerald's face.
"It was really nice meeting you, Jensen," Gerald says.
"Nice meeting you, too."
After the girls have said goodbye to Gerald too and after Jared appeased Sharon enough by telling her over and over again that she can come visit them in the near future and that they'll also be back, she eventually stops crying. Turning around one final time, Jensen, Jared and the girls wave everyone goodbye before they finally take off to go home.
The flight to LA is uneventful. Jensen can't wait to touch down again and to be at Jared's apartment, finally. Some things never change as the flight attendants swoon over the girls and make sure they're supplied with enough candy to eat and sheets of paper and crayons to draw.
"I'm so glad this is over," Jared says, looking out of the small window.
Jensen sits on the other side of the aisle, so he can't reach out for Jared. Unfortunately. When Jared looks at him, Jensen smiles and says, "Yeah, me too."
He pauses for a moment before he goes on, "But don't you think it was totally worth it? Even though it was exhausting?"
Jared doesn't answer at first, but after thinking a brief moment, he smiles and nods. "Yeah, I am. I'm happy that we're done and through with this. You were right when you said I'd feel better after coming out to my parents. This is my life now."
Jensen is tempted to ask what happened between Jeff and Jared before they left but he assumes that Jared won't tell him in the plane anyway. For now he lets it go, determined to ask Jared later.
Sandy's already waiting for them when they finally leave the airport. She grins and laughs happily when Audrey and Sophie come running to her, calling, "Aunt Sandy!"
Both Jensen and Jared kiss her on the cheek.
"So guys," she asks, "How was it?"
"It went great," Jared tells her. "Mom totally loved Jensen and Dad did, too. But you know, for now, I'm just glad to be back home."
"I bet you are," Sandy says and then she takes both Audrey and Sophie by the hand as they walk toward Jared's car parked outside.
"They were nice," Jensen says and Sandy grins at him happily. He decides not to mention Jeff or the argument Jared had with his mother because looking at the weekend in retrospect, it did go well.
Audrey and Sophie start chattering about how nice Grandma Sherri and Grandpa Jerry were and all the things they did during the weekend. They mention Megan taking them out for ice cream in great detail, specifying each and every flavor they had. Sandy listens closely and asks questions about the new friends the girls made. Jensen's glad to hear that they didn't notice any of the drama and tension and that at least for them, it was a great weekend from the very first minute to the very last.
Sandy drives toward Jared's apartment where she promises that the dogs are already waiting impatiently for their family to come home.
There's indeed a lot of yelping and happy barking once Jared, Jensen and the girls step inside. It takes Jared a few good minutes until he's done kissing and stroking and cuddling his babies with the girls happily joining in. Sadie and Harley certainly enjoy the treatment and all the attention they're receiving.
"Thanks so much, Sandy, for taking good care of them," Jared says once he manages to emerge from underneath two excited dogs.
"You can treat me to dinner some time," she answers with a wink.
Jared opens his mouth to speak but Jensen's quicker this time. "Why don't you stay for dinner? We could order something," he suggests. "I'm in no condition to cook and I'm pretty sure neither is Jared. We'd love if you stayed."
Jared nods and Sandy smiles, saying that she would be glad to.
They quickly decide on Italian and when Jensen grabs the phone to call their favorite delivery place, he sees one new message on the answering machine. He presses the button to listen to it and it only takes him a split second to recognize the voice of the realtor who showed them the house last week. The house they wanted so badly.
"Jared, Jensen, this is Martin Brindley from Tiffany Thompson, I'm happy to inform you that your bid for the real estate near Hancock Park has been accepted. Please call me back once you get this so that we can discuss further details."
Immediately, a huge grin spreads across Jensen's face and when he turns around to check whether Jared heard the message, he finds Jared grinning just as broadly. Without thinking, Jensen strides to Jared and actually jumps into his arms. Jared's hands move to support Jensen's ass while Jensen's legs cross behind Jared's back.
"Fuck, yes!" Jared whispers before Jensen presses their mouths together. Jared holds him for a moment while they kiss and only when Jensen remembers that he's a grown man and that they have a guest - Sandy - who probably shouldn't see them like this, he reluctantly breaks their kiss and comes to a stand.
"We've got a house," Jensen says, kissing Jared again.
Jared beams at him for a moment and then he nods, "We've got a home. Together."
Sandy comes up with the girls to congratulate everyone and once everyone's been hugged and kissed plenty, Jensen finally orders food.
So later, they're all sitting over pizza and a bottle of wine - or soda for Audrey and Sophie - looking back on the weekend. Sandy wants to hear all the details and when Jared tells the story of how Sharon wouldn't let them sleep in the same room at first but that they did anyway, Sandy laughs and pats Jared on the back. She also wants to hear everything about the new house, now that Jensen and Jared received this wonderful news.
Shortly after the girls go to bed, Sandy insists on going home too, no matter how much Jensen and Jared say she can still stay if she wants to. Playfully slapping Jared's arm she says, "Nah, I bet you guys are happy to have some privacy now. I'll call you tomorrow."
She kisses Jensen and Jared on the cheek and after Jensen closes the front door behind her, he thinks, yeah, privacy would be a nice thing.
He finds Jared in the bathroom, brushing his teeth. Without saying a word, Jensen joins him and they go through their evening routine together. Jared's done before Jensen and on his way out of the bathroom, he slaps Jensen's ass playfully. Jensen glares at him for a split second but when Jared licks his lips, Jensen forgets why.
By the time Jensen finishes and walks into the bedroom, he finds Jared on the bed. Naked. His hard cock in hand. Jensen drops the clothes he was carrying, the sight of Jared like this too much to handle.
"Holy shit," Jensen says. "Warn a guy, won't you?"
He quickly closes the door behind him and then he simply stares at Jared and his gorgeous body.
"Where's the fun in that?" Jared singsongs. "Besides, would you have wanted me to yell 'Honey, I'm in the bedroom, naked, waiting for your big dick?' I don't think so."
Good point.
Jared looks mischievous. He bites his lip and then the hand on his dick starts moving again. Jared's eyes drift shut as he strokes himself.
All Jensen can do is stare. Jared's cock is shining wetly and when Jensen spots the tube of lube next to him on the bed, he knows why. Jensen's jeans grow tighter and tighter with each of Jared's strokes. His dick twitches whenever Jared's hand is so far up that only the very tip of his dick peeks out.
"Hm, feels so good," Jared moans, his strokes slow. All of a sudden, his eyes open again and looking at Jensen, he asks, "Are you just gonna stand there and stare?"
Jensen's dick gives another violent jerk at the tone of Jared's voice, his husky bedroom voice. But it also gives him an idea.
He smirks at Jared and says, "Yeah, maybe. Want to put up a little show for me?"
Slowly, Jensen walks over to the bed, sitting down next to Jared. He doesn't undress and when Jared reaches out for him, Jensen swats his hand away. He shakes his head and when Jared gives him a confused look, he whispers, "Come on, Jared. I want to watch you. Come on, stroke yourself."
Jared bites his lip again but soon enough he resumes the movement of his hand. He goes slow at first, so teasingly slow. Jared's eyes fall half-closed and on every upstroke, whenever his hand reaches the tip of his cock, he squeezes them closed particularly hard.
Jensen smiles to himself when he sees Jared do a little flick with his wrist that Jensen first used on him as they started sleeping together. And then Jared's other hand begins sliding over his body, from his chest, to his abs, down to his pubes and up again. With his nails, Jared scratches at his skin and over his nipples.
He sweats a little, beads of perspiration appearing on his body, making it damp. The scent of sex and arousal is faint in the air. The only sounds Jensen can hear are the slick movements of skin on skin and the blood rushing in his own ears.
As Jensen keeps watching Jared, his own excitement increases. It turns him on so much to see his boyfriend like this, doing something so incredibly intimate like pleasuring himself right in front of Jensen. For Jensen.
Jensen's tempted to touch himself and it takes all his strength not to drop a hand to his own crotch and start jerking off. But this is so beautiful, so sensual that all Jensen wants to do is concentrate on watching Jared and nothing else.
Jared's pink mouth opens a little, his wet lips parting. His moans are soft and barely audible, his movements make the bed vibrate ever so slightly. Jared's breathing quickens and when he opens his eyes for a split second to look at Jensen, there's so much lust and need in them that Jensen thinks he's going to burst any second.
"Jensen," Jared whines.
Jensen places a hand on Jared's, effectively stopping it from sliding up and down his dick. Jared's erection is big and dark purple; it's twitching already and Jensen wouldn't be surprised if Jared came after a few more strokes.
"What d'you need," Jensen asks softly. "Come on, tell me."
"I- I want you in- inside me," Jared moans. "Please, Jensen. I need-"
Jensen makes a shushing noise and then he reaches for the lube on the bed. They've never done it this way. He's never topped Jared because until now, Jared had never asked for it. Jensen let Jared do him a few times and Jensen's been happy with that.
"Are you sure?" Jensen whispers, bending down to kiss Jared's chest right above his left nipple. "You don't have to, not yet."
"Yeah, please Jen, please," Jared groans. "I want it. Please, I want you."
Jensen nods at Jared who's looking at him with glassy eyes. Jared's pupils are so wide with lust and need that Jensen believes him immediately. Jensen takes the lube and once he removed Jared's hand from Jared's erection, he pushes it into Jared's hands.
"Come on, prepare yourself. Let me see how you get yourself open and ready for me," Jensen whispers.
Jared groans again but then he squirts some of the clear liquid onto his fingers. Biting his bottom lip, Jared reaches between his legs, his hand sliding below his balls, further down and further down.
Jensen sits back to get a better view. His cock feels almost ready to spill just like that without even being touched. The sight of Jared stroking his entrance, merely teasing, makes Jensen's dick jerk inside his pants.
Jared moans as he finally pushes the first finger inside, and then he just stops.
Jensen reaches out for Jared, his hand landing on top of Jared's knee. Jared's legs are bent, his feet flat on the bed and as Jensen touches him, Jared's legs fall open to the side.
"Take your time, Jared. Do it slow," Jensen instructs.
The last thing he wants is for Jared to rush this and maybe not be turned on and to not find this pleasurable. Jensen's aware that this is only a finger and that his cock is a lot bigger, but he's also aware that despite their horniness, they can do this at their own pace.
Jared does take his time indeed. He takes a few deep breaths and after he visibly relaxes, he slowly starts moving his finger. He pulls out just a little and then pushes back inside.
"Yeah, that's good, just like that," Jensen encourages him.
He really wants to touch himself but he keeps telling himself not to. Jared's face is flushed, his skin sweaty. He smiles so he must be getting something out of this. However, Jensen thinks, it doesn't hurt to ask.
"Does that feel nice?"
Jared nods, biting his lip.
"Yeah," he groans, never stopping his ministrations. His movements seem smoother now, he seems more relaxed and more secure about what he's doing. Jared closes his eyes again while his finger easily moves in and out of him.
Jensen kisses Jared softly, gentle movements of tongue and lips. Jared's moans are swallowed by Jensen's mouth, never fading as Jared continues working himself open.
When Jensen sits back again, he whispers at Jared, "I think you can take another one. Go ahead."
Jared nods and then he pulls out his finger, only to replace it with two. He takes a deep breath before he pushes both fingers inside. Jared's dick is leaking heavily, curved beautifully against his belly. It twitches when Jensen finally reaches out to touch it. Jared gives him a hopeful expression but unlike Jared probably has hoped for; Jensen doesn't stroke it.
Jared writhes on the bed and just watching him like this - needy and beautiful - nearly makes Jensen come himself. Jared keeps moaning, panting softly as he tries to push into Jensen's fist.
"Scissor your fingers," Jensen instructs and immediately Jared does. Jensen groans low in his throat, happy with what he's seeing. "Yeah, that's good. Damn, Jared, you look so hot. So beautiful."
Jared doesn't answer, instead he just keeps moving his fingers. Jensen doesn't have to tell him to add another. When Jared pulls out and presses three digits against his entrance, Jensen has to press a hand against his own dick in order not to come. The sight of Jared's body opening up, the tight muscles relaxing enough for Jared's fingers to slide inside is one of the hottest things Jensen's ever seen.
Jared writhes, his back lifting from the bed in a beautiful arch, his fingers still obscenely between his legs. And then Jared comes in creamy white splashes over his abs and chest. Jared groans low and loud as release finally washes over him.
His cock still twitches in the aftershock of orgasm as Jared drops back down on the bed. His hair is plastered to his face, but he grins wide and sated.
Through half-lidded eyes, Jared watches Jensen undress quickly. Jensen's cock seems to be more than happy as it's finally freed from its prison. It slaps against Jensen's belly, the pre-come already smearing against his skin. Jensen doesn't care where he throws the clothes, all that matters now is that he's naked and inside Jared soon.
Jared's eyes are glassy, a fucked out expression on his face. Lazily Jared slides his fingers through the come on his chest, while Jensen rolls on a condom and spreads plenty of lube on his dick.
Once Jensen's done, he reaches for his glasses to take them off but Jared grins at him cheekily and says, "Don't."
When Jensen gives him a confused look, Jared says again, "Don't take them off. Leave them."
Jensen grins and doesn't comment. Instead, he grabs Jared's legs and pushes them even further apart and goes back to the mission at hand. Slowly, Jensen strokes over the insides of Jared's thighs, from the knees to the curve where leg meets body. Jared shivers as Jensen's fingers ghost over his skin.
"D'you want to turn around? It's gonna be more comfortable for you," Jensen asks. Jensen knows from experience that the first time bottoming is going to be easiest if the receiving partner lies on his belly.
But Jared shakes his head and says, "No, wanna see you."
So Jensen doesn't protest and gives his dick a few more good strokes. He bends down and kisses Jared again, the taste of Jared sweet and heavenly in his mouth. Their tongues tangle, quick and urgent.
When Jensen places his cock against Jared's entrance, not yet pushing in, he looks into Jared's eyes, searching for any traces of insecurities, any signs of Jared changing his mind. But what he finds is a determined expression instead.
"Ready?" Jensen whispers.
"Yeah, ready."
Jared's voice is hoarse as he nods. Slowly, Jensen pushes inside, watching Jared open up for him. Jensen groans when the head of his dick, and only the head, slides past Jared's ring of muscles.
Jared nods again and then he even grins, "Didn't you promise me I would see stars once you fucked me 'cause of the piercing?"
There's a smug expression on Jared's face that disappears when Jared tenses for a heartbeat. But when Jensen caresses over Jared's belly, Jared relaxes again so that Jensen can push all the way in, the piercing sliding over the rim of Jared's entrance.
"Fuuuck," Jared groans.
Jensen smiles smugly because he meant it when he said it would feel amazing. But then he pauses, giving Jared a moment to adjust. Gently at first, Jensen's hands slide over Jared's body. He continues stroking Jared's belly, his chest and arms. The angle's a little awkward as Jensen bends over to kiss Jared.
"Are you okay?" Jensen asks, not yet moving.
"Yeah, fuck," Jared groans. "Do that again, with- with the piercing."
Once Jensen's confident that Jared's really comfortable, he deliberately draws his hips back, far enough for the piercing to slide out of Jared once more. When Jared groans again Jensen thrusts forward, teasingly slow. Jared's so blissfully tight and hot around Jensen's dick that Jensen fears he's not going to last very long. During the whole weekend he retained a lot of sexual energy. It's all coming back to get him now.
"Fuck, feel so good," Jensen groans.
Jared only grunts as he pushes his hips up and against Jensen. His cock is limp when Jensen takes it in his hand. With a firm grip, Jensen starts moving up it and down Jared's shaft. It takes a few strokes until Jared grows hard again but when he does, his cock is practically pulsating in Jensen's hand.
"This is so good, fuck, so good," Jared moans. His hair is even more damp and plastered to his face than before.
Jensen tries to go slow so that he can slide the barrel of his piercing over the rim of Jared's entrance as often as possible. Whenever Jensen succeeds, Jared is particularly vocal. Jared's writhing and squirming badly underneath Jensen, his head trashing left and right.
Jensen thinks it's a good thing he made Jared jerk off and finger himself before he fucked him. This certainly helped Jared relax and now he can enjoy this without being too uncomfortable. In fact, Jared doesn't show any signs of discomfort so Jensen speeds up his thrusts a little, intent on getting Jared off again.
He manages to hit Jared's prostate every now and then but still Jensen can't quite figure out the right angle just yet. Jared doesn't seem to mind, far from it, he seems to enjoy himself even though his prostate is not being stimulated with each and every stroke.
The room smells even stronger of sex now. Jensen and Jared's sweat is becoming one scent in the air, together with the smell of Jared's come and the strawberry lube. The smell makes Jensen's head light and it almost acts as an aphrodisiac.
Reaching down to squeeze the base of his own dick, Jensen tries to keep himself from coming, not wanting this to end just yet. Watching Jared pleasure himself turned him on so much and the tightness of Jared around him certainly doesn't make it easier to maintain the slow pace.
The heat is already pooling in the pit of his stomach, spreading from his belly to his groin and his limbs. He knows he's not going to last much longer now, not with the tickling that starts all over. His thrusts become more and more uncoordinated with every movement he does.
This is the point when Jensen decides that Jared needs a little help. His hand finally goes back to sliding up and down Jared's dick, lending him a figurate helping hand.
Jensen's head falls forward until it's buried in the crook of Jared's neck. With one last, hard thrust, Jensen pushes against Jared before he spills his load into the condom. Mostly on instinct (and definitely not thinking clearly) Jensen sinks his teeth into Jared's soft skin to keep himself from groaning too loudly.
"Piercing. Feels. Fucking. Amazing," Jared groans, just right before he comes for the second time of the evening. Apparently, the bite was all he needed. Jensen feels how release washes over Jared, how the orgasm hits him. Jared's whole body shakes, quivering around Jensen's cock.
Once they've both come down enough from feeling so high and light, Jensen pulls out of Jared, making him moan one last time as the piercing slides out. They don't speak immediately as Jensen pulls off the condom and grabs his discarded shirt to wipe Jared and himself clean.
Then he settles down next to Jared, his head lying on Jared's chest. For now Jensen's happy with listening to the steady thump-thump-thump of Jared's heartbeat. When Jared's hands come up to run through Jensen's hair, Jensen only moves far enough to cover them both with the comforter.
"Thank you," Jared says softly, kissing the top of Jensen's head.
Jensen's perplexed because he doesn't know what Jared's thanking him for. Seriously. If someone should do any thanking then it's Jensen because he's just had some extremely awesome sex.
"What for?" Jensen asks, not bothering to look at Jared because his head lies so comfortably on Jared's chest.
"Everything, I guess. For making me come out to my family. For going through this with me and for being so fantastic," Jared whispers. And then he snorts, "And of course for popping my butt cherry."
Jensen snorts too and when he eventually does turn to Jared, he chuckles, "Don't worry. Especially the last one was my pleasure."
Jared grins at him, that broad, boyish grin that Jensen loves so much. That broad, boyish grin that Jensen missed so much lately. Somewhat seriously, he adds, "But honestly, Jared, I meant it when I said I'd be there for you if you needed me. You mean a damn lot to me and I knew that lying to your parents would destroy you in the long run. That the silence would kill you from the inside. I'm proud of how you handled everything this weekend. You've been fantastic."
To emphasize his point, Jensen gives Jared a chaste kiss, their lips touching as they share a breath. Jared doesn't answer and Jensen doesn't really expect him to either.
However, now there's something else Jensen remembers. "Hey, tell me, what was that thing with Jeff? Come on, man, tell me."
He hopes that Jared doesn't avoid the subject anymore. For a split second, Jared looks angry as if Jensen was the one he's mad at. He doesn't answer right away but eventually he does, bitterly, "Turns out my big bro is a big bigot."
"What do you mean?" Jensen asks, not quite getting it.
"See, you told me that you felt Jeff was acting weird around you, so I asked him what it was all about. Sure, Jeff isn't the kind of guy who likes to hug and talk about feelings, but he's not so downright hostile either, usually," Jared pauses. "So when I asked him why he's such an ass to you, it turns out he's not fond of homosexual people and that he doesn't approve of their way of living."
Jensen shakes his head, not getting it. "But he was nice to you."
"I know!" Jared says, frowning. "That's what struck to me as weird. So when I asked him about it, he told me that he thinks this is just a phase and as soon as I meet a nice woman, I'll be head over heels for her."
For a brief moment, Jensen thinks back to his and Sharon's conversation in the kitchen and how she asked him something similar. "Oh," he says then.
Jared immediately frowns again, asking, "What?"
"Well," Jensen hems and haws, not entirely sure whether he should say it or whether he should keep it as something between Sharon and he. In the end, he decides to tell Jared because he knows Jared wouldn't stop asking anyway. "Your mother kinda asked me the same thing. Like, she wanted to know whether I thought you were going through a phase."
"What did you tell her?" Jared asks. His arms come around Jensen, holding him close before his fingers start drawing invisible patterns on his naked, damp skin.
"That people usually don't bother to come out to their families if they're unsure about their sexuality," Jensen says honestly.
He thinks about how he's been wondering whether Jared considers this to be just a phase. Maybe this is something Jensen shouldn't ever ask Jared and just figure it out as time goes by. But if he's going to address the matter he thinks this is probably the most perfect moment he'll ever get.
"This isn't just a phase, right?" Jensen asks, hating how insecure his voice sounds.
"Jensen, I just let you fuck me. My throbbing ass tells me this is not just a phase," Jared says. He kisses Jensen's forehead and then he turns serious. "But honestly, Jensen, you're absolutely right. People don't come out to their families if they don't consider their relationship serious. People don't move in with their partners if they don't consider their relationship serious."
And after another kiss and another brief pause, Jared adds, "I love you Jensen. And right now, I don't even want to imagine my life without you or Audrey. Okay?"
Jensen smiles and nods, willing to let the subject drop. Snuggling against Jared, he closes his eyes when there's one more thought that comes back to his mind.
"Jared," he says.
When Jared hums, his sleepy voice indicating that he was nearly asleep already, Jensen says softly, "Don't worry about Jeff, okay? We'll tackle him extra hard next time we're there. We've got your parents and Megan on our sides; we'll find a way to handle Jeff. He's not the first homophobic person I've dealt with."
Jared laughs softly and then he says, "Yes, that's what we're gonna do. But you know, for now I can totally live with not flying down to Texas in the near future."
"Good point," Jensen says. Even though he likes Jared's family, he's definitely okay with not going back to see them for another while. And then, a different thought crosses his mind. Grinning, he says, "Who knows, maybe the next time we're down there, Jeff actually will punch me."
Despite the implication, Jared snickers a little. His arms tighten around Jensen before he says, "Ah, don't fret. I'll protect you."
"Oh, thank you, you strong knight in shining armor," Jensen simpers. By no means is Jensen a damsel in distress, but the idea of Jared protecting him against someone else, against Jeff, makes a warm feeling spread in Jensen's belly. This feeling of safety he has whenever he's with Jared is back. When Jared doesn't comment on the matter any further, neither does Jensen.
He thinks they should be sleeping after such an eventful weekend, after all both Jared and he have to go back to work the next day, yet there's one last thing he needs to know. Despite his tiredness, Jensen's mind just doesn't settle for the day.
"How did it go from your point of view? I mean, how would you say your family reacted?" Jensen asks, reaching up to kiss Jared. The angle is awkward but Jensen's too sleepy, too lazy to move.
"Good, I guess," Jared says. "I mean, if we forget about Jeff for a second, I'd say that you managed to charm my parents and Megan all right. Mom and Megan love you and as I told you before, Dad simply always needs a little time. But you know, he likes you just fine."
Jensen smiles to himself, proud that he left such a good impression on Jared's family. A good relationship with Jared's family is important to him because Jared's family is important to Jared and the last thing Jensen wants is to be the sore spot of the Padalecki family.
Still, Jared only answered part of his question.
"But what about you? How was it for you?" he asks again.
When Jared snorts and snickers softly, his whole body vibrates underneath Jensen. Stroking a hand through Jensen's hair, Jared teases, "D'you want to talk about feelings and stuff? Are we really that gay?"
"Call it perceptions if feelings is too gay for you," Jensen immediately counters.
Jared laughs lightly and when he stops, he sounds thoughtful, "It was weird, man. I felt like shit after we arrived at my parents' and when my Dad wouldn't even hug me, you know? He always hugs me. I kinda wanted to puke then because I had a really bad feeling."
Even though it pains Jensen to hear that Jared was miserable, it's also a nice feeling that everything he thought back on Friday was right, that his own perceptions were right and that he does seem to know Jared that well. That he can read Jared.
Not saying anything, Jensen lets Jared go on. "I guess it's pretty clear how I felt about Mom suggesting you and me sleep in different rooms."
Jared laughs again and yes, Jensen remembers.
"And after that, I was a bit irritated that no one would talk about it, but still I didn't know how to make a start myself. So I was kinda happy with ignoring things. I mean, I kinda wanted to talk to them about me being with you, but I didn't know how. And I was scared. Does that even make sense?"
Jared sighs and then Jensen takes Jared's hand in his and brings it up to kiss each and every one of Jared's knuckles gently. "Yeah, I guess it does. And for the record, I think you handled the whole situation great, Jared."
"And when we finally talked, I was scared shitless. I mean, this was so important and I was just really, really scared, you know?" Jared admits.
Jensen kisses his hand again and then he says, "Yeah, been there, done that."
He was incredibly scared too when he had the talk with his own parents so he understands Jared's reaction perfectly fine. Smiling, he tells Jared again, "As I said, I think you did fantastic."
"Thanks," Jared whispers. His arms tighten around Jensen once more, giving him a good, quick squeeze. "After that, it was easier, you know? I knew Megan would be okay with you and honestly, after the air has been cleared with my close family, I didn't really care all that much about the rest. So in the end, this whole weekend just was super-intense and I felt as if I were in a roller coaster or something."
For a brief moment, Jensen wonders whether Jared knows about Sharon asking her guests not to mention anything and if he would care about it. Jensen wonders whether he should mention it, but then he concludes that there is really no sense. If anyone's in the position to say anything on this particular matter, then it's Sharon.
"But after we were done with the initial awkwardness, it was actually a fun trip, right?" Jared asks, pulling Jensen out of his thoughts.
Jensen smiles even though he knows that Jared can't see him because of the angle they're curled up in. He thinks for a moment before he says, "Yeah, it was."
And that's not a lie. He's relieved and when he thinks back to the weekend, now that they're back, he did enjoy meeting Jared's parents. It was incredibly important for them as individuals but also as a couple. Jensen's glad to hear about Jared's version of how the weekend went and that it's not all that different from his own.
But for now, he's just very happy they're through with this.
"I wish I didn't have to go to work tomorrow but could stay in with you and stay in bed all day," Jared whispers. He tries to say it seductively but when he yawns halfway through the sentence they both have to laugh.
Jensen squeezes Jared's hand and promises, "Some other day, okay? For now it sounds as if we both could use the sleep."
"Hmmm."
And as if to prove Jensen's point, Jared yawns again. It's highly contagious and when Jensen joins him, he kisses Jared again and whispers, "Goodnight."
Finally, Jensen takes off his glasses and switches off the lights. The last thing Jensen hears before he finally falls asleep is, "Goodnight, Jen."
- END
Final notes and thanks. I don't even know where to start. I'm typing this as I get Silence = Death ready for being posted and now that this fic is being put out there after it has been constantly on my mind for the last months, my mind is blank. Excuse me in advance if I don't make much sense.
First of all, let me thank a few people. My first thanks go to wendy and audrarose for organizing this fun challenge and managing it so superbly despite the huge number of participants. Thank you, ladies!
Then I have to thank wendy again and also hd_obsession for their thorough beta, which I know wasn't easy, due to this fic's size. Many, many, many thanks also to missyjack, lostt1 and keepaofthecheez for reading through this fic for me after the first draft stage and who helped me greatly with their insightful comments and great suggestions. Thanks also to legoline, krazykipper, thelonejuliet and my special co-panicker mickeym for encouragement. And my flist in general who continued to listen to my whining, bitching and squeeing. Thanks everybody for the encouragement and constant hand-holding! I love you guys! ♥
And last but not least, many thanks to taliosi_x for her enthusiasm and the beautiful fanart. Please don't forget to check out her art post and to give her some love! [ here]
You all deserve a fucking star!
Edit. I think I should clarify why I chose the title and what it means to me personally.
Let me first say that I didn't choose it to upset or to offend anyone. That was never my intention. I didn't choose it to mislead people on purpose or to exploit a very serious issue like AIDS and all the accusations that came along with it. As I said, there was no malicious intent behind selecting this title and I apologize if anybody was upset by this.
I also should clarify that when I first said I wanted a gay pride slogan that my clumsy wording made it sound as if I thought gay pride and AIDS awareness were the same thing. It was 2 AM when I originally wrote my author's notes and while I don't want to use this as an excuse, it's maybe an explanation.
So let me try to explain my reasoning behind the title again: The title is a bit of a mixture of "oh damn, another ten minutes until I have to turn in my draft, quick, I still need a title!" and a second meaning that it has for me personally. I know that the slogan Silence = Death was originally used in the 1980s to make people talk about safe sex, AIDS and HIV and to educate them and that it is not about gay pride but about AIDS awareness.
When I originally looked for a title, I wanted something like a gay pride slogan since this fic is about Jared's coming out. Slogans like "Out & Proud" or "In & Out" or something like "We're here. We're queer. Get used to it" left me a bit blah. Somehow they didn't work for me as a story title. This is when I started looking beyond gay pride slogans and found Silence = Death.
I know that it's not a gay pride slogan but something that was used by gay rights activists like Avram Finkelstein to make people talk about this serious topic. It was actually first used by ACT UP (AIDS Coalition to Unleash Power) in NYC, a group of people who fight AIDS. I think Wikipedia's entry on ACT UP and ACT UP NYC's website are both worth reading.
When I first saw the slogan, I immediately thought about how I personally found it fitting for Jared and this story in a non-AIDS related way. For me Silence = Death means that Jared not coming out to his parents would kill him eventually. Jared is the kind of guy who wants harmony, he's the kind of guy who cares about his parents and lying to them (i. e. being silent about his true sexuality) would make him die on the inside.
When the original slogan talks about death, they mean the physical death of dying from AIDS and affecting other people if you don't talk about your disease. When I look at death in the context of this fic, it's about emotional death that comes from keeping something so important (like your true sexuality) secret from the family. The difference between physical death (original meaning) and emotional death (fic meaning) was big enough for me that I personally thought I wouldn't offend and upset people. Yet at the same time, I felt the title still had a second meaning to the fic that was important to me personally. In the fic itself, Jensen tells Jared that lying to his parents will make him die on the inside. This was a point I wanted to bring across with my title.
I know that the title might be misleading and that maybe readers will think this has to do with AIDS and/or that it maybe includes character death. As I said, I'm sorry if the title upsets anyone. I understand if people can't see the second meaning and how the title is relevant to the fic but as I said, the difference between physical death and emotional death were big enough in my head that I considered this to be okay and not to be offending.
I understand that some readers are uncomfortable with the title and I accept that. In return, I ask you to accept that this is the title I chose.
I've done a bit of copying text between Word and LJ and we all know about Word's habit of eating words. In case you spotted a missing word somewhere, please let me know!
Thanks again for reading.
Index | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 & Additional Notes and Thanks