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a nightmare I cannot wake from....
A week ago I went to the Heart and Vascular Centre at Methodist Hospital to be wired for a 24 hour heart monitor, which I then, obviously, wore for the following 24 hours. (I had recently been to the doctor because I had noticed my heart "pausing" now and then, and found that quite unsettling.) It recorded everything my heart did. The results ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
Because having back problems just wasn't enough, now my heart has begun to pause every now and then, or skip beats, or however you want to word it. Went to the doctor today to see what they could make of this new problem, and also had tests done for my thyroid, which I am pretty certain is an underachiever. Spent two hours at the doctor's, and ( Read more... ) -
back update.
My back apparently can't decide if it wants to behave after this latest steroid shot or not. For a week and a half after the injection, I was still in a significant amount of pain, though at least finally able to lie down and sit without too much pain. I was also still taking megatons of tramadol and Advil. Then last Thursday or so, I started to ( Read more... ) -
on my knees, trying to be heard
Well, yesterday I went in for my second steroid shot. It hurt so much more than the first time that I was actually sobbing by the time they were done. This entire second experience has been so much different than the first, I think it must be a testament to how much more fucked up the left side of my spine is compared to my right. I'm praying, ( Read more... ) -
Que sera, sera.
One day the pain was still "manageable" and then next I could barely walk. That's how quickly I go down hill with this back pain. It doesn't come on gradually anymore, it's more like a punch in the gut, "here I am, remember me!" sort of screaming, if the nerves in my back could literally scream. I have an appointment to see my doctor next ( Read more... ) -
It's gonna be okay... someday
My physical therapist "graduated" me on Tuesday, basically saying there's nothing more she can do for me right now, and that I can come back once I have my next steroid shot. I feel cheated. I'm still in so much pain, I still can't walk more than a couple blocks without excessive pain and weakness, there are still so many things I cannot do ( Read more... ) -
fighting on
On Wednesday I began falling apart ( Read more... ) -
bottoming out....
I think my depression has reached a new level of low, as if I've broken through to the other side and can't even feel anymore. I'd kill myself, but it doesn't even seem worth the effort. It's pretty sad when you hate yourself so much, and even you think you're completely worthless and useless and not worth the time to arrange your own demise ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
I hate how you never apologise. How you never admit that you're wrong. I hate how I'm always the one to say "I'm sorry", even if I haven't done anything wrong and it's all, in reality, been your fault. But you won't ever say you're sorry ( Read more... ) -
I fell apart / but got back up again, yeah
The steroid shot makes me dizzy, paranoid, nauseous, hungry, and emotional. But it's helped take a majority of the pain away, and I can actually walk upright again like a normal person. *scalehands* So, I guess it's been worth it, but I'm hoping it's going to continue to get better. I want my life back. I want to be able to take walks again, ( Read more... )