okay havent updated forever. Dono what to say... really. things are going better. uhm. blah its 2am and i am quite tired so ill make this quick. I hate austin. dont know why i ever liked him or thought he was nice. hes just blah a bastered. dont make me go into it. okay i will. he told me i was boreing. can you believe that? he doesnt like me ( Read more... )

So, I've decided this will be my very final post. No I'm not going to kill myself. Just tossing a monkey wrench in my rutine. im leaveing. everyone. everything of this fake world. I dont need you any more. I'm being too dependant on it. at one point last year... when I was that depressed I needed to. but now i have people... real people in my life ( Read more... )

im tired of being used. Im tired of being alone. Im tired of being me. I hate myself, I hate everything I am, and I hate that I will never ammont to anything mroe then a failure. because thats all i am, I fuck up everything in my life and its no wonder... im a fucking idiot. im sorry claire, im sorry jessica, im sorry everyone but i wasnt that ( Read more... )

so here i am, in school, skiping class... yay for me. ern... yeah. i donon how do i feel... a bit distressed a bit worried about swiming today. a bit exited about it too. god youd be suprised how many guys are like... omg -love sighs- how many guys i lust over as they like strip down to nothing and walk around in front of me. honestly i know its ( Read more... )

DisorderRatingParanoid Disorder:HighSchizoid Disorder:ModerateSchizotypal Disorder:HighAntisocial Disorder:ModerateBorderline Disorder:Very HighHistrionic Disorder:HighNarcissistic Disorder:HighAvoidant Disorder:HighDependent Disorder:Very HighObsessive-Compulsive Disorder:High
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uhm my names jason... and i think i have a problem. -snorts- not aa right. :P no my lifes shit, i want to die, and... if anyone would be willing to kill me i would gladly pay them. please. i have like $50 I can offer and I would even sign a note saying I wanted to die so you wouldnt get in any trouble. Please someone kill me i wish i wasnt so weak ( Read more... )

and then theres now. When I am alone... and completly happy with myself and who I am. When I am just me not liveing under any false pretences. Just me. I don't know what brings it on... Or what takes it away. It is however the only thing keeping me sane.

okay, well... This whole posting thing doesnt help at all. I mean I post and get depressed when I think on it and like go belumic mad. honestly... its horrible and aparntly two people do read it. Which isnt good. Now I cannot be completly honestly. oh well fuck it I will anyways. Uhm. Right it doesnt work. SO... what im going to do is post the shit ( Read more... )

I don't quite get why I post. No one reads... Oh well. Anyways... yeah. So I failed a last night, and tonight just a tinny bit though. So I guess I am getting better. Today I was really feeling the effects of eight months of it. I ran and like... my throat was dry, well it hurt really bad and I could feel like blood in it from tearing. So thats not ( Read more... )

okay really tough right now... I feel first of all really bad because i ate a huge dinner... a sandwitch and lots of mayo on it which is really fattening! And I havent been to they gym in days... like... 4. and so im really feeling the need to purge. erugh... oaky now emotionaly. i feel like shit there too. The whole telling Jess... I did it. She ( Read more... )