JACK NOIR ==> [AUDIO] fifty eight

[hesalreadyhere]

[Today Jack sounds terrible, like he's been, say, feverish and vomiting bacon and peanutbutter for the last hour or so. Suite-34-mates, I hope none of you needed to use the bathroom today.]

Ram. Whisky, bathroom. PleaseSprite-Jade don't fucking eat that bacon, it's some kind of trap

Comments

[deusexmachinarf]

...not even a nibble?

[hesalreadyhere]

Not even a nibble.

You don't want it. It's fucking poison.

[deusexmachinarf]

M-maybe sprites can't be poisoned... sniff...

I mean, it's n-not like I'm not dead already...

[hesalreadyhere]

No... no. It's just. Terrible. Fucking terrible.

Better burn it just to be safe. Don't let it infect anything else.

[In Person]

[hairlikethis]

[Well... he did say please. Ramona opens the bathroom door, Whiskey in hand, and just stares.]

What did I tell you about the bacon?

[In Person]

[hesalreadyhere]

[HURGHLURGHLURGHGRUGHHGHURGHLLUGHH

nope sorry, too busy hacking mouldy baconbits up into a toilet to answer that

it kind of counts as an answer]

[In Person]

[hairlikethis]

Oh, gross. Babe, I love you, but that's just ...

[It's even worse than the last time!!!! HOW OLD WAS THIS BACON?!]

[In Person]

[hesalreadyhere]

[ALMOST AS OLD AS THEIR LOVE which is not romantic at all and actually just disgusting

okay, vompause. he groans and rolls his head out of the toilet for a minute to give her this pathetic look.]

Ram. I'm dying. The bacon was a trap.

[and then he weakly stick his arm out and... teleports a towel onto it, which sort of just flops off.]

Fuck.

Gimme that. I need it. [whisky plz make this better he needs to drink himself to oblivion]

audio;

[ironicpurposes]

But that thing makes my fingers look fat.

[ TAKING THIS SO SERIOUSLY LOLOLOL ]

audio;

[hesalreadyhere]

[slight toiletbowl echo]

No. Fuck you, I want that back. Just don't let any assholes get it.

Don't fall down any stairs and lose it this time.

audio;

[ironicpurposes]

That was one time, dickcheese.

[ GOSH ]

So this is all 'cause you ate some gross old bacon or something, right?

audio;

[hesalreadyhere]

It was poisoned somehow and now I'm going to die. I saw the future, I'm totally fucking dead.

You should just end my misery now.

[Video]

[doctor_scratch]

Really, Jack? Was eating clearly rancid bacon such a good idea? And here I thought you were such a powerful being.

I suppose your dog half got the better of you. Ha ha, hee hee, hoo hoo~

[Video]

[hesalreadyhere]

[have a video of the bathroom ceiling and one of Jack's wings, which is covering most of the video. His voice still has that toilet-echo.]

Fuck you Scratch, you don't even have a fucking face.

When I'm not dying I'm gonna fucking kill you. I know where you sleep.

[Video]

[doctor_scratch]

Oh come now, Jack. Can't you take a little joke? I'm not trying to form enemies here, only offer a little advice.

Try and make sure the carapace side is what's in control, it'll keep you from eating everything rancid you come across~ I mean, if you look at me, I am but a humble cue ball. And yet I don't succumb to the great urge to be whacked in the head with a stick and knocked into other billiards.

That was another joke, by the way, I don't have any such urges.

[Video]

[hesalreadyhere]

[this time he just sticks his arm over to flip him off

fuck you scratch HE IS SO IN CONTROL HERE THAT BACON WAS FINE

and then glorious vomsounds]

[text]

[stubborn_throes]

You were threatening once.
I'm sure of it.

Though I'd be lying if I said this twenty-odd league drop-off isn't a little entertaining.

[text]

[hesalreadyhere]

shup up
im so fuckn threatenisng
you ahev no issae

[text]

[stubborn_throes]

Issae's are certainly not something of a commodity, you've got that right.

Did you snake an old moldy roll from the steel-tight jaws of a plastic bag and find that it wasn't quite everything your apparently less-than-astute snout had expected?

[text]

[hesalreadyhere]

no taht was
ids
ideas
there\
fuck

it wax fine
it sidnt kill me befor re
someone tatmpered with my bacon
i saw it