Comments | _survivors

spamisblue in _survivors_

My Story

Apr 05, 2007 17:22

I have an insane need to share my story. I've kept quiet about it long enough, and I'm bursting in need of support; people who know what I'm going through, people who care.

( Cut for Triggers: Abuse, Cutting, and a Suicide Attempt (plus its long) )

hospitalization, shame, domestic violence, abuse: verbal, boundaries, telling others, sex, suicide: attempted, fight with partner, emotional numbing, abuse: child, relationships, invalidation, introductions, self-injury, depression, family, abuse: neglect, victim-blaming, leaving abuser, threats, control issues, abuse: emotional

Comments 8

spamisblue April 5 2007, 23:04:02 UTC

I also want to say that I know my abuse is nowhere near as severe as others in this community, and I do feel bad about seeming to make a huge deal out of it, when others have gone through worse. But this was a huge, horrid event in my life, and it affected me a great deal.

kaofuckyou April 5 2007, 23:43:34 UTC

Please don't apologise. *big hugs* All abuse is one thing, abuse, nobody has the right to say that one kind is worse than another, what he did to you affected you hugely and it is a big deal.

sistahraven April 6 2007, 02:20:55 UTC

Abuse is abuse. All abuse - every type of abuse - leaves a lasting mark, and has the same traumatic impact on our lives. We don't judge anyone on whether they had it better or worse - we've all been through our own personal hells, and we know how hard that is to go through.

pookielocks April 6 2007, 13:14:27 UTC

as everyone else said, abuse is abuse. everyone's abuse is equal because we all know what it feels like to be abused, no matter what our circumstances were.

you are a WONDERFUL writer. i hope you know that. you have a very good way of expressing yourself. perhaps writing a memoir might be a good thing for you in the future! you definitely have the talent!

thank you for sharing your story here! safe hugs. eden

sweetgingertea April 5 2007, 23:21:40 UTC

I'm so glad you are away from this man! In spite of having proven himself "nice" for your age difference I don't see it that way at all. He wasn't "nice" to you. I know at first it really is hard to see how much a person like this can affect you and how much he is responsible for, but trust me, someone who threatens you, pushes you, chokes you is an ABUSER. It might take a while for that to sink in and that's okay. Just keep yourself safe.

kaofuckyou April 5 2007, 23:48:42 UTC

Well done for getting away from him, and for getting that word 'abuser' out. I know it's so hard, when you grow up in a way that's different to other people, I know that anger. And nobody should blame you for getting involved with him, he was an abuser, you were an innocent, and when you feel like someone is the only person in your life it's hard to turn away from them. Well done for being so strong to come here and write all of this so eloquently, and this community is a blank canvas for you; anything you feel you need to share, anything at all, post that here and you have unconditional support. *big safe hugs* I hope this community will help you as much as it's helping me.

sistahraven April 6 2007, 02:18:55 UTC

::big safe hugs:: I'm so sorry this happened to you, and that this man was in your life. I'm glad you found us, though, and glad you're away from him. There's nothing to feel bad about at all - it's hard to leave abusers, really hard.

Thank you for sharing your story with us - I know how hard it is to do. Know that you have a lot of strength to be both reaching out for help and support and also be able to share such a personal part of your life.

blueserenity22 April 6 2007, 12:25:59 UTC

**hugs** I was the same way when I was a kid. Thinking how foolish it was for girls to keep themselves in relationships that were obviously dangerous and unhealthy. What I never understood was that the abuser doesn't usually start OUT with abuse. They start out with kind words and sweet gestures. So the girl ends up thinking she's making it up ( ... )