Silence = Death (Part 6) - Jensen/Jared - NC-17
They finish rearranging the furniture in the living room and setting up chairs and tables just before the first guests arrive. Both Jeff and Judy arrived earlier and Megan had also returned with the girls. While Sophie and Audrey are already giddy and buzzing with excitement, Jeff gives Jensen even more of those icy looks that make a shiver run down Jensen's spine. Jared's seems to be totally oblivious as he places coffee cups and plates on the table.
A certain nervousness grows within Jensen that he can't explain. He knows that he's through the worst and that he's met the most important people of Jared's family, but still, the prospect of meeting tons of uncles and aunts, cousins and grandparents and being judged all over again makes him nervous. Jeff's attitude doesn't make this easier for Jensen, far from it.
When Jensen asks Jared why Jeff keeps glaring at him like this, Jared turns to his brother, gives him a confused look and then says, "Jensen, don't be stupid. It's nothing, okay?"
Jensen wants to protest, but Jared seems to be really unaware of the tension between Jensen and Jeff, and Jensen's not sure he wants to argue with Jared right now.
"Does the rest of your family know that you're bi?" Jensen then asks instead, leaning into Jared.
"Uh," Jared says, his eyes widening in shock. "I don't know."
Before Jensen can say anything, Jared turns around and strides over to his mother quickly. A little out of breath, he asks, "Mom, did you tell people about Jensen and I?"
But Sharon only takes Jared's hand and pats it. She smiles amusedly and says, "Jared, did you really think I'd risk anyone causing drama on my birthday? Of course everybody knows."
She says it as if Jared had just asked the most stupid question in the history of stupid questions. Jensen doesn't quite agree and thinks that Jared's and his concern is absolutely legitimate but he decides to keep his mouth shut about it. Jared sighs audibly and Sharon snickers at his reaction.
First, Jensen meets a cousin called Brian. Then he meets an aunt called Mary and an uncle called Alex. There's another cousin called Claire and her boyfriend called Danny. It doesn't take long until Jensen has trouble remembering everybody's names and who's related to whom and how. The Padaleckis certainly are a big family.
In the beginning, Jared never leaves his side. He introduces Jensen to everyone as his boyfriend and Audrey as his daughter. Jared seems a lot more relaxed than Jensen as he shares a joke with Uncle Fred and asks Cousin Teresa how her German Shepherd is doing.
Jensen's grateful for the hand on the small of his back. Somehow it makes him feel protected and taken care of. It's weird that when they had the talk with Jared's parents, Jensen was the strong one, the calm one and then all of a sudden, Jared seems so confident in front of his family. Jensen really tries to make small talk but still, he can't think of anything intelligent to say.
Jared's relatives are friendly enough. Jensen receives a few funny expressions, a few squinted eyes and plenty of badly-hidden looks of judgment. But at least no one's downright unfriendly. Some seem to be okay with the fact that Jared's with another man now, others seem to disapprove and the rest doesn't seem to care either way.
Out of the corner of his eye, Jensen sees more deadly glares from Jeff's direction. Almost as if Jeff were mad at him for trying to mingle with his family and for trying to become a part of it. Jared's so caught up in laughing and catching up with his relatives that he once more doesn't notice.
Jensen doesn't mention it because he fears that Jared's only going to tell him again that he's hallucinating - when he's clearly not. But the looks are starting to wear Jensen down, to get underneath his skin and in this particular moment the only thing that keeps him sane is the fact that he can grab his own family tomorrow and head home.
As the afternoon drags along, Jensen feels more and more out of place. They're sitting over coffee, eating the delicious apple pies Sharon has made and all people seem to talk about is family stories. Cousin So-and-So, who's currently doing an internship in Washington D.C. (she totally hates the city and is so homesick) or Uncle What's-his-Name who just bought a new truck (and isn't it great?)
He doesn't have anything to contribute, nothing to add to the conversation. He doesn't even know anyone these people are talking about. Jared on the other hand seems to be happy to catch up with everyone, listening to their stories of what happened while he was gone. He asks questions about family members and what they're doing, how they're doing, while he totally seems to forget about Jensen.
Not that Jensen can blame him. It's been months since Jared has been home and if Jensen were to see his family again any time soon, he'd want to be updated on all the latest happenings, too. However, this doesn't mean Jensen feels any better about being such an alien. Out of the corner of his eye, he looks at the girls who are playing happily with the other kids that belong to Jared's cousins. He's relieved to see that unlike him, Audrey doesn't have any problems mingling at all.
At least one of us is having a good time.
When everyone is done with coffee, Jensen busies himself lending Sharon a hand with cleaning up the dishes. As soon as Jensen enters the kitchen, carrying a stack of dirty plates and coffee cups, Sharon says, "Oh, no, no, no, Jensen! You don't have to help. It's okay. I'll take care of that."
Immediately she reaches out to take away the platters. Jensen snorts because she totally reminds him of his own mother. He shakes his head and says, "No, Sharon. Please, let me."
Sharon gives him a funny look but her arms drop and she doesn't try again to shoo him out. He must have sounded desperate enough. With a smile, she says, "Okay then."
Jensen smiles and nods, happy that there's finally something to occupy his mind. Silently, he starts loading the dishwasher and for a while, no one speaks.
"So, tell me, Jensen, how are you?" Sharon asks in between washing two bowls that both look delicate enough that Jensen wouldn't even dare put them in a dishwasher.
When Sharon asks him how he is doing, there's this gleam in her eyes that makes Jensen immediately grasp the second meaning. She doesn't really want to know how he's doing this very minute, but she wants to know how he's holding up with all this family and strange people around him. Jensen's a bit surprised by the many faces of Sharon Padalecki he's seen this weekend, from her initial friendliness to her anger, back to friendliness. The woman is equally impressive and confusing.
Truth be told, Jensen feels out of place and unwanted. Strange because no one seems to take any interest in him; Jared's first boyfriend. But this is something Jensen's not even sure he'd tell Jared and the last thing on his mind is telling Sharon.
"I'm great," he lies. "I mean it's a lot of new faces but I'm great."
He gives her his best smile and hopes she'll buy it. And in fact, Sharon seems to be satisfied with the answer as she says, "Jared seems to be doing really well."
This is something Jensen realized too and he's very happy about this. It's bad enough that one of them is feeling weird around most of Jared's family. It would be a disaster if it were both of them.
Jensen has his own little theory why Jared's so calm about everything, around everyone.
"Oh, he is," he says with a smile. After a short pause, he adds, "I guess it helped a lot to know that his parents aren't mad at him."
Sharon's expression is soft and warm, her voice gentle. "Fair enough."
They continue cleaning in silence for a while and Jensen's simply happy to be away from the buzz and not to hear anything but the clattering of dishes in soapy water and the squeaky sounds of a sponge being scrubbed over porcelain.
"Say Jensen, do you mind if I ask a personal question?" Sharon says out of the blue.
Jensen looks up at her. He has no idea how to read her expression and he's not sure he'll want to answer her question. On the other hand he has no idea how to tell her that yes, he does mind, without offending her. In the end, he settles for another white lie. "No, not at all."
"How long have you been gay?"
Sharon sure doesn't beat around the bush. But Jensen's glad that the question is simple and that she's not second-guessing Jensen's love for Jared or something like that.
"I guess I knew ever since I was a teenager. When everyone else started being interested in girls, I just never was," Jensen tells her. After a short pause, he adds, "I came out to my parents when I was 19."
Sharon nods at him but somehow she doesn't seem satisfied with Jensen's answer. She keeps looking at him and after a few seconds, she asks, "Did you ever think it was a phase? Did you ever think it might just go away?"
All of a sudden, Jensen realizes what Sharon is implying. It hits him like a punch in the stomach, knocking the breath out of his body. He's not sure whether he should be hurt or offended by Sharon's question.
"No, never," he says quickly and firmly.
Sharon's intentions become unmistakably clear with her final question, "Do you think it's just a phase for Jared?"
Jensen doesn't like the hopeful tone in her voice, the fact that she's actually wishing for Jensen to confirm that it's only a phase. He's confused because he doesn't understand Sharon at all.
One second she's nice and sweet and the next she's furious. And then the next after that she implies that she actually hopes Jared will go back to dating a woman. Of course, it all fits into Jensen's picture of Jared's parents just being overwhelmed by the situation and needing a lot of time to learn how to handle this. But even though he knows they'll be okay eventually, it doesn't mean Sharon's implications don't hurt right now.
He thinks about her question for a few moments.
To be honest, he wondered himself if this was just a phase and whether Jared would decide that now that he's tried gay, he doesn't like it. There's still danger that Jared will go back to dating a woman one day because Jared doesn't consider himself gay, but bisexual. Maybe Jared is only fixated on Jensen because Jensen is the first person he opened up to again after the loss of his wife. But his own doubts are something Jensen's not going to rub in Sharon's face.
Somehow, Jensen doesn't get the feeling from Jared that he's not serious about this. No, what he gets from Jared is something deeper, some solid connection he hasn't had it with anyone since Tom. The way Jared talks about him, the way Jared introduces him, the way Jared kisses and touches him, that can't be fake.
"To be honest, no, I don't think this is just a phase. People usually don't come out to their family and friends if they're not sure about their sexuality," Jensen says. "You know, coming out is hard and you don't go through all that stress if you're gonna change your mind again next week."
He sees the disappointment in Sharon's eyes, even if it's there only for a heartbeat. Jensen's not trying to be mean or to upset her further, but he thinks he should be fair and bury her hopes that Jared might wake up straight one morning.
"Besides, I don't think Jared would have suggested we move in together if he wasn't sure about this relationship," Jensen says softly.
Sharon smiles a little sadly and Jensen feels like an ass for upsetting her on her birthday, but he really doesn't want to give her any false hopes.
"I guess you're right," Sharon says before she busies herself with putting away some of the dishes. Jensen hands her random things and places bowls in the high cupboards she can't reach. They don't speak for a good while.
Jensen wants to groan when Sharon announces that it's time to get ready for dinner. They finish cleaning the kitchen and Jensen and Sharon join the rest of the guests in the living room. And while Jensen continues to try really hard to mingle, he fails pathetically.
Finally he goes to help Audrey and Sophie get dressed before they run out the door.
"Are you two having fun?" Jensen asks and when both girls nod enthusiastically, he's incredibly relieved.
"I'm friends with Dana now!" Audrey says happily, pointing to a girl roughly her age. The girl waves at Jensen and he waves back, remembering that she's the daughter of one of Jared's cousins. For the love of God, he can't remember which one.
"That's great, pumpkin," Jensen says, kissing the top of Audrey's head.
He startles a little when a hand touches the small of his back. A large hand. A large hand that's stroking him softly. There's hot breath ghosting over the back of Jensen's neck, making the fine hairs stand on end. Jensen shivers as his personal space is invaded, a strong body pressing against his from behind.
"Are you okay?" Jared asks, his voice sounding concerned.
Turning around, Jensen looks at him, thoughts of how much he wants to kiss Jared right now immediately fogging his mind.
"Yeah," Jensen lies.
Fact is, he's not okay. He feels needless and like a total waste, he feels out of place. But he's not going to tell Jared that. Not now, not ever. Not when Jared's having such a fabulous time with his family. It's time for Jensen to suck it up.
"Are you sure?" Jared asks, concern written all over his face now.
"Absolutely," Jensen lies again. "I'm just exhausted. That's all. And I want to go home and be with my family."
Jared smiles gently and then he bends in and gives Jensen a bashful kiss. Jensen is totally shocked because he didn't except Jared even to do as much as hold his hand with so much family still around, let alone kiss him.
Only when there's whistling, Jared breaks the kiss and after quickly looking around, he flips the guy the bird. It's a big guy with a bit of a beer belly and a scruffy beard. He was introduced to Jensen earlier as, uh, someone.
"You done with your peepshow, Jayman?" Someone laughs and Jared gives the guy the finger again.
"Oh, shut up, Matt. You're just jealous because you're not getting laid," Jared says challengingly.
Jensen's eyes spring wide open as he slaps the back of Jared's head. He just wants to tell Jared to watch his language, when Sophie pulls at both Jensen and Jared's shirts and asks, "What does getting laid mean?"
Jared's face turns deep red faster than Jensen can blink and when Matt starts roaring with laugher, this doesn't help Jared's situation in any way. Jensen snorts, amused by Jared's reaction, probably more than he should. Matt leaves the room and Jensen still hears him laughing.
Turning to Jared, Jensen says, "Well, have fun explaining that one."
He winks when Jared looks at him helplessly and then he takes Audrey by the hand and leads her out of the room.
One positive thing about being stuck in a restaurant with Jared's family is that it means the day is eventually coming to an end. They're in a different restaurant than the night before, much bigger and probably not as expensive.
While Jensen sits next to Megan and Jared, the girls sit with the other children to spare them the boring adult-talk. Most of dinner goes like the afternoon did; Jensen feels out of place and Jeff gives him more weird looks, much to Jensen's irritation.
The talk about family and family friends and happenings in San Antonio seems endless. One of Jared's cousins is currently ranting about her roommate and Jensen's bored already by the time she complains about how said roommate spends nearly one hour in the bathroom each morning.
It's not that he didn't have any sympathy, when he first came to LA he shared an apartment, too. It was a true nightmare that included horribly messy people. It's just that apart from when he was introduced to everyone, people didn't even comment once on the fact that Jared and he are together. Jensen doesn't want to be the center of attention but the fact that all of the Padaleckis have apparently mastered the art of sidestepping important matters really confuses him. They just love harmony too much for their own good.
Even the older, maybe less tolerant people, like Jared's grandparents don't say anything. If their looks could kill, Jensen would fall dead off his chair any second, but it strikes him as weird that they're not even saying anything.
He's tempted to interrupt the saga of the roommate - that has moved from bathroom woes to old pizza cartons underneath a bed, seriously disgusting stuff - yet he doesn't. Jared's listening with an expression on his face that reads "Ew, gross."
The dinner turns out to be one of the most boring dinners Jensen ever attended in his life. It still seems weird to him that everyone keeps treating him like a ghost but then, he got used to his fate of not being worth Padalecki-attention.
Except for Jeff's maybe.
Jared's cousin Claire is talking about her plans to move to New York to and try her luck as a musical singer and dancer. Her boyfriend Danny grins and tells everyone how he already had three job interviews in New York because he plans on moving with her.
This is the moment when Jeff says, "Well, that's great for you, guys. Danny, make sure you're going with her so that when she fizzles like so many striving artistic talents, you can support her financially and let her take all of your hard-earned money."
Jensen doesn't know whether he's more shocked that Jeff would actually say something like that in front of his whole family or the fact that he's fucking staring at Jensen the whole time with stone-cold eyes.
A few people gasp audibly and this time Jared can't possibly miss the animosity. "Jeff," he warns but Jeff only looks at Jared challengingly. Jensen grabs Jared's hand and squeezes it quickly. He might want support from Jared and he might have wanted Jared to take him seriously when he said Jeff had a problem with him, but he doesn't want Jared to start a fight in front of everyone either.
"Come on, Jeff. You've seen her perform," Danny says with a grin. He doesn't seem to be aware of anything going on between Jeff and Jensen and Jared and Jensen's grateful for that. With a laugh, Danny adds, "You know, it's only a matter of time until I'll live off the millions she makes on Broadway."
Claire blushes and kisses her boyfriend while the people around them laugh. Jeff gives Jensen another hateful look and then he turns his attention to another cousin sitting next to him. For the rest of the evening, Jensen is pretty dumbfounded and Jared overcomes his shock very slowly.
After they finish dinner and see all the guests off, Jensen carries Audrey to the car while Jared has Sophie in his arms, both girls almost already asleep. They silently drive back to the Padaleckis' house.
It's been an incredibly long and exhausting day and by the time they're there, Jensen's nearly asleep himself.
"Hey, wake up," Jared says softly, bumping his nose against Jensen's cheek.
Jensen wants to say he hasn't been asleep, but all he can produce is a tired yawn. Like a bunch of zombies, they get out of the car and go into the house. The girls whine when they're woken up to get ready for bed, but in the end, they don't fuss much. They're asleep again in no time.
"Shall we say goodnight to your parents too?" Jensen asks, yawning again.
Jared only blinks sleepily at him and doesn't say yes or no, following Jensen willingly when Jensen takes him by the hand and leads him downstairs.
Gerald and Sharon are sitting on one of the sofas, Sharon's feet in Gerald's lap. Jensen immediately feels as if they're interrupting something private and just as he wants to walk Jared out of the room again, Sharon spots them.
"Come in," she says, making a waving gesture with her hand.
"We've just come to say goodnight," Jared says. He's yawning, too.
Once Jared stands next to his mother, she gets up and pulls him into a close hug. When she kisses his cheek sloppily, Jared laughs and kisses her right back.
"Night Momma, night Dad," he says.
Sharon lets go of Jared eventually and when she opens her arms, Jensen is a little surprised. Nonetheless, he walks over to her and hugs her tight. He hears Jared say something about going upstairs already and getting ready in the bathroom. Even if he wanted, Jensen wouldn't be able to follow, because Sharon doesn't let go of him yet.
Only once Jared is out of earshot, she does. After he said goodnight to both Sharon and Gerald, Jensen heads for the stairs and Jared's room, a blissfully soft bed waiting for him. Or at least that's what he hopes for.
He's only a few steps up when he hears Sharon call out for him, "Jensen."
Immediately stopping in his tracks, the fear of Sharon changing her mind about Jared and he sleeping in the same room comes to Jensen's mind. What she says surprises Jensen more than a little: "I- I think I have to apologize for earlier today."
Jensen has absolutely no clue what she's even talking about and he's clearly way too tired for heavy thinking. So he blurts out, "Why?"
"I'm sorry for what I said after coffee. In the kitchen," Sharon clarifies. "Over dinner, I realized how I shouldn't have asked you of all people whether you think Jared is only going through a phase. I'm really, really sorry. I didn't mean to offend you."
She looks seriously guilty and even if Jensen were - or wanted to - he couldn't be mad at her.
"No offence taken," he says with a reassuring smile.
When Sharon returns the smile, he adds, "Hey, can I ask you something?"
Sharon looks at him curiously when she nods, "Sure, go ahead."
Jensen doesn't know what makes him say it, this is certainly something he won't tell Jared and telling Jared's mother seems somewhat weird, but still Jensen does it. Only if it's to hear he's been hallucinating.
"Didn't it seem weird to you that no one commented on Jared and me today? Not even once?"
An amused expression appears on her face and when Jensen cocks an eyebrow at her, she giggles, "Well, I told them not to."
"Why?" Jensen blurts out once more. Damn, he's eloquent at this time of the night.
"See, Jensen, I know my family. And I know Jerry's family. Some are going to be okay with Jared's sexuality. Others are not. There are two reasons why I told them not to say anything," Sharon pauses and uses her hands to illustrate her point. "One - I didn't want anyone to upset Jared, not when he's still so unsure about himself and might not be able to defend himself properly. And two - this is my birthday and the last thing I wanted was for anyone to start a fight."
Even though Jensen can absolutely understand her point, he's a little stunned that she'd tell her relatives not to make a big deal out of Jared being there with a boyfriend. However, it looks as if Jeff didn't really get the memo. Jensen has to give him though that most of the time, Jeff has been subtle enough with his attacks that no one but Jensen seemed to notice. Maybe he is hallucinating.
Jensen's not sure whether he agrees with Sharon's tactics because a postponed confrontation is not abandoned. And Jensen's someone who believes in discussing things but he understands that Sharon didn't want any drama on her birthday, especially when two of her children that she doesn't see that often flew in for the occasion.
What she says next, totally hits the nail on the head. "Who knows the next time you two come to see us and see the family? It may be different then, but today, this is how I wanted it to be. Does that make sense?"
"Yeah, I guess," Jensen says. He can't help but think back to Jeff.
"Good then," Sharon smirks. She gives Jensen another hug, totally surprising him. He really doesn't know what to make of this woman. For now he's happy with returning the hug and then finally going upstairs.
"Goodnight," he whispers and when she says, "Goodnight," too, Jensen walks toward the heaven that is a bed.
Index | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 & Additional Notes and Thanks
A certain nervousness grows within Jensen that he can't explain. He knows that he's through the worst and that he's met the most important people of Jared's family, but still, the prospect of meeting tons of uncles and aunts, cousins and grandparents and being judged all over again makes him nervous. Jeff's attitude doesn't make this easier for Jensen, far from it.
When Jensen asks Jared why Jeff keeps glaring at him like this, Jared turns to his brother, gives him a confused look and then says, "Jensen, don't be stupid. It's nothing, okay?"
Jensen wants to protest, but Jared seems to be really unaware of the tension between Jensen and Jeff, and Jensen's not sure he wants to argue with Jared right now.
"Does the rest of your family know that you're bi?" Jensen then asks instead, leaning into Jared.
"Uh," Jared says, his eyes widening in shock. "I don't know."
Before Jensen can say anything, Jared turns around and strides over to his mother quickly. A little out of breath, he asks, "Mom, did you tell people about Jensen and I?"
But Sharon only takes Jared's hand and pats it. She smiles amusedly and says, "Jared, did you really think I'd risk anyone causing drama on my birthday? Of course everybody knows."
She says it as if Jared had just asked the most stupid question in the history of stupid questions. Jensen doesn't quite agree and thinks that Jared's and his concern is absolutely legitimate but he decides to keep his mouth shut about it. Jared sighs audibly and Sharon snickers at his reaction.
First, Jensen meets a cousin called Brian. Then he meets an aunt called Mary and an uncle called Alex. There's another cousin called Claire and her boyfriend called Danny. It doesn't take long until Jensen has trouble remembering everybody's names and who's related to whom and how. The Padaleckis certainly are a big family.
In the beginning, Jared never leaves his side. He introduces Jensen to everyone as his boyfriend and Audrey as his daughter. Jared seems a lot more relaxed than Jensen as he shares a joke with Uncle Fred and asks Cousin Teresa how her German Shepherd is doing.
Jensen's grateful for the hand on the small of his back. Somehow it makes him feel protected and taken care of. It's weird that when they had the talk with Jared's parents, Jensen was the strong one, the calm one and then all of a sudden, Jared seems so confident in front of his family. Jensen really tries to make small talk but still, he can't think of anything intelligent to say.
Jared's relatives are friendly enough. Jensen receives a few funny expressions, a few squinted eyes and plenty of badly-hidden looks of judgment. But at least no one's downright unfriendly. Some seem to be okay with the fact that Jared's with another man now, others seem to disapprove and the rest doesn't seem to care either way.
Out of the corner of his eye, Jensen sees more deadly glares from Jeff's direction. Almost as if Jeff were mad at him for trying to mingle with his family and for trying to become a part of it. Jared's so caught up in laughing and catching up with his relatives that he once more doesn't notice.
Jensen doesn't mention it because he fears that Jared's only going to tell him again that he's hallucinating - when he's clearly not. But the looks are starting to wear Jensen down, to get underneath his skin and in this particular moment the only thing that keeps him sane is the fact that he can grab his own family tomorrow and head home.
As the afternoon drags along, Jensen feels more and more out of place. They're sitting over coffee, eating the delicious apple pies Sharon has made and all people seem to talk about is family stories. Cousin So-and-So, who's currently doing an internship in Washington D.C. (she totally hates the city and is so homesick) or Uncle What's-his-Name who just bought a new truck (and isn't it great?)
He doesn't have anything to contribute, nothing to add to the conversation. He doesn't even know anyone these people are talking about. Jared on the other hand seems to be happy to catch up with everyone, listening to their stories of what happened while he was gone. He asks questions about family members and what they're doing, how they're doing, while he totally seems to forget about Jensen.
Not that Jensen can blame him. It's been months since Jared has been home and if Jensen were to see his family again any time soon, he'd want to be updated on all the latest happenings, too. However, this doesn't mean Jensen feels any better about being such an alien. Out of the corner of his eye, he looks at the girls who are playing happily with the other kids that belong to Jared's cousins. He's relieved to see that unlike him, Audrey doesn't have any problems mingling at all.
At least one of us is having a good time.
When everyone is done with coffee, Jensen busies himself lending Sharon a hand with cleaning up the dishes. As soon as Jensen enters the kitchen, carrying a stack of dirty plates and coffee cups, Sharon says, "Oh, no, no, no, Jensen! You don't have to help. It's okay. I'll take care of that."
Immediately she reaches out to take away the platters. Jensen snorts because she totally reminds him of his own mother. He shakes his head and says, "No, Sharon. Please, let me."
Sharon gives him a funny look but her arms drop and she doesn't try again to shoo him out. He must have sounded desperate enough. With a smile, she says, "Okay then."
Jensen smiles and nods, happy that there's finally something to occupy his mind. Silently, he starts loading the dishwasher and for a while, no one speaks.
"So, tell me, Jensen, how are you?" Sharon asks in between washing two bowls that both look delicate enough that Jensen wouldn't even dare put them in a dishwasher.
When Sharon asks him how he is doing, there's this gleam in her eyes that makes Jensen immediately grasp the second meaning. She doesn't really want to know how he's doing this very minute, but she wants to know how he's holding up with all this family and strange people around him. Jensen's a bit surprised by the many faces of Sharon Padalecki he's seen this weekend, from her initial friendliness to her anger, back to friendliness. The woman is equally impressive and confusing.
Truth be told, Jensen feels out of place and unwanted. Strange because no one seems to take any interest in him; Jared's first boyfriend. But this is something Jensen's not even sure he'd tell Jared and the last thing on his mind is telling Sharon.
"I'm great," he lies. "I mean it's a lot of new faces but I'm great."
He gives her his best smile and hopes she'll buy it. And in fact, Sharon seems to be satisfied with the answer as she says, "Jared seems to be doing really well."
This is something Jensen realized too and he's very happy about this. It's bad enough that one of them is feeling weird around most of Jared's family. It would be a disaster if it were both of them.
Jensen has his own little theory why Jared's so calm about everything, around everyone.
"Oh, he is," he says with a smile. After a short pause, he adds, "I guess it helped a lot to know that his parents aren't mad at him."
Sharon's expression is soft and warm, her voice gentle. "Fair enough."
They continue cleaning in silence for a while and Jensen's simply happy to be away from the buzz and not to hear anything but the clattering of dishes in soapy water and the squeaky sounds of a sponge being scrubbed over porcelain.
"Say Jensen, do you mind if I ask a personal question?" Sharon says out of the blue.
Jensen looks up at her. He has no idea how to read her expression and he's not sure he'll want to answer her question. On the other hand he has no idea how to tell her that yes, he does mind, without offending her. In the end, he settles for another white lie. "No, not at all."
"How long have you been gay?"
Sharon sure doesn't beat around the bush. But Jensen's glad that the question is simple and that she's not second-guessing Jensen's love for Jared or something like that.
"I guess I knew ever since I was a teenager. When everyone else started being interested in girls, I just never was," Jensen tells her. After a short pause, he adds, "I came out to my parents when I was 19."
Sharon nods at him but somehow she doesn't seem satisfied with Jensen's answer. She keeps looking at him and after a few seconds, she asks, "Did you ever think it was a phase? Did you ever think it might just go away?"
All of a sudden, Jensen realizes what Sharon is implying. It hits him like a punch in the stomach, knocking the breath out of his body. He's not sure whether he should be hurt or offended by Sharon's question.
"No, never," he says quickly and firmly.
Sharon's intentions become unmistakably clear with her final question, "Do you think it's just a phase for Jared?"
Jensen doesn't like the hopeful tone in her voice, the fact that she's actually wishing for Jensen to confirm that it's only a phase. He's confused because he doesn't understand Sharon at all.
One second she's nice and sweet and the next she's furious. And then the next after that she implies that she actually hopes Jared will go back to dating a woman. Of course, it all fits into Jensen's picture of Jared's parents just being overwhelmed by the situation and needing a lot of time to learn how to handle this. But even though he knows they'll be okay eventually, it doesn't mean Sharon's implications don't hurt right now.
He thinks about her question for a few moments.
To be honest, he wondered himself if this was just a phase and whether Jared would decide that now that he's tried gay, he doesn't like it. There's still danger that Jared will go back to dating a woman one day because Jared doesn't consider himself gay, but bisexual. Maybe Jared is only fixated on Jensen because Jensen is the first person he opened up to again after the loss of his wife. But his own doubts are something Jensen's not going to rub in Sharon's face.
Somehow, Jensen doesn't get the feeling from Jared that he's not serious about this. No, what he gets from Jared is something deeper, some solid connection he hasn't had it with anyone since Tom. The way Jared talks about him, the way Jared introduces him, the way Jared kisses and touches him, that can't be fake.
"To be honest, no, I don't think this is just a phase. People usually don't come out to their family and friends if they're not sure about their sexuality," Jensen says. "You know, coming out is hard and you don't go through all that stress if you're gonna change your mind again next week."
He sees the disappointment in Sharon's eyes, even if it's there only for a heartbeat. Jensen's not trying to be mean or to upset her further, but he thinks he should be fair and bury her hopes that Jared might wake up straight one morning.
"Besides, I don't think Jared would have suggested we move in together if he wasn't sure about this relationship," Jensen says softly.
Sharon smiles a little sadly and Jensen feels like an ass for upsetting her on her birthday, but he really doesn't want to give her any false hopes.
"I guess you're right," Sharon says before she busies herself with putting away some of the dishes. Jensen hands her random things and places bowls in the high cupboards she can't reach. They don't speak for a good while.
Jensen wants to groan when Sharon announces that it's time to get ready for dinner. They finish cleaning the kitchen and Jensen and Sharon join the rest of the guests in the living room. And while Jensen continues to try really hard to mingle, he fails pathetically.
Finally he goes to help Audrey and Sophie get dressed before they run out the door.
"Are you two having fun?" Jensen asks and when both girls nod enthusiastically, he's incredibly relieved.
"I'm friends with Dana now!" Audrey says happily, pointing to a girl roughly her age. The girl waves at Jensen and he waves back, remembering that she's the daughter of one of Jared's cousins. For the love of God, he can't remember which one.
"That's great, pumpkin," Jensen says, kissing the top of Audrey's head.
He startles a little when a hand touches the small of his back. A large hand. A large hand that's stroking him softly. There's hot breath ghosting over the back of Jensen's neck, making the fine hairs stand on end. Jensen shivers as his personal space is invaded, a strong body pressing against his from behind.
"Are you okay?" Jared asks, his voice sounding concerned.
Turning around, Jensen looks at him, thoughts of how much he wants to kiss Jared right now immediately fogging his mind.
"Yeah," Jensen lies.
Fact is, he's not okay. He feels needless and like a total waste, he feels out of place. But he's not going to tell Jared that. Not now, not ever. Not when Jared's having such a fabulous time with his family. It's time for Jensen to suck it up.
"Are you sure?" Jared asks, concern written all over his face now.
"Absolutely," Jensen lies again. "I'm just exhausted. That's all. And I want to go home and be with my family."
Jared smiles gently and then he bends in and gives Jensen a bashful kiss. Jensen is totally shocked because he didn't except Jared even to do as much as hold his hand with so much family still around, let alone kiss him.
Only when there's whistling, Jared breaks the kiss and after quickly looking around, he flips the guy the bird. It's a big guy with a bit of a beer belly and a scruffy beard. He was introduced to Jensen earlier as, uh, someone.
"You done with your peepshow, Jayman?" Someone laughs and Jared gives the guy the finger again.
"Oh, shut up, Matt. You're just jealous because you're not getting laid," Jared says challengingly.
Jensen's eyes spring wide open as he slaps the back of Jared's head. He just wants to tell Jared to watch his language, when Sophie pulls at both Jensen and Jared's shirts and asks, "What does getting laid mean?"
Jared's face turns deep red faster than Jensen can blink and when Matt starts roaring with laugher, this doesn't help Jared's situation in any way. Jensen snorts, amused by Jared's reaction, probably more than he should. Matt leaves the room and Jensen still hears him laughing.
Turning to Jared, Jensen says, "Well, have fun explaining that one."
He winks when Jared looks at him helplessly and then he takes Audrey by the hand and leads her out of the room.
One positive thing about being stuck in a restaurant with Jared's family is that it means the day is eventually coming to an end. They're in a different restaurant than the night before, much bigger and probably not as expensive.
While Jensen sits next to Megan and Jared, the girls sit with the other children to spare them the boring adult-talk. Most of dinner goes like the afternoon did; Jensen feels out of place and Jeff gives him more weird looks, much to Jensen's irritation.
The talk about family and family friends and happenings in San Antonio seems endless. One of Jared's cousins is currently ranting about her roommate and Jensen's bored already by the time she complains about how said roommate spends nearly one hour in the bathroom each morning.
It's not that he didn't have any sympathy, when he first came to LA he shared an apartment, too. It was a true nightmare that included horribly messy people. It's just that apart from when he was introduced to everyone, people didn't even comment once on the fact that Jared and he are together. Jensen doesn't want to be the center of attention but the fact that all of the Padaleckis have apparently mastered the art of sidestepping important matters really confuses him. They just love harmony too much for their own good.
Even the older, maybe less tolerant people, like Jared's grandparents don't say anything. If their looks could kill, Jensen would fall dead off his chair any second, but it strikes him as weird that they're not even saying anything.
He's tempted to interrupt the saga of the roommate - that has moved from bathroom woes to old pizza cartons underneath a bed, seriously disgusting stuff - yet he doesn't. Jared's listening with an expression on his face that reads "Ew, gross."
The dinner turns out to be one of the most boring dinners Jensen ever attended in his life. It still seems weird to him that everyone keeps treating him like a ghost but then, he got used to his fate of not being worth Padalecki-attention.
Except for Jeff's maybe.
Jared's cousin Claire is talking about her plans to move to New York to and try her luck as a musical singer and dancer. Her boyfriend Danny grins and tells everyone how he already had three job interviews in New York because he plans on moving with her.
This is the moment when Jeff says, "Well, that's great for you, guys. Danny, make sure you're going with her so that when she fizzles like so many striving artistic talents, you can support her financially and let her take all of your hard-earned money."
Jensen doesn't know whether he's more shocked that Jeff would actually say something like that in front of his whole family or the fact that he's fucking staring at Jensen the whole time with stone-cold eyes.
A few people gasp audibly and this time Jared can't possibly miss the animosity. "Jeff," he warns but Jeff only looks at Jared challengingly. Jensen grabs Jared's hand and squeezes it quickly. He might want support from Jared and he might have wanted Jared to take him seriously when he said Jeff had a problem with him, but he doesn't want Jared to start a fight in front of everyone either.
"Come on, Jeff. You've seen her perform," Danny says with a grin. He doesn't seem to be aware of anything going on between Jeff and Jensen and Jared and Jensen's grateful for that. With a laugh, Danny adds, "You know, it's only a matter of time until I'll live off the millions she makes on Broadway."
Claire blushes and kisses her boyfriend while the people around them laugh. Jeff gives Jensen another hateful look and then he turns his attention to another cousin sitting next to him. For the rest of the evening, Jensen is pretty dumbfounded and Jared overcomes his shock very slowly.
After they finish dinner and see all the guests off, Jensen carries Audrey to the car while Jared has Sophie in his arms, both girls almost already asleep. They silently drive back to the Padaleckis' house.
It's been an incredibly long and exhausting day and by the time they're there, Jensen's nearly asleep himself.
"Hey, wake up," Jared says softly, bumping his nose against Jensen's cheek.
Jensen wants to say he hasn't been asleep, but all he can produce is a tired yawn. Like a bunch of zombies, they get out of the car and go into the house. The girls whine when they're woken up to get ready for bed, but in the end, they don't fuss much. They're asleep again in no time.
"Shall we say goodnight to your parents too?" Jensen asks, yawning again.
Jared only blinks sleepily at him and doesn't say yes or no, following Jensen willingly when Jensen takes him by the hand and leads him downstairs.
Gerald and Sharon are sitting on one of the sofas, Sharon's feet in Gerald's lap. Jensen immediately feels as if they're interrupting something private and just as he wants to walk Jared out of the room again, Sharon spots them.
"Come in," she says, making a waving gesture with her hand.
"We've just come to say goodnight," Jared says. He's yawning, too.
Once Jared stands next to his mother, she gets up and pulls him into a close hug. When she kisses his cheek sloppily, Jared laughs and kisses her right back.
"Night Momma, night Dad," he says.
Sharon lets go of Jared eventually and when she opens her arms, Jensen is a little surprised. Nonetheless, he walks over to her and hugs her tight. He hears Jared say something about going upstairs already and getting ready in the bathroom. Even if he wanted, Jensen wouldn't be able to follow, because Sharon doesn't let go of him yet.
Only once Jared is out of earshot, she does. After he said goodnight to both Sharon and Gerald, Jensen heads for the stairs and Jared's room, a blissfully soft bed waiting for him. Or at least that's what he hopes for.
He's only a few steps up when he hears Sharon call out for him, "Jensen."
Immediately stopping in his tracks, the fear of Sharon changing her mind about Jared and he sleeping in the same room comes to Jensen's mind. What she says surprises Jensen more than a little: "I- I think I have to apologize for earlier today."
Jensen has absolutely no clue what she's even talking about and he's clearly way too tired for heavy thinking. So he blurts out, "Why?"
"I'm sorry for what I said after coffee. In the kitchen," Sharon clarifies. "Over dinner, I realized how I shouldn't have asked you of all people whether you think Jared is only going through a phase. I'm really, really sorry. I didn't mean to offend you."
She looks seriously guilty and even if Jensen were - or wanted to - he couldn't be mad at her.
"No offence taken," he says with a reassuring smile.
When Sharon returns the smile, he adds, "Hey, can I ask you something?"
Sharon looks at him curiously when she nods, "Sure, go ahead."
Jensen doesn't know what makes him say it, this is certainly something he won't tell Jared and telling Jared's mother seems somewhat weird, but still Jensen does it. Only if it's to hear he's been hallucinating.
"Didn't it seem weird to you that no one commented on Jared and me today? Not even once?"
An amused expression appears on her face and when Jensen cocks an eyebrow at her, she giggles, "Well, I told them not to."
"Why?" Jensen blurts out once more. Damn, he's eloquent at this time of the night.
"See, Jensen, I know my family. And I know Jerry's family. Some are going to be okay with Jared's sexuality. Others are not. There are two reasons why I told them not to say anything," Sharon pauses and uses her hands to illustrate her point. "One - I didn't want anyone to upset Jared, not when he's still so unsure about himself and might not be able to defend himself properly. And two - this is my birthday and the last thing I wanted was for anyone to start a fight."
Even though Jensen can absolutely understand her point, he's a little stunned that she'd tell her relatives not to make a big deal out of Jared being there with a boyfriend. However, it looks as if Jeff didn't really get the memo. Jensen has to give him though that most of the time, Jeff has been subtle enough with his attacks that no one but Jensen seemed to notice. Maybe he is hallucinating.
Jensen's not sure whether he agrees with Sharon's tactics because a postponed confrontation is not abandoned. And Jensen's someone who believes in discussing things but he understands that Sharon didn't want any drama on her birthday, especially when two of her children that she doesn't see that often flew in for the occasion.
What she says next, totally hits the nail on the head. "Who knows the next time you two come to see us and see the family? It may be different then, but today, this is how I wanted it to be. Does that make sense?"
"Yeah, I guess," Jensen says. He can't help but think back to Jeff.
"Good then," Sharon smirks. She gives Jensen another hug, totally surprising him. He really doesn't know what to make of this woman. For now he's happy with returning the hug and then finally going upstairs.
"Goodnight," he whispers and when she says, "Goodnight," too, Jensen walks toward the heaven that is a bed.
Index | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 & Additional Notes and Thanks