Come Back...Be Here/Sad Beautiful Tragic
I figured this deserved a seoncd post. Because it had nothing to do with my family but I do need to get off my chest a few other things. I'm sick of having dreams about him. I'm sick of missing him when I'm tired or don't feel well. I hate feeling like there are stupid fucking things in the middle of the day or night that I want to share with him. I DON'T EVEN KNOW HIM. This is so stupid. I should've gotten over this a long time ago. And if he would have just left well enough alone than I wouldn't be thinking about him now. Seriously dude? Congrats. No one has ever fucked with my head the way you did. I don't think there is any getting over this because I will never get any kind of closure. I wish I didn't have to remember your name or what you look like. I wish I didn't have to remember how insanely in love with you I was and still may be. The truth is that no matter what I do. I mask it. Because its easier to hide the way I really feel and make jokes or remarks than it is to muster up the courage to say, "Hey, I think I really still have feelings for this guy." So I make fun of you. And I have this devil may carte attitude I put on any time I even see a fucking picture of you. And its fucking exhausting. I'm so tired of pretending. Why couldn't you just have ingored me? Well I'm happy to be seeing you go on dates dude. I really hope she sticks this time. Maybe if you just effing get married or something I can let go again. I just need to move on. I need this to be a part of my past now. And its ever present and always on my mind. I swear I don't go a full two minutes of any day or night without thinking about you. Do you know how frustrating that is? Its maddening. Please just let me feel nothing God, I'm so done trying to make sense of this. Just let me let go.