Ugh, feel like such crap. It doesnt help that a guy I met thats as old as my dad just wont leave me alone on youtube. When I first told him I didnt have time he sent me a number 1, as in a first strike. Really creepy. I had to send him another message saying I didnt have time just now... And had to talk to my dad cuz  Im scared of course and its ( Read more... )

Sometimes this illness just gets to be too much. I dont make an attempt on my life or anything when it does... I hide up in my room and cry and refuse to go down to dinner. What if you're controlling thoughts are to do with whatever youre trying to avoid. You dont force an ill person into something they dont feel like taking part in, I wouldn't ( Read more... )

Argghghh, I feel like biting my head off. I dunno what to do. I have these thoughts that are the same or similar to the ones back when I was depressed. It's regarding things outside of myself. Which  is gonna start making me think that Im weak and pathetic, especially since these external things might have caused the main offset over a year ago. It ( Read more... )

Ah it sucks.

I just had an argument with someone about how some real bullies and chavs (these pimpish people that listen to hip-hop and wear jumpsuits here) are still people. I said to him that not all chavs are terrible... some can have some nice qualities as I've witnessed. He then came back with a slap in the face comment about 'how you ( Read more... )

Last night I got really angered and saddened by my dad, for reasons of him not listening to my first hand experiemce in a situation and him listening to his defenceless perspective instead. Anyway, thats not really the point. He came in after... later that night and he told me off AGAIN about my sleeping late and waking late. He repeated it when I ( Read more... )

My thoughts and theories:

In humans, death becomes a fear, a dread, a tragedy waiting to happen. This is because we percieve it as a blankness, and as an abrupt ending.

However, we can eliminate this fear of loss if we truly live life, and therefore, we would have much less to lose. If our lives lack substance, they would ensure a negative approach ( Read more... )

I am engulfed with terrible childhood memories right now. I am really awaiting that I feel better for a while when they pass, even though they probably will start up again shortly after. They are terribly painful and they make me wonder how I am still alive and going on top of all the other crap and painful memories. They make me question whether ( Read more... )

LOL. If you're confused about the title you wont be at the end of this post.

In the meantime, I have to say that I've not been doing too good lately. Today hasn't been great either. Some points of today have been fairly relaxing though because I talked  to my dad and I got a sort of an outside perspective on my thoughts. He made some nice comments ( Read more... )

So today I was woken up an hour too early by my brother who was pushing me to clean my room which was hardly that messy since there was gonna be a guy coming to briefly look at the HOUSE, not the degree of things scattered around my tables or the shoes on the floor.  I took a few bits of trash down, tidied the carpet a bit, still being annoyed ( Read more... )

Im beginning to calm down now but i just had a nervous breakdown. I still am. My brother keeps trolling around the house... just continuously walking around, and not keeping in once place (maybe he has his own probs) and is angering me and annoying me typicallly because my patience is so low right now. I try to whisper to myself to relieve myself ( Read more... )