I feel like screaming right now. I'm so done. With guys and everything in general. Today was so good. And then it turned to crap so quickly. I've come to find out that Ben and I were never together. He was just really drunk that night and doesn't even remember it happening. I feel like crying right now. But I don't want to let it out. And this guy ( Read more... )

I went back tonight and re-read all of the things I posted privately in my notes on my old facebook. I just wanted to know where I stood this time last year. And I guess now I understand why people were so afraid of what was going on with me. Because it was just as hard, if not harder, to explain then, as it is now. I guess I went there searching ( Read more... )

Okay, so I know at the end of that last one, I said that Ben and I were together. And that's very true. But I'm having this problem right now. I still feel like I'm in love with someone else. And its hard to explain. Because I don't even know who this person is. Its like there's a ghost around me all the time. And I've gotten so used to them being ( Read more... )

I've deemed Tumblr unsafe for the next 48 hours or more. I don't need anymore damage to my heart and this will only cause further the more pictures I see. So I'll be keeping a safe distance. Probably best anyway. Right?

Amazing. He still has the ability to do this to me. I'm so glad I have absolutely no control over my heart or my mind. This is disgusting and terrible and I really really want an out now. I want to forget again. Ready for blissful ignorance again. That is all.

I figured this deserved a seoncd post. Because it had nothing to do with my family but I do need to get off my chest a few other things. I'm sick of having dreams about him. I'm sick of missing him when I'm tired or don't feel well. I hate feeling like there are stupid fucking things in the middle of the day or night that I want to share with him. ( Read more... )

So today was my birthday. And I don't really feel like talking about it too much. I spent most of it depressed which wasn't much fun. But we got dinner, well burgers, but it was good. And my sister put a votive on the burger before I ate it. And since I didn't have a cake they sang happy birthday to me around the burger. It got my dad smiling and ( Read more... )

Okay, so I could tell that soon Rebecca would get upset with me for being so hard on myself and I correctly deduced that the situation would lead to me having my ass handed to me once she started ranting back. So I figured I would post most of everything in here. Don't know how long or short this will be, but it is a rant so forewarning you may not ( Read more... )