My physical therapist "graduated" me on Tuesday, basically saying there's nothing more she can do for me right now, and that I can come back once I have my next steroid shot. I feel cheated. I'm still in so much pain, I still can't walk more than a couple blocks without excessive pain and weakness, there are still so many things I cannot do ( Read more... )

It was a year ago that we buried my grandma Betty. It seems longer almost, and then again, almost like yesterday that she was still here. I just want to curl up in bed and cry for a long time. My entire body aches, wrapped in pain that I can't get rid of, only dull slightly with painkillers. No one cares. No one understands what each day costs ( Read more... )

I reached 50,000 words last night on my NaNo, so, technically I've "won", but my real goal is to see if I can actually finish the novel before the end of the month. I've participated in NaNoWriMo for four years now, I think, and I've made it to 50,000 words each time, but I've only once actually finished a novel. Last year's was really just a ( Read more... )

Thanks to my wonderful choir director and friend I was able to go visit my grandma Margaret's grave today. Despite the fact that the heat index was 104, and I had no idea where I was going, we found it. It was something I needed... very much needed. I've been so down and depressed lately, feeling so incredibly worthless and useless... and we ( Read more... )

It's so cold today I had to turn the flippin' heat on! Come on, Minnesota, what. the. fuck? A week ago it was 80s, 90s, now it's barely 60! I had plans to go out and do some heavy duty weeding and digging, but it's so grey and gloomy and cold that I'd rather just curl up in the house with a good book and a Coke... or a cup of cocoa! I don't ( Read more... )

Today was the memorial service for my grandma Betty. It was lovely. Somehow I made it through and was able to sing for her. I couldn't have done it alone; I had some wonderful support through all this. Everyone tells me my solo was beautiful, and the duet was lovely, too. I'm just so glad I was able to sing for her, because I know it was her ( Read more... )

Well, here it is 2011. Can't say I'm going to miss 2010, because it was possibly the worst year of my life, and I'm glad to put it behind me. Too much happened in 2010, too much heartache, too much sadness, too much stress. So by myself last night I toasted the new year, that it may be better than the last, because it's hard to believe that it ( Read more... )

I think I did my grandmothers proud hosting my very first Christmas dinner. I could see my grandma Margaret in myself as I was fixing the ham, setting out the appetizers, and making sure everyone got enough. I think it meant a lot to my family being able to still have Christmas Day dinner in this house, since that's how it's always been. I know ( Read more... )

Rest Peacefully, Grandma Betty.
1921-2010

For those keeping up with this still: I closed on my house on Tuesday. I was a ball of flailing nerves right up until the end when they handed out the cheques and we could leave, certain that something was going to go wrong at the last minute and ruin everything. But I am now, officially, a homeowner. All those months of stressing and worrying ( Read more... )