JACK NOIR ==> [AUDIO] fifty eight

[hesalreadyhere]

[Today Jack sounds terrible, like he's been, say, feverish and vomiting bacon and peanutbutter for the last hour or so. Suite-34-mates, I hope none of you needed to use the bathroom today.]

Ram. Whisky, bathroom. PleaseSprite-Jade don't fucking eat that bacon, it's some kind of trap

Comments

audio;

[ironicpurposes]

But that thing makes my fingers look fat.

[ TAKING THIS SO SERIOUSLY LOLOLOL ]

audio;

[hesalreadyhere]

[slight toiletbowl echo]

No. Fuck you, I want that back. Just don't let any assholes get it.

Don't fall down any stairs and lose it this time.

audio;

[ironicpurposes]

That was one time, dickcheese.

[ GOSH ]

So this is all 'cause you ate some gross old bacon or something, right?

audio;

[hesalreadyhere]

It was poisoned somehow and now I'm going to die. I saw the future, I'm totally fucking dead.

You should just end my misery now.

audio;

[ironicpurposes]

It's just food poisoning. You're gonna puke your guts out and feel like a fucking idiot when it's out of your system.

audio;

[hesalreadyhere]

No no, it's worse than that. I'm totally dying I fucking saw it. I'm going to die right here and it's gonna be fucking awful, blood everywhere and shit. I've got First Guardian powers, I know what I'm talking about.

Bacon wouldn't do this to me.

audio;

[ironicpurposes]

Sorry, dude. The pig meat never loved you.

[ ... ]

Ramona keeping you company?

audio;

[hesalreadyhere]

I saw the future. I'm dead. You're wearing a tophat. I saw it. [he is kind of disturbingly adamant about this right now, wow]

... Yeah.

audio;

[ironicpurposes]

Woah. The future sounds dapper as fuck.

[ siiiign jack ]

...you need anything else?

audio;

[hesalreadyhere]

It was... red. A red tophat. [he is nodding like this is important, not that Dave can actually see this]

...No, I'm. I'm good. Fuckin' fine.

[this is code for gimme scritches]

audio;

[ironicpurposes]

Well, any other color would just look gaudy.

[ Yeah he got that ~subtle~ message.

Give him a little while. He's coming over to deliver company and scritches. ]

audio;

[hesalreadyhere]

Damn straight. Told you so, it suits you.

[okay then SCENE CHANGE SCENE CHANGE because wow having all these threads in a bathroom that smells like baconpuke is kind of gross and unpleasant. He has since finished his hurling and has moved back to 34-D to bury himself in citations until this blows over, sprawled out on his nest/bed with a blanket thrown over top. Ramona's wandered off to get more water or something I guess.

But Jack still smells kinda like vomit. And suffering.

he trusted you bacon]

action;

[ironicpurposes]

[ He's using a goddamn stick to get around, which is why it takes him forever and a day. Still, at least he's exercising the muscles.

Kind of.

He drags a chair in and sits down by Jack's makeshift nest. This room smells rank but it's not enough to drive him out.

...immediately, at least. Seriously, baconvom is a gross scent. ]

Hey.

action;

[hesalreadyhere]

[on second thought maybe Ramona stepped out to invest in air fresheners

He perks up a bit when he notices Dave, though, ears sticking slightly above the "fuck my life i want to die" level.]

Was wondering when you'd show up. [...NOT MEANT TO BE INSULTING, BUT. okay he's eyeing that stick now and feeling kinda bad, he should've spacetaxi'd him or something (he could've managed it somehow shut up).]

...So. You did fuck 'em up again.

action;

[ironicpurposes]

Okay, fine. They gnawed on my delicious legmeat for awhile. But they're not broken, they just --

[ why did he come here jack ]

Never fucking mind. Worry about your own dumb ass.

action;

[hesalreadyhere]

[That comment is answered by Jack's ears flopping right back down again, firmly in the fml position. It was kind of hard to worry about himself when he was constantly reminded of how much he'd fucked over his best friend.

Fuck. He was actually starting to become bad at being selfish now, how even.]

...Kid, I. I can't do that.

I killed you.